Along Came Cassie...
...and there lies poor ole' Bear.
Need I say more?
(For those of you curious what in the hell Cassie Kitty is, check THIS out, but remember... curiosity killed the cat!)
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
3 Word Tuesday...
I'll preface this post by saying that I know the 'three word' gig is typically done on Sundays, however, I have good reason for sharing my first '3 word' on a Tuesday...
...allow me to explain:
I'm very blessed. Blessed in most everything I do. Blessed in the family I'm a part of, especially my Ruby who is beyond measure the greatest gift ever bestowed upon me. I'm blessed in the company I keep. People who I consider to be some of the most amazing friends a girl could ever hope for.
Blessings all around, yes?
Yes.
Today is no different...
...Today, for me, that blessing came two fold;
1st, in the form of my baby brother, who isn't such a baby anymore as today at 3:05pm, he turned 33 years old, &
2nd, in the sweet angelic form of my brand spankin' new NEPHEW, Joseph Domenic, my little brother's greatest birthday present in all his 33 years, his second child, his first son.
I can't explain to you all what it felt to hold that little guy earlier today, much was going through my head as the sweet smell of newborn filled the air around me & simultaneously put a smile so big on my face, it was hurting my cheeks. I love him so much & he doesn't even know me yet. I love my little brother so much & he's probably sick of me by now. LOL ;) (can't blame him after all those mud pie sessions, not to mention those old metal 'CLIP ON' roller skates that I 'encouraged' (forced) him to wear while being hauled down the street from the back of my banana seat bike courtesy of an old rope found in Dad's garage & me safely making the corners without so much as a scratch, while he... well... let's just say 'not so much' for him.)
It's mind boggling to me that my little brother is a father to two now. Isabella, my niece, will be 3 in October and is not only one of my favorite people in the world, she's Ruby's too. And now, little J.D. graces us all with his sweet little soul. Named for two very important men in my life, my late Nonno (grandfather in Italian) Domenico, and my father Giuseppe (Joseph). My dad was without words today as he held his namesake for the first time... moments like these make me realize just how blessed I am. That little boy, the one who carries so much history in his name alone, has his whole life ahead of him and I am blessed with the privilidge of watching him grow and blossom into whatever it is he is destined to do in this world.. and I could not be happier. Still, so many kisses yet to bestow on this kid, but for now, I'll leave you with his amazing little image taken with my not so amazing cell/camera phone.
In three words?
"Loving My Nephew..."
Who needs chocolate when I can lose myself in J.D. snuggles...
...ain't nothing better.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Don't Ask...
...but she literally made up this song today after watching an episode of Kai Lan.
Now, my first thought was "well obviously she's mimicking something she heard in the show," but I went back & watched it from start to finish & guess what?
NO SONG!
So now I'm left wondering where on EARTH she came up with this & WHAT THE HECK is she truly saying! Here's what I HEAR, you all be the judge:
"When you feewing sad, an you can cheer me up in a buck. An I can't,
an you can drop, an you can jump all around an that make me happy all the time,
an I can DO IT!"
American Idol 2021, WATCH OUT!
*grin*
Morning Birdhouse...
...is a game we play EVERY MORNING while still snuggled in bed together.
I don't remember how or why it started, but it's a daily ritual with us,
and yes, every time, not only does the little bird get scared and flee the house, that BEAR ALWAYS tries to GET IN TOO! He's cute, but don't let him fool you, he's a trouble maker for sure! *snicker*
New Things...
...no more bangs! (She wanted to grow them out so in order to do that gracefully, a new angled style had to be done to make this process a pretty one!)
Now when they grow out, she won't resemble a 'fresh out of bed' Muppet!
And speaking of 'fresh out of bed', check out Ruby's bedtime friends, all lined up for sleeping ALONE, since Ruby rarely sleeps in her bed except for an occasional BLUE MOON! 
She wants: 'snuggle Momma bed!'.
Ah... the joys of each new accomplishment.
Baby steps, baby steps...
...in the meantime, it's a good thing she's so DAMN CUTE!
As I tell Ruby every day, "You're my favorite person in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!"
And she really is...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Playing With Her Food...
...apparently chocolate pudding is the perfect medium to paint a perfect Bear. *smiles*
At first, I thought I was nuts to let her do it, but really... it IS brown, she WAS done & I would have just thrown it away, right? I mean at least this way, we found a use for it prior to it's demise AND I saved myself some actual BROWN PAINT!
(which we're running low on anyhow!) All in a day's crazy for us people, all in a day!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
The Questions They Ask...
...a conversation that took place this morning as I was dressing Ruby for the day:
Me: *pulling on her underwear*
Ruby: "Mom, did you give me a wedgie Mom?"
Me: *laughing* "I dunno, did I?"
Ruby: "Did you?"
Me: *REALLY LAUGHING NOW*
"Let me check baby..."
*checking*
"Yep, I guess I did, I'm sorry Roo..."
Ruby: "Mom, stop dat Mom. That's not nice, remener it's a famawee show!"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
SHE IS MY LITTLE CHIP OF THE BLOCK NOW ISN'T SHE?
LMFAO!
Me: *pulling on her underwear*
Ruby: "Mom, did you give me a wedgie Mom?"
Me: *laughing* "I dunno, did I?"
Ruby: "Did you?"
Me: *REALLY LAUGHING NOW*
"Let me check baby..."
*checking*
"Yep, I guess I did, I'm sorry Roo..."
Ruby: "Mom, stop dat Mom. That's not nice, remener it's a famawee show!"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
SHE IS MY LITTLE CHIP OF THE BLOCK NOW ISN'T SHE?
LMFAO!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
My Kitchen Bible...
...otherwise known as my handwritten book FULL of every recipe you've ever seen here on the blog, PLUS a few I haven't shared yet, has recently had an overhaul.
My mother's friend Pat was the giver of the first 'journal' that turned into my kitchen bible.
(henceforth known as KB)
She heard that it was full & bought me a newer, BIGGER one,
which I LOVE,
but figured it made more sense to put ALL recipes into ONE location,
rather than several.
SO, I've started the slow process of hand writing all those recipe's into the new book.
Once that is done, my old KB will be of no use to me & will need to find a new home.
I wouldn't just give it to anyone & my family knows how to get my recipes if they want them, they just ask, SO...
...how would you all feel about having a raffle of sorts & the winner gets my KB with all it's recipes & DELICIOUSNESS within it's pages?
Say, a dollar a chance?
I figure, whatever money is collected will go towards a new inexpensive digital camera to replace my beloved Nikon one that recently died on me.
I'd pay for shipping to ship it to whoever is the winner & I guess maybe pay pal would be the best way to buy a chance? What do you guys think?
I thought about just letting it sit around the house but it seems like such a waste, especially with all the fantastic goodness that's inside it, seems a shame not to find it a proper new home with one of you.
Someone who not only reads & loves our blog,
but someone who also LOVES when I do TUESDAYS WITH UNCLE STEVE & enjoys the recipes each time.
Feedback welcome, a buck a chance is pretty cheap I think & certainly even if every one of my readers went in for a chance, I could buy a cheap doable camera & someone comes out the new KITCHEN MASTER with all my Italian knowledge packed neatly (sometimes not so neatly) into that sweet little green journal.
What say everyone?
My mother's friend Pat was the giver of the first 'journal' that turned into my kitchen bible.
(henceforth known as KB)
She heard that it was full & bought me a newer, BIGGER one,
which I LOVE,
but figured it made more sense to put ALL recipes into ONE location,
rather than several.
SO, I've started the slow process of hand writing all those recipe's into the new book.
Once that is done, my old KB will be of no use to me & will need to find a new home.
I wouldn't just give it to anyone & my family knows how to get my recipes if they want them, they just ask, SO...
...how would you all feel about having a raffle of sorts & the winner gets my KB with all it's recipes & DELICIOUSNESS within it's pages?
Say, a dollar a chance?
I figure, whatever money is collected will go towards a new inexpensive digital camera to replace my beloved Nikon one that recently died on me.
I'd pay for shipping to ship it to whoever is the winner & I guess maybe pay pal would be the best way to buy a chance? What do you guys think?
I thought about just letting it sit around the house but it seems like such a waste, especially with all the fantastic goodness that's inside it, seems a shame not to find it a proper new home with one of you.
Someone who not only reads & loves our blog,
but someone who also LOVES when I do TUESDAYS WITH UNCLE STEVE & enjoys the recipes each time.
Feedback welcome, a buck a chance is pretty cheap I think & certainly even if every one of my readers went in for a chance, I could buy a cheap doable camera & someone comes out the new KITCHEN MASTER with all my Italian knowledge packed neatly (sometimes not so neatly) into that sweet little green journal.
What say everyone?
Saturday, March 08, 2008
"Sometimes...
...my pee pee is VEWY dwippery. *giggles* Momma, I say DWIPPERY! " -Ruby Cate
[as told to me this morning in our little bathroom while, as usual, we did our morning duties together side by side & upon time to wipe, (Ruby stands for this part) she noticed a little 'drop' on her foot...]
Seriously, sometimes the best smiles are those early morning ones in our bathroom.
Who'd of ever thunk it...?
*HUGE SMILE*
[as told to me this morning in our little bathroom while, as usual, we did our morning duties together side by side & upon time to wipe, (Ruby stands for this part) she noticed a little 'drop' on her foot...]
Seriously, sometimes the best smiles are those early morning ones in our bathroom.
Who'd of ever thunk it...?
*HUGE SMILE*
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Mondays With Dr.K...
...ok, so I wasn't going to blog too much about this just yet,
however,
after sharing this story with a friend tonight she insisted I type it out for accuracy so that I don't lose any bits and/or pieces of what went down.
Long & short of it is what most of you may not know is,
I'm having gastric bypass surgery this year.
Sooner rather than later.
Sooner as in within the next few months.
Anyways, that having been said,
part of the process is a mandatory group meeting with others who intend on having either the bypass or the lap band surgery with our clinical psychologist.
Henceforth known as: Dr.Krazee.
-or Dr.K for short.
(you'll see why before this story is through...)
So, I go to the class,
there was about 18 of us there,
all very wonderful & friendly people.
All, except Dr.K.
Oh, he's friendly alright, in the way you are required to be when working with the public.
Forced smiles, odd moments of silence while still smiling that plastic smile...
I digress.
So, picture if you will, a tall skinny man who,
if he's not careful,
could find himself slathered in barbecue sauce & cooked to a nice golden brown.
After all, he IS working with people with a clear food addiction, yes?
Yes.
So, we get in, we all take turns introducing ourselves, all was going along swimmingly,
until...
...the RAISIN.
So, he says to us all,
(and remember this is the first of 4 meetings we're all required to participate in prior to surgery)
"so this is the first & only time I'll be bringing 'food' to a meeting but I really feel it's an important part of this process..."
So what is the mind of a food addict immediately conjuring up?
POPCORN!
NICE!
Maybe some SMARTFOOD? Ooooh oooh, I know!
Maybe it's a nice movie theater butter... right?
Wrong.
A.
RAISIN.
ONE.
RAISIN.
EACH.
-no joke-
He carefully doles out one raisin to each of us & says, in his ever so 'frighteningly mental patient'ish monotone voice':
"I want you to hold the raisin in your hand, but don't eat it.
Just hold it.
Me thinks: 'Ok dude, I'm holdin' a raisin... next?'
Dr.K: "What do you see?"
Me thinks: 'seriously? did you not just see yourself GIVE us all RAISINS? It sure as hell ain't no chocolate chip!'
Dr.K: "How does it feel?
Is it small?
Is it soft?
Is it hard?
Is it round or wrinkled?
Does it have an odor?
Take your time & truly focus & tell me the first thing you notice about this raisin."
Me thinks: 'Uh, mine's lonely, he needs a friend.'
Dr.K: "Take your time, really focus..."
Me thinks: 'first of all, my eyes hurt now & they're starting to cross.
second of all, now's as good a time as any to see if I can stare at this raisin long enough to turn it into some popcorn?! Awww CRAP! Now I'm hungry! DAMNIT!'
Dr.K: (after everyone has gone cross eyed staring at this thing) "Good, now, I want you to, not eat the raisin quite yet, but bring it up to your nose & smell it, does it have an odor? And if so, is it a pleasant one?"
Me thinks: 'um, didn't you just ask us that already?, oh wait, I know, IT SMELLS LIKE A LONELY RAISIN THAT WANTS TO TURN INTO SOME POPCORN & PERHAPS THE LATEST EPISODE OF OCTOBER ROAD!'
Dr.K: "Good, now, what I want you to do, and without eating it again, just, gently hold the raisin & rub it along your lips, feel how it feels. Is it soft? Is it firm? Is it wrinkled? Is it squishy? Does it feel nice or is it rough against your lips?"
Me thinks: 'first of all, dude, you don't have to keep telling us NOT to eat the raisin. I'm pretty sure, and trust me on this, I kinda have a little experience in this area,
that none of us got here by gobbling down that ONE RAISIN. We're champion eaters, the best at our game. Nobody here is a flight risk for raisin consumption. Now, had you given us each a piece of chocolate cake? TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY! But the raisin? You're safe.
And, while we're at it, seriously, am I at the wrong meeting or something? This isn't fettish phone sex group is it? Cuz this is so startin' to go down a dark path that, unless dessert's provided, I'm pretty sure I should've taken that left at Albuquerque.'
Dr.K: "Now, what I'd like you to do is put the raisin in your mouth but don't eat it or chew it just yet. If you would, just suck on it gently & tell me, how does that feel? Roll it around in your mouth. Explore it with your tongue. Does it have a taste? Is it soft or hard? Is it growing back to life in your mouth? etc etc...
Me thinks: '(ok SO biting my cheeks here to keep composure because I KNOW if I don't do this, I'm going to BUST OUT LAUGHING SO HARD THAT I MAY EITHER PASS GAS OR LITERALLY DIE LAUGHING) did he seriously just say, 'IS IT GROWING BACK TO LIFE IN YOUR MOUTH?! IS THIS GUY SERIOUS OR WHAT? And shit, I knew it, now he's looking at me again... he probably thinks I'm eating my f'n raisin instead of chewing on my cheeks for dear life! Oh suuuuuure, Fat girl's eating her raisin, right? NOT! UGH!'
Dr.K: (now fiercely staring at me with his crazy blue mental patient eyes) "Now I want you to gently chew it, not too fast, take your time, how does it taste? Is it sweet? Do you find that you enjoy it more because of the anticipation of actually getting to chew it?" etc...
Me thinks: 'I think that if you make one more subconscious sexual reference about a f'n raisin I may lose my mind & get kicked out of these sessions! Dude, IT'S A RAISIN!'
Dr.K: "I want everyone to focus on eating mindfully, not mindLESSly, ok? We should all be really taking the time to thoroughly enjoy our food as we just did the raisin."
Me thinks: 'Oh, is that what we just did? I thought I just had sex with mine..."
Dr.K: "Now, don't take this literally, if you go out to dinner & order a baked potato I wouldn't recommend picking it up & rubbing it against your lips, you'd get burned."
Me thinks: 'yes, because THAT'S the only reason frown upon doing such a thing,
THE BURN FACTOR- makes TOTAL sense!
In a million years it would never occur to me that it might be because to the average passer by you've just clearly committed a food felony by way of public spud molestation!
No, that's couldn't be it!'
Dr.K: "(more creepy staring, literally I feel like he's trying to remember the combination to his locker in the staff room & the only obvious place for those numbers is on the back of my cranium & he's going to find them come hell or high water by way of my eye sockets & scaring the living bejesus out of me with his frenzied freaky ass looks & his creepy monotone voice,
which up until now has done NOTHING but talk sex talk & RAISINS!)
Me thinks: 'how much longer until I can go home?
I'm pretty sure there's a half eaten bag of smartfood in the snack drawer..."
Dr.K: "Great everyone well that's it for this session, we'll see you all next Monday, same time same place. Have a great week, and remember, really try to focus on that food, ok?"
Me thinks: 'oh yeah, I'll focus all right, all I've done all night is focus on two things:
1. Raisins are not sexual objects.
Raisins are not sexual objects.
&
2. I should've brought my SMARTFOOD in the car!
More to come on next week's episode of:
Mondays with Dr.K...
signing off.
(but not before I take several Tylenol,
as I literally have a laughing headache from reliving that experience!)
Monday, March 03, 2008
A Little Math...
...Ruby & Kristen style.
2 glasses each with a few ice cubes
+
1 can of spicy water
(aka: sprite)
+
lots of patience
+
some trial & error
=
Ruby's first experience with learning how to BURP.
No lie.
Sadly, moments after this picture was taken,
she got it.
Oh joy of joy's.
KRISTEN YOU OWE ME BIG TIME FOR LETTING YOU TEACH HER THIS!
2 glasses each with a few ice cubes
+
1 can of spicy water
(aka: sprite)
+
lots of patience
+
some trial & error
=
Ruby's first experience with learning how to BURP.
No lie.
Sadly, moments after this picture was taken,
she got it.
Oh joy of joy's.
KRISTEN YOU OWE ME BIG TIME FOR LETTING YOU TEACH HER THIS!
A Few Camera Photos...
Here's Miss Ruby sportin' some KEWL GREEN GARB
courtesy of Auntie Jen!
Jen knows how much Ruby LOVES HER GREEN!
Thanks Jen! WE LOVE IT!
(I don't think she's taken that hat off once,
NOT EVEN TO SLEEP, SERIOUSLY WEARS IT TO BED!)
courtesy of Auntie Jen!
Jen knows how much Ruby LOVES HER GREEN!
Thanks Jen! WE LOVE IT!
(I don't think she's taken that hat off once,
NOT EVEN TO SLEEP, SERIOUSLY WEARS IT TO BED!)
And here's miss greenie from this morning at the Y with Momma.
The first thing she goes for after having breakfast is the Potato Heads.
She made this one today & said to Bear upon it's completion:
"Bear, that's my grandfather. See Bear? It's Nonno!"
I HAD to take a picture & send it to my Dad.
I'm pretty sure it made him smile.
=)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
So Cute It's Disturbing...
Ah, the wedgie...
beautiful isn't it?
LOL
My daughter thinks so!
So much so that on a DAILY BASIS,
SHE REVISITS THE WEDGIE WITH SMILES & LAUGHTER!
And as if this PICTURE wasn't enough to make you grin,
my cell phone also takes these nifty little videos
&
I honestly don't know what possessed me but I just HAD to share with you all
a little slice of my afternoon as I've lived it here in good ole'
WEDGIE TOWN!
*ROFLMAO*
(& not ONE mention of that 'thong song'!)
LOL
Sunday, February 24, 2008
How I Know God Has A Sense Of Humor...
...I'm finding white hairs where I'd prefer black ones to be,
& sadly finding black hairs where NONE should be!
Ah, but not everything is about God's sense of humor,
I also have some cute things to share about our miss Ruby Cate.
Things I realized about her this week:
If Momma is sick & needs to be in bed & asleep by 6pm,
my girl will not only oblige,
but then go on to sleep STRAIGHT until 8am the next morning.
I'm not big on math but I'm pretty sure that's 14 hours people!
I've noticed that rather than say 'maybe' our girl says 'naymee'
which is just as cute & to me, means just the same thing as 'maybe'.
A shift has been made in our house:
Dora: OUT
Kai Lan: IN
All things Kai Lan & I could not be happier!
Things she's learned from Kai Lan:
Patience... (episode: Wait Hoho, wait. )
Now, if Ruby asks for something & I say to her,
"One minute honey, Momma will be there just as soon as I'm done with [insert whatever it is I was doing here] ok...?"
Ruby smiles & says to the room in general: "remener we talk about payshunts?"
and patiently sits & waits till I'm finished & able to come help her.
Also, like a FIEND my girl is running around the house speaking Chinese!
Red, Green, Up, down, jump, push, etc... all words she's learned from Kai Lan!
It's amazing to me because WHEN we did watch Dora,
(and trust me, we watched ALOT of her)
Ruby never really picked up the Spanish words the show taught,
just wasn't into it.
Kai Lan?
"Momma, Kai Lan is born in China jus wike Ruby!"
So sweet!
I originally had a small issue with Kai Lan's eyes,
but have since come to realize they've created her in the spirit of Anime.
Ruby's uncle Andrew loves Anime & we love Andrew so,
Kai Lan's eyes, are just perfect in ours.
And last but CERTAINLY not LEAST:
Potty training is OFFICIALLY a thing of the past.
Four nights in a row now, my girl has woken up
DRY
AS
A
BONE
&
uses the potty first thing,
FILLS IT,
and asks to wear big girl underwear & get DRESSED MOMMA!
"Ruby is not a baby anymore Momma"
Truer words have never been spoken...
So,
let the white hairs come as they may
&
pray that I never lose my tweezers,
for they rid the world of random black chin/neck hairs...
my girl is growing up & doing so HAPPILY!
Is there not a better gift in all the world than that?
& sadly finding black hairs where NONE should be!
Ah, but not everything is about God's sense of humor,
I also have some cute things to share about our miss Ruby Cate.
Things I realized about her this week:
If Momma is sick & needs to be in bed & asleep by 6pm,
my girl will not only oblige,
but then go on to sleep STRAIGHT until 8am the next morning.
I'm not big on math but I'm pretty sure that's 14 hours people!
I've noticed that rather than say 'maybe' our girl says 'naymee'
which is just as cute & to me, means just the same thing as 'maybe'.
A shift has been made in our house:
Dora: OUT
Kai Lan: IN
All things Kai Lan & I could not be happier!
Things she's learned from Kai Lan:
Patience... (episode: Wait Hoho, wait. )
Now, if Ruby asks for something & I say to her,
"One minute honey, Momma will be there just as soon as I'm done with [insert whatever it is I was doing here] ok...?"
Ruby smiles & says to the room in general: "remener we talk about payshunts?"
and patiently sits & waits till I'm finished & able to come help her.
Also, like a FIEND my girl is running around the house speaking Chinese!
Red, Green, Up, down, jump, push, etc... all words she's learned from Kai Lan!
It's amazing to me because WHEN we did watch Dora,
(and trust me, we watched ALOT of her)
Ruby never really picked up the Spanish words the show taught,
just wasn't into it.
Kai Lan?
"Momma, Kai Lan is born in China jus wike Ruby!"
So sweet!
I originally had a small issue with Kai Lan's eyes,
but have since come to realize they've created her in the spirit of Anime.
Ruby's uncle Andrew loves Anime & we love Andrew so,
Kai Lan's eyes, are just perfect in ours.
And last but CERTAINLY not LEAST:
Potty training is OFFICIALLY a thing of the past.
Four nights in a row now, my girl has woken up
DRY
AS
A
BONE
&
uses the potty first thing,
FILLS IT,
and asks to wear big girl underwear & get DRESSED MOMMA!
"Ruby is not a baby anymore Momma"
Truer words have never been spoken...
So,
let the white hairs come as they may
&
pray that I never lose my tweezers,
for they rid the world of random black chin/neck hairs...
my girl is growing up & doing so HAPPILY!
Is there not a better gift in all the world than that?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
A Letter From Amy Eldridge...
Below is a letter from Amy Eldridge, from Love Without Boundaries, addressing the recent adoption disruptions and parental preparedness. If you are reading this, think about posting it on your site - a waiting parent who reads your blog may benefit from it.
"I have been so saddened by this situation. I most definitely wish there was a way to educate ALL adoptive parents about the truths of institutional care, however I have come to realize in my daily work that there are just as many parents who are not online reading everything they can find on adoption as are.There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of parents out there who have no idea what life is like for a child in an orphanage, and who head overseas to pick up their perfect child only to be handed a baby who is unresponsive, thin, unable to eat….. and on and on and on.
While adopting my son last month, I walked several times over to the White Swan to talk to parents, and over and over I spoke with moms and dads who had no clue whatsoever about the issues their kids were having. I heard so many times things like, "she won't eat solid foods" (oral aversion), "she has no muscle tone" (muscle atrophy from lying in a crib all day), "she won't smile" (pure grieving from being taken from her foster mom). I guess since I live China 24/7, I assume everyone adopting does, too, which is not the case.I talked to at least a dozen parents who didn't even know their child's orphanage name, and while I gently said "you might want to memorize that for your child's sake", at the same time I was trying to process how many parents get all the way to China without ever reading about post-institutional issues. It was sobering to me.
Babies in the NSN (non special needs) as well as the SN (special needs) path can have issues with attachment, motor skills, emotional issues and more. I think all of us on the WCC (Waiting Children China) list acknowledge that, while also acknowledging that all children (whether bio or not) can have these same issues. Living in an orphanage of course increases the odds.I think the easy out is to say that agencies have to do more, as well as social workers, but I do think that most of them do try to give information to the parents but often parents don't want to hear it or else think it won't happen to them. Again, I am often surprised to talk to parents leaving soon and to realize they are not prepared. One family was adopting from our foster care program, and when I told them that the child was DEEPLY attached to the mom, the father said, "guess she might cry for an hour or so then?" An hour or so? She had been in foster care for over a year! I tried to explain that this little girl was about ready to lose everything she had ever known, and that they should not expect her to be sunny, happy, and full of personality after an hour. I told them to please remember the 72-hour rule.......that after 72 hours they would probably see her spark, but that she would probably grieve for a long time after that as well.
I think for many adoptive parents, they just don't want to read the "bad stuff", and so I do think that ultimately it is the parents who are at fault for not doing more to educate themselves. There certainly are books galore out there about post-institutional issues. I equate this to when I was pregnant with my kids and I would read "What to Expect When Expecting", and I would get to the C-section part and always skip it. Each and every time I would jump to the next chapter as "that wasn't going to happen to me". Well, on my fifth baby, when they were rushing me in for an emergency C-section, I sure was wishing I had read that section earlier! But at that point in the OR, while they were strapping my hands down to the table, it was too late, and so I felt complete panic when I could have been prepared. I think adoption from China is very similar to giving birth...it is much more rosy to only read the happy stories on APC, but I now encourage every family I meet to read the harder ones as well, because if you are the family who is handed a child that is limp and listless and who looks autistic, what you have learned in the past will help you make the right decision for your family during those very emotional first few days.
I have been called many times in the last few years by parents in China worried about their children. I agree that having a support network to help you through the initial time is essential. Everyone should go to China with at least one phone number of someone they can call if they are panicked upon meeting their new child. I remember feeling so alone when I was handed my daughter and she was so tiny and limp. Because our foundation often helps with the kids who have been disrupted, I am aware that sometimes there are children who have much more serious issues than originally reported…. and that is such a hard thing for a parent to get to China and then discover their child is truly autistic or has serious mental delays. I think everyone on both the China and international side would agree that it is absolutely wrong of an orphanage to not be honest in their reports, and no one would excuse that, but I also know without a doubt that the majority of kids who are disrupted are just suffering from institutional issues and would catch up quickly in a loving home. It is always a very sad day for the orphanage and everyone involved when a child that they know is absolutely fine, but perhaps thin and grieving, is returned by their new parents for being "delayed".
I think far too many people believe their child's life is going to begin the moment they meet them. The truth is, and everyone must realize it….. a child's life is going on RIGHT NOW in China, and all of their experiences are shaping who they are. The vast majority of aunties that I have met in China are such kind and caring people, but it absolutely is not the same as having a mom and dad at your beck and call. I have had new parents call and say "we didn't think living in an orphanage would affect her at all", and those statements truly puzzle me. How could they not contemplate life in an orphanage?
Walk through Babies R Us and you will see every gadget known to man to make our children's lives here as ideal as possible. Now Americans have two way video monitors, so that when baby awakens not only can mommy see when to immediately rush in and comfort him, but she can talk to baby so that he doesn't even have one single second where he feels alone. How many new parents would have a newborn and then put that baby in a crib 22 hours a day on their own? How many would only feed their baby, even if they were really crying hard, every 8 hours? Or prop the bottle in her crib and then not watch to see if she ever really ate?
Of course no one would do that…... we feed newborns on demand, comfort on demand, love continuously…. and whether people want to recognize it or not, that is NOT the life of an orphan in an institution. .….. even when the aunties are as good as gold. I remember one night when I took some volunteers in for the night shift in an orphanage, when normally just a few aunties are working. One mom looked at me with tears in her eyes as she slowly realized that it was absolutely impossible with just two hands to feed every child, to comfort every child, to soothe every baby who was crying. She said her heart was aching to realize that her own daughter most likely had many, many times where she cried without someone to comfort her..... and she told me that for the first time she finally understood why her daughter had such a deep seated fear of being out of her mom's sight.
The aunties are trying their absolute best, but that doesn't equal mother/child care. I remember being in an orphanage in the north this past winter and the aunties were so proud of how they had 6-8 layers of clothes and blankets on every baby to keep them warm. They were swaddled so tight that they couldn't move, but it was freezing in the orphanage and so the aunties wanted the babies to stay as warm as possible. What alternative did they have? It really was freezing there…... I was cold in my wool coat, so the babies couldn't be up and about with just 1-2 layers on, with the ability to move their arms and legs. To stay warm they had to be immobile, and so of course all of those kids have weak muscle tone. But the aunties were truly trying their best, and when a parent is given one of those beautiful children on adoption day, I am sure they will go back to their room with concern and say "she can't sit up by herself…. she can't put weight on her legs". That is absolutely the truth, but she also survived 10 degree weather in a very cold province and she will catch up soon enough with parents to encourage her.
To not acknowledge that living in orphanage circumstances can cause lower body weights, low muscle tone, inability to make good eye contact is very sad to me. Can it be overcome? Most definitely! The one thing I have learned over and over again about the kids in China is that they are fighters and survivors. But for some reason, people seem to want to ignore these issues in public forums.
Recently, one of our medical babies that we had met several times in person was adopted, and we all knew that this child was a "spitfire". When the family arrived and spent a few days with her, they decided she was too much of a handful for them and they wanted to disrupt. She absolutely was not what they expected. When they called their agency, they were told they had two choices: adopt the child, bring her to the US, and change their expectations of what they were hoping for, or adopt the child, bring her to the US and the agency would have a family waiting at the airport to adopt her locally. Option three of leaving the child in China was never once given. I admire that agency so much, as they were thinking of the child and the child alone. The family followed through with the adoption and handed the little girl to a new family upon her arrival in the US. As horrible and tragic and emotional as it was for everyone involved...I still feel this was the right decision for the agency to make. It was done in the absolute best interest of the child, who had waited a long, long time for a family. I wish more agencies would advocate for the rights of the child, instead of always seeming to give in to the parents, especially in those cases when they know with absolute certainty that nothing is permanently wrong with the child.
Recently with another disruption, the agency I spoke with told me that it was "easier" to just get the family a new baby.
Sometimes easier does not equal right. The first baby who was rejected has now been labeled "mentally challenged" even though the agency knew the child was really going to be okay. I think all of us, who do realize that delays occur and that babies can usually overcome them, should be these children's advocates by continually trying to educate new parents on what to expect in China. By helping them be better prepared, we just might help stop a disruption in the future. I love Chinese adoption with my whole heart, and it is my life's work…. but I also want every family who goes to get their baby to go with their eyes open and to be as emotionally prepared as possible, for the child's sake."
Amy Eldridge,
Love Without Boundaries
"I have been so saddened by this situation. I most definitely wish there was a way to educate ALL adoptive parents about the truths of institutional care, however I have come to realize in my daily work that there are just as many parents who are not online reading everything they can find on adoption as are.There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of parents out there who have no idea what life is like for a child in an orphanage, and who head overseas to pick up their perfect child only to be handed a baby who is unresponsive, thin, unable to eat….. and on and on and on.
While adopting my son last month, I walked several times over to the White Swan to talk to parents, and over and over I spoke with moms and dads who had no clue whatsoever about the issues their kids were having. I heard so many times things like, "she won't eat solid foods" (oral aversion), "she has no muscle tone" (muscle atrophy from lying in a crib all day), "she won't smile" (pure grieving from being taken from her foster mom). I guess since I live China 24/7, I assume everyone adopting does, too, which is not the case.I talked to at least a dozen parents who didn't even know their child's orphanage name, and while I gently said "you might want to memorize that for your child's sake", at the same time I was trying to process how many parents get all the way to China without ever reading about post-institutional issues. It was sobering to me.
Babies in the NSN (non special needs) as well as the SN (special needs) path can have issues with attachment, motor skills, emotional issues and more. I think all of us on the WCC (Waiting Children China) list acknowledge that, while also acknowledging that all children (whether bio or not) can have these same issues. Living in an orphanage of course increases the odds.I think the easy out is to say that agencies have to do more, as well as social workers, but I do think that most of them do try to give information to the parents but often parents don't want to hear it or else think it won't happen to them. Again, I am often surprised to talk to parents leaving soon and to realize they are not prepared. One family was adopting from our foster care program, and when I told them that the child was DEEPLY attached to the mom, the father said, "guess she might cry for an hour or so then?" An hour or so? She had been in foster care for over a year! I tried to explain that this little girl was about ready to lose everything she had ever known, and that they should not expect her to be sunny, happy, and full of personality after an hour. I told them to please remember the 72-hour rule.......that after 72 hours they would probably see her spark, but that she would probably grieve for a long time after that as well.
I think for many adoptive parents, they just don't want to read the "bad stuff", and so I do think that ultimately it is the parents who are at fault for not doing more to educate themselves. There certainly are books galore out there about post-institutional issues. I equate this to when I was pregnant with my kids and I would read "What to Expect When Expecting", and I would get to the C-section part and always skip it. Each and every time I would jump to the next chapter as "that wasn't going to happen to me". Well, on my fifth baby, when they were rushing me in for an emergency C-section, I sure was wishing I had read that section earlier! But at that point in the OR, while they were strapping my hands down to the table, it was too late, and so I felt complete panic when I could have been prepared. I think adoption from China is very similar to giving birth...it is much more rosy to only read the happy stories on APC, but I now encourage every family I meet to read the harder ones as well, because if you are the family who is handed a child that is limp and listless and who looks autistic, what you have learned in the past will help you make the right decision for your family during those very emotional first few days.
I have been called many times in the last few years by parents in China worried about their children. I agree that having a support network to help you through the initial time is essential. Everyone should go to China with at least one phone number of someone they can call if they are panicked upon meeting their new child. I remember feeling so alone when I was handed my daughter and she was so tiny and limp. Because our foundation often helps with the kids who have been disrupted, I am aware that sometimes there are children who have much more serious issues than originally reported…. and that is such a hard thing for a parent to get to China and then discover their child is truly autistic or has serious mental delays. I think everyone on both the China and international side would agree that it is absolutely wrong of an orphanage to not be honest in their reports, and no one would excuse that, but I also know without a doubt that the majority of kids who are disrupted are just suffering from institutional issues and would catch up quickly in a loving home. It is always a very sad day for the orphanage and everyone involved when a child that they know is absolutely fine, but perhaps thin and grieving, is returned by their new parents for being "delayed".
I think far too many people believe their child's life is going to begin the moment they meet them. The truth is, and everyone must realize it….. a child's life is going on RIGHT NOW in China, and all of their experiences are shaping who they are. The vast majority of aunties that I have met in China are such kind and caring people, but it absolutely is not the same as having a mom and dad at your beck and call. I have had new parents call and say "we didn't think living in an orphanage would affect her at all", and those statements truly puzzle me. How could they not contemplate life in an orphanage?
Walk through Babies R Us and you will see every gadget known to man to make our children's lives here as ideal as possible. Now Americans have two way video monitors, so that when baby awakens not only can mommy see when to immediately rush in and comfort him, but she can talk to baby so that he doesn't even have one single second where he feels alone. How many new parents would have a newborn and then put that baby in a crib 22 hours a day on their own? How many would only feed their baby, even if they were really crying hard, every 8 hours? Or prop the bottle in her crib and then not watch to see if she ever really ate?
Of course no one would do that…... we feed newborns on demand, comfort on demand, love continuously…. and whether people want to recognize it or not, that is NOT the life of an orphan in an institution. .….. even when the aunties are as good as gold. I remember one night when I took some volunteers in for the night shift in an orphanage, when normally just a few aunties are working. One mom looked at me with tears in her eyes as she slowly realized that it was absolutely impossible with just two hands to feed every child, to comfort every child, to soothe every baby who was crying. She said her heart was aching to realize that her own daughter most likely had many, many times where she cried without someone to comfort her..... and she told me that for the first time she finally understood why her daughter had such a deep seated fear of being out of her mom's sight.
The aunties are trying their absolute best, but that doesn't equal mother/child care. I remember being in an orphanage in the north this past winter and the aunties were so proud of how they had 6-8 layers of clothes and blankets on every baby to keep them warm. They were swaddled so tight that they couldn't move, but it was freezing in the orphanage and so the aunties wanted the babies to stay as warm as possible. What alternative did they have? It really was freezing there…... I was cold in my wool coat, so the babies couldn't be up and about with just 1-2 layers on, with the ability to move their arms and legs. To stay warm they had to be immobile, and so of course all of those kids have weak muscle tone. But the aunties were truly trying their best, and when a parent is given one of those beautiful children on adoption day, I am sure they will go back to their room with concern and say "she can't sit up by herself…. she can't put weight on her legs". That is absolutely the truth, but she also survived 10 degree weather in a very cold province and she will catch up soon enough with parents to encourage her.
To not acknowledge that living in orphanage circumstances can cause lower body weights, low muscle tone, inability to make good eye contact is very sad to me. Can it be overcome? Most definitely! The one thing I have learned over and over again about the kids in China is that they are fighters and survivors. But for some reason, people seem to want to ignore these issues in public forums.
Recently, one of our medical babies that we had met several times in person was adopted, and we all knew that this child was a "spitfire". When the family arrived and spent a few days with her, they decided she was too much of a handful for them and they wanted to disrupt. She absolutely was not what they expected. When they called their agency, they were told they had two choices: adopt the child, bring her to the US, and change their expectations of what they were hoping for, or adopt the child, bring her to the US and the agency would have a family waiting at the airport to adopt her locally. Option three of leaving the child in China was never once given. I admire that agency so much, as they were thinking of the child and the child alone. The family followed through with the adoption and handed the little girl to a new family upon her arrival in the US. As horrible and tragic and emotional as it was for everyone involved...I still feel this was the right decision for the agency to make. It was done in the absolute best interest of the child, who had waited a long, long time for a family. I wish more agencies would advocate for the rights of the child, instead of always seeming to give in to the parents, especially in those cases when they know with absolute certainty that nothing is permanently wrong with the child.
Recently with another disruption, the agency I spoke with told me that it was "easier" to just get the family a new baby.
Sometimes easier does not equal right. The first baby who was rejected has now been labeled "mentally challenged" even though the agency knew the child was really going to be okay. I think all of us, who do realize that delays occur and that babies can usually overcome them, should be these children's advocates by continually trying to educate new parents on what to expect in China. By helping them be better prepared, we just might help stop a disruption in the future. I love Chinese adoption with my whole heart, and it is my life's work…. but I also want every family who goes to get their baby to go with their eyes open and to be as emotionally prepared as possible, for the child's sake."
Amy Eldridge,
Love Without Boundaries
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