"Momma So Sorry..."
Yesterday started out like any other day for us.
Breakfast, fun time with Nannie (her grandmother), changed a poopie 'pull up' JOY OF JOYS! (not) and then time to pick out the days outfit, which Ruby has always thoroughly enjoyed.
Not so much today.
Well, the picking out of the outfit wasn't the problem, we went with her fun green Christmas play dress with 'FUN PANTS' under it & a green bow & her bracelet.
No biggie.
But, why? Won't? The? Closet? Door? Shut?
*trying to shut the door*
Nothing, hmmm something must be stuck.
That's weird, no dresses or clothing stuck at the bottom?
*trying once more, harder this time, to actually shut it*
It's not shutting... I wonder what's stuck?
Ruby's Fingers.
OH MY GOD I'M THE WORST MOTHER ON THE PLANET I'VE JUST SMASHED MY LITTLE GIRLS FINGERS IN THE DOOR SO TIGHT, TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Immediately grabbed my child who, has yet to cry but is doing that, 'inhale' that takes forever and then waiting even longer still, to actually scream out in pain, fell to my knees with her in my arms, wrapped myself completely around her sobbing into her beautiful thick head of black hair and just kept saying over and over and over,
"I'M SO SORRY!
I'M SO SORRY!
I'M SO SORRY BABY,
MOMMA DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT TO YOU MY LOVE,
OMG I'M SO SORRY,
MOMMA MADE A BOO BOO!
I'M SO SORRY!
I'M SO SORRY!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY, I'M SO SORRY!"
etc...
Spending the better part of 30 minutes all curled up with one another
I finally got her calmed down enough to where I could look at her little fingers.
Her right hand, ring & middle fingers were in the JAM part of the door, not the part closer to the doorknob, but the part at the BACK THAT PINCHES LIKE HELL!
I felt so HORRIBLE ALL DAY BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID MISTAKE!
Her fingers were swollen to high heaven & it took the skin off in a few places,
I know, I'm feeling sad again just writing about it for you all...
So, I had a Dr. apt that morning anyway for myself & since Ruby & I see the same doctor, I told her I was going to bring her with me to my appointment so that Tina (our Dr.'s name) could see her pretty bow & dress & fun pants, and oh yeah, maybe her fingers too.
Upon hearing this my daughter immediately balled her right hand into a fist & hid it inside the sleeve of her dress. Never to come out again.
Ok, we'll deal with the hand thing when we get there... she's still hurting, her fingers were not only swollen to high heaven, but were hot as blazes so I know she's not about to let me play patty cake with her, ya know.
So we get in the car & head over to the Dr.'s and I have my exam (more about what mine was all about later but let's say it's gonna be followed up with an ultrasound next Thursday, and NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!)
Anyhoo, Tina took a look at Ruby's fingers & said that nothing was broken & that maybe I could just either give her some Tylenol or Motrin for the pain, which I did when we got home.
I felt like shit ALL DAY and it was obvious to anyone seeing me that I'd spent all morning sobbing, and not just 'any' cry, but the 'UGLY' cry, the kind you never want anyone else to ever see you doing, THAT kinda cry!
I digress...
We get home & Ruby's back in good spirits & the Motrin got her relaxed enough to take a snooze on the couch & I got to catch up on some blogs I had been meaning to read.
After those, I went to check on her on the couch & she was slowly waking up.
She looked at me & smiled & said "Hi Momma, How'a'yooo?"
I just started crying again.
Here she is, this little innocent beautiful child left by the grace of God in my care and I hurt her little fingers more than I can even imagine it must have hurt and rather than see me & start talking about the 'incident with the door', she smiles and says hi & asks how I am.
I just love her more than words can do the feeling justice.
I smiled back through tears & said, "I'm fine baby, how are you?"
She thinks for a second... and says;
"I ok Momma, shut a fingers in a door, momma a boo boo, Ruby no cry, Momma so sorry."
I know, I know... me too.
*smiling through tears again*
I don't know what I did right in my life to deserve this beautiful child as my daughter,
but I'm sure glad that she's here & forgiving.
Breakfast, fun time with Nannie (her grandmother), changed a poopie 'pull up' JOY OF JOYS! (not) and then time to pick out the days outfit, which Ruby has always thoroughly enjoyed.
Not so much today.
Well, the picking out of the outfit wasn't the problem, we went with her fun green Christmas play dress with 'FUN PANTS' under it & a green bow & her bracelet.
No biggie.
But, why? Won't? The? Closet? Door? Shut?
*trying to shut the door*
Nothing, hmmm something must be stuck.
That's weird, no dresses or clothing stuck at the bottom?
*trying once more, harder this time, to actually shut it*
It's not shutting... I wonder what's stuck?
Ruby's Fingers.
OH MY GOD I'M THE WORST MOTHER ON THE PLANET I'VE JUST SMASHED MY LITTLE GIRLS FINGERS IN THE DOOR SO TIGHT, TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Immediately grabbed my child who, has yet to cry but is doing that, 'inhale' that takes forever and then waiting even longer still, to actually scream out in pain, fell to my knees with her in my arms, wrapped myself completely around her sobbing into her beautiful thick head of black hair and just kept saying over and over and over,
"I'M SO SORRY!
I'M SO SORRY!
I'M SO SORRY BABY,
MOMMA DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT TO YOU MY LOVE,
OMG I'M SO SORRY,
MOMMA MADE A BOO BOO!
I'M SO SORRY!
I'M SO SORRY!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY, I'M SO SORRY!"
etc...
Spending the better part of 30 minutes all curled up with one another
I finally got her calmed down enough to where I could look at her little fingers.
Her right hand, ring & middle fingers were in the JAM part of the door, not the part closer to the doorknob, but the part at the BACK THAT PINCHES LIKE HELL!
I felt so HORRIBLE ALL DAY BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID MISTAKE!
Her fingers were swollen to high heaven & it took the skin off in a few places,
I know, I'm feeling sad again just writing about it for you all...
So, I had a Dr. apt that morning anyway for myself & since Ruby & I see the same doctor, I told her I was going to bring her with me to my appointment so that Tina (our Dr.'s name) could see her pretty bow & dress & fun pants, and oh yeah, maybe her fingers too.
Upon hearing this my daughter immediately balled her right hand into a fist & hid it inside the sleeve of her dress. Never to come out again.
Ok, we'll deal with the hand thing when we get there... she's still hurting, her fingers were not only swollen to high heaven, but were hot as blazes so I know she's not about to let me play patty cake with her, ya know.
So we get in the car & head over to the Dr.'s and I have my exam (more about what mine was all about later but let's say it's gonna be followed up with an ultrasound next Thursday, and NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!)
Anyhoo, Tina took a look at Ruby's fingers & said that nothing was broken & that maybe I could just either give her some Tylenol or Motrin for the pain, which I did when we got home.
I felt like shit ALL DAY and it was obvious to anyone seeing me that I'd spent all morning sobbing, and not just 'any' cry, but the 'UGLY' cry, the kind you never want anyone else to ever see you doing, THAT kinda cry!
I digress...
We get home & Ruby's back in good spirits & the Motrin got her relaxed enough to take a snooze on the couch & I got to catch up on some blogs I had been meaning to read.
After those, I went to check on her on the couch & she was slowly waking up.
She looked at me & smiled & said "Hi Momma, How'a'yooo?"
I just started crying again.
Here she is, this little innocent beautiful child left by the grace of God in my care and I hurt her little fingers more than I can even imagine it must have hurt and rather than see me & start talking about the 'incident with the door', she smiles and says hi & asks how I am.
I just love her more than words can do the feeling justice.
I smiled back through tears & said, "I'm fine baby, how are you?"
She thinks for a second... and says;
"I ok Momma, shut a fingers in a door, momma a boo boo, Ruby no cry, Momma so sorry."
I know, I know... me too.
*smiling through tears again*
I don't know what I did right in my life to deserve this beautiful child as my daughter,
but I'm sure glad that she's here & forgiving.
7 comments:
Aww, poor sweet Ruby, and poor Mama, too! Just this morning, I was laying Julia down on the floor to change her and she whipped her head back and smacked it on the floor. Of course I felt like dogshit and the worst mom ever. So you are in good company. Hugs!
Poor you and Ruby. Hugs to you both. Hope her fingers heal quickly and your heart heals just as quick.
Beverly & Glenys
Parental guilt. Gets you every time. I know exactly how you feel. It will break your heart for months. Fortunately they get over it long before we do.
OH what a traumatic day! Glad you girls are Ok in the end!
Poor Ruby! I hope her fingers are feeling better. I know how you feel. You are not alone, I did the same thing to Arianna with the refrigerator door about 6 months ago. Don't beat yourself up over it. Afterall, all is well that ends well.
My mom slammed my whole hand in a car door...and locked it! Twice.
Mikhail is only two weeks old and I've already poked him in the eye twice trying to get him to feed...the joys of being a parent!!
Oh, it is the worst when WE cause the pain.
I killed (I THOUGHT) a bee in my daughters room once. Stepped on it, and left it on the rug to go find a tissue to pick it up with, so I could flush it. Well, one thing led to another and my twins distracted me in the kitchen and I forgot all about the bee, until my daughter went into her room to play. I was holding one of the twins about 20 minutes later when I heard her scream. THE FREAKIN' BEE WAS STILL ALIVE and she stepped on it, and it stung her!!!
I felt terrible, because I forgot about it, and left it there.
7 years later and I still feel horrible and can still remember that moment I heard her scream.
I think every mother has that awful moment.
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