Morning Hair, Giggles, Bear Kisses & My Nannie...

Mystic Knitting...

...a scarf made of allot of love & a dash of stupidity
while watching one pretty good 'on demand' flick in the early a.m.

Let's just hope he likes it as much as William Bear does...
*why am I craving pizza now?*

Bear Love & Benadryl...

...a winning combination.

Tuesday's With Uncle Steve...

...Chicken Taco Stoup w/sour cream & lime!

Ingredients:




EVOO (twice around pot)
4 cloves fresh minced garlic
1 can crushed tomatoes
1 pkg thick center cut bacon
1 red onion chopped
1 Spanish onion chopped
1 block extra sharp cheddar cheese
2 large boneless chicken breasts cut up bite size
1 pkg taco seasoning mix
4 cups chicken stock
1 lime
tortilla chips

Directions:


In large soup pot on medium heat, go twice around bottom of pot with EVOO.
(extra virgin olive oil)


add fresh minced garlic & brown being careful not to burn!


Add whole pound of bacon cut into bite size pieces.


once bacon has browned up (ten minutes) add both onions.
(Spanish & red)


Pepper to taste.
(I don't add salt as the bacon is salty enough as is...)


Stir & cook about ten minutes until onions are slightly transparent.


Add boneless chicken breasts & stir. Cook about ten minutes or so.


Then add can of crushed tomatoes.


Then add 4 cups of stock, stir well.


Now add your packet of taco seasoning.


Let simmer another ten minutes until mixture comes to a low boil.


Reduce heat & add the zest of one lime.
(save the actual lime to be juiced over each bowl prior to presentation)


Now it's time to prepare bowl for serving:


In bottom of bowl, crush a handful of tortilla chips of your choice.



Now crumble a handful of freshly grated extra sharp cheddar cheese on top of those...


...ladle one full heap er of the stoup on top of the tortillas & cheese.
(soup will be very hot, thus melting the cheese on contact)


Finish off with a generous dollop of sour cream in the center & two tortilla chips for garnish.
(squeeze fresh lime juice over entire bowl)




& SERVE!

Then, if you're lucky enough...


...you'll be enjoying THESE for dessert!
*drool*


After all, who doesn't like to taste the rainbow?
hehehe
Ruby & Bear wish everyone a
GOOD NIGHT!

*pray for sleep*

That which doesn't kill us...

...is supposed to make us stronger, right?

What most of you do not know is that prior to leaving for NC, I went on two separate job interviews with the local YMCA to be a teachers assistant in their infant/toddler room.
The pay wasn't much but it was a job & it was right up my alley.
1st interview was to chat with the director...
...2nd was to spend actual time with the kids, over two hours to be exact.

Phone just rang, they'd like to thank me for my interest but are going with someone else.

Se La Vie'

As of Feb 1st, my $ has run out & we'll be living on a wing & a prayer, or two.

...just keep us in your thoughts & pray that either I find a job,
or one finds me soon because now it's just getting scary.

Serenity Now...

I don't for one second regret at all going to visit our friends & enjoying what was quite possibly,
the most fun 2year old birthday party celebration ever, hands down.

I do, however, regret that in doing so, I've set my child's progress back some.
My girl, to anyone who knows her, is the most chill, relaxed, sweet heart of a kid.
Honest, she just is.

Now?
She's timid, scared, cries alot more, is clingy & can't do a THING unless Velcro'd to my side.
Literally.
I used to be able to leave the room & let her play independently with whatever toy it was that had her undivided attention...

Now?
Not so much.

I even so much as think about leaving the room,
FIRST
I have to convince her that it's ok to get down from my lap for just a little bit because,
"Momma has to potty"
or
"Momma has to take a shower"
etc...

THEN (assuming I was successful at talking her 'down')
I attempt said necessity with little to no success.

I really am convinced that this recent trip scared her into thinking that she was being abandoned again, which clearly is not the case... but just try convincing a 2 year old who has been through that horror twice already in her little lifetime of that.
Not so easy.

She used to go down at night without a hitch...

Her own bed, her own room, no problem.

Now?

The pack & play (she calls it her 'nappy') in MY bedroom
& since returning home,
not
one
solid
night
of
sleep
yet.

I say yet because I was told to not expect that right away as clearly she's showing signs of regression, ok fine, I'll give you that.
So she's regressed, nothing we can't work through with time & patience, right?

Obviously the answer to that is 'right, yes, no problem Amy... time & patience.

But what I want to know is, what about 'healing'?

How many times do I have to look into her beautiful eyes & say to her over and over and over;
"Ruby, Momma loves you so much & I'm not going anywhere, ever.
You're stuck with me baby..."

This morning, after breakfast & after much crying because I got up from the table to wash my hands... through tears, my daughter said to me "stuck me baby, stuck, stuck..."

So, I guess it's getting through to her, slowly.

If only I could be sure of the 'surely' part of that saying...

Already tonight she's been up several times,
each abrupt screaming match worse than the last.

I know that this experience has made me realize that neither Ruby nor myself will be flying anywhere again, anytime soon, period.

GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Please.
(no comments on this one, just venting for my own sanity & still hoping for a little serenity...)

Just keep us in your prayers, thanks.

Home...

...is where Ruby wanted to be & I needed to be.

Wonderful to see friends & celebrate together
but even better to be home safe & sound.
More later, my bed is calling me to curl up in it & drift off
while listening to the soft sounds of my daughter's peaceful sleep.

G'night.

P-A-R-T-Y!

Safe & Sound...

...& already in my 'fat pants' & sans bra.

Uneventful flight, happy to be on solid ground, Ruby's a trooper & quite possibly the best kid in the WORLD!

We're all doing fine & Ruby, Gwen & Julia are all enjoying their together time.

More later, oh, and I didn't bring my camera so you'll have to be patient & wait for any/all pics that Karen takes & uploads to make it to the blog.

*hugs* to all!

-Us
(just a little south of normal)

Dreaming of...

...chicken & dumplins'!

Have Cheerios...

...will TRAVEL!

We leave in the morning & will arrive in NC shortly before noon
& will be enjoying a week's worth of much needed 'de-stressing' with our
beloved friends, Karen & Gwen & a host of other friends who just simply,
light
up
my
life.

More blogging from the south people... CIAO!

ps. Karen, that's your scarf hangin' on that bag... I'll be wearing it down!
*grin*

Easiest Recipe Ever...

...nuff said?

*laughing*

WOOOO HOOOOOOO
Sometimes, Tuesday's with Uncle Steve were meant for
BREAKIN' ALL THE RULES!


Man do I love Munchkins!
(Is that politically correct to say that? I don't think I can say that?? Am I supposed to call them "little donuts"? AHHHH SO CONFUSING!)
hehehehe
YUM!

Finally...

...remember a while back when I blogged about this?

Well, I only heard them talk about it that Oprah episode
yet never managed to get around to viewing it for myself...

...despite always having good intentions to do so.

Well, today as miss Rubes took her daily nap,
I curled up to a little 'on demand' &
FINALLY caught this amazing movie!

To say that it's a love story is an understatement...
...it's a soul mate story.
A forbidden love affair that tugs at your every heart string
until the instant the credits roll.

I was moved through the entire film & at the end was brought to tears.
Heath & Jake were flawless, period.

This, is a film, I absolutely intend to own,
just as soon as I find a job & can afford it.

Trust me, if you've never seen it, make a date night whether with someone else
or just with yourself, but one way or another, plan to see this movie very soon, if not tonight.

I only hope that I experience passion like that
at least once in my life.

Smiles & Cheeks...

Have Bangs - Will Travel...

Lazy Saturday Morning...

...one girl,

one bear,

& one couch.

Good times...

Reflections after 'Wit'...

...100 years from now, who knows what will be in this exact spot.
If this house will even still be here & if not, what will be in it's place?
Who really cares honestly, I won't be here, hell
most of the people I know probably won't be here.


Ruby & I will be together in an afterlife, who knows what it will be like
but I imagine that as long as we're together with our beloved Ebenezer,
we'll be fine regardless of time or circumstance.

Things have a way of working themselves out like that...

It's weird to think that the cemetery across the way, that is currently filled to capacity,
is but a drop in the bucket compared to 100 years from now.

Some of the oldest houses in this town are over 200 years old, twice as long as my 100 year ponderings... & hard to swallow such knowledge.

What did the people who lived in this house, in my house, over 200 years ago, what did they think? Did they ever sit & wonder what would become of this house so many years off into the future? I lay on my couch & wonder that exact same thing tonight.
What will happen?

All my things, well they're just things, so I imagine they'll be long gone.
Only a bleep on the map that is/was/will reflect,
my life.

It's funny, I have days when my MS hits me like a freight train.
Like an unstop able force determined to plow straight into me & leave me for dead.

Tonight, is one of those nights.

Cancer, sadly, is very much the same I imagine...

No cure, nothing to do but treat it, hope, pray & hope some more...

...& wonder.

I do alot of wondering these days.

I wonder how long I'm going to live...
I wonder if I'll live long enough to see Ruby blossom into a beautiful young woman with a life & a passion all her own that she can completely throw herself into & smile every day because of it.
Like me,
first with nannying...
...now, with mothering.

I cannot imagine another job so complete as to be Ruby's Mom.
It is my purpose, my reason for living.
My air & take into my lungs every day,
has her name on it.

I wonder if in the years I still have left in front of me, if I'll do right by her.
If I'll leave her enough of myself behind whether it be in writing,
or movies,
or stories,
or memories,
or recipes...

It's odd knowing that the thing you live with on a daily basis will most likely be the way you leave this place.
I'm not trying to be morbid, so you'll forgive me if this is how it's coming across but truly, I am reflecting on the movie I just saw, one of my favorites...

Wit with Emma Thompson.

Amazing film.
Heart wrenching story.
True guts tale of the persistent yet futile battle with an incurable disease.

Simply, Amazing.

Made me do alot of thinking tonight...
...100 years from now is quite a ways off & although it's inevitable, it's just as inevitable that in order to reach those 100 years, there are many steps that must be taken between here & then.

Steps that I myself must take.
Hopefully with my daughters hand in mine.

I am hopeful for many more years to proudly call myself Ruby Cate's Momma.
I am hopeful for a bright & happy future for my child filled with much love & laughter.
I am hopeful that perhaps, if not in my lifetime, but in my daughters, there will not only be found a cure for MS, but for Cancer as well.
Two little girls
(one clearly being my daughter)
might find those moments to be proud ones for them & especially,
for their mothers.

All we can do as humans, is to do our best to show our love.
Say what we feel, FEEL what we say, and always hug one another.
Always say I love you & MEAN it.
Always hold hands...
...always smile.

Life's too short to let stupid things get me upset.
I guess I'm emotional tonight not because I'm sad,
obviously I'm sad but it's more than that, I'm emotionally charged with an overwhelming feeling of hope for my daughter's future.
For my future.

For all of us that we leave our mark in the world, because truthfully...

...100 years from now it will not matter the type of car I drove or the amount of money I made, but what will be remembered is the difference I made in the life of a child.
And in this case, that child is my own.
I sure as hell don't want to mess that up.

Momma loves you Ruby.

To the moon & back,
and the Sun & back,
and the Stars & back...

... and to China & back.

XoXoXo

Men In Trees Deserve CHOWDAH...

...ESPECIALLY THIS ONE HOLY CHRIST SO GOOD!

Bacon, Veggie & Potato Chowdah!

Ingredients: 1/2 lb bacon chopped (I buy the low sodium bacon)
5 lg potatos cubed small
3 stalks celery chopped
2 T butter
1 Lg onion chopped (I use spanish onions)
3 T all purpose flour
2 & 1/2 cups milk
4 cups chicken stock
1 10oz pkg frozen mixed veggies of your choice
ground thyme
&
salt & fresh ground pepper to taste



Directions: In a large soup pot over medium heat, melt butter



& add bacon & celery.


Cook celery until slightly transparent, (a few minutes) then add onion & pepper.



Cook until onion now becomes slightly transparent & add few shakes of ground thyme.




Add flour in bottom of pot & create a roux.
(a thickneing agent to make it thicker, if it seems a bit dry, you may add more butter)
Slowly stir in milk & stock & blend well.



Cook & stir constantly until mixture comes to a boil. (12-14 minutes)
Add potatos & frozen veggies & continue cooking until next full boil. (8-10 minutes)



Reduce heat to low & cook stirring often until potatos are fork tender. (6-8 minutes)



Shut off heat & let sit for about 15 minutes before serving.



We served ours with 'tastefully simple wheat beer bread' OMG SO GOOD!
& so COMPLETELY EASY TO DO!


(that's right, you KNOW you're JEALOUS!)

Normally I take a final shot of the finished dinner but you'll forgive me if tonight I was so hungry that I forgot to do that cuz I was too busy EATING IT! hehehe

Enjoy!
(& happy MEN IN TREES everyone!)
Mmmmmmmmmm JACK!
*drool*

MRI Results...

...as told to me from my neurologist earlier today on the phone.
(I typed it as he told me so it's probably messy & all over the map but I can type fairly fast
so you all will have to just try & get the gist of it... enjoy!)

first MRI in June of 04 had large enhancing lesion (something that is active at the time) that is now gone.

there is another lesion that is new that is in front of that that is not enhancing that it came sometime between then & now but it's not currently active.

and it's smaller in size.

the size of the ventricles in the brain are slightly bigger, that's not good. that means that my brain is shrinking a little bit
some of the previous lesions now actually look smaller but that's because where they were before, that part of the brain is shrinking because of the old MS lesions that weren't active in June of 04 are shrinking.

this is not normal and it's one of those things we look at in MS to try to determine how we're doing with treatment, sometimes there's nothing we can do about it but when investigators are looking at MS they look at a lot of things, how I'm doing , my MRI scan etc... & one of the things they're looking for is if the brain is shrinking & if it's not, they consider that good.

the shrinkage usually occurs where there are old lesions (old scar tissue) it's getting smaller cuz it's contracting a little bit, so it's area of previously damaged brain where there were old abnormalities & the fluid space next to that area gets a little larger.

It often happens with MS & when we have a medication that's working we expect to see less shrinkage then you would have if you were on no medicine.
So it's now a question of how much shrinkage.

It's in the area where there were old lesions & it's probably expected shrinkage, it's unfortunate but expected so not really to worry & nothing to do about it.

continue on the same meds

goal was to keep the new lesions down & have no new inflammation
so the medication is working but there is one new spot.

the one new spot means that the rebif is not working 100$ but that's not a surprise cuz we know that the meds never work 100%.

with an MRI we try to determine whether or not the spots are worrisome, & we don't think these are but we'd rather not see any obviously.

so overall synopsis: keep the same course & I'll see you in may.

My CC'd Copy Of A Letter To Anorexic Bitch From:

The Commonwealth Of Massachusetts
Executive Office Of Health And Human Services
Department Of Social Services.

Dear Madam, (Anorexic Bitch)

As you know, I have talked with you about the recent report of suspected child abuse and/or neglect in your family which was received by the Department of Social Services. After visiting with you and your children on December 28th, 2006 and talking to other people who know your family, THE DEPARTMENT HAS FOUND NO REASONABLE CAUSE TO SUPPORT THE ALLEGATIONS THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE BEEN ABUSED AND/OR NEGLECTED.

If the report about your children came from a person who is required by state law to make this type of report (this could be a doctor, nurse, teacher or other professional), I will be informing her/his of this decision. If you would like to know more about any services which the Department can offer you or if you would like to apple for services, please contact:
Cape Ann Area DSS at (***) ***-****

If you have any questions about this letter or want to talk to me, please call me.

Sincerely,
Woman whose time you completely wasted.
Cape Ann Area Office
Blah blah blah street
Massachusetts.