Ok, so today is our first Nanny Q&A day! It also happens to be the 2 month anniversary of GOTCHA DAY! =) I can't believe it's only been 2 months, I feel like Ruby has been in my life always. Sadly for me, today I'm not feeling so good so Ruby & I probably won't head out anywhere but more, have a special Momma & Ruby day right here in our little cozy apartment. Now, before I post these Q&A's, I want everyone to know that the answers I give are MY ANSWERS... it is what I would honestly do in reaction to being faced with that situation in any professional scenario or even a personal one. As I've said before, you may not always like my responses but you all knew this & agreed to it going into Nanny Q&A, so that said... sit back, enjoy the ride & feel free to comment, but please, if you have a Question & not a Comment, EMAIL me your questions by clicking on 'EMAIL ME YOUR QUESTIONS' at the top right of the blog, k? Thanks Everyone!!
And now, the first installment of; Nanny Q&A:
Q: Okay, here's my first question. You explained that you put Ruby to sleep and if she cries more than 15 minutes you go in and make any adustments needed. Although I don't have my daughter yet, I'm picturing me doing this, and then her continuing to cry and me going in every 15 minutes and not finding anything wrong. I know it's been working with you and Ruby, but what would you do if the baby keeps on crying for no other reason than that they just want you and don't want to be alone? I really don't want to co-sleep but I don't want to traumatize a child either. When I thought of bio kids I was always very set on letting them cry it out, but the whole abandonment issue is tugging at my heart now.
Christi
A: If you go in after the second round of the 'fifteen minute' rule & see that your baby is ok & it's not a diaper, it's not that she's lost her favorite toy, it's not that she needs a drink of water, (always keep a non spill water sippy in their cribs with them so that they don't ever dehydrate) it's clearly nothing other than she 'wants you' and she's trying her best to pull a 'baby power trip' on you, just give her a hug & a kiss, tell her you love her & put her back down, the same way you did fifteen minutes earlier, if she needs music, put that back on (repeat play till they're asleep is always a good thing) and turn off the light and quietly leave.
Babies, just like adults, have some SERIOUS RESOLVE when they want something, and if what she wants is to find your ''breaking' point, you need to show her that it's not happening. If you know in your heart that she's fine & healthy & is just being a crabby crabberson, leave her there & go do something else in the house. Kids don't cry forever & I don't suspect that she’ll continue to cry ALL NIGHT. She WILL eventually fall asleep once she learns that her tactics aren't working the way she had hoped.
For those that DO experience the constant crying that won't stop, perhaps the child is sick. Sick crying is completely different from 'I'm annoyed you're not with me' crying, and once you're a mom trust me, you'll know the difference. First, check for a temp & if there is one, try some children's tylenol & put her back down. If she continues to scream and the temp doesn't go down, then you need to call you're PCP or if it's after hours, the ER to ask for further assistance. If there's no tempt perhaps it's gas (mylecon drops help) or if she's having a hard time breathing, both of you should hop into the bathroom & sit on the floor while the shower is blaring & filling up the bathroom with warm steam vapors. (helps to open up her lungs a little better). Also, so does a warm mist humidifier for her bedroom.
Children's Benadryl is a LIFESAVER & A MUST HAVE IN EVERY HOME WITH A SMALL CHILD! I don't know what Ruby & I would've done without it those first few weeks.
Finally, although I don't personally approve of it, there are some babies who, in the end, just need to 'co sleep' with their mom/dad or both for a while. Thankfully, my daughter isn't one of them but in the end of the day, if it's what makes your child happy & comforts him/her, then I guess you do what you have to, to keep everyone happy, right? GOOD LUCK!
-Nanny (aka:Amy)
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Q: How do you feel about M/D sleeping with baby?
I am asking this question because I have a niece (by marriage) who insists she sleeps with her brand new baby boy. She tells me that this is bonding time. She is nuts but I can't convince her. My poor nephew has no say to this because he tells me "my wife knows what to do and she is right". So, what do you think?
I have two munchkins I have adopted from China and they both slept in their own cribs and I have no problem with bonding. We do it when we are playing and other things we do together.
I have read so many books and magazine that sleeping with a baby is not good because of the suffocation by the parents when they roll over. My niece tells me she is a light sleeper and won't do that. I told her also when Mason (her new son) is older he should be sleeping in his own bed. She told me he won't because of the closeness he is with you. Still she comes back with an answer every time I give her advice. Help. I am giving up and I will give her your advice(s).
Sherrie
A: Sadly, this is an issue all too close to home, as I have a sister in law wearing the 'same shoes' as your niece. LOL My brother & his wife have a 3 month old that she's been sleeping with in the SAME BED since DAY ONE! Trust me when I say that I've told them till I'm BLUE in the face that it's COMPLETELY UNSAFE not to mention, a LIFELONG HABIT that they're CREATING!
Unfortunately, even the best of advice goes by the wayside when it's 'unsolicited'. My sister in law doesn't think that there's 'anything wrong' with her sleeping with my niece. Even my brother (I could smack him for this) has let her sleep on his chest here & there for naps! It's enough to send me to a MENTAL HOSPITAL! (And trust me, that's NOT gonna happen since I look HORRIBLE with MENTAL PATIENT BANGS!)
Moving right along...
Yes, there's lots of evidence to support how BAD of an idea this is, but again, people who don’t want your advice will only see it as you being a 'busy body / know it all' etc...
In this type of circumstance, all you can do is remember to include that little baby in your prayers each night before you go to bed that come the morning, they'll still be happy & healthy & unharmed from their night's 'family sleeping arrangements'.
It's funny that you should ask this question of me, not just because it hits so close to home but also because on a recent eppisode of The L Word, a couple who just had a baby is trying their hand at 'attachment parenting' where the child is in CONSTANT CONTACT with ANOTHER HUMAN BEING 24/7! (don’t even get me started on THAT!)
I remember watching that eppisode & all I could keep thinking as I watched both Bette & Tina all snug in their bed with their daughter was " OMG THAT KID'S GONNA GET SMOTHERED & SUFFOCATE!"
So, I guess the bottom line is, if you've already mentioned to your niece several times that it's not the best idea & perhaps she may want to rethink her decision to 'sleep in the same bed' with the child and she's ignored your pleas, unfortunately... there's not much anyone can do as ultimately, it's her child & her mistake to make.
As far as 'bonding with your adopted child' that can be done in simply SPENDING LOTS OF QUALITY TIME WITH THEM! Playing together, talking together, doing anything, so long as it's together, that is bonding time. Bonding doesn't just happen when you're sleeping people, c'mon... Ruby and I get down on the floor together, play with her fake food, take turns feeding Bear his veggies & 'bottle' and we go for walks together, feed the birds & squirrels together & ANYTHING THAT IS QUALITY TIME SPENT TOGETHER IS A BONDING EXPERIENCE! So don't worry that if you don't co-sleep with your child that they're not going to 'love you as much or bond to you as much'... You buy that then I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you! ;)
Just laugh together, play together, be silly together, smile together, love together and you'll find that that's the best path to a WONDERFUL PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIP! Remember too that although it's wonderful that lots of you have biological children, there are also just as many of us who have decided to create our families through adoption, whether international or otherwise and children don't necessarily need to come from us physically to be 100% completely our children or feel LOVED.
Love makes a parent, not bloodline... remember that. Plenty of people have bio kids & aren't fit to parent an ant farm much less a human being. (and NO I'm not speaking of anyone I know personally, but you just turn on the news on any given night & see the type of garbage going on in the world around us...) Donating a sperm does not a 'Dad' make and neither does being the oven for 9 months make a 'mother' ... A LOVING CARING DEDICATED PATIENT GENTLE AND KIND PERSON WITH ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD TO SHARE MAKES A PARENT! (getting off my soap box now...)
Aside from that, I really don't have much more to give you on that, but I can promise you this; every night when I keep my niece Isabella in my prayers that she too wakes up healthy & ALIVE, I'll keep your little guy in my prayers as well.
GOOD LUCK!
-Nanny (aka:Amy)
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Q: What medicines should I have on hand for the infant toddler years? I'd like to start buying them one at a time as I go grocery shopping so by trip time I have everything I need. Thanks!
Julie
A: That's a great question, Julie. The first thing to remember is all medication has an expiration date on it. That said, I wouldn't start buying anything for the house until about 3 months prior to travel. Any earlier than that & you're risking the medication going bad before you even have a chance to use it. Also, as with ANY MEDICATION ALWAYS FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON THE BOX! It is not my intention for you all to go running out & get all this stuff & just 'give it' to your child without knowing first if it's something that is AGE APPROPRIATE... Ok, now THOSE THINGS SAID...
Here are the basics that should be in EVERY home with a child:
Bacitracin
Hydrogen Peroxide
Children's Tylenol Infant Drops
and/or Infants' Advil Drops
Children’s Benadryl
Triaminic ANYTHING ( they have cold, allergy, cough, etc...) Great Products!
Mylecon Drops for Gas
St.Joseph's Baby Aspirin
Calemine lotion for any skin irritation
Little Tummy's Gas Relief Drops
Little Noses Decongestant Nose Drops
Little Noses Saline Spray/Drops
Little Fevers fever/pain reliever
(all the 'little' products came to me in a gift pack so if you get this you probably don't necessarily need all the other stuff, however I prefer the other things to these, but it's another option. This way you get everything in one fell swoop & don't need to go searching for something specific for cold, or fever, or noses, etc..)
Pediacare (either pops or liquid or packets to be mixed with water) for preventing dehydration.
Gentle NAturals Deet-Free Bug Repellent
Either a hot/cool mist vaporizer OR the plug in version for congestion.
Baby Bear Sort Throat Pops (for the older toddler age & up child)
Syrup of Ipecac for accidental poison ingestion.
Castor Oil for for Constipation & to help induce vomiting.
Hylands Teething Tablets to aid in the pain associated with teething, and for the record I'm not a huge fan of Orajel products, PERIOD! They only TOUGHEN the gums making teething a MORE PAINFUL experience than it has to be. My good friend Karen got these tablets for her daughter Gwen & said they work like A DREAM!
Vapo-rub for Infants for congestion. (Thanks Erika!!)
If I can think of anything else I'll be sure to let you know but I think for now this should be a great starter list to work on & just remember to not start buying anything too early as you'll ultimately waste your money if it ends up going bad. =)
-Nanny (aka:Amy)
& Friend Jen who was on the phone with me while I was answering this one & helped tremendously as she too has had much nanny experience.
THANKS JEN!!!
