Reaching Out...*

... To All My Faithful Readers & Friends.

Below is a copy of a letter I received today in the mail.
It is from one of my very dear friends, Christina on behalf of her Sister & family
but most importantly, her nephew Ashton.
I wanted to share it with all of you as I know the generosity you're all capable of
& have been more often than not, with me.
I am beyond thankful to each & every one of you
who have gone above & beyond
to help my little family in times of need.
Now, it is time to think of paying it forward.
My dear friend Christina sent me this letter
in the hopes of reaching as many people as possible
to help her during this walk for the march of dimes
in honor of her adorable nephew, Ashton.
I don't even have a job right now
but I plan on helping as much as I can
and knew that if I put this out here,
that it not only wouldn't hurt, but would be well received.
Thank you to everyone for taking the time to read this
& to those of you who feel compelled to help,
I really have no words other than,
thank you SO MUCH!!
(& I'm pretty sure that Ashton thanks you too.)

*Pictures of Ashton at birth
& updated ones of a very healthy vibrant little boy
& his family will soon follow,
as thus far my attempts to upload them
have been unsuccessful
due to Blogger's being a bit moody!*

Hello Family and Friends,
As you might be aware, our family has been touched by the March of Dimes mission to prevent birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. That’s why we have formed a Family Team “Ashton’s Crew” to raise money and participate in Walk America. Please join us in our fundraising efforts today by sponsoring our walk.
Contributing to our team is fast, easy and secure. You can either donate directly from my personal web page with a credit/debit card or use the enclosed envelope and the blue donation sheet to send in your donation. Your donation is greatly appreciated. You may use the enclosed self stamped envelope with the form to send in your donation rather than doing it online. Every penny counts.
Our family knows firsthand the challenges associated with prematurity. It is important to find out why premature birth happens and what can be done to prevent it. By raising money, ongoing research to answer these critical questions is funded. When you support “Ashton’s Crew”, you show you care and you give hope for defeating premature birth and other threats to babies.
Please join us and millions of compassionate people across the country who support Walk America each year. We need your help. Visit our web page and sponsor our walk!


Click Here to Donate & Read More About Ashton's Crew!

Thank you,
Steven, Jennifer and Ashton Sousa

With your support, there’s hope


“Ashton's Story”

Following the premature birth of his son Ashton Joseph, Steven spent frightening days watching both his wife and their tiny baby fight for their lives. Jennifer had developed complications 26 weeks into her pregnancy. In danger of kidney, heart failure and coma, she had an emergency c-section. Ashton was born weighing just 1 pound, 7 ounces. Both mom and baby survived, but Ashton spent the first 123 days of his life in neonatal intensive care.
He was given surfactant therapy right away to
help his immature lungs inflate and went on to fight and win one medical battle after another - anemia, abnormal blood coagulation, medical NEC, and jaundice. Prior to coming home Ashton faced surgery to correct his bilateral hernias. Despite all of his hurdles, Ashton is an energetic 2-year-old who loves music, dancing, coloring, reading and spending time with his family and friends.

As a former 26 weeker, Ashton will walk with his parents,
Jennifer and Steve, and many friends and family to share
their story, raising awareness of the seriousness of
premature birth. Every year, more than half a million
babies are born prematurely in the U.S. - a national health
crisis that must be stopped. Jennifer explains, "Due to the
increasing rate of premature birth among American
women, we feel an urgency to work with the March of
Dimes to raise awareness and to support research that
would further impact the lives of babies. We are very
passionate about helping all families."

Every year, half a million babies in the U.S. are born prematurely. Premature birth is the leading cause of newborn death and many life long disabilities. The funds we raise in Walk America support research that saves babies' lives.

Our mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.
Please everyone who sees this know what a great cause this is. All who donate and help my heart goes out to you. Thank you for helping save our baby and all the other babies out there.

A Moment Of Pride...

...it's funny how if I pull out my old books from my trip to China, the memories come flooding back as if they just happened yesterday. Upon visiting the Great Wall & Tiananmen Square, we had the opportunity to purchase books of those places with a beautiful group photo in the front cover for our specific travel group. I believe the cost was only $10 American dollars, well worth the perfectly packaged travel size memories, right?
Absolutely.
But what I realized once I came home was that those books, however treasured they were to me, kind of fell by the way side in with other various 'China things' to be 'saved' for a rainy day.
Well, I'm here to share with you all that, today- it's a beautiful sunny day in the mid 40's - 50's which is pretty nice New England weather in my opinion. Not a cloud in the sky... so why did I chose today to pull out those books?
Well, it all started a little over a week ago when miss Ruby Cate & I were at the local library in the children's room playing & reading story after story. We befriended a lovely woman named Dai and her daughter Ada. Turns out, they're from Shanghai, China and are now living right here in my home town. Dai is 32 and Ada will be 3 the end of April.
As you can imagine, Ruby and Ada played so well together and Ada's mom was just amazed at how well the girls got along. She asked me "How old is your husband?"
I chuckled.
"Um, I don't have a husband actually, I'm a single parent." I said.
"Oh, well your daughter is beautiful, she has your face." she said.
I smiled.
"Yes, she does, doesn't she?" proud as punch.
"So, her Daddy must be Asian man, yes?" she asked.
Again, I smiled, bigger than before.
"Yes, her birth parents are both Chinese. I adopted Ruby as a single mother in November of 2005. We do not know who her birth parents are, but she does know who her mother is, watch;
Hey Ruby, where's Momma?" I called over to her.
Ruby, with an even bigger smile than my own, came bounding over to me with arms open & gave me the biggest hug & said "Momma!!!!"
Best hug I ever got.
Dai said, "Oh my, she looks just like you, I just thought that she was yours..."
I politely smiled and said, "She is mine, she's my daughter. But yes, it is pretty amazing how someone made this match a world away because I agree with you, she does look like she could be my biological child."

"Yes, she does! You both so beautiful!" Dai said.
Again I smiled, and a friendship was born.
Two friendships actually, mine with Dai, and Ruby's with Ada.

Fast forward to today, Dai and Ada came over for a play date. The girls were thrilled to see one another again & Dai & myself enjoyed some tea & blueberry apple yum cake that I had made from scratch. (recipe later, I promise!)

In talking with Dai I was telling her all about my adventures in China over the two weeks I spent there & she chuckled saying "you have seen more of my country than I have!"
It was then that I remembered those books.
I took them out & presented them both to Dai & said, "These were our souvenir books of our visits to the Great Wall & Tiananmen Square. Our pictures are in the front cover... "
Dai took the books & one by one, she opened them.
"Oh, you have such short hair then, but still such a pretty smile! You look very happy!"
She continued to browse the books & as she did, my mind drifted back to those days, those moments when those pictures were taken. When every person in them was happy to finally be in China no doubt, but despite all the excitement of the Great Wall & Tiananmen Square, I hazard to guess that we all had something slightly more important on our minds.
Our children.
You see, we visited these placed before we met our girls.
Each one of those faces, smile shining bright, also to me held a little more than just happiness...

we all held hope.
Hope that we make it through the first three days safely.
Hope that we take as many pictures as possible to remember our time in our Daughter's home land for many years to come.
Hope that the flight from Beijing to Nanchang would be safe & uneventful...
...and hope that sooner, rather than later, our precious daughters would finally be in our arms.

I looked at that girl with the short black hair, the big fat Italian face, the huge cheezy 'holy shit I can't believe I'm actually in China!" smile, and tears filled my eyes.

"What is wrong, Amy? Are you ok?" Dai asked.
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just remembering how amazing it was to be there, to go through this process, to see the things I've seen & have the memories I have & to know that the little girl playing in the other room is my living breathing dream come true... all because I decided one cold winters night back in 03 that it was time I become a Mother.

Amazing how one little decision changed my life for the better, forever.
I may not have short hair anymore, I may have gained a few lbs since falling into step with the daily routine of becoming a Mother, but looking at that group photo, at the smile on my face and the hope shining from my eyes, I was proud of that girl.
Proud that as a single woman in her 30's, she didn't let the odds beat her.
She ignored her MS & Diabetes, she ignored the naysayers who said she couldn't or shouldn't do it, she paid no attention to how much the journey would ultimately cost & put out of her mind her incredibly huge fear of flying because she just knew in her heart that,
where there's a will, there's a way.
She just followed her heart, and it led her straight to the most beautiful little girl she'd ever laid eyes on.
It led her to her daughter.
And for that, I am forever grateful to that short haired, loud mouthed Italian girl who didn't stop until she saw her dream of being a mother become a reality through the gift of one beautiful little girl named Fu Pei Mu.

Auntie Love...

Ruby Cate & Isabella Grace in:

'SATURDAY WITH MY COUSIN'

Stuck...

...because exersaucers aren't for ADULTS anymore.
(Dumb ass... and yes, that's my LITTLE BROTHER!)

Silly Time...

...bowl for one!

Pig + Tails =

SERIOUSLY CUTE!

Another Pic Fix...

Yes, sometimes I really do watch TV like this...

Ah, Bear... he's just a love whore!

Hey! Easter Nonno! Um, where are my Easter eggs? Huh?

I love hanging upside down from your lap Easter Nonno...

...it just makes me GIGGLE!
(and obviously some of the blood goes rushing to my little noggin,
but so far, so good. Just let's not do this all day, deal? And what about those eggs?)

Chapter Eight...

"DUDE, DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!" Tony yells to Nick as he's trying to catch up to his friend who was fiercely hauling ass across the street towards the studio.

"AND DON'T COME BACK!" Nick screams to the stranger with the hat, who is now high tailing it down Ocean in the direction of the highway.
"ASSHOLE!" Nick shakes his head in disgust & looks up to see Tony just now making it to where he is. "Took ya long enough, cripes Tony, you really ought to think about coming with me to the gym once in a while man."

Tony, pretending he hadn't heard him, "That guy just didn't know when to quit! I'm glad we chased him outta here!"

Nick, not feeling in the mood to split hairs over who actually did the chasing, changed the subject, "So, what's up with funeral plans for Jeff? You hear anything yet? She's gotta do it soon right? I mean, they can't keep him in a morgue forever."

Tony thinks for a minute, "No, I don't think they can, can they?" he looks confused.

"Never mind," Nick pats his cell phone, "she'll call when she knows something."

Nick checks the lock on the door of the studio, good & secure. "Alright man, I'm outta here, I'll catch you later, k?" he waves to Tony & heads for his car. Tony, smiling, says "Ok dude, see ya tomorrow." as they head home in different directions, Nick towards town & Tony off away from town to his larger than life house filled to capacity with Italians just waiting to feed you a home cooked meal.
Such different lives yet such cemented friendships.

Nick arrives home, well it was home to him anyway, a charming little studio apartment on the east side of town, right on the water. Cost him a fortune, but in the summer was a tiny slice of oceanfront heaven that he wouldn't trade for the world... well, maybe to get Jeff back, but he knew that wasn't an option.
He put the key in the door & headed inside, the place was frozen in the wintertime & the money he shelled out for heat barely left him much in the way for groceries & other necessities.
Ah, the price you pay for prime real estate in Massachusetts.

He tossed his keys down on the side table by the door & went to grab his space heater. "It's like a God damned IGLOO in here!" he said to himself aloud.
He sets the heater down on the hardwood floor, directly in front of the couch, plugs it in & turns it on. "C'mon you bastard," he says to it, as if it's going to listen & heat up his little place sooner rather than later. "I'm fucking frozen!"

He puts a pot of coffee on & goes to his bedroom area & grabs an extra pair of wool socks & a big polar fleece throw & heads for the couch.
Plopping himself down, he grabs the remote & turns on the TV; "Authorities are saying that they still don't know who is responsible for the vandalism, but investigators are looking into it." the news caster reported. "And in other more local news, the murder of 28 year old Jeff Hathaway Jr, is still under investigation. Authorities are currently following several possible leads & ask if anyone knows any information, to please contact the Collins Cove police department. In other news, one local man is being hailed a hero tonight after saving a family of stray cats from a burning shed in his neighbors yard. Ron Sandy with the story, Ron?"
Nick clicked off the TV. Who in the hell would want to murder Jeff? It had been on his mind ever since hearing it even happened to begin with.
Jeff was a good egg, just a bit high energy once in a while, no biggie.
Nothing anyone would wanna kill him over, certainly.

The smell of coffee was wafting through his little one room paradise like a fart in a car, only much, much better.
He got up & made himself a handsome cup with both cream & sugar, never understood why anyone would drink black coffee when such flavor was available at the shake of a sugar packet or the popping open of a little creamer.

His pocket started to vibrate, he reached for his cell & checked the caller, 'Jess H.' calling... "Hello, Jess? Everything ok?" he was happy she had called.
"Nick, no every thing's not ok, you got a minute?" she sounded scared.
"Jess, for you I got ten, what's up?" he said.
"It's Alice, she's just," she hesitated...
"She's what, Jess, what is it?" he pleaded.
"She's acting a little nuts, like paranoid almost. I don't understand it but honestly, she just isn't being her, I know that for a fact. I've known her for years, I know her better than anyone and I just can't pinpoint why she's behaving this way. I mean I know she lost a boyfriend too but c'mon, we all lost someone we loved dearly, this is hard on all of us!" she started to cry.

"Aw, Jess honey, don't cry, it's ok, Every thing's gonna be ok, I promise." he said.

"I just don't understand it, why is she so afraid of talking to the cops? I mean it Nick, it's like she's acting crazy or something. I mean it's not like she's got anything to hide, none of us do, we ALL loved Jeff! And now, she just wanted to go straight home, she didn't invite me in and she just said she needed to sleep & said goodnight, just like that, goodnight. No hug, no nothing. I'm really worried about her. I'm afraid she might do something drastic. I really want to be there with her but I'm not, I'm here in my apartment alone, that isn't being a very helpful friend, right? I mean, I should call her & insist on coming back over to stay with her, don't you think?" she heard the sound of her voice rambling.

"Jess, first of all, relax for me, will ya? I mean, it, we can't solve anything if you start to lose your marbles too, right? Ok so let's think. Maybe she really just does need some time alone, I mean we've all been through a pretty big tragedy here, right? It goes without saying that we might want some down time to process all this stuff. It's some pretty heavy shit Jess, you gotta admit that much." he said, hoping he had calmed her down, if only just a little.

"Yeah, I suppose but I'm her best friend Nick, why, of ALL people, shut ME out?" Jess was obviously upset.

"Jess, look... you want me to come over & stay with you? I can totally come over there right now, it's freezin' ova here anyways..." he said hopeful she'd say yes.

"No, I'd just bum you out, I just needed to vent, who knows. Maybe I just need a good long cry & a half decent night's sleep. You're sweet to offer though, thank you for that." she said.

Disappointed, Nick says to her, "Well, if you change your mind, you know how to reach me, k? Sleep well Jess & try not to let this bother you too much, Alice loves you to pieces, I'm sure she just needs a good night's sleep, like we all do, k?"

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks Nick, goodnight." and she hung up the phone.

Nick snaps his cell shut & slips it back into his pocket. He slinks back into the cushions of his couch, the space heater just now starting to give off some warmth, he curls up under his blanket and allows his thoughts to wander.

On the other side of town, at that exact same moment, Jess too allows her mind to wander, but unlike Nick, her wandering leads her home.

Chapter Seven...

"Can we please turn this off?" Alice pleads, "I'm just really not in the mood for the radio right now." she said.

"Sure Al, no problem." Jess says as she turns the knob.

"Where we going anyways?" Alice asks.

"Where else? Taste Buds! Why, where did you think we were going? Al, we always hang out there." Jess said.

"I know, it's just that we're probably gonna run into people and I don't know if I can handle that right now..." she sighed.

"Al, honey I know you lost your boyfriend but I lost my brother too, remember?" Jess was slightly agitated, "If I can go in there to eat something, then you can too, k?"

Alice knew she was right, and she knew she was acting irrational. Sure she was in this deep but nobody knew that & her actions were going to be what gave her away long before any evidence, that much she knew. "Ok, you're right, I'm sorry."

"Alice, we're both exhausted, spent not only emotionally but physically too. Neither of us have had anything real to eat in what's seemed like forever, so let's just agree to relax, eat something bad for us that we both know we'll enjoy every last bite of, and if someone sees us, than we smile & say hi. No different than any other time right? I mean, isn't that what Jeff would've wanted?" Jess says.

Alice thinks that what Jeff would have wanted was to be alive today to come to lunch with them. To enjoy one of Gina's double deck er burgers with a mountain of fries next to it & smother everything in ketchup. But instead, he's lying in a morgue. Yeah, she was pretty sure that's not where he'd have chosen to be had he been given a choice.
"Yeah, I suppose." Alice told her.

The car pulls up & through the window Jess can see that both Nick and Tony are sitting at the counter, she hopes that Alice didn't notice cuz she'd be sure to protest their staying.
"I can't wait for some of those fries!" Jess says, trying to psyche Alice up.

"Yeah, they'll be good, I want mine extra crispy with a crap ton of salt & so much ketchup that I could swim in it!" Alice replied, laughing.

Getting out of the car & peeking into the window, Alice notices Nick and Tony sitting at the counter, "Ugh, Jess! Nick and Tony are here!" she grumbles.

"Too late now hon, I'm parked & we're HAVING those FRIES! Let's go..." Jess insists.

*sigh* "Ok, but only because I can actually TASTE those fries now!" Alice says.

They walk in & the bell on the door jingles & both Nick & Tony swing around to see who it is.

"HEYYYYY ALICE! JESS! HOW ARE YOU?" Nick leaps out of his stool & walks over to hug both the girls, Alice first, Jess next.

Alice says, "I'm ok, we're ok... we're just tired & hungry."

"Yeah," says Jess, "we haven't eaten anything in forever."

"Hey Gina! The girls are here, you got more of those fries good and hot?" Nick smiles at Jess, "I know those are your favorite." he's proud of this knowledge.

Jess smiles, "Yeah, they are Nick, thanks for remembering. So, how are things, ah, well, how's the music, I mean, aw hell, how are you and Tony doing since all of this? I'm sorry I haven't been around much, I'm still just trying to process it all. It's all just a bit too much, ya know?" Jess feels like a brick just landed on her chest again.

"Yeah, it sucks. Nick and I can't play for shit without your brother. I know it sounds stupid but if anyone was gonna croak it should've been one of us cuz anyone can replace a drummer or an acoustic guitarist but honestly, bass, that's a serious craft, nobody played bass better than Jeff." Nick said.

"HEY, YOU SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!" Tony hollered from his seat, "I ain't dying anytime soon and you could NOT replace these puppies!" holding up his hands and wiggling his fingers.

"Dude, the guy from Def Leppard still plays better than you and he's only got ONE arm! Trust me, we could replace you if we had to..." Nick chuckles.

"Yeah right, like you even know who that guy is, ok smart ass, he's so good, what's his name & why did he lose his arm anyway?" Tony leans in to Gina & says "Watch this, he don't know any of that stuff..."

Gina leans in a little, "Uh, but you don't either Tony, do you?"

"Shhhh no, but he don't know that!" he tries to quiet her.
"Well?" Tony impatiently waits for Nick's answer.

Nick, turns towards Tony, looks him directly in his eyes, and says; "His name is Rick Allen, he lost his arm in a traffic accident and the year was 1984. Anything else?"

Tony's eyebrows immediately frown, "Oh yeah, you think you're so smart, WHAT ARM WAS IT?" Tony yells.

"His left." Nick replied. "Now if your pop quiz is over, I believe we have two hungry friends here who would like to eat.

"Thanks," Jess said, "we're starving."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever... let em eat." Tony barks, embarrassed.

"Care to join us at the counter?" Nick eagerly asks.

"Thanks, but I think we want to just go sit quietly somewhere in our own table, if you don't mind." Jess felt bad but honestly she just didn't want to have to socialize much more than she'd done already.
She was friendly, she smiled, she made small talk, but now it was time for her & Alice to just eat, in peace. It wasn't too much to ask.

"Hey Gina," Jess calls over, "Two Cokes, some of those amazing fries & two double deckers, k?" Jess ordered without ever asking Alice what she wanted, she knew.

"Hey, what if I didn't want a burger, what if I wanted a grilled cheese or something? Alice snapped.

"Well, do you want a grilled cheese?" Jess asked her.

"No, I want a burger." Alice said.

"Ok then, SHOOSH!"

They slid into the front corner booth, the one that overlooked the main drag & had a perfect view of every building across the street from the main street lights down to the old firehouse.
Alice fingers the sugar packets as she stares off into space, clearly not here emotionally, only physically.
"So..." Jess says.

"What?" Alice asks her.

"Well," Jess responds, "It's just that we haven't talked much about all that's going on. You know Al, if you wanna talk about it, if you need to talk about it, I just want you to know that I'm always here for you..." Jess said.

"Thanks Jess, but really, there's not much to talk about. Talking about Jeff won't bring him back... so why talk?"

"I know, but I'm just saying..." she said.

"I know," Alice said through teary eyes, "I know. Same here, ok?"
Jess knew that that was probably harder for Alice to say than anything, and she loved her for it.

Gina comes over with their food, smiles, and places it on the table in front of them. "Anything else ladies?" she asks.

"Nah," Alice says, "we're ok for now, thanks Gina..." and smiles up at her friend.

"Okie dokie" she says as she skips off toward the kitchen.

Jess notices Tony's eyes following Gina's every move. "Poor guy, he'll never get with the likes of her anytime soon... huh Al?"

Alice, lost in the jumbled mess that was her mind these days, looks up startled, "Huh? What was that?" she asks.

"Never mind..." Jess replies.

The two enjoy their first real meal since their lives were turned upside down.
It tasted good & they started to feel slightly relaxed and a bit more calm.
Alice looks over across the street at the boys studio and notices a weird guy in a hat hanging around the side entrance.

"Jess," she motions with her head, "check this out..."

Jess looks up from taking a big bite of burger & sees the guy out front of the studio.
"So?" she says with a full mouth, "what's wrong with him? Looks harmless enough." she takes a long gulp of her coke.

"What's wrong with him? Ah, how about what's RIGHT with him? Look at the guy! His hat is ridiculous, his outfit is like something out of a good will bin & he's hanging around outside the studio, which is OBVIOUSLY closed... THAT'S what's wrong with him." Alice says.

"Ok, so maybe we should tell Nick & Tony about him, I mean, it's not like it's our place..." she takes a hand full of fries.

"No, are you nuts? What if he's a COP!" Alice heard her voice raise.

"Would you RELAX Alice, honestly you're starting to freak me out with how paranoid you're acting... gosh!" Jess wipes some ketchup off her fingers.

"Ok, ok, but what if he IS a cop? I'm just saying that all I want to do is enjoy the rest of this meal without having to deal with reality, is that too much to ask?" Alice poked at her Coke with the straw, swirling the fizz out of it.

"No," Jess answered, "that's not too much to ask Alice, but don't you think that's what I want too? You don't get it do you, I still have yet to deal with the messiness that is planning a funeral/burial for my OWN BROTHER OK?" Jess's eyes welled up with tears now.

"Ok, you're right, I'm sorry, it's hard on both of us but clearly, the brunt of the responsibility falls on your shoulders, and I just keep forgetting that. I love you, don't cry. I didn't mean to make you upset, I'm just upset too..." Alice reached over & put her hand on top of Jess's.

Jess smiled through her tears and squeezed her friends hand, "I know old friend, I know... C'mon, let's finish this lunch & then I really have to get home to see about making the arrangements."

"Sounds like a plan." Alice said as she wiped up a few bits of stray salt from her plate with her last two fries.


"What do you think they're talking about over there?" Tony asks Nick.
"I dunno dude, the weather? What do YOU think... DUH they're probably talking about Jeff!" Nick said impatiently.
"Oh, yeah... Jeff." Tony got quiet. "You know something, I'm really gonna miss him."
"Yeah, me too dude, me too." Nick agreed.
"Well, c'mon, let's get the hell outta here & find out where that weirdo with the hat went, he best not be lurking around outside or he's gonna be finding himself smack in the middle of some trouble, if you know what I'm sayin'." Nick said with authority. "No weird ass hat guy is gonna be hanging round my place." he said.
"OUR place," Tony piped up, "you always forget that, it's OURS, remember? I pay half that rent you know..."
"Yes, how could I forget when you love to constantly remind me of that fact..." Nick rose up out of his seat at the counter & turned in the direction of the girls. "Let's go say goodbye to Alice & Jess before we go, k?"
"Yeah, sure..." Tony said as he was trying desperately to get one last look at Gina, who was currently out back in the kitchen probably cleaning the dishes of the last table she cleared.

"Hey ladies, we're outta here, anything we can do or get for you before we jett?" Nick's question meant for both of them but directed at Jess.
"Thanks Nick, but I think we're ok." she said.
"Ok, well if you need us for anything, you know how to reach me..." he taps his hand on his jeans pocket, where his cell phone is always kept.
"Yes Nick," Alice says, "we know."

The boys leave & head out the door, only to notice that that crazy hat dude was now hanging around outside their studio... they bolt in his direction at lightning speed.

"Jess, check this out!" Alice says to her, while looking out the window across the street, "they're going after that guy! I told you he was no good!" she says triumphantly.
"Alice, those two would jump a frog that hopped in front of them the wrong way. Them going after that guy in the hat only proves one thing," she says smiling to herself, "in the past week, neither of them has gotten any smarter." she says chuckling. "They're just chasing him away from the studio, that's all"

"Aw, come on, they're good guys!" Alice says in their defense.

"I didn't say they weren't, but Al, good doesn't equate smart, comprende?"

Alice just grins at her, "Now you know that's not fair, I failed Spanish in high school, no trickery disguised as a foreign language woman!"

Both girls laugh & leave their money on the table with a handsome tip for their friend Gina, and they head out the door for home... leaving the fantasy of their afternoon lunch behind them & the knowledge of the sad reality dead ahead.

A "Ruby & Bear" Photo Love Story...

Just When I Thought I Was Stealthy...

...my daughter called my bluff!
Ruby went out with her Nonno for their Saturday walk together,
and me feeling 'crafty' snuck quietly into my bedroom window,
cracked open the blinds JUST ENOUGH so I could slip the camera through,
zoomed in, focused the shot, feeling victorious, when:

" I SEE YOU MOMMA! "

So much for 'STEALTH'.
LOL

Damn, that kid's GOOD!

"Bye Bye Blue Nappy..."

Yesterday, by the grace of God, my daughter, slept in her crib for her nap.
Prior to that, she has been terrified of it, screamed about it, stayed away from it, thus hardly playing in her beautiful room at all. Only going in here & there to get a book & IMMEDIATELY run out & away from her crib.

While she slept yesterday, I decided to just take the bull by the horns & I disassembled her 'Blue Nappy' (hand me down, pack & play from her Auntie Sue & Uncle Dave) and put it in the back hall so that it was no longer an option.

I don't remember exactly why she slept in the crib yesterday, I think I enticed her to go in there cuz I A. left the music on (which she loves, it's all instrumental lullaby's in a classical format) and B. gave her every single one of her 'favorite' blankets, which equals to about a zillion.

She woke up from her nap happy & in good spirits.
Check one.
She gave me a 'snuggy hug' and asked if we could play with her 'house'. (little people doll house, she LOVES IT!)
Check two.
She peeked into my bedroom from our spot on the floor of the play room & noticed that her friend, 'Blue Nappy' wasn't there anymore.
Uhoh.
"Momma? Blue Nappy?"

"Sweetie, Blue Nappy went bye bye, Ruby's a big girl, big girls sleep in big girl cribs, ok?"

"Ruby a BIG GIRL!" smiling big.

"Yes sweetie, you're a big girl & you don't need that blue nappy now, you sleep in your pretty big girl crib with all those cute ladybugs and your special blankets AND your MUSIC!"

"Bye bye blue nappy." hugging Bear.

"Yes sweetie, bye bye blue nappy..."

"Momma?"

"Yes Ruby?"

"Play house?"

And as easy as that, the blue nappy debate was handled AND last night, for the ENTIRE NIGHT, my daughter slept IN HER OWN CRIB IN HER OWN BEDROOM WITH HER OWN MUSIC & BLANKETS & BEAR & A SIPPY & SEVERAL BOOKS and Momma didn't have to get up ONCE!

Somebody up there LOVES ME!
hehehehe

Chapter Six...

"Bring that here, will ya?" Nick shouts to Tony. "We don't wanna lose that thing, ya know? I promised Jess we'd keep this stuff safe for her till she's ready for it."

Jeff's lucky pic was one he's had since 8th grade. Bought it with his paper route money.
Flaming orange & bright as the sun. He loved it & never played without it.

"Bring his shirts too, but not the silver one, that one stays..." Nick remembers when Jeff bought that stupid silver shirt. He hated it when he first had picked it off the rack...
'you're seriously gonna buy that ugly thing?' he remembers saying to him 'be my guest, I wouldn't be caught dead in it! hahaha' he had said.
Caught dead in it, dead.
Jeff was dead now. What the hell had happened to his world that his friend was found face down with his head split open? Nick just shook his head in disbelief.

"Hey Nick," Tony called from across their makeshift studio which was nothing more than a rented out store front with great acoustics, "what'cha wanna do with these?"
holding up Jeff's lucky roach clips, flaming neon feathers hung loosely from them.

"PUT THAT SHIT DOWN! Christ, we're gonna HIDE THOSE!
Nobody knew that he smoked and nobodies GONNA KNOW, GET IT?!"
Nick firmly answered.

"Yeah," Tony said, "I get it."
"And for that matter nobody knows that WE do it you dork! You wanna get us kicked outta here? I sure as hell don't!"
"Ok, Ok," Tony said, "Relax, I won't say nothing!"
"Good," replied Nick "you better not!"

Nick walked over and leaned against the plate glass window
that looked out onto Main street.
Across the street was 'Taste Buds', the local hang out. Great food cheap, good atmosphere & a jukebox that somehow, never skipped a beat.
"Why is it that some of the best food in the world is found in a little shit hole like Taste Buds?" he asked Tony.
"I dunno man," he answered Nick, "but their shit's good though, don't question, just eat. Speaking of which, you hungry? I could go for one of their double deck er burgers right about now."
"Yeah, right, more like you could go for one of their Ginas right now..." Nick snickered.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Tony, embarrassed.

Staring out across Ocean street, the main street that ran the length of Collins Cove,
Nick noticed that Taste Buds was empty except for an older couple probably having a late brunch, and some guy who he'd never seen before but who looked sadly out of place.
Weird hat, funny suit, tie that didn't much match & shoes that were in desperate need of a shine.

"Hey Tony, check this joker out..." motioning in the mans direction.

*laughing* "What's that fool wearing? Heh, Back To The Future called dude, they want their suit back! HA!"
Nick started laughing too... "Yeah, let's go get that burger, I'm hungry too now that you mention it."

Tony put Jeff's belongings into a cardboard box that he had slightly hidden behind the drums.
Nick grabbed his keys so they could lock up, Tony grabbed his jacket & cell, checked his face in the mirror & out the door they went.
"You look fine by the way," Nick said as they were crossing the street, "she'll notice you today for sure."
"Shut UP Nick! You know it's not like that, she's just a nice girl, that's all. YOU should be as worried about how you look, for crying out loud have you seen your hair lately? You are in total need of a cut in case you hadn't noticed, and what's up with that 7:30 shadow? It's called a razor, ever hear of one?" Tony felt proud of himself for producing such a quick witted come back, which normally was not the case for him.
'Yeah yeah, shut it, let's just go eat, huh?" Nick knew he looked like crap, he'd seen himself in the mirror that morning, he was pale and his dirty blond hair was all mussed up & ruffled like he'd just rolled out of bed. He hadn't taken a razor to himself since hearing of Jeff... who could?
Everything was different now...

Collins Cove was a cute seaside town, with fun little shops and friendly people. Fancy houses that were younger than most of the high schoolers & some that were so old that they were part of the historical society & protected under it's strict guidelines.

It was a quiet town where every Monday morning, Gina opened the Taste Buds bright & early at 6am for the locals who were in desperate need of their morning cup'o'joe.
Her menu was simple, hearty meals for hearty people who were just happy to be up & headed to work to earn a living. Proud & loyal to whatever trade or skill they possessed.

Things like murders never happened here, ever.
Oh sure, accidents & such happen all the time, but that's life, shit happens.
But murders? Not here, not so much.
So when everyone heard the news of Jeff's death, people were all pretty shocked.
He was remembered at church, not that Nick went, but he heard from a friend who still went to Mass with his family every Sunday.
Nick never understood why, couldn't get on board with that whole religion thing but hey, to each his own.

Tony walked into the place first, letting the door hit Nick in the face, forgetting to hold it for him.
"Hey asshole, watch it!" Nick yelled to him.
"Sorry dude, my bad!" Tony replied, completely distracted.

"Hey Gina!" Tony had a huge smile on his face, his feelings for her hardly a mystery, everyone knew it, sadly, so did Gina, who didn't return his affection in a way he had hoped for.
Tony was a nice guy, a good guy, neither him nor Nick ever went to college, but they did both graduate the local high school back in 96'. Tony was a husky guy, carried most of his weight around the middle but not fat, per say. More of a football type, quarterback style, solid & rugged but just about the biggest teddy bear going. He lived on the outskirts of town with his large Italian family, four brothers & sisters, Tony being the fifth as well as the baby.
The weirdest thing was that they all still lived at home, home being a four family with each kid having his/her own apartment. Tony still living with Mom & Dad on the first floor.
He had a baby face & lots of dark black hair that he never understood wasn't as attractive as he thought, all slicked back. He was a jeans & sweatshirts type of guy who never could afford a half decent pair of shoes, always wearing those old sneakers that were begging to be thrown out but, according to his mother, just added to his character, thus never made it to the curb come trash day.

"Hey Tony! How you doing today? The usual?" she said with a smile.
"Nah, today me and Nick wanna have those beautiful double
deck er burgers you put together so perfectly!"

Shameful, the boy was shameful.... thought Nick.

"Hey Gina, how are you doing today?" Nick asked her.
Smiling big, Gina merely winked at him & said "Hanging in, my friend. Hanging in."
Gina turns around & aims her voice in the direction of the kitchen & yells:
"Hey Pops' two double deck ers for the guys!"
"Ok Gin, got it!" he yells back.

They each picked a stool at the bar.
"Coke's boys?" Gina asked them.
"Sure thing Gina, that would be great!" Tony answered.
"Yeah sure, Coke's fine..." Nick said while looking across the room at that man with the funny hat. "Hey Gina, who's the dude with the bad taste in hats?" he asked her.

"I don't know," she said, handing them their cokes, "he came in here like a half hour ago & hasn't ordered a thing. Just keeps wanting another refill on his water & scribbling things down on that pad of paper he's got.
Gina leans down to whisper to Nick, "he's also kinda talking to himself, every once in a while I see him bury his face into his arms & begin to talk but I can't figure out what he's saying."
She takes her dishcloth & pretends to be wiping down the counter.
"He's looked over here once or twice but other than that & shitty taste in clothes, not a clue who he is. I've honestly never seen him before." she said.

Nick took a sip of his Coke and played with the straw while he waited for his burger.
"So Gina," Tony asked, his voice squeaking a little, "got any plans for the weekend?"
his eyes wide, his face glowing, his hopes high.
"Uh, yeah, actually I do but nothing exciting. I gotta help out at home, promised my Pop." she lied.
"Aww that's too bad! I was going to ask if you wanted to go to a movie or something?" Tony's disappointment, although huge, was nowhere to be found... he hid it well.
"Thanks hon but really, you know how hard things have been, after my Ma passed & little Joey's away at school, it's kinda just me & Pop's holding down the fort, so I can't disappoint him." that much was true. Her mother passed away last summer from cancer. Found it in her lungs, inoperable, terminal & fast moving. She went from diagnosis to death in less than a week. Really hit her hard, but none harder hit than her father. Franky & Sonia were high school sweet hearts and never more than an arms length apart. Always held hands, truly so in love, everybody knew it. Even Gina, which is why she was still waiting, hoping, praying to find her very own love like that. A forever love, the kind that, even with death, never dies. It goes on living. To Gina, it was magic.

She looked up & smiled at Nick, "So, Nick... how are you holding up since, ah, well... since the whole Jeff thing?"
"I'm doin' ok Gina, I just still can't believe he's gone." Nick said.
"Yeah, I know. I can't believe it either." she admitted.
Gina's father called from the kitchen out back, "Hey Gin' ORDER'S UP!"
"Coming Pop! Those are your burgers, I'll be right back, ok?" Gina flung herself around & skipped out back to get the boys' food.
Tony reached over & whacked Nick on the arm, "She's cute today isn't she?" he asked with the excitement of a 4 year old on Christmas morning.
"Yeah, she's cute, but you seriously gotta chill man, you're gonna scare the poor girl!" Nick said with a doubtful shake of his head.
"Here you go boys, two double deck er's just for you." Gina returned from the kitchen and pushed Tony's burger down the counter towards him while making a point to not only hand Nick his, but keeping eye contact with him the whole time.
Nick shows her a smile, "Thanks Gina, they look great."
Gina smiling, merely winks again & responds with a simple yet powerful, "I know."

The whole time eating the guys just could not for the life of them figure out hat guy's deal.
"What's he doing over there? Talking to himself or what?" Tony asked, "Maybe he's crazy or something?"
"I'll tell you what's crazy, the fact that Jeff's dead, nobodies heard much of anything from Jess, the damn cops can't figure out who did it or if they know anything, they ain't talkin, and now this fool HAT man is just sitting around with the sole purpose of pissing me off." Nick was agitated now. "I'll be right back."

He hops down from his stool, leaving his half eaten burger on the counter and heads over to hat man's table.
"Excuse me sir, mind if I sit down?" he asks the odd stranger.
"No, not at all, please..." and he gestures towards the empty chair across from him.
"Name's Karl, Karl Peterson, and you are?" he asks Nick.
"I'm Nick, Nick Nucci," shaking hat mans hand. "Nice to meet you. Listen, I happened to notice that you're sitting here alone, I don't recall ever seeing you around these parts & I'm a regular and you just looked like you could use some company, so I figured I'd come say hi. Hope you don't mind." he lied hoping to find out some information on the guy.
"Oh no, not at all, in fact it's lucky you should come over here, you are exactly the man I was hoping to bump into, although I'll admit I didn't know quite what you looked like or where you lived so, I figured the safest bet to try and accidentally bump into you would be to hang out here until I saw you emerge from your studio, which clearly I've missed if you're approaching me from within the diner. haha" he chuckles but is clearly a tad bit embarrassed.

"Is that so?" Nick asks, "and what, if I might ask, is it that you want with me, Karl, Karl Peterson?"
"Well, story has it that your buddy Jeff was murdered this past Saturday night, and well, I work for The Grim, we're an independent publication printed locally but we hope to one day be world wide. We cover murders, suicides, anything grim & gory like that. My job is to get into the core of the story, find out the guts, ya know?" he sounded far too excited for his own good.
"Ah, actually I don't know. My close friend was just found dead in his apartment and you want to find out the 'guts' of the story? Listen man, I understand a guy's gotta make a living but seriously, I can't indulge you an interview, not like this, not now, possibly not ever. Understand?" Nick was pissed off. Who the hell was this joker thinking he could just come in here & ask to be told the 'guts' of a story that was A. none of his business and B. a NON story.

Nick, clearly annoyed & not interested in what hat man had to say, walked back to the bar & hoped up on his stool.

"You wanna know what that joker's here for? You wanna know what he just asked me, the bastard?" Nick was obviously worked up.
"Huh? What's that?" mumbled Tony, through a mouthful of burger.
"Jesus Tony, would you LISTEN for once in your life, please? I said, do you wanna know what
friggen hat man is here for?"
"Oh, stupid hat guy, what's his story?" Tony asked as he grabs another handful of fries.
"Well, that's just it, he doesn't really have a story but is clearly interested in ours. Says he's from some stupid publication called 'The Grim' which I've never heard of, and says he's here to interview ME! Can you believe that shit?"
"You? for what?" Tony takes another drink of his Coke.
"He says he wants to know the inside story, the guts of the why's & how's surrounding my friendship with Jeff. Can you believe the nerve of that asshole?"
Tony swallows his coke & says, "Wait a minute, why's he only here to interview you? Doesn't he know that I was Jeff's friend too? Doesn't he know the THREE of us were in a BAND?!"
"Jesus Christ Tony, is that all you can think of? You getting your due credit? You're unbelievable man..." Nick was disgusted with his friend, but not shocked.

"Well, what did you tell him?" Tony asks.
"I told him that, my friend just died, I'm trying to enjoy my lunch and that I'd appreciate if he left me alone. That I was not going to give him the satisfaction of an interview, not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Damn news hounds." Nick, clearly pissed, took a huge bite out of his now cold burger & chased it down with nearly all his coke.

The truth was, there really wasn't much of a story behind how Nick and Jeff became & remained friends. Nick, Jeff and Tony all met in grade school, kindergarten to be exact. They became friends how any other friendship does, at school.

They always were together, although most nights Tony wasn't allowed to go since he had a pretty huge family who not only still went to Sunday mass together but had faithful Sunday dinners that were a minimum of four courses plus coffee & dessert.

Mostly, it was Jeff & Nick who spent the majority of their weekend time together, filling Tony in on their adventures come Monday at School. Tony always jealous that he was unable to be a part of their fun.
They got older, had dreams of one day starting a band. High school came, they made their dream a reality and on a very local level, were celebrities in their own right.
Nick on acoustic, Jeff on Bass & Tony on drums.
They played high school dances, local restaurants, even church gatherings, although those were a bit trickier since their music leaned more towards the hard rock variety.
Jesus wasn't such a fan of 'Hard Rock Lovin' or 'Under the Stars, Under the Bleachers'. (both popular songs of theirs...)

Teenage years would prove to be the most difficult, as Jeff discovered he had a taste for alcohol, the hard kind. And Tony, a similar taste, but his vice of choice being food.
Nick, well Nick has his vice too but I'm pretty sure she didn't have a clue.

Weird hat Karl got up to leave but turned in their direction & walked up to Nick one last time, his hand out with a card between his fingers, "Nick, if you change your mind..." he said with a smile.
"Ah, thanks but, I won't." and refuses the card.
Karl leaves it on the counter, smiles at Gina turns to leave.
"See you later man, ah, my name was Tony, T-O-N-Y, Tony Vitale!"
Nick smacks Tony on the head, "Seriously man, you gotta cut that shit out..."

Early Signs Of Spring...?

*My favorite type of flower, thrives with lots of hugs & kisses*