Sometimes Genius Takes The Short Bus...

...like this morning when, while in the shower, I notice a HUGE black spider up in the furthest corner, slightly above my head. "OH I DON'T THINK SO", said out loud just in case Mr.spider understands English! I traipse nekkid into the kitchen (yes my blinds are open that early, trust me, AIN'T NOBODY lookin' this way to see the fat chick hobble out to her Viva's on the counter & honestly, if they are, ENJOY THE SHOW... Bill's in the mail!) So, Viva in hand, I hop back into the shower (nearly falling twice mind you) and get back in there only to realize that my 5'2.5" frame IS NOT going to reach me to new heights to rid my morning shower routine of it's unwanted guest.
FUCK!
What to do what to do? Hmmmmmmmm
A temporary lapse of reason summons the brilliance to lug one of my kitchen chairs in there, however brief it was, I then had visions of my fat, wet, broken body flopping & flapping on the shower floor patiently waiting in PAIN for my daughter to wake up & come find me there. Then I thought, "poor kid's been through enough in her little life, let's not add insult to injury!" KITCHEN CHAIR NIXED.

NEXT!

Standing there, hand on the nozzle of my water massage (NO COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY) and I think "Hmmm, perhaps?... Maybe..." *SWOOOOOOOOOOSH* a HUGE spray of water hits mister spider & knocks him silly... in slow motion, he takes a left at Albuquerque & heads down the drain with the rest of the stream.
Paper towel indeed, what the HELL is wrong with me? And TO THINK I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF WITH A KITCHEN CHAIR! ugh.

You'll pardon me as I use this paper towel to dry my hair in preparation for the HELMET I'll be wearing as I wait for the short bus to arrive...