Reflections after 'Wit'...
...100 years from now, who knows what will be in this exact spot.
If this house will even still be here & if not, what will be in it's place?
Who really cares honestly, I won't be here, hell
most of the people I know probably won't be here.
Ruby & I will be together in an afterlife, who knows what it will be like
but I imagine that as long as we're together with our beloved Ebenezer,
we'll be fine regardless of time or circumstance.
Things have a way of working themselves out like that...
It's weird to think that the cemetery across the way, that is currently filled to capacity,
is but a drop in the bucket compared to 100 years from now.
Some of the oldest houses in this town are over 200 years old, twice as long as my 100 year ponderings... & hard to swallow such knowledge.
What did the people who lived in this house, in my house, over 200 years ago, what did they think? Did they ever sit & wonder what would become of this house so many years off into the future? I lay on my couch & wonder that exact same thing tonight.
What will happen?
All my things, well they're just things, so I imagine they'll be long gone.
Only a bleep on the map that is/was/will reflect,
my life.
It's funny, I have days when my MS hits me like a freight train.
Like an unstop able force determined to plow straight into me & leave me for dead.
Tonight, is one of those nights.
Cancer, sadly, is very much the same I imagine...
No cure, nothing to do but treat it, hope, pray & hope some more...
...& wonder.
I do alot of wondering these days.
I wonder how long I'm going to live...
I wonder if I'll live long enough to see Ruby blossom into a beautiful young woman with a life & a passion all her own that she can completely throw herself into & smile every day because of it.
Like me,
first with nannying...
...now, with mothering.
I cannot imagine another job so complete as to be Ruby's Mom.
It is my purpose, my reason for living.
My air & take into my lungs every day,
has her name on it.
I wonder if in the years I still have left in front of me, if I'll do right by her.
If I'll leave her enough of myself behind whether it be in writing,
or movies,
or stories,
or memories,
or recipes...
It's odd knowing that the thing you live with on a daily basis will most likely be the way you leave this place.
I'm not trying to be morbid, so you'll forgive me if this is how it's coming across but truly, I am reflecting on the movie I just saw, one of my favorites...
Wit with Emma Thompson.
Amazing film.
Heart wrenching story.
True guts tale of the persistent yet futile battle with an incurable disease.
Simply, Amazing.
Made me do alot of thinking tonight...
...100 years from now is quite a ways off & although it's inevitable, it's just as inevitable that in order to reach those 100 years, there are many steps that must be taken between here & then.
Steps that I myself must take.
Hopefully with my daughters hand in mine.
I am hopeful for many more years to proudly call myself Ruby Cate's Momma.
I am hopeful for a bright & happy future for my child filled with much love & laughter.
I am hopeful that perhaps, if not in my lifetime, but in my daughters, there will not only be found a cure for MS, but for Cancer as well.
Two little girls
(one clearly being my daughter)
might find those moments to be proud ones for them & especially,
for their mothers.
All we can do as humans, is to do our best to show our love.
Say what we feel, FEEL what we say, and always hug one another.
Always say I love you & MEAN it.
Always hold hands...
...always smile.
Life's too short to let stupid things get me upset.
I guess I'm emotional tonight not because I'm sad,
obviously I'm sad but it's more than that, I'm emotionally charged with an overwhelming feeling of hope for my daughter's future.
For my future.
For all of us that we leave our mark in the world, because truthfully...
...100 years from now it will not matter the type of car I drove or the amount of money I made, but what will be remembered is the difference I made in the life of a child.
And in this case, that child is my own.
I sure as hell don't want to mess that up.
Momma loves you Ruby.
To the moon & back,
and the Sun & back,
and the Stars & back...
... and to China & back.
XoXoXo
If this house will even still be here & if not, what will be in it's place?
Who really cares honestly, I won't be here, hell
most of the people I know probably won't be here.
Ruby & I will be together in an afterlife, who knows what it will be like
but I imagine that as long as we're together with our beloved Ebenezer,
we'll be fine regardless of time or circumstance.
Things have a way of working themselves out like that...
It's weird to think that the cemetery across the way, that is currently filled to capacity,
is but a drop in the bucket compared to 100 years from now.
Some of the oldest houses in this town are over 200 years old, twice as long as my 100 year ponderings... & hard to swallow such knowledge.
What did the people who lived in this house, in my house, over 200 years ago, what did they think? Did they ever sit & wonder what would become of this house so many years off into the future? I lay on my couch & wonder that exact same thing tonight.
What will happen?
All my things, well they're just things, so I imagine they'll be long gone.
Only a bleep on the map that is/was/will reflect,
my life.
It's funny, I have days when my MS hits me like a freight train.
Like an unstop able force determined to plow straight into me & leave me for dead.
Tonight, is one of those nights.
Cancer, sadly, is very much the same I imagine...
No cure, nothing to do but treat it, hope, pray & hope some more...
...& wonder.
I do alot of wondering these days.
I wonder how long I'm going to live...
I wonder if I'll live long enough to see Ruby blossom into a beautiful young woman with a life & a passion all her own that she can completely throw herself into & smile every day because of it.
Like me,
first with nannying...
...now, with mothering.
I cannot imagine another job so complete as to be Ruby's Mom.
It is my purpose, my reason for living.
My air & take into my lungs every day,
has her name on it.
I wonder if in the years I still have left in front of me, if I'll do right by her.
If I'll leave her enough of myself behind whether it be in writing,
or movies,
or stories,
or memories,
or recipes...
It's odd knowing that the thing you live with on a daily basis will most likely be the way you leave this place.
I'm not trying to be morbid, so you'll forgive me if this is how it's coming across but truly, I am reflecting on the movie I just saw, one of my favorites...
Wit with Emma Thompson.
Amazing film.
Heart wrenching story.
True guts tale of the persistent yet futile battle with an incurable disease.
Simply, Amazing.
Made me do alot of thinking tonight...
...100 years from now is quite a ways off & although it's inevitable, it's just as inevitable that in order to reach those 100 years, there are many steps that must be taken between here & then.
Steps that I myself must take.
Hopefully with my daughters hand in mine.
I am hopeful for many more years to proudly call myself Ruby Cate's Momma.
I am hopeful for a bright & happy future for my child filled with much love & laughter.
I am hopeful that perhaps, if not in my lifetime, but in my daughters, there will not only be found a cure for MS, but for Cancer as well.
Two little girls
(one clearly being my daughter)
might find those moments to be proud ones for them & especially,
for their mothers.
All we can do as humans, is to do our best to show our love.
Say what we feel, FEEL what we say, and always hug one another.
Always say I love you & MEAN it.
Always hold hands...
...always smile.
Life's too short to let stupid things get me upset.
I guess I'm emotional tonight not because I'm sad,
obviously I'm sad but it's more than that, I'm emotionally charged with an overwhelming feeling of hope for my daughter's future.
For my future.
For all of us that we leave our mark in the world, because truthfully...
...100 years from now it will not matter the type of car I drove or the amount of money I made, but what will be remembered is the difference I made in the life of a child.
And in this case, that child is my own.
I sure as hell don't want to mess that up.
Momma loves you Ruby.
To the moon & back,
and the Sun & back,
and the Stars & back...
... and to China & back.
XoXoXo
3 comments:
Great post. I had been looking at your blog but unable to leave comments until now. I love it.
Wow-- Ruby is one lucky girl to have you for her Momma. You two are so deserving of each other-- your love is so genuine. I haven't seen "wit", but you make me want to see it... it sounds like a very thought provoking movie.
Aren;t u getting philosophical!! Lovely to muse on your musings!
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