A Moment Of Pride...

...it's funny how if I pull out my old books from my trip to China, the memories come flooding back as if they just happened yesterday. Upon visiting the Great Wall & Tiananmen Square, we had the opportunity to purchase books of those places with a beautiful group photo in the front cover for our specific travel group. I believe the cost was only $10 American dollars, well worth the perfectly packaged travel size memories, right?
Absolutely.
But what I realized once I came home was that those books, however treasured they were to me, kind of fell by the way side in with other various 'China things' to be 'saved' for a rainy day.
Well, I'm here to share with you all that, today- it's a beautiful sunny day in the mid 40's - 50's which is pretty nice New England weather in my opinion. Not a cloud in the sky... so why did I chose today to pull out those books?
Well, it all started a little over a week ago when miss Ruby Cate & I were at the local library in the children's room playing & reading story after story. We befriended a lovely woman named Dai and her daughter Ada. Turns out, they're from Shanghai, China and are now living right here in my home town. Dai is 32 and Ada will be 3 the end of April.
As you can imagine, Ruby and Ada played so well together and Ada's mom was just amazed at how well the girls got along. She asked me "How old is your husband?"
I chuckled.
"Um, I don't have a husband actually, I'm a single parent." I said.
"Oh, well your daughter is beautiful, she has your face." she said.
I smiled.
"Yes, she does, doesn't she?" proud as punch.
"So, her Daddy must be Asian man, yes?" she asked.
Again, I smiled, bigger than before.
"Yes, her birth parents are both Chinese. I adopted Ruby as a single mother in November of 2005. We do not know who her birth parents are, but she does know who her mother is, watch;
Hey Ruby, where's Momma?" I called over to her.
Ruby, with an even bigger smile than my own, came bounding over to me with arms open & gave me the biggest hug & said "Momma!!!!"
Best hug I ever got.
Dai said, "Oh my, she looks just like you, I just thought that she was yours..."
I politely smiled and said, "She is mine, she's my daughter. But yes, it is pretty amazing how someone made this match a world away because I agree with you, she does look like she could be my biological child."

"Yes, she does! You both so beautiful!" Dai said.
Again I smiled, and a friendship was born.
Two friendships actually, mine with Dai, and Ruby's with Ada.

Fast forward to today, Dai and Ada came over for a play date. The girls were thrilled to see one another again & Dai & myself enjoyed some tea & blueberry apple yum cake that I had made from scratch. (recipe later, I promise!)

In talking with Dai I was telling her all about my adventures in China over the two weeks I spent there & she chuckled saying "you have seen more of my country than I have!"
It was then that I remembered those books.
I took them out & presented them both to Dai & said, "These were our souvenir books of our visits to the Great Wall & Tiananmen Square. Our pictures are in the front cover... "
Dai took the books & one by one, she opened them.
"Oh, you have such short hair then, but still such a pretty smile! You look very happy!"
She continued to browse the books & as she did, my mind drifted back to those days, those moments when those pictures were taken. When every person in them was happy to finally be in China no doubt, but despite all the excitement of the Great Wall & Tiananmen Square, I hazard to guess that we all had something slightly more important on our minds.
Our children.
You see, we visited these placed before we met our girls.
Each one of those faces, smile shining bright, also to me held a little more than just happiness...

we all held hope.
Hope that we make it through the first three days safely.
Hope that we take as many pictures as possible to remember our time in our Daughter's home land for many years to come.
Hope that the flight from Beijing to Nanchang would be safe & uneventful...
...and hope that sooner, rather than later, our precious daughters would finally be in our arms.

I looked at that girl with the short black hair, the big fat Italian face, the huge cheezy 'holy shit I can't believe I'm actually in China!" smile, and tears filled my eyes.

"What is wrong, Amy? Are you ok?" Dai asked.
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just remembering how amazing it was to be there, to go through this process, to see the things I've seen & have the memories I have & to know that the little girl playing in the other room is my living breathing dream come true... all because I decided one cold winters night back in 03 that it was time I become a Mother.

Amazing how one little decision changed my life for the better, forever.
I may not have short hair anymore, I may have gained a few lbs since falling into step with the daily routine of becoming a Mother, but looking at that group photo, at the smile on my face and the hope shining from my eyes, I was proud of that girl.
Proud that as a single woman in her 30's, she didn't let the odds beat her.
She ignored her MS & Diabetes, she ignored the naysayers who said she couldn't or shouldn't do it, she paid no attention to how much the journey would ultimately cost & put out of her mind her incredibly huge fear of flying because she just knew in her heart that,
where there's a will, there's a way.
She just followed her heart, and it led her straight to the most beautiful little girl she'd ever laid eyes on.
It led her to her daughter.
And for that, I am forever grateful to that short haired, loud mouthed Italian girl who didn't stop until she saw her dream of being a mother become a reality through the gift of one beautiful little girl named Fu Pei Mu.