Serenity Now...

I don't for one second regret at all going to visit our friends & enjoying what was quite possibly,
the most fun 2year old birthday party celebration ever, hands down.

I do, however, regret that in doing so, I've set my child's progress back some.
My girl, to anyone who knows her, is the most chill, relaxed, sweet heart of a kid.
Honest, she just is.

Now?
She's timid, scared, cries alot more, is clingy & can't do a THING unless Velcro'd to my side.
Literally.
I used to be able to leave the room & let her play independently with whatever toy it was that had her undivided attention...

Now?
Not so much.

I even so much as think about leaving the room,
FIRST
I have to convince her that it's ok to get down from my lap for just a little bit because,
"Momma has to potty"
or
"Momma has to take a shower"
etc...

THEN (assuming I was successful at talking her 'down')
I attempt said necessity with little to no success.

I really am convinced that this recent trip scared her into thinking that she was being abandoned again, which clearly is not the case... but just try convincing a 2 year old who has been through that horror twice already in her little lifetime of that.
Not so easy.

She used to go down at night without a hitch...

Her own bed, her own room, no problem.

Now?

The pack & play (she calls it her 'nappy') in MY bedroom
& since returning home,
not
one
solid
night
of
sleep
yet.

I say yet because I was told to not expect that right away as clearly she's showing signs of regression, ok fine, I'll give you that.
So she's regressed, nothing we can't work through with time & patience, right?

Obviously the answer to that is 'right, yes, no problem Amy... time & patience.

But what I want to know is, what about 'healing'?

How many times do I have to look into her beautiful eyes & say to her over and over and over;
"Ruby, Momma loves you so much & I'm not going anywhere, ever.
You're stuck with me baby..."

This morning, after breakfast & after much crying because I got up from the table to wash my hands... through tears, my daughter said to me "stuck me baby, stuck, stuck..."

So, I guess it's getting through to her, slowly.

If only I could be sure of the 'surely' part of that saying...

Already tonight she's been up several times,
each abrupt screaming match worse than the last.

I know that this experience has made me realize that neither Ruby nor myself will be flying anywhere again, anytime soon, period.

GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Please.
(no comments on this one, just venting for my own sanity & still hoping for a little serenity...)

Just keep us in your prayers, thanks.