So Little Time...

...SO MUCH SHIT to VENT ABOUT!

Ok, so here's the skinny of the happenings of me as of late.

1. SO IN LOVE WITH JEN LANCASTER I THINK THAT IF SHE & I WERE BOTH LESBIANS,
I'D SHOW UP ON HER DOORSTEP, TIFFANY PRINCESS CUT SOLITAIRE IN HAND BEGGING HER TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH ME.
No LIE! (the woman is just THAT FUNNY!) But I digress, since neither her nor myself are lesbians, that's a pipedream waiting to be my next nightmare. LOL

2. Miss Ruby & I missed Church today. Not because we meant to, but honestly because we were so wrapped up this morning in the hullabaloo of making Nonno's 'father's day' treat, (roasted red pepper soup with mascarpone cheese & garlic & herb crutons) that by the time the soup was simmering away on the stove, I happened to glance up & notice that it was nearly 1pm and was like "HOLY SHIT, IS THAT REALLY WHAT TIME IT IS?!"
Needless to say, we immediately stopped what we were doing, sat down together at the table, each did the sign of the cross & said a few prayers to God, (after all, it is Father's day, is it not? The Man IS the FATHER, if I'm not mistaken) and we asked to be forgiven for forgetting to attend services earlier but that our love for Nonno & my Kitchen OCD caused us to completely lose track of all things 'normal' & slip into the unconcious world of OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE COOKING with a side of NEUROSIS for good measure. So hey, we missed mass & feel that we've been forgiven (at least HOPE we have been) but the SOUP CAME OUT SO DAMN GOOD THAT HONESTLY, even if we WEREN'T forgiven, we'd take this soup to hell with us ANYDAY! GOOD LORD IS THAT SOME TASTY EATS!

...moving right along...

3. Newest BMB book arrived today (well, yesterday actually) in the mail & Brian Stuy is going to LOSE HIS MARBLES when he holds this puppy in his hands... in two words?
IT ROCKS!

I sat & read & re-read it over and over which is honestly retarded since I'm the one who put it all together thus, I've already READ IT prior to receiveing it's physical copy in the mail, I KNOW all the reports & I've practically memorized all the stories, but it's just so damn INTERESTING that I found myself hogging it when Kristen was just trying to figure out the best way to mail it to him so he'd have it asap. (duh, OVERNIGHT DUMBASS!) I love her but honestly I do believe she should've been born a blonde polish chick. (yes, I know I'm gonna get yelled at for this, but JEN YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU!)

5. Really, WHO needs a 4 anyway?

6. My tan is SPECTACULAR and I have my italian herritage to thank for these genes. ITALIAN DNA = PERFECTLY TANNED SKIN IN UNDER 3 JAUNTS TO THE POOL!
(good times!)

7. Most recent book (which is going to end up being a 2 book order, since her blog is so fantastically wonderfully large & detailed) was finally sent off to our publishers & hopefully will have it back in time to get off to her before her & the family go leavin' on a jet plane... etc. *fingers crossed*

8. I am hereby declaring that all razors in this house be confiscated by MY FRIENDS (ah hem, blonde polish one, I do believe this means YOU!) so that loud mouthed ITALIAN WOMAN who is about as gentle as a BULL IN A CHINA SHOP, NOT FURTHER SUBJECT HERSELF TO UNDUE PAIN & TORTURE all in the name of the damn BRAZILLIANS!
(It's SO JUST NOT WORTH IT! I mean really, what's the appeal of a Brailian when we have the beautiful slightly fuzzy PEACH to admire? I say, EAT MORE FRUIT PEOPLE!) Oops, SO not how I intended that to come out, but again, there it is...

9. My obnoxious neighbors (who I may or may NOT have called the cops on in the past) went sauntering past our house again today, with their OBLIVIOUS DOG who has ZERO RULES in his house as is clearly evident by the way he just skips up our side path, drops a deuce on our lawn, & continues down the lane as if NOTHING WRONG HAS HAPPENED?!
His owner? JUST AS FUCKING CLUELESS! I swear to everything that is holy, I'm SO going to start a SHIT COLLECTION of his dumbass dog's OFFERINGS and ever so gently/WHIPPINGLY chuck it, paper bag (not sure if it's to be flaming yet or not) RIGHT UP ON HIS STUPID FRONT PORCH with a polite little POST IT attached, that reads: "Dear sir, apparently it has not come to your attention the city rule that clearly states that all dogs MUST BE ON A LEASH when out for a walk with their owners. (there should be an addendum to this that states that all owners MUST HAVE A BRAIN before purchasing/adopting said animal as if neither is smart enough to clean up their messes, neither should be allowed to roam the streets!) As I don't subscribe to the 'ignorant pet owners book of rules & regulations' I am unsure of what to do with what is clearly your pets 'gifts' accumulating on my lawn. Since I cannot determine the best placement for such a gift, I feel it is only fitting to return it to you as I've found it, however neatly packaged in this lovely RECYCLABLE BAG for your proper disposal. I do hope that in the future you will take such action to see that this does not happen again as I honestly don't want to waste my perfectly good recycleable bags on your dog's SHIT. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Pissed off around the corner!


10. Now that the burning has stopped when I pee, I am quite happy with my bang up job at the brazilian, although hindsight tells me that perhaps, next time I should employ an ACTUAL BRAZILIAN (man/woman, doesn't matter...) to PROPERLY take care of business, as I really came about a milimeter shy of permanetly damaging the family jewls. (and by jewel, I mean JEWEL... NOOOOOOO!)

11. One week before my final apt with my surgeon... (note to self, bring cookies to him as a bribe!) What? You think just cuz he's my 'fat' surgeon that he's fat too? Not on your life, the man is young & handsome & could eat anything he wants & not even dream of gaining an ounce. Honestly, I think he's got some short of magical power where whenever HE eats what he wants, the women who come to him for help find EVERY LAST STINKIN OUNCE THAT HE'S DODGED, thus why we continually come back to him for help. What a way to stay in business, right? So, cookies never hurt as a bribe, fat chick or otherwise... everyone's gotta eat right? And since I'm pretty good at paying attention *when it COUNTS* I remember him saying once that he LOVES HOME MADE COOKIES, ANY TYPE, SO LONG AS THEY'RE HOME MADE JUST FOR HIM!
One word: DONE!

The boy is about to poke & prod around my insides & re-route my plumming, HE CAN HAVE SWEETS FIRST TO BRING ABOUT SOME 'HAPPY' SO HE'LL REMEMBER THE CUTE FAT CHICK WHO FED HIS ASS! (yes, he'll remember, my cookies are unforgetable!)

12. My daughter is sound asleep & so I'm off to go watch the CELTICS KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS!

13. JUST BECAUSE IT'S MY FAVORITE NUMBER!

LATER TATERS!
*grin*