A "Ruby & Bear" Photo Love Story...

Just When I Thought I Was Stealthy...

...my daughter called my bluff!
Ruby went out with her Nonno for their Saturday walk together,
and me feeling 'crafty' snuck quietly into my bedroom window,
cracked open the blinds JUST ENOUGH so I could slip the camera through,
zoomed in, focused the shot, feeling victorious, when:

" I SEE YOU MOMMA! "

So much for 'STEALTH'.
LOL

Damn, that kid's GOOD!

"Bye Bye Blue Nappy..."

Yesterday, by the grace of God, my daughter, slept in her crib for her nap.
Prior to that, she has been terrified of it, screamed about it, stayed away from it, thus hardly playing in her beautiful room at all. Only going in here & there to get a book & IMMEDIATELY run out & away from her crib.

While she slept yesterday, I decided to just take the bull by the horns & I disassembled her 'Blue Nappy' (hand me down, pack & play from her Auntie Sue & Uncle Dave) and put it in the back hall so that it was no longer an option.

I don't remember exactly why she slept in the crib yesterday, I think I enticed her to go in there cuz I A. left the music on (which she loves, it's all instrumental lullaby's in a classical format) and B. gave her every single one of her 'favorite' blankets, which equals to about a zillion.

She woke up from her nap happy & in good spirits.
Check one.
She gave me a 'snuggy hug' and asked if we could play with her 'house'. (little people doll house, she LOVES IT!)
Check two.
She peeked into my bedroom from our spot on the floor of the play room & noticed that her friend, 'Blue Nappy' wasn't there anymore.
Uhoh.
"Momma? Blue Nappy?"

"Sweetie, Blue Nappy went bye bye, Ruby's a big girl, big girls sleep in big girl cribs, ok?"

"Ruby a BIG GIRL!" smiling big.

"Yes sweetie, you're a big girl & you don't need that blue nappy now, you sleep in your pretty big girl crib with all those cute ladybugs and your special blankets AND your MUSIC!"

"Bye bye blue nappy." hugging Bear.

"Yes sweetie, bye bye blue nappy..."

"Momma?"

"Yes Ruby?"

"Play house?"

And as easy as that, the blue nappy debate was handled AND last night, for the ENTIRE NIGHT, my daughter slept IN HER OWN CRIB IN HER OWN BEDROOM WITH HER OWN MUSIC & BLANKETS & BEAR & A SIPPY & SEVERAL BOOKS and Momma didn't have to get up ONCE!

Somebody up there LOVES ME!
hehehehe

Chapter Six...

"Bring that here, will ya?" Nick shouts to Tony. "We don't wanna lose that thing, ya know? I promised Jess we'd keep this stuff safe for her till she's ready for it."

Jeff's lucky pic was one he's had since 8th grade. Bought it with his paper route money.
Flaming orange & bright as the sun. He loved it & never played without it.

"Bring his shirts too, but not the silver one, that one stays..." Nick remembers when Jeff bought that stupid silver shirt. He hated it when he first had picked it off the rack...
'you're seriously gonna buy that ugly thing?' he remembers saying to him 'be my guest, I wouldn't be caught dead in it! hahaha' he had said.
Caught dead in it, dead.
Jeff was dead now. What the hell had happened to his world that his friend was found face down with his head split open? Nick just shook his head in disbelief.

"Hey Nick," Tony called from across their makeshift studio which was nothing more than a rented out store front with great acoustics, "what'cha wanna do with these?"
holding up Jeff's lucky roach clips, flaming neon feathers hung loosely from them.

"PUT THAT SHIT DOWN! Christ, we're gonna HIDE THOSE!
Nobody knew that he smoked and nobodies GONNA KNOW, GET IT?!"
Nick firmly answered.

"Yeah," Tony said, "I get it."
"And for that matter nobody knows that WE do it you dork! You wanna get us kicked outta here? I sure as hell don't!"
"Ok, Ok," Tony said, "Relax, I won't say nothing!"
"Good," replied Nick "you better not!"

Nick walked over and leaned against the plate glass window
that looked out onto Main street.
Across the street was 'Taste Buds', the local hang out. Great food cheap, good atmosphere & a jukebox that somehow, never skipped a beat.
"Why is it that some of the best food in the world is found in a little shit hole like Taste Buds?" he asked Tony.
"I dunno man," he answered Nick, "but their shit's good though, don't question, just eat. Speaking of which, you hungry? I could go for one of their double deck er burgers right about now."
"Yeah, right, more like you could go for one of their Ginas right now..." Nick snickered.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Tony, embarrassed.

Staring out across Ocean street, the main street that ran the length of Collins Cove,
Nick noticed that Taste Buds was empty except for an older couple probably having a late brunch, and some guy who he'd never seen before but who looked sadly out of place.
Weird hat, funny suit, tie that didn't much match & shoes that were in desperate need of a shine.

"Hey Tony, check this joker out..." motioning in the mans direction.

*laughing* "What's that fool wearing? Heh, Back To The Future called dude, they want their suit back! HA!"
Nick started laughing too... "Yeah, let's go get that burger, I'm hungry too now that you mention it."

Tony put Jeff's belongings into a cardboard box that he had slightly hidden behind the drums.
Nick grabbed his keys so they could lock up, Tony grabbed his jacket & cell, checked his face in the mirror & out the door they went.
"You look fine by the way," Nick said as they were crossing the street, "she'll notice you today for sure."
"Shut UP Nick! You know it's not like that, she's just a nice girl, that's all. YOU should be as worried about how you look, for crying out loud have you seen your hair lately? You are in total need of a cut in case you hadn't noticed, and what's up with that 7:30 shadow? It's called a razor, ever hear of one?" Tony felt proud of himself for producing such a quick witted come back, which normally was not the case for him.
'Yeah yeah, shut it, let's just go eat, huh?" Nick knew he looked like crap, he'd seen himself in the mirror that morning, he was pale and his dirty blond hair was all mussed up & ruffled like he'd just rolled out of bed. He hadn't taken a razor to himself since hearing of Jeff... who could?
Everything was different now...

Collins Cove was a cute seaside town, with fun little shops and friendly people. Fancy houses that were younger than most of the high schoolers & some that were so old that they were part of the historical society & protected under it's strict guidelines.

It was a quiet town where every Monday morning, Gina opened the Taste Buds bright & early at 6am for the locals who were in desperate need of their morning cup'o'joe.
Her menu was simple, hearty meals for hearty people who were just happy to be up & headed to work to earn a living. Proud & loyal to whatever trade or skill they possessed.

Things like murders never happened here, ever.
Oh sure, accidents & such happen all the time, but that's life, shit happens.
But murders? Not here, not so much.
So when everyone heard the news of Jeff's death, people were all pretty shocked.
He was remembered at church, not that Nick went, but he heard from a friend who still went to Mass with his family every Sunday.
Nick never understood why, couldn't get on board with that whole religion thing but hey, to each his own.

Tony walked into the place first, letting the door hit Nick in the face, forgetting to hold it for him.
"Hey asshole, watch it!" Nick yelled to him.
"Sorry dude, my bad!" Tony replied, completely distracted.

"Hey Gina!" Tony had a huge smile on his face, his feelings for her hardly a mystery, everyone knew it, sadly, so did Gina, who didn't return his affection in a way he had hoped for.
Tony was a nice guy, a good guy, neither him nor Nick ever went to college, but they did both graduate the local high school back in 96'. Tony was a husky guy, carried most of his weight around the middle but not fat, per say. More of a football type, quarterback style, solid & rugged but just about the biggest teddy bear going. He lived on the outskirts of town with his large Italian family, four brothers & sisters, Tony being the fifth as well as the baby.
The weirdest thing was that they all still lived at home, home being a four family with each kid having his/her own apartment. Tony still living with Mom & Dad on the first floor.
He had a baby face & lots of dark black hair that he never understood wasn't as attractive as he thought, all slicked back. He was a jeans & sweatshirts type of guy who never could afford a half decent pair of shoes, always wearing those old sneakers that were begging to be thrown out but, according to his mother, just added to his character, thus never made it to the curb come trash day.

"Hey Tony! How you doing today? The usual?" she said with a smile.
"Nah, today me and Nick wanna have those beautiful double
deck er burgers you put together so perfectly!"

Shameful, the boy was shameful.... thought Nick.

"Hey Gina, how are you doing today?" Nick asked her.
Smiling big, Gina merely winked at him & said "Hanging in, my friend. Hanging in."
Gina turns around & aims her voice in the direction of the kitchen & yells:
"Hey Pops' two double deck ers for the guys!"
"Ok Gin, got it!" he yells back.

They each picked a stool at the bar.
"Coke's boys?" Gina asked them.
"Sure thing Gina, that would be great!" Tony answered.
"Yeah sure, Coke's fine..." Nick said while looking across the room at that man with the funny hat. "Hey Gina, who's the dude with the bad taste in hats?" he asked her.

"I don't know," she said, handing them their cokes, "he came in here like a half hour ago & hasn't ordered a thing. Just keeps wanting another refill on his water & scribbling things down on that pad of paper he's got.
Gina leans down to whisper to Nick, "he's also kinda talking to himself, every once in a while I see him bury his face into his arms & begin to talk but I can't figure out what he's saying."
She takes her dishcloth & pretends to be wiping down the counter.
"He's looked over here once or twice but other than that & shitty taste in clothes, not a clue who he is. I've honestly never seen him before." she said.

Nick took a sip of his Coke and played with the straw while he waited for his burger.
"So Gina," Tony asked, his voice squeaking a little, "got any plans for the weekend?"
his eyes wide, his face glowing, his hopes high.
"Uh, yeah, actually I do but nothing exciting. I gotta help out at home, promised my Pop." she lied.
"Aww that's too bad! I was going to ask if you wanted to go to a movie or something?" Tony's disappointment, although huge, was nowhere to be found... he hid it well.
"Thanks hon but really, you know how hard things have been, after my Ma passed & little Joey's away at school, it's kinda just me & Pop's holding down the fort, so I can't disappoint him." that much was true. Her mother passed away last summer from cancer. Found it in her lungs, inoperable, terminal & fast moving. She went from diagnosis to death in less than a week. Really hit her hard, but none harder hit than her father. Franky & Sonia were high school sweet hearts and never more than an arms length apart. Always held hands, truly so in love, everybody knew it. Even Gina, which is why she was still waiting, hoping, praying to find her very own love like that. A forever love, the kind that, even with death, never dies. It goes on living. To Gina, it was magic.

She looked up & smiled at Nick, "So, Nick... how are you holding up since, ah, well... since the whole Jeff thing?"
"I'm doin' ok Gina, I just still can't believe he's gone." Nick said.
"Yeah, I know. I can't believe it either." she admitted.
Gina's father called from the kitchen out back, "Hey Gin' ORDER'S UP!"
"Coming Pop! Those are your burgers, I'll be right back, ok?" Gina flung herself around & skipped out back to get the boys' food.
Tony reached over & whacked Nick on the arm, "She's cute today isn't she?" he asked with the excitement of a 4 year old on Christmas morning.
"Yeah, she's cute, but you seriously gotta chill man, you're gonna scare the poor girl!" Nick said with a doubtful shake of his head.
"Here you go boys, two double deck er's just for you." Gina returned from the kitchen and pushed Tony's burger down the counter towards him while making a point to not only hand Nick his, but keeping eye contact with him the whole time.
Nick shows her a smile, "Thanks Gina, they look great."
Gina smiling, merely winks again & responds with a simple yet powerful, "I know."

The whole time eating the guys just could not for the life of them figure out hat guy's deal.
"What's he doing over there? Talking to himself or what?" Tony asked, "Maybe he's crazy or something?"
"I'll tell you what's crazy, the fact that Jeff's dead, nobodies heard much of anything from Jess, the damn cops can't figure out who did it or if they know anything, they ain't talkin, and now this fool HAT man is just sitting around with the sole purpose of pissing me off." Nick was agitated now. "I'll be right back."

He hops down from his stool, leaving his half eaten burger on the counter and heads over to hat man's table.
"Excuse me sir, mind if I sit down?" he asks the odd stranger.
"No, not at all, please..." and he gestures towards the empty chair across from him.
"Name's Karl, Karl Peterson, and you are?" he asks Nick.
"I'm Nick, Nick Nucci," shaking hat mans hand. "Nice to meet you. Listen, I happened to notice that you're sitting here alone, I don't recall ever seeing you around these parts & I'm a regular and you just looked like you could use some company, so I figured I'd come say hi. Hope you don't mind." he lied hoping to find out some information on the guy.
"Oh no, not at all, in fact it's lucky you should come over here, you are exactly the man I was hoping to bump into, although I'll admit I didn't know quite what you looked like or where you lived so, I figured the safest bet to try and accidentally bump into you would be to hang out here until I saw you emerge from your studio, which clearly I've missed if you're approaching me from within the diner. haha" he chuckles but is clearly a tad bit embarrassed.

"Is that so?" Nick asks, "and what, if I might ask, is it that you want with me, Karl, Karl Peterson?"
"Well, story has it that your buddy Jeff was murdered this past Saturday night, and well, I work for The Grim, we're an independent publication printed locally but we hope to one day be world wide. We cover murders, suicides, anything grim & gory like that. My job is to get into the core of the story, find out the guts, ya know?" he sounded far too excited for his own good.
"Ah, actually I don't know. My close friend was just found dead in his apartment and you want to find out the 'guts' of the story? Listen man, I understand a guy's gotta make a living but seriously, I can't indulge you an interview, not like this, not now, possibly not ever. Understand?" Nick was pissed off. Who the hell was this joker thinking he could just come in here & ask to be told the 'guts' of a story that was A. none of his business and B. a NON story.

Nick, clearly annoyed & not interested in what hat man had to say, walked back to the bar & hoped up on his stool.

"You wanna know what that joker's here for? You wanna know what he just asked me, the bastard?" Nick was obviously worked up.
"Huh? What's that?" mumbled Tony, through a mouthful of burger.
"Jesus Tony, would you LISTEN for once in your life, please? I said, do you wanna know what
friggen hat man is here for?"
"Oh, stupid hat guy, what's his story?" Tony asked as he grabs another handful of fries.
"Well, that's just it, he doesn't really have a story but is clearly interested in ours. Says he's from some stupid publication called 'The Grim' which I've never heard of, and says he's here to interview ME! Can you believe that shit?"
"You? for what?" Tony takes another drink of his Coke.
"He says he wants to know the inside story, the guts of the why's & how's surrounding my friendship with Jeff. Can you believe the nerve of that asshole?"
Tony swallows his coke & says, "Wait a minute, why's he only here to interview you? Doesn't he know that I was Jeff's friend too? Doesn't he know the THREE of us were in a BAND?!"
"Jesus Christ Tony, is that all you can think of? You getting your due credit? You're unbelievable man..." Nick was disgusted with his friend, but not shocked.

"Well, what did you tell him?" Tony asks.
"I told him that, my friend just died, I'm trying to enjoy my lunch and that I'd appreciate if he left me alone. That I was not going to give him the satisfaction of an interview, not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Damn news hounds." Nick, clearly pissed, took a huge bite out of his now cold burger & chased it down with nearly all his coke.

The truth was, there really wasn't much of a story behind how Nick and Jeff became & remained friends. Nick, Jeff and Tony all met in grade school, kindergarten to be exact. They became friends how any other friendship does, at school.

They always were together, although most nights Tony wasn't allowed to go since he had a pretty huge family who not only still went to Sunday mass together but had faithful Sunday dinners that were a minimum of four courses plus coffee & dessert.

Mostly, it was Jeff & Nick who spent the majority of their weekend time together, filling Tony in on their adventures come Monday at School. Tony always jealous that he was unable to be a part of their fun.
They got older, had dreams of one day starting a band. High school came, they made their dream a reality and on a very local level, were celebrities in their own right.
Nick on acoustic, Jeff on Bass & Tony on drums.
They played high school dances, local restaurants, even church gatherings, although those were a bit trickier since their music leaned more towards the hard rock variety.
Jesus wasn't such a fan of 'Hard Rock Lovin' or 'Under the Stars, Under the Bleachers'. (both popular songs of theirs...)

Teenage years would prove to be the most difficult, as Jeff discovered he had a taste for alcohol, the hard kind. And Tony, a similar taste, but his vice of choice being food.
Nick, well Nick has his vice too but I'm pretty sure she didn't have a clue.

Weird hat Karl got up to leave but turned in their direction & walked up to Nick one last time, his hand out with a card between his fingers, "Nick, if you change your mind..." he said with a smile.
"Ah, thanks but, I won't." and refuses the card.
Karl leaves it on the counter, smiles at Gina turns to leave.
"See you later man, ah, my name was Tony, T-O-N-Y, Tony Vitale!"
Nick smacks Tony on the head, "Seriously man, you gotta cut that shit out..."

Early Signs Of Spring...?

*My favorite type of flower, thrives with lots of hugs & kisses*

I have to ask... *UPDATED*

...is no one even remotely curious
as to why I'm posting chapters of a book to the blog?

I really just find it odd
that now after having posted five chapters,
not one comment had been made
nor one question has been emailed my way.
Why is that, I wonder?

Are you all just not reading it cuz it's lengthy,
or are you all just waiting for a Ruby Photo shoot fix?

Thoughts, please?


***UPDATE***

Ok, I must confess that yes, I am writing a book.
I was hoping for you all to be my initial test audience
and to maybe get some unsolicited feedback
but shamelessly, when none appeared, I went fishing.
*grin*
It's not like I was hoping everyone would say 'oh yeah, we love it',
on the contrary, I like conflicting opinions, it helps keeps me on my toes & keeps the writing fresh.
The reality is, not everyone is going to be interested in
a murder mystery & oddly enough, I actually hate them.
LOL Go, figure.

It's just a story that's been banging around inside my head
& recently has gotten the better of me & consumed my thoughts,
so much so that I had to put it in writing & give it a life of it's own.
Literally every night while laying in bed waiting for sleep to come,
those characters would berate me with scenes,
scenarios,
things to write,
places to take the story,
it got to be so much I wasn't sleeping much.
Needless to say that now I'm sleeping like a baby
because the story is finally out of my head & starting it's journey to become a book.
I know, makes me sound like a crazy person but please just trust me when I say
that writing this story is more therapeutic than you think.
And NO I have never killed anyone, so before you ask, don't.

Just know that I'll try to also post pics of my Ruby,
truth is that although this book is consuming my head-
NOTHING ever consumes my world more than her.
Just that lately I've been forgetting to have my camera with me as often as I should.

I did take a pic of her yesterday,
as a flower,
as I'm sure you've already seen.

I must continue to write, so bear with me & if you're not interested in reading it,
I completely respect your right to not do so.
But please respect mine to post it.
*hugs* to all my readers,
without you, this blog would have far less life than it currently does.
I thank you for that.

-Amy & Ruby Cate

Chapter Five...

The officer looks up from his coffee and notices a woman approaching the cruiser.
"Must be the sister, she looks very much like that picture of the man they found dead." he says to his partner.
He rolls down his window.
"It's cold," he says to her, "Shouldn't you be inside?"
Jess smiles a friendly yet awkward smile at him, "Yeah, probably but for now my coat & this tea will have to do. I felt I should at least come out & let you know that we're ok in there... no worries."
"We're?" he says, "Meaning you & a miss Alice Tondreault?"
"Yes, me and Alice. I'm Jess, Jess Hathaway."
He looks up at her & half smiles, "I know who you are." he says.
Jess shot him a puzzled look, "Ah, ok, well we're fine by the way, but she's exhausted, got mugged last night & had her nose broken. She's sleeping right now & I'd kinda like to keep it that way if you don't mind. So, if it's all the same with you, if you've got something to ask, I'd rather you do so out here, ok?" Jess answers him.

"Of course miss Hathaway, whatever is easiest for you." the officer replied. "We really only have a couple of questions for you to be honest, our head detective tried you on your cell when we first caught wind of all this, but he wasn't able to reach you."
"Yeah, I had my cell off, " she said, "trying to save some battery..." she lied.

"Well, Miss Hathaway we just wanted to ask you when the last time you saw your brother was & how he was feeling? Was he in good spirits? Depressed? Did he ever use any recreational drugs, that type of thing."
"Drugs? No way, Jeff never touched drugs, not even cigarettes. He did drink though, sometimes a little heavier than I would've liked, but then again, I'm only his sister, not his keeper, you know?" Jess explained.
"Yes, we understand Miss Hathaway, but now let's get back to the last time you saw your brother, Jeff was it?"
"Yes," she suddenly felt a sting in her eyes & a welt starting to grow in the back of her throat, "his name was Jeff. Jeff Aaron Hathaway Jr. He was 28."
"Ok, so when exactly was the last time you and your brother spent time together?"

"Last week, we had gotten together to play some cards, UNO actually. Never was much for gambling so we settled on a friendly game of UNO. He's a sore loser, always has been." she smiled at the thought of their last game, how he tried to cheat & still ended up losing. It was endearing in a way.

"Ok, so you played a game of UNO with him. Did he, seem at all like he was not himself or that he had some things on his mind, was he paying attention to the game or did he seem to be wandering in & out maybe?" the officer prodded.

"Officer, with all due respect, I just told you that my brother never touched drugs, never smoked, drank occasionally, albeit a little too heavily for my tastes, and we only got together to play a friendly game of brother/sister UNO. I find it completely unnecessary for you to be assuming things about his current state of being at the time. We were playing UNO, not sharp shooting at cans out in a field, ok?"

"Ok, Miss Hathaway, my bad, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to understand how a perfectly healthy 28 year old man ends up dead on the floor of his kitchen covered in water with a substantial gash to the rear of his skull & bled to death without anyone seeing what happened, hearing what happened, or KNOWING what happened? Understand where I'm going with this?"

"I understand it completely officer, and I am pretty sure our conversation here is done. Enjoy your coffee & I'll ask you to please leave the premise once you're finished." Jess said in a snarky tone that let the officer know he had overstepped his boundary just a little too soon with her.

"Ma'am, with all due respect to you, it's a public street. We're free to sit here all day if we like, if it's all the same to you. You have a lovely day & enjoy that tea, k?" the officer replied through a smirk.

Jess frowned an agitated look at him & turned abruptly & walked back to Alice's apartment.
She had left the door unlocked so she easily let herself back in, closing and locking the door behind her.
She heard the whistle to the tea kettle start to howl, Alice was awake.
"Al? You up?" Jess called to her from the living room.
Alice turned the corner from the kitchen & sees her friend returning. "Where the hell did you go Jess? Please tell me you didn't go talk to the cops or those news reporters?!"
"Alice, calm down, I merely went across the street to tell those cops that they were wasting their time hanging around here. I told them that we were both fine, and we just wanted some peace & quiet in the wake of such a personal tragedy." she said.

"OH MY GOD JESS, what in the HELL were you thinking? I wanted them to think NOBODY was HOME!" Alice was yelling.
"Alice, don't be ridiculous, we can't hold up in here forever, come on! Eventually one or both of us would have to get up & walk out that front door. Let's be realistic, we do both work, remember those things called JOBS? We both have one, at least we both did before we played hookie today. I didn't even call the office to let them know I wouldn't be coming in." Jess said.

"Jess, honest to God, it was all over the NEWS! You don't think those ding dongs down at your office can put two & two together?" Alice was snapping at her now.

"First of all, STOP snapping at me, I am your friend remember? Second of all, they're NOT ding dongs, they're fine decent human beings who I happen to enjoy working with. Just because you were never conventional in your choice of job doesn't mean that I should be made to feel bad because I am, ok?" Jess was starting to lose her patience, and why was Alice so jumpy anyways? Jess knew she couldn't understand what it must've felt like to be jumped as she'd never lived through such an experience, but honestly, it wasn't HER who had jumped Alice, so why all the hostility?
Alice could tell that she had hurt her friends feelings, she really needed to get her emotions in check and fast. "I'm sorry Jess, I am just still not myself. I just can't believe he's gone. So, tell me... what did the cops even say to you?" she was nervous for what the answer might be.
"Nothing, really. Just wanted to know when the last time I saw my brother was & what type of mood he was in. Was he depressed or agitated, happy or sad, that type of stuff." she replied.

"So that's it? They didn't ask you if you saw him Saturday night?" Alice was biting her bottom lip, another nervous habit.
"No Alice, I just told you that they asked when I last saw him, they didn't ask specifically if I had seen him Saturday night, my telling them that I had seen him last during the week kind of answers that for them, don't you think?"

"Oh, yeah... sorry. So that's it? They didn't say anything more?" Alice asked.
"No, I just told them that we'd like to be left alone to work through our pain & that they should probably take their donut party elsewhere, to which they responded with them being within their rights to sit out there & enjoy their coffee & donuts because it was a public street... and then he shot me a cocky grin & rolled up his window. Then I just came back in here to be yelled at by you." Jess said.

Trying to change the tone of the room, Alice asked,
"So, have you heard anything from the funeral home? Which one is it that you used for your parents? Dooley & Howe? Or was it Campbell's, it's been so long forgive me I forget." Alice was embarrassed that she didn't recall this bit of their history.

"It's ok, it was a long time ago, and it was Campbell's, they're very nice people, family owned for over 100 years now." Jess said.
"Imagine that," Alice thought, "over 100 years of a family owned funeral business. Can't even imagine how hard that must be when they have to bury one of their own." She shuddered at the thought. "So, how do we go about arranging everything?" Alice felt bad now for snapping at her. It wasn't just a boyfriend who was gone, it was more importantly a brother, Jess's brother, and Alice felt all the worse for that fact alone.

"I'll give them a call after lunch, nobody will be there right now..." Jess replied with her eyes closed.
"Nobody will be there? What, you mean funeral homes take lunch breaks too?" Alice said.
"I don't know Alice," Jess's eyes were still closed shut & she was shaking her head back & forth slightly, "I just don't want to think about it right now ok? I'd rather call a little bit later & we'll figure it all out then. Right now, I just want to get something to eat, I'm starving... aren't you? I mean we haven't had much to eat in the last 24 hours and I don't know about you but I KNOW that one bite out of a stale Nilla wafer does NOT count as breakfast."
Alice smiled, a warm genuine smile, "You're right my friend, let's get some lunch, ok?"
"I'd like that very much," Jess smiled back at her friend & reached out for a hug.
The two held each other a little longer than normal for this hug. Both of them terrified of the days to come, the process that was inevitably inescapable and the uncertainty of their lives without Jeff.
"Let's get going," Alice said to Jess, and took her by the hand, "I know just the place..."

They got their coats and hats, put on their boots & Alice grabbed her house keys & out the door they went... the only thing on their minds, for the time being at least, was a nice hot meal.
The rest will come, that much they knew, but there's no rule that says you have to be sad AND hungry. Wasn't one of those emotions enough to bear at a time?

Chapter Four...

Jess turns down her TV & picks up her phone. This is the first time she hasn't called me back?She ALWAYS returns my calls, what's wrong with her tonight? She thought to herself. She hears the ringing until the machine picks up;
~Hey, it's Alice... you know what to do.~
*beep*
" Alice, listen I won't call again cuz I know you're probably out doing something but seriously, it's not like you not to call me back, so..." but before she could finish leaving her message, she heard someone pounding LOUDLY on her apartment door.
What in the world?! Jess turned around abruptly and called out "Who is it?"
no answer.
The pounding just got louder & louder...
"HELLO???"
No answer, just pounding so loud that now her head was starting to hurt... almost as if someone was knocking on it!

"HELLO, JESS! WAKE UP!" Alice, tapping on Jess's forehead to get her attention, was shouting at her friend in a panic.
"Wake up Jess, holy shit, there's a news crew & fucking cops outside my house!" Alice startled her, rousing her from her dream.
"What? I must've been dreaming, I thought I was just calling you & then this pounding and, wait... what's going on? A news what?"
"OH MY GOD JESS, A FUCKING NEWS CREW AND GOD DAMNED COPS! WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO? WHY ARE THEY HERE?!" Alice panicked

"I don't know, we answer the door?" Jess hesitantly replied.
"ANSWER THE DOOR? ANSWER THE FUCKING DOOR? ARE YOU INSANE? NO WAY IN HELL ARE THEY COMING IN HERE!" Alice snapped.
Jess looking a little taken aback said, "Ok, ok... so we just lay here quietly until they go away, right? I mean they can't sit out there forever. We'll just wait it out, but if you go on shouting like that they're going to KNOW we're here, so let's be quiet, ok Alice?"

Alice shaking & beginning to sweat a little says, "Yeah, ok you're right, we'll just be quiet, they'll go soon, ok fine, quiet..."
"Alice," Jess asks, "why are you so wound up about this? It's not like we did anything wrong, they're probably just coming here because you were his girlfriend & everyone knows we're best friends & maybe they went to my place first & when they didn't find me, just assumed that we'd both be here. You know how the news is, they interview anyone for a damn story..."

"Ok, you're right, I mean, I just don't think it makes sense to be showing up here without calling first, I mean, it's the friggen news ya know? Don't they call first?" Alice still in panic mode was sputtering out sentence fragments & not making much sense, she knew it.

"Alice, it's ok... probably one of the guys from his band gave them your info. Heck it's not like they don't know you like a sister at this point, you've been to every one of their practices faithfully for years now, right?" Jess told her.
"Yeah, you're right, I have gone to nearly every practice, only missed that one in senior year of high school when I had mono." Alice remembered.

"Right, so see, they probably are just here to interview you to see what you know about what happened. If you were with him or heard from him etc..." Jess explained.
"I WASN'T WITH HIM!" Alice jumped at her, "I TOLD YOU I WENT TO THE STORE TO PICK UP A FEW THINGS & GOT ATTACKED, REMEMBER?" pointing to her busted up nose with a shaky hand, Alice tries to remind her friend of the events of last night.
"Alice, calm down, it's ok... I'm your friend, remember? I know you weren't with him, but all I'm saying is, that they don't & they probably just want to ask you a few things to clear the air, no big deal, right?" Jess tries to calm her friend.

"Right, ok right... no big deal, just clearing the air." Alice crawls back into bed next to her friend & pulls the covers up over her head. "I'm just going to hide here for a while until they go away, ok? Just until they go away..."

Jess reached her arm over to her friend & began gently rubbing her back, "It's ok hon, yes, until they go away, we can just curl up here & keep warm, alright?"

Alice's house was frozen to the core, turning the heat up to 68 the night before didn't help much. Another thing to call the damn landlord about. "This place sucks" she said out loud. "I hate my apartment, and my landlord!"
Alice's toes were frozen and Jess was too for that matter.
"How come it's always so damn cold in here anyway?" Jess started to get up out of the bed to go see what was up with the thermostat, when Alice reached over & grabbed hold of her friends arm, tight, "Don't GO!" Alice begged, "stay here please? We can keep each other warm for now & anyway, they might see you, I just want them to go away, please, you stay, ok?"
Jess returned to her warm spot on the mattress, "Ok Alice, I'll stay. Let's get back to that nap we were trying to have before all this commotion woke us up, ok?"
Jess curled up next to Alice in a spooning position & then wrapped her left arm up & over Alice's shoulders & chest. Alice reached up to grab Jess's hand & hold it tight."
"Don't ever leave me Jess, promise?" she whispered.
"I promise..." Jess said, "Now let's just get some sleep."

Alice fell into a deep sleep almost immediately, but Jess wasn't tired at all. She waited until she was sure Alice was out cold & got up to go check the thermostat & put some water on for tea.
She noticed that the camera crews had gone but that the cruisers were still parked outside across the street.
She upped the temp to 72 and went into the kitchen to put some water on the stove.

Walking to the front door, she peeked outside, noticing the cops sitting in their cruiser, enjoying what looked to be a doughnut & some coffee.
Jess smiled & shook her head a little, "Cops & Dunkin Donuts" she laughed a little to herself at the thought of it. "Typical..."

She quietly shut the door to Alice's bedroom & walked over to the couch, grabbed the remote & turned on the TV;
"Sources tell us that people are home at 132 linden street, but that nobody is answering the door. Police officers are staked out waiting for any signs of life so that they may begin questioning..."
"Jesus," Jess thought, "Do they think Alice hand a hand in this? My God."

The kettle started to whistle & Jess jumped up to quiet it before it woke Alice. She poured herself a cup & headed back to the couch to continue watching the news.
"...band members, Tony Vitale and Nick Nucci said they didn't think anything was off Friday night with their friend Jeff, just business as usual for the band & their regular Friday night practice sessions. The band, known as Krackdown, has been together for years and has been playing locally now for over five." Jess listened as the newscaster continued her story; "James Macavoy, the owner of the building where the band rents it's space from, said that he's not had any trouble with them in the six years they've been renting from him."
"Those boys were good people, loud, but good. Never late on the rent & always in good spirits, but did I mention LOUD? Never did much care for that type of music, but hey, they paid on time, I don't question, you know?" mister Macavoy told the reporter.

Jess sipped her tea, piping hot & hurt going down, just the way she liked it.
She grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch & pulled it over her legs.
She remembered then her cell phone, which had been turned off nearly 24 hours now, after first learning of her brothers death.
Walking over to her jacket, she pulled the phone out from her pocket & turned it on.
"Ugh, nearly dead, hopefully enough charge to check the messages at least," she thought.
She called into her messages & heard, "You have three new messages..."
she held the phone up to her ear, hearing the first one, "
"Miss Hathaway, this is detective Bianchi from the Collins Cove police dept. We'd just like to ask you a couple of questions concerning your brother's whereabouts on the night of Saturday January 6Th. We'd appreciate a call back as soon as possible, we really need to talk with you, thanks." *click*

Well she knew that was coming, of course they'd go to her first, she was his sister after all, it makes sense to go to family first... only too bad she didn't know much about what her brother was doing Saturday night. She didn't talk to him as much as she'd like after he started the drinking. They used to be so close, but lately she just kinda kept tabs on him through Alice, she figured, if Alice was with him, then he's ok, and left it at that.

"Received Sunday January 7th, at 10:17am; "Hey Jess, you there? What the hell happened? We just SAW Jeff Friday night! Me & Tony hung with him all Friday but then he never showed up for practice last night, I don't understand how he's fucking dead now?! Call us back ok? We're freaking out ova' here!" click.
Nick sounded just as horrified as Jess felt over this whole thing.
Last message,"Received Sunday, January 7Th, at 10:31am; "

"Jess, hey listen, it's me again... Tony just told me to call you & tell you that we'll keep all of Jeff's things safe for you until you want them. His guitar, his lucky pic, he even has a couple of friggen shirts over here can you believe that? Oh, and maybe we could like, kinda keep one of the shirts, for old times sake? Let us know, call us when you can ok? We know you must be as freaked out as we are! We love ya Jess!" *click*

Nick & Tony are good guys. Been friends with Jeff ever since grade school. Even way back then they all used to 'talk' of one day starting their own band, who knew they'd ever actually do it.
Not that they were headed to Hollywood anytime soon, they weren't 'that' good but, they were good enough to entertain a small Massachusetts town all these many years & people loved them for that.

Jess gets up from the couch & heads over to the door again, it's now nearly 12:00pm on, what day is it now? Monday? Yeah, it's Monday the 8Th. Christ, what happened to the weekend? she thought to herself. It's all still just a big fat ugly dream to her.
Not having any idea how long those news crew people stayed outside the house, she knew one thing, those cops weren't going anywhere anytime soon. Eventually someone was going to have to talk to them, and seeing as how Alice is finally peacefully resting, and she WAS his sister after all, she should be the one to go out & talk to them.
She put her tea down on the mail table by the door & slowly opened the door letting in the bright sunlight. The air was freezing and the reflection of the sun on the leftover snow on the ground, nearly blinded her! She threw on her coat, grabbed her tea again & head out the door & across the street in the direction of the cruiser...

Chapter Three...

In the back round, sounds from the newscast echo through her living room.
"Turn that off," Jess says in a whisper, "I can't process any more of that right now..."
Alice walks towards the couch, picks up the remote & clicks the TV off.

"Does your family know?" asked Alice.
"I don't know, I don't talk to my uncle much & my cousins live out of state, all three of them going to different Schools."
"And what about your aunt, what was her name... Jude was it?"
"June actually, and no, I haven't talked to her since she ran out on my uncle all those years back. Left him to be a single dad to three kids, not much of an aunt, never mind a mother. If you ask me, the woman was a tramp. Setting these really fantastic examples left & right, NOT!
Man, if my parents were still alive to see all this, they'd be so disappointed. As it is they're probably turning over in their graves!" Jess seemed exhausted at just the thought of her very dysfunctional family. How it is that she turned out ok, is truly a miracle.

"Jess, do you think there's a Heaven?"
Jess turned slightly towards Alice, half smiled through tears & said, "I like to think there is."
Alice smiled at her friend, "Do you think that they're all together now? Your parents & Jeff?"
"I believe they are." Jess said, with a heavy heart.

Jess took a deep breath & said, "It's funny how life can change on a dime. One minute you're discussing what you're going to wear to the party Saturday night & who at your work is dating who & are you going to get that promotion or get passed over again for someone else, etc...
and the next?
Boom.
Nothing.
Sad isn't it?"
Alice thought it was sad, but what was even worse was that the saddest part of all
was that she couldn't tell her best friend the truth.
She had always prided herself on being honest.
Never cheated in school, never stolen anything, always walked the straight & narrow.
Never got into trouble of any sort ever.
Never even cheated once on Jeff, never could. She loved him too much. Oh it wasn't for a lack of opportunities mind you, there was that time at Kevin Baker's party that Mark White hit on her. Oh, it felt nice to be noticed by someone other than Jeff. Exciting even... but deep down she knew she'd never do a thing to hurt Jeff. He was her soul mate, her childhood sweetheart.
But, she'd be lying if she said that a small part of her, deep down in the core of her gut, didn't at least allow herself the pleasure of imagining what it would be like.
Oh, Mark wasn't too upset, he ended up being the type of boy who you'd classify a 'player'. He loved the ladies & the ladies loved him.
It was nice to imagine though, if only for that small slice of time that one night way back when.
Truth is, Jeff was her one & only. She never dated anyone before him or after him.
Well, really there wasn't an 'after him'... until now.


"Maybe that was it, I loved him TOO much. It wasn't a healthy kind of love." Alice was thinking out loud to herself again, she hated when she did that & didn't even know she was doing it.
"What?" asked Jess, "You say something Al?"
Alice was quick to answer, "oh, nothing... sorry just talking to myself again, you know I always do that."

Scared she'd given herself away, Alice prayed for a distraction; "Hey Jess, how about I make you the tea this time, k? But no more Nilla wafers, they were totally gross."

Jess smiled, "Yeah they were stale weren't they? Ok, sure tea will be fine. Black please."
Alice never understood how Jess could drink black tea.
Black tea with sugar she understood, tea with sugar & cream, she adored, but just plain old black tea with nothing? Alice could never get on board for that one, even with a box full of GOOD Nilla wafers to be enjoyed, tea still needed sugar in her opinion.

She made her way into the kitchen to put the kettle on & Jess mentioned wanting to go freshen up a bit and headed into Alice's bathroom.
Alice rummaged through the kitchen to see what she could offer her friend to go along with her tea... "nothing here, hmmm graham crackers? I wonder how old these are, oh never mind, probably just as sketchy as those cookies. I really need to go shopping" she thought to herself.

"Hey Al, what's this?" Jess called from the bathroom.
Alice turned the corner to see Jess standing there with the wet blood stained shirt in her hands.
Jess, slightly startled as she'd completely forgotten that she'd left it to soak... "Oh, that's my stupid shirt from last night, I bled a little on it from the nose thing, I was hoping soaking it in cold water would do the trick, guess I was wrong."
Alice's heart was racing, but it's feasible right? I mean her nose DID get broken, that blood most definitely was hers, wasn't it?

"Well, I just needed to wash my face & hands a bit, I can put it back after, in some fresh cold water if it's ok, but for now can I just hang it over the shower curtain?"
"Sure," Alice said, "no problem."

The whistle on the tea came to a scream letting everyone know of it's status.
"Water's ready!" yelled Alice in the direction of the bathroom.
"What's this?" Jess emerged from Alice's bathroom holding a white rose petal in her fingers.
"Oh, that?" Alice couldn't think of a way to talk herself out of the roses so she did the best she could on such short demand, she conjured up some tears, realistic ones, and said; "that is what's left of the rose I got for Jeff. I was saving it to give to him today, but this morning when I heard the news on the TV, I collapsed, ripped the rose apart, flushed all the petals. Guess I didn't get them all..." she said.
"When did you get it?" Jess asked in such a genuine way, that Alice's insides were SCREAMING AT HER not to LIE to her friend AGAIN! Sadly, her plea fell on deaf insides.

"Oh, you know they sell them by the singles at the convenient store. It was the one thing I managed to make back to the apartment with after the nose incident..." Alice said.

Jess, content with her answer, half smiled & said; "Jeff would've loved it."

Alice poured the water into the cups & sat down with her friend & slowly prepared her drink while watching her friend sip the scalding hot tea one painfully unsweetened swallow at a time.

"I can't go into work today, I can't even function never mind work." Jess said.
"Yeah," Alice replied, "me too..."

"You know, that house up in Maine, the one my parents left us, I guess it's mine now and since I can't even think about dealing with all this stuff, the wake, the funeral, the burial etc, would you..." Jess trailed off feeling guilty that she was even attempting to suggest such a thing the morning of finding out her brother was murdered.
"What is it Jess? Would I what?" Alice asked her.
"Well, I mean I 'have' to stay to deal with all this, tie up all the loose ends... but once it's all over & done with, do you think you could take some vacation days from work & just go up there with me? It's the one place I always felt closest to my parents & now, it's only fitting that it should be the place I want to run to after all this."

Alice thought, sure... she's got some vacation time coming to her, after all, she never goes anywhere so who uses vacation time they don't need for a trip they never take?
"Sure Jess," Alice smiled, "I'd love to."

Jess, still very shaken & probably mostly in shock, smiled back & reached her hand across the table to hold Alice's.
"You're a good friend Alice, you're my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Alice smiled, and deep down she knew she wouldn't know what to do without Jess either.
They were best friends, this much is true...
but tonight, Alice felt more like a stranger.

"You know, you'd think I'd be crying more, right? I mean, he was my brother for crying out loud. What the heck is wrong with me Al? Why aren't I inconsolable right now? Most sisters would be... maybe I have something wrong with me."

"No, Jess, you don't have anything wrong with you..." Alice said.
"Don't you remember studying about this in High School? The five stages of grief?"
"Oh, yeah, what were they again?" Jess couldn't remember.

"denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance." Alice proudly responded. Weird, how in the hell did she still remember that all these years later?

Jess was calculating something in her mind, "Ok, so if this is denial, how long is it gonna last? And anger?Angry at who? They don't even know who did it! How am I supposed to get angry with someone I don't know?!"
Jess seemed to be becoming a little agitated at the thought of all this, so Alice chose to try & lighten the mood.
"Hey Jess, you want me to see if I actually have something in the house that isn't stale?"
Jess smiled, "Nah, that's ok... the tea is fine. I'm really not all that hungry." she said.

"You know," Alice said, "I remember something else from that death class we took. Something about true grieving only begins where the 5 Stages of "Grief" leave off."
"Huh?" asked Jess, "so there's more to this grieving than just five stages?"
"Yeah, you're supposed to remember it by saying the word TEAR." said Alice.
"Ok, Al, you've totally lost me. What about the word TEAR?"

"Well," Alice explained, "TEAR is an acronym, it stands for:
T = To accept the reality your loss
E = Experience the pain of your loss
A = Adjust to the new environment without your loved one
R = Reinvest in the new reality that is your life without this person."

"Jesus Al, how in the hell do you REMEMBER all that stuff?" Jess asked with surprise.
"Eh, I dunno, a wealth of useless information I guess..." said Alice.
"Not useless this time," said Jess, "not useless this time..."

"So, what are you going to do? I mean, has anyone called you yet? The police, the news reporters, I mean you are his closest living relative, you'd think that someone would've called you by now, right?" asked Alice.
"I shut my cell phone off, I can't deal with that right now, I just can't." Jess said.
"See," Alice pointed out, "denial, it's the first stage..."
"Ok, ok Al, I get it, I'm grieving... I just wish I could crawl under a rock & forget this day ever happened. Is there anything in your death stuff about rocks?" Jess's eyes were filling up again and Alice knew that she needed to rest. Both of them did actually.

"Jess sweetie," Alice placed her hand gently on Jess's shoulder, "you think maybe we both need to just curl up & shut our eyes for a while? Shut out the outside world, even if just for an hour or so?"

Jess allowed a few tears to overflow from her eyes, "Yeah, I'd like that..." she said.

Alice finished her tea & Jess did the same. They both headed for the bedroom & Jess kicked off her shoes. Alice pulled out a couple of extra pillows from the closet & tossed them on the other side of the bed for Jess.
"You mind cuddling with an old friend?" Alice asked her.
Crying now, Jess merely threw her arms around Alice & sobbed into her hair, "I'd love it." she said.

They both curled up under Alice's big fluffy down comforter, (God bless L.L.Bean)
& although she had just taken off her shoes & still had her socks on,
Jess's feet were like ice.

"Hey chilly," Alice said, "Keep your frosty paws on your side, will ya?!"
Jess smiled through her tears & Alice thought she heard even a faint chuckle.
"Was that laughter I heard?" Alice asked her.
"Al," Jess spoke in barely a whisper...
"Yes?" Alice asked.
"I love you, thank you for, well... just thank you."
Alice wrapped herself up around Jess like a human pretzel.
"Friend, it's my pleasure." she said.
Both girls were emotionally drained & fell to sleep almost immediately.
As they drifted off, a news crew was setting up outside Alice's apartment,
along with a couple of police cruisers...

Chapter Two...

Hovering over her, ceramic vase in hand, was Jeff.
" OH MY GOD, JEFF! WHAT ARE...?" but before she could get her sentence out, he took a swing at her with that heavy vase that less than twenty four hours ago held her white roses he got her.
"JESUS CHRIST!" she screamed as she ducked to get out of the path of the vase. "WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" she screamed!
"Think you're just going to kill me and get away with it? I loved you Alice!" he said as he swung at her again with the vase. "I have loved you since we were KIDS!" swinging again & missing.
(he must still be drunk)
"OH MY GOD JEFF, STOP TRYING TO HIT ME WITH THAT DAMNED THING! CAN'T YOU JUST SIT DOWN SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS?"
Jeff tripped over his untied shoe laces & fell to the floor, as he landed face down, Alice could see the back of his head open, a gaping wound still fresh from where she'd hit him.
"Wait a minute..." she thought out loud, "How the hell can you even be walking if you've got that hole in the back of your head?!"
Jeff stood up & when he turned around to face her, it was Jess looking her dead in the face; "Why did you have to do it Alice? Why did you hit him like that? You killed him you know... he's dead."
*gasping for breath* Alice leaped out of bed only to find she'd been having a terrible nightmare.
"HOLY SHIT!" she thought, shaking like a leaf.
She ran to the bathroom to check her face in the mirror, yep... still broken.
"Shit, last night wasn't a dream then, it really did happen."
Running to the living room she put on her TV to the news:

'And now this breaking news story, a 28 year old man was found dead in his apartment early this morning by friends who said he hadn't shown up for band practice. Jeff Hathaway of Collins Cove was found with a 4inch abrasion to the back of his skull, on his kitchen floor and apparently died of massive blood loss. We'll have more to come on this story as it becomes available...'

Holding her hand up to her mouth, she knew she wasn't dreaming any longer.
Jeff had died, that blow to the head had killed him for real.
"Oh My GOD, what have I DONE?!" she screamed.
She looked around her apartment, Jess was nowhere to be found.
Just then, as if reading her mind, the phone rang...
"Hello," Alice answered, her whole body shaking.
"OH MY GOD ALICE, ARE YOU WATCHING THE NEWS?!!"
Jess was sobbing into the phone.
"JESUS CHRIST ALICE, DID YOU SEE?! IT'S JEFF! IT'S JEFF, HE'S DEAD!"

Alice, dumbfounded & speechless just stood there frozen.
She nodded her head as if Jess could see her agreeing that yes, she had seen.
"Wait a minute, Jess, what are you doing home? I thought you were going to spend the night here last night?" Alice questioned.

"ALICE! OH MY GOD, MY BROTHER! WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED?!" she screams into the phone. "I left once you were sound asleep, figured I'd give you your space & came back home but MY GOD ALICE! MY BROTHER IS DEAD!"

Alice musters up the courage to try to console her friend; "Jess, of course you left, makes perfect sense, and yes, I saw it & I'm so sorry! I don't know what to say! Makes my stupid broken nose seem like a non issue now huh?"
Jess continues to merely sob into the phone,
clearly unable to be consoled at the news of her brother's murder.
"Jess, you want me to come over?" Alice asks.
"No, I can't stay here, I'm coming there, ok? I should've never left in the first place!" Jess answers.
"Of course you can come back, I want you here Jess..."
*click*
Jess hangs up without saying another word.
Alice's head is now racing.
Oh My God, do they have any evidence? Were there any fingerprints to be found? The night happened so fast she can't even remember it now.
She tries to replay the nights events in her head before Jess comes over so that, should she have to confess, she'll have everything straight in her mind.

"Ok, Ok Alice, get your wits about you... try & remember, Ok so this is how it happened..." she thought out loud to herself, talking herself through it step by step.
"The phone rang at around 8pm, I was just about getting ready to shower & hit the hay when Jeff called to say he needed me, that he'd had a rough practice with the guys & had something special he wanted to give me." She thought out loud. "Yes, that's right, so I threw on my jeans & sweater, pulled my socks & boots on, grabbed my coat, hat, scarf & gloves & headed out the door, car keys in hand." She thinks harder, trying to delve deeper into the events of last night.
" I got over to his place around 8:25 and he was already half in the bag draped over his couch like a slug. His eyes at half mast his speech slurred.
"I knocked on the door & he responded with a loud "COME ON IN!" from the comfort of his warm spot on the couch. The TV was blaring, something on VH1 or MTV Alice figured.
"Jeff, can we turn this down a bit? It's kinda loud."
Alice reached for the remote when Jeff quickly reached out & grabbed her hand tight & looked her dead in the eyes; "Don't!" he firmly said, putting pressure around her wrist as he held her arm tight.
She was scared, she HATED when he drank.
He let go of her arm with a jerk & laughed. "Aw Alice, you know I'm just kidding, c'mere!"
He reached up for her, grabbed her & pulled her down on top of him, his arms groping her, his face worn, his breath awful & sour smelling. "
(He probably had already vomited once if not twice already.)
"Jeff, you're hurting me..." Alice said with a touch of fear in her voice.
Fear that she was certain he could smell from miles away like a dog.
He shot her a disapproving look, an angry one... "Well Fuck it Alice, never mind. I was just trying to give you a HUG for Christ's sake!"
Jeff pulled away from her & got up off the couch. His pants were undone, the button open & the fly only half zipped.
His boots were undone but not off, his face unshaven.
He looked bad.
He turned to her & said "Hey, you want a drink?" with a smile across his face.
Alice looked & tried to smile & said "Thanks Jeff but honestly, I'm good." hoping that if he saw that she was good, that maybe he'd be as well?
Not so much... Jeff says " well in that case, I'll have TWO! One for me and one for YOU! Heh, heh, I'm a poet & didn't know it! ha ha!"
Sadly, even drunk his jokes weren't funny.

Jeff, don't you think you've had enough for one night? Come on, come in here & let's talk, you called me over to give me something special you said... so what is it? I'm just so excited & curious as to what it could be?!"
Trying to redirect his attention from the alcohol to her foolish gift he'd said he had for her, Alice did her best to act excited when really inside she was terrified.
At that moment she'd rather be anywhere but in his house with him.
From the doorway to the kitchen, Jeff turned & looked at her & said, "it's in here, come see!"
"Well hold on a second," Alice said, " I haven't even taken off my coat or hat or gloves or anything yet!"
"No, No, No, fuck that stuff, keep it on, just get in here, that shit can come off later! Come see what I have baby!" Jeff replies excitedly, "HURRY! YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT!"

Alice walks into the kitchen still fully dressed from the cold air outside, and finds on the counter a large ceramic vase filled with a dozen white roses, with a little card that read;
-To my favorite girl. Love you forever, Me.-

She smiled as she looked at the sweet gesture. "They're beautiful, Jeff."
"Well, aren't you going to SAY anything?" he said, annoyed.
"Ah, I just said they're beautiful..." she replied.
"It's called T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U! You might want to try it sometime!"
Frowning her eyebrows, she shot him a look & said "Jeff, I just said they're beautiful, what did you think that MEANT? It means, that the flowers are beautiful, I love them so much, THANK YOU!" frustrated she knew she was losing her cool with him, she had to think smarter or she knew what the rest of the night would hold for her.

"Well Jesus Christ Alice, I'm not a fucking mind reader! If you mean that shit, then you should SAY that shit, OK?!"
Jeff, took the flowers roughly pushing them in her direction.
Hesitantly, she took the vase & tried to feign a smile.
"I'll take them home with me tonight & put them on my kitchen table, they'll look lovely."
"The flowers stay here, because YOU'RE staying here. Don't you remember I told you I NEED you tonight, Alice."
Alice was scared now, she didn't want to spend the night with him, she didn't even want to be spending five minutes with him when he's like this.
"Jeff, I'm here right now but I can't stay tonight, I have a very busy day tomorrow and need a good night's sleep."
"YOU DON'T SLEEP GOOD WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING SAYING?"
"No, Jeff, that's not what I'm saying, I love being with you, you know that. But, we don't usually get a lot of 'SLEEPING done, if you know what I mean. Tonight is just one of those nights that I really need a full 8 hours, ok? But I'm here now, so why don't we go curl up on the couch & talk."
"TALK, TALK, TALK, THAT'S ALL YOU WOMEN WANT TO DO IS TALK, WELL FUCK THAT! I WANT YOU HERE, IN MY BED, WITH ME, AND DAMN IT YOU'RE GOING TO STAY!"
Scared and angry now, Alice turned to him & stood her ground, although all the while knowing what a mistake it was going to be to do so.
"Jeff, I am going home. If you don't want to talk & you're just going to shout at me I'm leaving. I'll call you in the morning." Alice turned to head for the door when she felt a strong whack across her shoulder blades & a firm hand, like a vice, on her shoulder whipping her around.
"I SAID YOU'LL BE STAYING HERE!"
"And I said I am GOING HOME JEFF!"
She tried to get away from him, but he whipped his other arm around & punched her in the nose, breaking it.
"THERE, NOW SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! DAMN BITCH!"
Alice reached up to touch her nose, it felt warm & wet. He'd broken it...

"DON'T YOU EVER HIT ME AGAIN JEFF, DO YOU HEAR ME!"
As she's saying these words, Jeff reached behind him for what Alice could only assume was one of the knives from the butcher block.
Afraid for her life, Alice picked up the vase & lunged at him full force, smashing him on the back of the head, shattering the vase & knocking him unconscious.
His drunken form fell to the floor and lay motionless.

"OH MY GOD, JEFF?! JEFF?!" she reached over to shake his shoulders a bit, perhaps he'd come to... but nothing. No response.

Terrified & scared for her life, Alice scrambled to rescue the roses from the floor, remembering to grab the card as well & ran to get her keys & head to the car.
On the drive home, she tossed each rose out the window one at a time and then shredded the card into confetti & tossing that out as well.

Then she got home, shaken & alive with fear, & then Jess called & we're back to right now.

"Oh My God, RIGHT NOW, Jess is coming over! SHIT!" Alice remembered the whole reason for her frightening trip down memory lane, to be sure she had the facts straight before Jess got there.
Oh My God, what was she going to say to her? How could she POSSIBLY lie to her about THIS? She couldn't, she wouldn't... but Oh My God she just HAD to!

Alice pulled on her slippers & tightened her robe.
What would Jess ask her? Does she suspect anything?
"Holy shit how am I ever going to get out of THIS one?" she thought.

Just then, a knock at the door; Jess.
"OH MY GOD ALICE!" Jess throws her arms around Alice & holds her tight as she's sobbing into he robe. Alice tried to seem saddened by the whole thing as well, and truly deep down she knows she probably was, but the shock of it all hadn't worn off yet so it was hard to produce any tears to speak of.

"Jess, I can't even BELIEVE it!" Alice said as she hugged her friend tighter.

"ALICE, OH MY GOD, AND TO THINK I WAS JUST TRASHING HIM LAST NIGHT QUESTIONING HIS WHEREABOUTS WHEN YOU WERE BEING MUGGED!"
Alice nervous as to what Jess might say next, held her breath for the moment...
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WHILE YOU WERE BEING ATTACKED, SOMEONE WAS ATTACKING MY BROTHER!"

There, she said it... hearing those words come from her lips stung a little.
Jeff was her brother. Jeffery & Jessica Hathaway, those two new neighbors in the little yellow house across the street, those many years ago.
One became my best friend, the other... my boyfriend.

Alice just stood there holding Jess tight, afraid to let go. Afraid that once she did that, she'd have to look her in the eyes. Look at her best friend knowing that it was at her hands that her brother suffered such a fate. But if she only knew the events leading up to that moment in time.
All the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, the fighting, the hitting, the punching, the drinking, the humiliation, etc...
No, it didn't matter, it wouldn't matter... Jess was his Sister, he was her BROTHER! How do you forgive someone for murdering your own flesh & blood, REGARDLESS of the circumstances?
You don't... you just don't.
"Alice, I'm so sorry he's gone, I know you loved him too..." Jess squeaked into Alice's shoulder.
Alice, squeezing Jess a little tighter, whispered back, "I did, I loved him very much..."
and just at that moment, one big fat tear escaped the corner of her eye & traveled down her swollen, bruised cheek.

Chapter One...

Alice clutched a corner of the pillow tightly in her hands. They were shaking.
"What have I done?!" she thought.
The room was cold, she felt like ice, frozen in time.
She walked over to the thermostat & turned the heat up to 68, hoping it would kick in soon.

Why had she gone over? Why did he have that type of hold on her? She answered every pathetic call of his, every demand met, every unreasonable notion, not her own... yet still followed to a T, as if she were merely a puppet & he held the strings.

"Well, puppet no more..." she thought.
OH MY GOD, was he dead? Should she go check?
All she wanted to do was call Jess. After all she was her best friend and that's what best friends are for, right? To be your shoulder to cry on, your confidant, your rock.
If only it were that simple.

She barely filled one square cushion of her sofa, her body positioned in such a way that it was obvious she wasn't committed to actually sitting there, but merely mulling over the night's events. Alice made it a habit, when she got nervous, of thinking out loud to herself...

"He can't be dead, can he? Well it was self defense, he came AT me, what else was I SUPPOSED to do? Let him hit me, again?"
"No," she decided... "no more hitting, ever." She had had enough abuse.
She didn't know why she kept it a secret all these years, why she didn't confide in someone, why she didn't seek help.
But then, deep down, she knew.
Telling someone, meant telling the only person she'd want to tell,
the only person she trusted in the world,
Jess.
And telling her this, just wasn't an option... at least not yet.

"Why did Jeff have to be such a charming asshole? Why didn't I find the courage to leave him before this night?" she said to herself out loud.
She knew she was wasting time worrying about things that can't be undone and also probably sounding more & more like a crazy person talking to herself like this.
"CHRIST, I SHOULD GO OVER & CHECK ON HIM!"
But just as she barely got that sentence out, the phone rang.

Alice picked up the receiver with an unsteady hand, "Hello?"
"Alice, hey hon, you never called me back earlier. Everything all right?"
Jess's voice was like magic on the phone.
"Uh..." she knew her voice was shaking, STOP THAT DAMN IT! *she thought* You'll give yourself away! "...I'm ok, just a little tired, was about to go to bed. Can we talk tomorrow?"

"Well, ok I guess, but honestly Alice, you just don't sound like yourself."

"I know," she said "I'm sorry Jess I'm just having one of those nights. I PROMISE we'll talk first thing in the morning ok?"
Jess's long slow exhale on the line meant that it wasn't 'ok' but that she'd accept that for now.
"Ok Alice, just give me a call when you wake up, all right?"
"Goodnight Jess, I'll talk to you in the morning."
Alice hung up without ever hearing if Jess even said bye or goodnight or anything. She was too worried that the sound of her voice, the quickness of her responses, were both dead giveaways.

She walked into the bathroom & ran herself a hot bath.
Moving into her bedroom as the water slowly filled up the tub, she took off her clothes.
Her shirt, she noticed, had a few small spots of blood on the collar.
"Shit!" was that his, or hers?
She took the shirt to the bathroom, which was now filling up with steam & ran the collar under some cold water & let it soak in the sink.
While standing there in front of the mirror, she examined her nose, now broken, from Jeff's powerful swing.
"Fuck," she thought "fuck, fuck, FUCK!"
It's not like it was the first time he had broken her nose, in fact tonight's break makes 3.
"Huh," she half chuckled to herself, "third time's the charm, my ASS!"

She grabbed a few tissues & dabbed them with the cold water from the sink & gently cleaned off the area of crusted dry blood from around her nostrils.

"It's probably my blood, it HAS to be mine. Hell, I didn't hit him THAT hard, did I?"
Her mind was racing, she felt cold & dizzy & faint all at once.

The noise from the rushing water consumed her hearing so that she didn't notice when her phone rang again. The machine picked up...
~Hey, it's Alice... you know what to do.~
*beep*
"Alice, it's me, listen I'm worried about you. I know you better than you think I do and you need me right now, I can feel it. I'm on my way & I'll be there in less than five..."
*Beeeeep*

Unaware of her friends call, Alice shuts off the faucet
& lowers herself slowly into the hot water.

Her nose hurts, she can't even touch it without every nerve in her body feeling as though it's been shocked.
She decides to let it be & not to try & fiddle with it.
What's done is done, it's broken... she'll deal with that later.
Right now all she wants is to soak in this bath & pretend tonight didn't happen.
But, the funny thing about baths, is that what started out as an attempt at some solace ends up being alone time with your thoughts & more importantly, your fears.

"What if someone finds him? What if he IS dead? What if he's NOT dead?
Oh my God, what if I only knocked him unconscious & he's going to come to eventually?
He'll show up here for SURE!"
Now her heart was racing faster than before, despite the soothing feeling of being surrounded by all this hot water.
"Shit..." her head felt as if any second it was going to explode.
"If he IS dead, then what? Do I make an anonymous call to the cops?
Will his work realize if he doesn't show up?
Will Jess start asking questions?"

She dunked her head completely under the hot water, it stung her eyelids a little, but felt good.

Now laying in the quiet of her steam filled bathroom, Alice heard a knock at the door.

"OH MY GOD!" terrified, she got up & wrapped in a towel. "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT? COULD IT BE? WAS JEFF NOT DEAD?"
She slowly tiptoed to the hallway to peek in the direction of the front door, only to find that long familiar ponytail she's come to know as Jess's gorgeous flawless hair.
Oh how she was jealous of that hair, ever since they were kids, Alice had stringy blond hair that didn't seem to do much in the way of cooperating... but Jess, oh how gorgeous Jess was, had always been. Her brilliant chestnut brown hair with the natural red highlights was thick and luxurious and never out of place. *bitch* she thought.
Oh she loved her, like the sister she never had, but a girl is allowed to be jealous if the grass is greener, even if it's the grass of a friend, ESPECIALLY when it's your BEST friend!

Alice held her towel tight & pulled on her fuzzy slippers.
She goes to the door, hesitant to open it but knowing she hasn't a choice, Jess saw her.
"Hi, Jess, what are you..." but before Alice could say another word;
"JESUS CHRIST ALICE, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!"
Jess instinctively reached to touch Alice's nose but stopped herself before actually making contact. "OMG WHO did this to you?"

Alice had never told Jess that Jeff beat her regularly. She was too embarrassed and well, there were other reasons.
"I'm fine Jess, really, come in before I freeze from this night air."
Jess came in & shut the door behind her.
"Alice, seriously what happened? Were you jumped? Did someone attack you? Christ you've gotta stop walking to the store alone at night! This is the third time you've been hurt!"

Alice's guilt weighed heavily on her heart, oh how much she wanted to tell her friend, how very much she wanted to just spill everything & then get one of those familiar Jess hugs that always seem to make everything better.
"It's nothing Jess, really... just some bum who wanted a few bucks, I went to get him some & he tried to steal my purse, no biggie. I'm fine, honest."
"YOU ARE NOT FINE ALICE! LOOK AT YOUR GOD DAMNED NOSE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"
Jess was right, Alice's nose was a disaster but she was trying not to think about it, not to mention her bath water was getting cold.
"Jess, I was kind of taking a bath..."
"Oh Alice, I'm sorry, go ahead, finish your bath, I'll make you a cup of tea for when you come out, ok?"
Alice smiled at her friend & made her way back into the bathroom.
Lowering herself back into the water, which was still hot just not as much as before, she could hear the sounds of Jess filling the kettle with water from the sink, placing it on the rear burner (the front one was broken, she should call the landlord about that) and then curling up on Alice's couch & clicking on the TV.

Alice finished her bath & got out & toweled herself off.
How many times can she lie to her best friend?
How many times would sweet good hearted Jess believe her stories of being mugged or attacked? And if she believed all these stories, where, in her mind, was Jeff at the time? Wasn't my boyfriend supposed to be my 'protector', my 'bodyguard'? "ha," she thought. Boyfriends were supposed to be alot of things, sadly Jeff was none.
Oh he was handsome, sure. He was handsome and charming & Alice fell for it, every bit of it.
The fact that they'd been sweethearts since childhood didn't help matters much.
She remembers all the sweet times they had as children.
Alice, Jeff & Jess all playing together in the neighborhood.

Alice can still remember the day that Jeff's family moved into that little yellow house across the street. How excited she was to have new neighbors, and what luck, someone her OWN AGE! If she had only known then what she knew now. *sigh*

Alice pulled on her robe & her slippers again & walked out to the couch to join her friend.
"Feel better?" Jess asked.
"Yeah, kinda." Alice replied.
"Water should be ready soon... you got any cookies?" asked Jess.
"Um, I don't know, I'd have to look..." Alice replied.
"Oh, don't worry, I'll find something," and Jess sprung to her feet, walked over to her friend, gently kissed her cheek & skipped into the kitchen to rummage through Alice's cupboards.

Alice's head hurt, she should slip a little rum into that tea, if only she had any.

She'd gotten rid of all the alcohol in her apartment, ever since Jeff promised her he'd quit.
He said he'd changed, that he loved her & would never drink again.
Never say never, isn't that what they say?
Well, if not rum, then some aspirin, say half a dozen...
*ugh*
Jess called to Alice from the kitchen, "I found some Nilla wafers!"
"Great," Alice said, "I'll be right in." Alice said.
"No, don't you move!" Shouted Jess, "I'll bring it out to you, you want cream and sugar?"
"Sure," Alice answered, thankful that her friend DID know her enough to know that she didn't feel like moving off the couch.

Jess returned with a little plate full of Nilla wafers & two hot cups of tea, orange pekoe, their favorite.
Alice took the cup & smiled up at Jess, who smiled back.
Jess returned to the couch, curled up next to her friend and took a sip of her tea.
"So," Jess began, "are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to guess?"
Alice took a long sip of her tea, it felt good sliding down her throat warming her from the inside.
"Jess, really, it's not a big deal, I just have bad luck that's all."
"Bad luck MY ASS Alice! That's the 3rd time now! What the hell is really going on?!"
Alice could see that her friend was losing her patience. Obviously out of love for her but losing it nonetheless.
"And where the hell is Jeff when all this happens!? Why is he never there to help you?!
He's supposed to be your boyfriend, remember?!!" Jess shouted.
Alice took another sip of her tea & reached to grab a cookie. "Jess, you know he's busy, he's got the band & his work. He always feels bad after, but it's not like he meant to not be there for me." Alice hated lying.
"Well I'm here to tell you, and I'm allowed to say this, he's a SHITTY boyfriend!" said Jess.

Alice took a bite of her cookie, it was stale. She put it back on the napkin & instead took another sip of her tea.
"Jess, look... I love him, you know I do. I have ever since we were kids, but he isn't my 'keeper', I have to learn to take care of myself, ya know?"
"Yes," said Jess, "I DO know, but that's NO EXCUSE! Him and that DAMN BAND OF HIS, they're not even any good!"
Alice couldn't help but smile inside, Jess was right, they weren't any good. The only reason Alice ever went to any of his shows or put up with endless nights of practicing, is because she loved him, not the music.
"Listen, I think I just need a good night's sleep & I'll be fine in the morning. I'm only rattled now cuz it just happened, so it's still fresh. I'll finish this tea, watch the rest of Leno & then curl up, I promise." said Alice.
"Well, I'm staying here with you, I don't want you being alone. What if whoever that creep was, followed you home? Over my dead body is anyone going to be getting in THIS house tonight!" Jess proudly exclaimed.
Alice just smiled, set her cup down on the coffee table & reached over to give her friend a long heartfelt hug... inside her heart thinking; 'thanks Jess, I love you too.'

Ruby & Me...

...& Bear make THREE!

( pardon us while we have the silly giggles )

Quick Question...

What's the best cure for the common cold...

...chicken soup or RETAIL THERAPY?

You decide...