You know you're a Masshole if...

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the
greatest moments in your life.

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at
him for going too slow.

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke.

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language eva!

7. Your social security number starts with a 0

8. You can actually find your way around Boston.

9. You know what a "regular" coffee is.

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round.

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent.

12. Springfield is located "way out west."

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when
you cut them off or steal their parking space.

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester,
Billerica, Gloucester, and Haverhill.

15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise.

16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or a CVS Pharmacy
within eyeshot at all times.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol.

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski.

19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.

20. You order iced coffee in January

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere

22. You love scorpion bowls.

23. You know what they sell at a Packie.

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.

25. You know what First Night is.

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or
Seamus.

27. McLobster= McCrap!

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high
school drinking buddies.

29. Sure there are 6 New England states, but Connecticut really doesn't
count.

30. You intentionally give wrong directions to tourists, feel bad when
they drive off, but then say to yourself ,"Ah, screw them."

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after
last call.

32. You're sick of the Kennedy's, but you vote for them anyway.

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not
optional

34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe.

35. You've been to Goodtimes before

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and
Independence Day. (...and they DO).

37. You have never been to "Cheers."

38. The words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

39. You've been to Fenway Park several times.

40. You've gone to at least one party at U Mass.

41. You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.

42. You know what a Frappe is.

43. You've been to Hempfest.

44. You know who Frank Averuch is.

45. ADVANCED: You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown

46. You can complete the following: "Lynn, Lynn......"

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it
turns out to be friggin' Snows.

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one.

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time.

50. You never go to "Cape Cod," you go "down the Cape".

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than
Whitey Bulger.

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is.

53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth
Plantation on a field trip in elementary school

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted
Williams.

55. You remember Major Mudd.

56. You know what candlepin bowling is

57. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day

58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is.

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Speaking
of which...

60. You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town

61. Calling Carrabba's an "Italian" restaurant is sacrilege

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents'
attic.

63. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing
line.

64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are
in town.

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't really that much of a surprise.

66. You call guys you've just met "Chief" or "Boss."

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means there's just 3 more shopping days
until Christmas

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy

69. You refer to Savin Hill as "Stab 'n Kill."

70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to tourists.

71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it.

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the
rest of the country.

73. 11pm? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloon!

74. 2am? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's Roast Beef!

75. 5am? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your
back seat

76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

77. People you don't like are all "Bastids."

78. You took school or work off for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win
Parade

79. You've called something "wicked pissa."

80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis.

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38

83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman.

85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time.

87. Your town has at least 6 sub shops, and none of them are a Subway.

88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frankie.

89. 20 degrees isn't that bad as long as there ain't no wind- then it gets wicked cold.

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long
version of Alice's Restaurant.

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was Athah Feedlah.

93. You know what the Combat Zone is

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales
tax

95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block
oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual.

99. Hearing an old lady shout "Numbah 96 for Sioux City!" means it's time for steak

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann
& Hope.