Thursday, January 11, 2007

My CC'd Copy Of A Letter To Anorexic Bitch From:

The Commonwealth Of Massachusetts
Executive Office Of Health And Human Services
Department Of Social Services.

Dear Madam, (Anorexic Bitch)

As you know, I have talked with you about the recent report of suspected child abuse and/or neglect in your family which was received by the Department of Social Services. After visiting with you and your children on December 28th, 2006 and talking to other people who know your family, THE DEPARTMENT HAS FOUND NO REASONABLE CAUSE TO SUPPORT THE ALLEGATIONS THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE BEEN ABUSED AND/OR NEGLECTED.

If the report about your children came from a person who is required by state law to make this type of report (this could be a doctor, nurse, teacher or other professional), I will be informing her/his of this decision. If you would like to know more about any services which the Department can offer you or if you would like to apple for services, please contact:
Cape Ann Area DSS at (***) ***-****

If you have any questions about this letter or want to talk to me, please call me.

Sincerely,
Woman whose time you completely wasted.
Cape Ann Area Office
Blah blah blah street
Massachusetts.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The ABC's of Amy...

* A - available or taken: Available
* B- best friend: Jen
* C- cake or pie: Cake
* D- drink of choice: Water
* E-essential item you use everyday: Glasses
* F-favorite color: Red
* G-gummy bears or worms: Neither, don't eat candy
* H-hometown: Beverly, MA.
* I-indulgence: M&M's
* J-January or February: Both, I love WINTER!
* K-kid's names: Ruby Cate (Nearly 2 & 1/2 years old!)
* L-life incomplete without: My daughter, family & friends.
* M-marriage date: TBA
* N-number of siblings: One younger brother, Adam. He's 31
* O-oranges or apples: Apples
* P-phobias or fears: Heights
* Q-favorite quote: "In the lottery of my life, my daughter is the six numbers- and the bonus..." -Unknown
* R-reason to smile: Every moment spent with Ruby
* S-season: Fall
* T-tag 3 people: Open Tag, you wanna play, go for it, if not, so be it.
* U-unknown fact about me: I can & have talked to dead people... long story.
* V-veggie I don't like: Cabbage
* W-worst habit: I talk too much.
* X-xrays: MRI's every six months courtesy of MS.
* Y-your favorite food: Lobster when it's in season, OMG SO GOOD! (boiled with butter please!)
* Z-zodiac: LEO

FL. Kris is right...




...listen with your heart to this one, as many times as it takes to 'hear'.

Amen...




...just Amen.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

& What Would Tuesday Night Be...

...without some after dinner ENTERTAINMENT!

*grin*


*Music is TOUGH WORK!*

Tuesdays With Uncle Steve...

...Chicken in Creamy Mushroom Sauce over Chive Egg Noodles!
(click above for RECIPE!)

OMG SO GOOD!

For real, if Rachael Ray wasn't already married,
I'd PROPOSE because the woman is a FREAKIN' GENIUS IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so busy making this dish I didn't take the 'progress pics' I normally do, but I DO have the finished product & BOY WAS IT FANFRIGGENTASTIC!

For your viewing pleasure:


Monday, January 08, 2007

HYSTERICAL!

You know you are a child of the 80's if...

1. Your first date took you to the roller rink and you held hands for "Couples Only" skate.
2. You wore a banana clip at some point in your youth.
3. You carried a big colored comb in your back pocket.
4. You know what "Push Up" ice cream is.
5. You know the profound meaning of "Wax on. Wax off".
6. You know who Tina Youthers is.
7. You wanted to be a Goonie.
8. You know who Max Headroom is.
9. You ever wore fluorescent or neon clothing.
10. You could breakdance or wish you could.
11. You wanted to dress like the Hulk or She-Ra at Halloween.
12. You believed the "By the power of Greyskull," you had the power.
13. Partying "like it was 1999" seemed sooo far away.
14. You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
15. You wanted to be on Star Search.
16. You remember Michael Jackson when he was still black.
17. Your first Walkman weighed about as much as a brick.
18. You owned a doll with "Xavier Roberts" signed on its butt, or knew someone who did.
19. You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout".
20. You HAD to have your MTV.
21. You hold a special place in your heart for "Back to the Future."
22. You know where to go if you "wanna go where everybody knows your name."
23. You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
24. You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.
25. You have heard of the "Garbage Pail Kids" and possibly owned and traded them with friends.
26. You got a Little Professor calculator for Christmas.
27. You knew "The Artist", when he was humbly called "Prince".
28. You stared a SLAM book or wrote in one.
29. You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game.
30. You own any cassettes or records.
31. You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.
32. You remember and/or owned any of the CareBear glass collections from Pizza Hut.
33. Poltergeist freaked you out.
34. You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunchbox.
35. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female Smurf.
36. You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or know someone who did.
37. You ever had a Swatch Watch, and a Swatch Guard for it.
38. You had a crush on one of the Corey's (Haim or Feldman).
39. You had to stay after class to scrub your desk because your silver Outliner pen leaked through.
40. You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
41. You were in Cub Scouts or Girl Scouts but now you have no idea what all the badges you got were for.
42. You know what a "Whammee" is.
43. You had a crush on Jon Bon Jovi, or know someone who did.
44. You thought eating Reeses Pieces would attract your own alien.
45. Your name is Jennifer or Jason.
46. You have ever called 867-5309.
47. You had a poster of Rob Lowe, Kirk Cameron, Michael J. Fox or Don Johnson on your wall.
48. You held the top score on PacMan.
49. You had MALL Hair.
50. You owned a T-shirt that said, "I shot J. R. " or know someone who did.
51. If you ever said "I pity the fool".
52. Your dream car was either: the A-team van, KITT or The General Lee.
53. You knew who Max's boss Jonathan Hart was.
54. You were sad when the "Where's the Beef" lady died.
55. You remember when Ricky Martin was a member of Menudo.
56. You wore a feather roach clip in your hair from the local carnival because you didn’t know what it really was.
57. You remember when cellular phones weighed 15 lbs. and had to be carried over your shoulder.
58. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on.
59. You still know the Big Mac song. "Two all beef patties, special sauce…"
60. You own a real Rubik’s Cube
61. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.
62. You used to own a Snoopy Sno Cone Machine.
63. You have a tendency to turn the collar up on your Polo shirts.
64. You know what the "P" in Alex P. Keaton stands for.
65. You remember exactly where you were when you heard the space shuttle had exploded.
66. You know all of the words to at least one of the Schoolhouse Rock songs.
67. You could go through a case of Aqua Net hairspray in a week.
68. Your first computer was a Commodore 64 or an Atari 800.
69. You thought being a latch key kid was completely normal.
70. You were disappointed when an episode of 3-2-1 Contact didn’t include a Bloodhound Gang segment.
71. There were days that the homework just had to wait until the ABC Afterschool Special was over.
72. You know what movie the phrase, "Number 5 is alive!" is from.
73. You remember when Molly Ringwald was on Facts of Life.
74. You tried a can of clear Pepsi but hated it like everyone else did.
75. You wore the little bootie socks with the colored balls on the back.
76. You wrote your boyfriends name on the side of your canvas Keds.
77. You just had to have a Trapper Keeper to stay organized at school.
78. You remember when McDonald’s served their burgers in styrofoam boxes.
79. You remember when you could buy half cans of soda (great for field trip days!).
80. You like the guy who played Freddy Kruger better as Willie on "V".
81. You hid out behind the gym during recess to read "Are you there God, it’s me Margaret?" with your friends.
82. Four-square was THE playground game.
83. You were afraid of the Sleestacks on Land of The Lost.
84. You know who Derek Wildstar, Mark Venture, Captain Avatar, Nova and Desslock are.
85. You chewed Dr. Pepper bubble gum.
86. You remember Dirk Benedict as Starbuck long before he played Face.
87. You know who played Uncle Ned, Elyse’s brother, on Family Ties.
88. You skipped school on the day Luke and Laura got married on General Hospital.
89. You never thought they’d be able to top the special effects in TRON.
90. You freaked out a little when you realized you fall into the "26-50" category of most surveys.
91. You played with Lego’s when they were just blocks of various sizes, not any of the special little parts.
92. You made Star Wars shrinky dinks in your oven.
93. You know who Spuds McKenzie, The Noid, and Joe Isuzu are.
94. The TV movie "The Day After" still scares the heck out of you.
95. Pierce Brosnon will always be Remington Steele, not James Bond.
96. You owned at least one Choose Your Own Adventure book.
97. You watched Mary Lou Retton win the gold.
98. The Dark Crystal is still one of your favorite movies.
99. In many of your childhood photos you are wearing something plaid.
100. You still love to play Pong!

The following entries came from an e-mail I received from a friend entitled "Girl of the 70's". A lot of these apply as well so I thought I would add them to the list.

1. You owned a bicyle with a banana seat and a basket.
2. Your roller skates had metal wheels.
3. You begged Santa for the electronic game Simon.
4. You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.
5. You wore the Little House on the Prairie inspired high neck, ruffled, plaid shirt in at least one school picture.
6. You can sing at least one song from "Annie" by heart.
7. You would tape songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
8. You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes.
9. You had the shoelaces with the rainbow or heart designs.
10. You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

The 'CRAFTY' Grin...


...means that she's usually up to something,
which means she's up to no good!
hehehehe

Because I Missed It When It Was On TV...

ZAHN: So how would you feel if someone told you you couldn't adopt a baby because you're not thin enough, not rich enough, nor attractive enough? We're bringing this story out in the open tonight because that's exactly what's about to happen when Americans try to adopt children from China, and some people say that is downright discriminatory. China is the most popular country Americans go to for foreign adoptions. Last year, nearly 6,500 Chinese children found parents right here in the U.S. John Vause is in Beijing tonight and he joins me live. So, John, what are some of these restrictions that are about to be put in place that we need to be aware of?

JOHN VAUSE, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Well, Paula, the Chinese government says these new measures are all about finding better homes for Chinese orphans, so as of this coming May, all foreigners, not just Americans, but anyone from overseas wanting to adopt a Chinese orphan must meet some of these following criteria.

They must not be morbidly obese, in other words, a body mass index of over 40, they must not have facial deformities, they must not take antidepressants.

On the other side of the equation, they must have a net worth of $80,000 or more. They must earn over $30,000 a year. They must also be, this is one of the biggest changes, they also must be a man and a woman who have, in fact, been married for at least two years, aged between 30 and 50. So in other words, no singles.

In the past, China was one of the few countries in the world who would allow singles to adopt kids. They've never allowed gay adoption but they have allowed singles in limited numbers to adopt kids but it seems that will be changing as well, Paula.

ZAHN: So what is the Chinese government officially saying about this, and why they want to institute these changes?

VAUSE: Well, the Chinese government is making no apologies for the new criteria. An official that we spoke to Friday told us in part, Quote, "Our job is to help the homeless children find warm families, rather than just children for childless families."

At the same time we're insisting there's been no change to the actual adoption policy. They're just introducing a preference system, because quite simply, there are so many foreigners who want to come here that they just outnumber the orphans who are available for adoption, and there are lengthy waiting periods for foreigners wanting Chinese kids. They can wait for a year, in many cases sometimes more, Paula.

ZAHN: John Vause, thanks so much for the update.

Joining me now, an attorney Sondra Solovay, an author of "Tipping the Scales of Justice: Fighting Weight-Based Discrimination." She also has a new book coming out later this year. Welcome back.

Some of these rules, I think, are a little bit easier for us to swallow than others. I think some people think it's probably pretty justified that prospective parents have enough money to care for a children, but what about weight restrictions, what about facial deformities, and how that could compromise someone's ability to adopt?

SONDRA SOLOVAY, AUTHOR, "TIPPING THE SCALES OF JUSTICE": These restrictions are definitely troubling. I certainly empathize with the difficult decision of figuring out which adoptive family is going to be the best for a child and the children we're most concerned about. But you simply can't tell by looking at someone if they're going to be a good adoptive parent. We don't have to rent "Mommy Dearest" to remember that a pretty face doesn't mean a pretty family.

And certainly you can't tell the amount of love a parent has in their heart by looking at the number on their bathroom scale.

ZAHN: But on the flipside of all this, doesn't china have the right to create whatever rules it wants to, no matter how unpalatable some of them might seem?

SOLOVAY: Sure, they have the right, they have the obligation to do what they think is best to look out for their children. That's absolutely true. It's an interesting point as well, because some of these agencies that are in the U.S. are going to be in quite a predicament, caught between two different rules, rules in the United States prohibiting them from discriminating based on disability, based on weight, based on marital status and the restrictions that China imposed so it's difficult for the agencies, too, but I think we need to bring our attention back to the children and the idea is to find the children the best, most loving homes they can, and those homes don't come in a particular weight limit or a particular size.

In fact, we have this idea, I suppose, of a traditional home. But when children come from China to the U.S., many will be placed in homes that are going to be mixed race or mixed ethnicity anyway. These aren't traditional homes and it's the diversity in the U.S. that makes those families understand that they have the same rights as any other family.

ZAHN: How many angry calls are you taking from prospective parents out there about these new regulations?

SOLOVAY: I expect my office is going to be absolutely flooded with calls not only from parents, but from the agencies themselves, wondering about their rights and responsibilities. For example, in San Francisco, you can't discriminate based on weight, so an agency in San Francisco is going to have a difficult time walking that line.

ZAHN: Well, Sondra Solovay, we're going to leave that there and get more reaction now. Thank you for your time. From our panel.

SOLOVAY: Thank you.

ZAHN: One more time. Cenk Uygur, Roland Martin, Solangel Maldonado.

Obviously the Chinese government is making it clear it wants to be more selective will prospective parents, it wants to place these children in the best family environment it can. Isn't that justified?

MALDONADO: Absolutely. I think we all know that China is a sovereign country. It has the right to place whatever restrictions on foreigners who are seeking to adopt their children that it wants. And adoption is really about supply and demand, and the reality is that there are many more Americans, many more Westerners seeking to adopt children from China than there are children available so the Chinese government can decide to do whatever it wants.

MARTIN: OK, why? What's the big deal with Chinese children? Enlighten me, please, help me out.

ZAHN: You understand this better than anybody. Why don't we see more Americans adopting black foster children?

MARTIN: That's my point. What's the big deal with Chinese children? Why the infatuation?

ZAHN: You think it's something with the color of their skin? Is that what you're driving at?

MARTIN: Maybe they think they can adopt a smart kid that is going to grow up to be a doctor? I don't know. They need to realize that's called training, not just inherent, it will happen when they're born.

Angel, help me out.

MALDONADO: Absolutely. This is something I've been looking into for a long time. Americans have this love affair with girls from China. There is this belief, this perception, irrational as it might be that if you adopt a little girl from China, she's going to be intelligent, she's going to be more lovable.

MARTIN: Like the porcelain doll.

MALDONADO: We definitely see that idea of the beautiful Chinese little girl, as compared to do, they really want to adopt a black boy.

ZAHN: What difference does it make if the prospective parent has a facial deformity and the prospective parent weighs 70 more pounds than the scale says they should weigh.

UYGUR: I love the idea of them weighing people. All right. So you know, first of all, okay, so gay parents are out. That's a clear rule, but then also Dennis Hastert's out because he's way too fat. They put him on the scale, sorry. But I'd probably be out.

I don't know, maybe I'd have to go on an exercise regimen, to do the body mass indexes they pinch you in all of these different places.

ZAHN: You can fake it, suck it in.

UYGUR: Not me.

MARTIN: Paula, you raise the question - China, first of all, they do have the right to do it, but the flipside is what is the infatuation by Americans and other foreigners when it comes to adopting Chinese children? That is a real issue there, and why do we avoid other children and not just -- children who are here in America, who are looking for homes, and who just like Chinese orphans want a nice place to live.

ZAHN: But realistically, how are you ever going to change that bias?

UYGUR: I think a lot of people are looking for Muslim children these days.

ZAHN: Yeah, right.

UYGUR: Because we started the Iraq war and there's so many orphans. I'm sure they're getting a lot of Iraqi children, right? No, of course, they think it's cute and they're smart and it's really dumb, actually, of course. Roland's right, it's all in the training and it's a shame because all over the world there's other kids that need to be adopted especially in Africa, but for once, the celebrities are doing the right thing there trying to foster that.

MARTIN: Call the queen of Africa, Angelina Jolie. She can hook you up.

MALDONADO: I think what we need to do is we need to break down some of the misconceptions. For example, people believe if they're adopting a child from China, the child is going to be healthier than a child they adopt in the United States and that is just not true. Even if the child is born ...

ZAHN: It defies logic. The quality of the medical care many of these kids have suffered through the first several months of life.

MARTIN: What also ignores logic is that China is having an explosion when it comes to obesity as well so maybe they should start their own million pound challenge like we started in Chicago to deal with Chinese folks who don't want to have overweight kids.

ZAHN: What are some of the other assumptions you think people in America make about the native intelligence of children based on whether you're Hispanic - We had a guest on the other night when you were with us suggesting that Hispanic parents don't take education as seriously as some other sets of our population. There's a very complicated picture here.

UYGUR: And America is changing and some of the assumptions are going to change because of that. What really happens isn't of course that Asians are smarter. Immigrant families foster a culture where they work hard and emphasize education so Jewish families went through that, Asian families went through that. But now Eastern European families are coming and doing the same thing and African families are coming and doing the same thing. So I can't wait for 10, 20 years down the line, everybody's like I've got to have an African child. Because they're all geniuses.

MARTIN: Remember, those are learned traits that you learn based upon how you have been raised.

UYGUR: Of course.

MARTIN: You are simply not born, hey that, kid will have a great work ethic because they were born to an immigrant family. It simply doesn't work that way because you got some lazy immigrant families. What do you think the assumptions Americans make about kids of Asian descent even here in America, they'll work hard, they'll own their store someday.

UYGUR: They'll be brilliant.

ZAHN: All right. Hispanic ...

MALDONADO: Well the idea about Hispanic kids, it's sort of mixed. I think the stereotypes about Hispanic kids are both positive and negative. They believe that Hispanic kids are likely to work harder than black kids, but they also believe that they're not going to be as intelligent as Asian kids.

ZAHN: Muslim kids.

UYGUR: They're going to grow up to be violent.

Who is adopting a Muslim kid? Has anyone adopted a Muslim kid in the last 20 years in America?

MARTIN: You've got somebody sitting there saying, keep the Muslim kid out of chemistry class. Keep them away.

ZAHN: How about black kids?

Do you think the average American out there makes the assumption they'll be lazy and never make it through high school?

MARTIN: I think they probably assume they're going to sing for them like Jay Z and play like in the NBC.

ZAHN: Anybody would love to have Jay Z's career.

MARTIN: I'd rather have Bob Johnson's. He's a billionaire and Jay Z isn't.

ZAHN: Thank you, Roland Martin, Solangel Maldonado. Thank you, all. Appreciate your time.

So on to another controversial question, who is smarter? Men or women? Coming up next, new scientific evidence that may leave you asking if you're as smart as you thought or just intolerant. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)


ZAHN: And that wraps it up for all of us here tonight. Thanks so much for being with us. On Monday night we're bringing out in the open the controversial story of parents who gave their severely disabled child drugs so that she'd stay small and be easier to take care of. They call her their pillow angel.

Once again, that's it for all of us here tonight. Again, thanks for dropping by. Have a great weekend. TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.voxant.com


To say that I'm disgusted is an understatement, I am sitting here slightly beside myself with anger & honestly, it's probably better that I didn't see that when it originally aired, I'd have thrown shit at the TV. Let's just say that Paula's lucky she's not my neighbor.

And in an email I received this morning, this news:


Subject: Paula Zahn Now to redress the issue of China Adoption 1/8 at 8pm ET
Date: Mon, 8 Jan 2007 15:45:36 +0000


RE Paula Zahn Now Panel on China Adoption:

Here is an unexpected development: I received a call from a producer at the
Paula Zahn Show last night. She was very contrite, noted that they had received
MANY comments from adoptive parents expressing their anger and disappointment at
Friday's panel. The producer asked many questions to be sure they understood
our community's views.
She informed me that they had decided to run a new panel on China adoption "to
redress the issue." - which will air tonight.
(Paula Zahn Now AIRS: 8-9 p.m. ET on CNN)

We understand that they have invited new speakers, including someone from the
Great Wall Adoption Agency, the president of the Organization of Chinese
Americans (a national group with which FCC is forging ties), a Chinese
journalist, and someone from FCC or another adoptive families organization.

Thank you to all of you who sent such articulate feedback to CNN over the
weekend. You were heard!




I for one will be tuning in for sure...

Look Momma...




THEY BOTH FIT!
hehehe

(I know, totally gross but THANKFULLY this occurred
AFTER we were done eating breakfast, NOT before!)


Sunday, January 07, 2007

Welcome To HELL...

CHRIST it's so freakin' WARM here in BOSTON!

...WHERE IS MY 'FREEZE OVER'?!?!?


Ok, so we broke records yesterday with a high temp of 69!
It apparently hadn't been that hot here since 1913...

...hi, can we say GLOBAL WARMING?

Well it SUCKS ASS cuz I HATE THE HEAT!
All year long most people wait for SUMMER to arrive,
well me, I'm just the opposite...

I
WAIT
FOR
WINTER!

Where are my blustery cold days with wind chills below zero?
Where is my glorious, wonderous SNOW?
When can I take my child outside & teach her to make her first
SNOW MAN!

A page from Margaret's book...

'Dear God, it's me Amy... can you PLEASE send WINTER back to BOSTON,
please? MY DAUGHTER AND I NEED SNOW!
Thank you!

-Hot in Boston.'

If I knit one more scarf without a cold home to go to,
I'll go INSANE!

Oh, and speaking of scarves...
Jen, your green one is nearly finished
& will go out shortly & I'm THRILLED you love your pink one!
Anyone else in the market for a hand knit scarf?
Shoot me an email!

Now, SNOW ALREADY DAMNIT!
*sigh*



Proud To Present...


...the M.S. Ribbon Of Hope.

Just looking at it makes me smile.

=)

Sweet As Peas...


...the many hopeful faces of babies waiting for families in the CCAI Matching Room.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

How creepy/kewl is THIS shit...


...oh yeah, THAT'S my BRAIN!

Trippy!
(no word yet from my Neuro... when I hear, you'll hear, k?)

Holy FREAKIN' Delicious...

Man, do I just
LOVE RACHAEL RAY!
She's a goddamn GENIUS in the kitchen
& this recipe is proof positive of that!

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4-6 garlic cloves, chopped
1 medium onion, finely chopped or 1 large onion, finely chopped
1 - 15 ounce can diced tomatoes
1 - 28 ounce can crushed tomatoes

salt and pepper
1 quart chicken stock
4 cups chopped or torn stale bread (about 1/2 pound)
2 (15 ounce) cans small white beans, such as Goya brand (smaller than cannellini beans)
1/2 cup grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese, to pass at table
10 fresh basil leaves, torn (optional)

Heat a medium soup pot over medium heat.
Add 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, garlic and 3/4 of the onion.

Cook 7 to 8 minutes, then add tomatoes and crushed tomatoes and season with salt and pepper.

Add stock and raise heat to make the soup bubble.

Reduce heat to simmer and add bread and beans.


Stir soup as it simmers until it thickens to a stew-like consistency.





Turn off heat, adjust seasonings and ladle into shallow bowls.

(when your spoon can stand up straight on it's own in the center of the stoup,
OH IT'S DONE BABY!)


Top with grated cheese, an additional drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil and a spoonful of reserved finely chopped raw onions.

Mmmmmmm... SO DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!


Friday, January 05, 2007

My Child...

...dances on POOL TABLES!


& the frightening thing?


She's GOOD at it!


Who knew...


...she'd find her niche' LIKE THIS!


Let's just hope it's a temporary thing...


...cuz I'm pretty sure Boston doesn't have ONE COLLEGE dedicated to the art of,

TABLE DANCING!
*ugh*

(psst, Baby can we get you down from there now? PLEASE?)

Then...

...& Now!

Psst, Hey Taylor...



...tell Momma to look: HERE!

You know you're a Masshole if...

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the
greatest moments in your life.

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at
him for going too slow.

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke.

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language eva!

7. Your social security number starts with a 0

8. You can actually find your way around Boston.

9. You know what a "regular" coffee is.

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round.

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent.

12. Springfield is located "way out west."

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when
you cut them off or steal their parking space.

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester,
Billerica, Gloucester, and Haverhill.

15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise.

16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or a CVS Pharmacy
within eyeshot at all times.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol.

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski.

19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.

20. You order iced coffee in January

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere

22. You love scorpion bowls.

23. You know what they sell at a Packie.

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.

25. You know what First Night is.

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or
Seamus.

27. McLobster= McCrap!

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high
school drinking buddies.

29. Sure there are 6 New England states, but Connecticut really doesn't
count.

30. You intentionally give wrong directions to tourists, feel bad when
they drive off, but then say to yourself ,"Ah, screw them."

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after
last call.

32. You're sick of the Kennedy's, but you vote for them anyway.

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not
optional

34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe.

35. You've been to Goodtimes before

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and
Independence Day. (...and they DO).

37. You have never been to "Cheers."

38. The words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

39. You've been to Fenway Park several times.

40. You've gone to at least one party at U Mass.

41. You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.

42. You know what a Frappe is.

43. You've been to Hempfest.

44. You know who Frank Averuch is.

45. ADVANCED: You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown

46. You can complete the following: "Lynn, Lynn......"

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it
turns out to be friggin' Snows.

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one.

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time.

50. You never go to "Cape Cod," you go "down the Cape".

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than
Whitey Bulger.

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is.

53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth
Plantation on a field trip in elementary school

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted
Williams.

55. You remember Major Mudd.

56. You know what candlepin bowling is

57. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day

58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is.

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Speaking
of which...

60. You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town

61. Calling Carrabba's an "Italian" restaurant is sacrilege

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents'
attic.

63. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing
line.

64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are
in town.

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't really that much of a surprise.

66. You call guys you've just met "Chief" or "Boss."

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means there's just 3 more shopping days
until Christmas

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy

69. You refer to Savin Hill as "Stab 'n Kill."

70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to tourists.

71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it.

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the
rest of the country.

73. 11pm? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloon!

74. 2am? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's Roast Beef!

75. 5am? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your
back seat

76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

77. People you don't like are all "Bastids."

78. You took school or work off for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win
Parade

79. You've called something "wicked pissa."

80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis.

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38

83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman.

85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time.

87. Your town has at least 6 sub shops, and none of them are a Subway.

88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frankie.

89. 20 degrees isn't that bad as long as there ain't no wind- then it gets wicked cold.

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long
version of Alice's Restaurant.

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was Athah Feedlah.

93. You know what the Combat Zone is

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales
tax

95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block
oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual.

99. Hearing an old lady shout "Numbah 96 for Sioux City!" means it's time for steak

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann
& Hope.