You've got questions...

...I've got answers!

My family & friends have been recently asking me;
"What can we get Ruby for Christmas?"
Honestly, Ruby really does not need clothes at all &
with her Early Intervention coming along SO WELL,
I asked her E.I. worker, Lisa for a few suggestions:


So without further ado,
I give you educational suggestions provided by:
Melissa & Doug


Melissa & Doug Lacing Beads in a Box


Melissa & Doug Primary Lacing Beads



Melissa & Doug Geometric Stacker


Melissa & Doug Pound -A- Peg




Melissa & Doug Pound and Roll



Melissa & Doug Bear Dress Up

Melissa & Doug Vehicles Sound Blocks

Melissa & Doug Stack and Rock Pals

Melissa & Doug Tools Chunky

Melissa & Doug Construction Chunky

Melissa & Doug Color Puzzle Cards

Melissa & Doug Mailbox and Mail Set


Melissa & Doug ABC Chunky


Melissa & Doug Jumbo Numbers Chunky


Melissa & Doug Latches Board

Melissa & Doug Children Around The World Lacing Puppets w/Tin Box

Melissa & Doug Children Around The World Floor Puzzle

Missed connections...

...we all have them, but the problem is, once they're over, you can't go back in time to change whatever it was that you wish you had, or hadn't done.
It's just what it looks like it is, a missed connection.
All we can do is to keep on keeping on & hope for the best.
Hope to make a new connection that this time, doesn't get missed.
Whatever 'that' connection, that moment is for you.

Maybe you wish you could go back in time to tell someone you love them, when you didn't.
Maybe you wish you could say you're sorry to someone whose ears are long overdue to hear those words from your lips...
Maybe you think if only you'd have done 'A' when you actually did 'B', then maybe your life would be different, somehow better... but would it?

We all do things that we regret or wish we'd have done differently, so be it. It's called life.
Every night, as I go through my whole rigmarole of 'locking up' and 'turning out lights' etc, I end up here, in front of my computer, in my bedroom, always alone.

Night after night the people all over the world have their nighttime routines, but the only difference between them & me, is that once their 'lights are turned out' and their' doors are locked', they all crawl into bed next to someone... while I'm here curled up with my ancient teddy bear that sometimes I even question why I still own at age 34, but that's a post for another day.

It used to be that that warm body for me was my beloved Ebenezer.
Now, the only part of me kept warm by him, is my heart
through all the wonderful memories I have of the ten &
a half years I was blessed to be with him.

Some days I think to myself that I can't possibly go on another day being so alone, so lonely.
Why is it that nearly everyone in the world has someone yet here I sit, night after night, going to bed AGAIN, alone?
Sitting in front of this computer as if it cares at all whether I'm here typing like a damn fool, or not.
I hear people all the time complain about the most ridiculous things, people who HAVE someone by their side, have security, have love, have companionship... yet they still haven't a clue what they've got.
They continue to bitch incessantly about the stupid things, the little shit that at the end of the day doesn't mean a fucking thing.
When I hear those people who clearly have no idea what they have, still BITCHING about life's little bumps in the road, I just want to grab them by the neck & shake them while screaming:
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL WHEN YOU ARE SO FUCKING BLIND TO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH ALREADY? OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU HAVE MORE THAN YOU THINK, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS & SHUT THE HELL UP ALL READY!" etc...
Now don't get me wrong, I'm never going to actually put my hands like that on another person, but honestly it's how I feel inside when I hear people who are perfectly blessed to walk through life's day to day challenges, be they small or great, with a PARTNER by their side rather than alone, but are so completely wrapped up in THE STUPID SHIT life hands you that they become obscenely oblivious to their fortunate situation, which is painfully obvious to those of us who have yet to find it.

I guess if God had intended me to be a part of a 'couple', he'd have had that happen already, right? I mean, isn't that how it works, if thy will be done, show me & all that bible hoopla.
Problem is, I'm not much of a catholic (more of a recovering roman catholic truth be told...) I'm not really even much for organized religions, they piss me off...
If I'm anything, I'm just spiritual.

I believe that if you're good & kind & decent, then good kind & decent things will come your way.
And after all, haven't I already been blessed to be Mom to the most wonderful Dog on the planet ever? And then even further blessed to be the mother to the most adorable little almond eyed beauty this side of Fenway?

They say that good things happen in 3's...

I wonder where my #3 is & if he's made a wrong turn at Albuquerque... *sigh*

Don't mind me, just having one of those nights... once, just once I'd like to know that my life didn't have to constantly consist of going to bed alone.
Just one time I'd love to crawl in next to a warm body... a warm & caring friend.

Maybe I should start polishing up on my new years wish... I know I won't get that ever elusive kiss at midnight, but there's always hope for next year, right?

Santa Baby...

...please leave THIS VACUUM under my tree, for ME!
I know it's ugly but you'll agree, you'll see...
Please take a chance on this Momma, please oh please.
I'll clean house just in time for Pajama New Year...
THIS SINGLE MOMMA NEEDS IT A.S.A.P.
Please help the dust & TODDLER GOO DISAPPEAR,
My home is quite a MESSY place, I do fear,
If I get this from you, you'll be my FAVORITE DEAR!
So hurry down the chimney REAL SOON!

*sigh*
Why is it that all the really NICE vacuums are TOO EXPENSIVE for us single moms?
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Time to start a 'vacuum' jar.

(Kudos to PERRIN who posted about this beauty &
has me COMPLETELY FIXATED upon getting one!)

Headaches & Toddlers...

...are a regular part of my daily life it seems.
Every morning at 7:15am, twins arrive screaming & raring to go as Ruby & I, still somewhat in comas from the night before, slowly rouse out of bed to hear them in the pack & play in my living room, inevitably fighting over some toy their mother has tossed in there to keep them contented until I go in to start our day.

I don't know if it has much to do with how I gave myself my shot last night or what, but I have THE WORST HEADACHE today that I think only my friend Karen can understand.
As is with her treatment, she gets frequent headaches that are far more severe than mine I'm guessing but if I were a betting woman, I'd bet mine, today, is running a close second.

It's funny, as much as I love my job, I have days when I wonder quietly to myself if anyone would mind if this Nanny HIRED HER OWN NANNY to come in & help with damage control...

...the pay is lousy but I'll feed your ass.

Anyone... anyone... Bueller?
*sigh*

Why Not? LMFAO!

A family of Yankees fans was out shopping in one of the major pro shops for sports gear. It was the son's 10Th birthday and he wanted a pro jersey. Looking around , he noticed a Red Sox jersey and fell in love with it. Taking the jersey to his father, the boy said "Dad, look at this cool jersey...I think I want to be a Red Sox fan". His father, outraged, smacks the little boy up-side his head; "Get rid of that shirt! Go talk to your mother...I don't want to look at you right now". Walking over to his mother, he holds up the shirt and says "Hey Mom, I think I want to be a Red Sox fan". His mother can't believe her ears. She pinches his arm, hard, "Ha! No son of mine is gonna be any Red Sox fan. I can't listen to this...go talk to your sister". Sniffling, the young boy, holding the jersey up and admiring it as he walks towards his sister, walks right by her without realizing it. Seeing what he's holding, she boots him in the ass as he walks by; "Put that thing away...what are you, a loser?!!!" she screeches. Dejectedly, the boy returns the jersey to the place he found it.

A little later, as the family is paying for their items, the father looks down and notices the boy is no longer carrying the shirt. "So...I hope you've learned a lesson with all this Red Sox talk, son" he says. "Yes, Dad, I have" says the boy, "I've only been a Red Sox fan for a half an hour and I already hate you freakin' Yankee bastards!!!"

*big ass grin*
hehehehe

The "C" Word...

...that's right, CONSIDERATION!

Tonight is wed night, typically wed's come & go with no fanfare, however as of late, they've been turning into Matty & Me nights.
Very toasty to say the least, UNTIL of course, that big ugly "C" word comes into play...

When it's 9:42pm & the phone has yet to ring & you just KNOW in your heart that a certain someone whose name ends in 'atty' is most likely sound asleep in his bed by now because he gets up insanely early for work every day... it's just completely & utterly annoying with a capital 'PISS ME OFF' ya know?

Huge use of the "C" word here, or in this case,
LACK
THEREOF!

Sadly, I am about to go curl up in bed with my book
and read until my eyes become too heavy to do so & just drift off into an annoyance induced coma.

Not sure what to think or do at this point, took my frustrations out on, well... myself sadly, since tonight was a 'shot night' I jammed that sucker in so far that it really hurt.

But it took my mind off my other reason for hurting...

g'night.

The Strange Reality of Friendship...

...so, remember Matty?

Well, he's been coming around more often than not & I'm beyond proud to say that he's quit smoking, period.
Done.
Fin'.
Finite.
etc...

I can't even BEGIN to put into words how happy that makes me for him as well as for myself.
You see, one of the biggest reasons Matty & I were "just friends" for so long was because he smoked. I just can't get on board with a smoker, completely & totally disgusting habit.
Plus, it really IS like kissing an ashtray, and forgive me but... ah, NO!

So, smoking is no longer an issue & the boy hasn't drank as much as before either. Why the sudden changes & the spending more time here? Who knows, but I do know one thing... I have a serious 'Matty Size Crush' on the boy that I don't know how to process... we've been friends for so long that it's really 'weird' now to me to be feeling things for him that I've never before felt.
What do I do? It's like, I think about him & the phone rings, and wow, look at that, it's Matty.
Or, I'll pick up the phone to ring him & his brother will answer & say " wow Amy, Matty & I were just talking about you..." etc.
Little things like that, little signs that neither one of us can ignore for much longer...
It's what has become the strange reality of our friendship, things that happen CONSTANTLY that neither one of us can overlook, but neither one can truly explain either...


I dunno, I really really don't know what to do about how I'm feeling about him & considering that we do kind of have somewhat of a past, it's another link in the chain that is Amy & Matty.

I guess I'm going to just take it one day at a time... Wednesday's tend to be 'our day' so who knows, maybe I'll see him again tonight & we can relax, listen to some Dane Cook (HYSTERICAL!) and just enjoy being in each other's company.

It really doesn't help matters that he smells so god damned good every time he comes over here! I mean seriously, after he leaves I end up burying myself face first into my COUCH
for God sakes!
Yes, it's THAT GOOD!

So, we'll see what happens tonight, as I say, normally wed nights are Matty nights but this week, he found his way here on a Monday night & stayed pretty late because honestly, we just have fun together. Sitting next to him on the couch, occasionally holding hands or just chatting (we tend to do allot of that) is just something I don't think I'm ever going to be sick of, because the reality is, I just love Matty & I know he loves me too... but could we possibly fall 'in' love?
Only time will tell...

Dinner & "white trash" Dancing...

...Ruby style!

Tuesdays with Uncle Steve...

...Chicken Tortilla Soup with Chipotle and Fire Roasted Tomato!
(God Bless RACHAEL RAY for the most FANTABULOUS DINNER CREATIONS EVER!)

3 cups chicken stock
1 pound chicken tenders
1 bay leaf, fresh if available
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, 1 turn of the pan
4 slices thick, smoky center cut bacon, chopped
1 onion, finely chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped
2 chipotles in adobo, chopped, plus 2 tablespoons sauce
1 (28-ounce) can crushed fire roasted tomatoes
Salt
4 cups lightly crushed corn tortilla chips
2 cups shredded fresh smoked mozzarella or smoked sharp white Cheddar, 3/4 pound
1 lime, cut into wedges
1/2 red onion, chopped
Freshly chopped cilantro leaves, for garnish Bring broth to a simmer and add chicken tenders, poach 6 to 7 minutes with a bay leaf.

While chicken poaches, heat extra-virgin olive oil in a medium soup pot or deep skillet over medium-high heat. Add bacon and cook until crisp then remove with slotted spoon. Drain off excess fat, leaving 2 to 3 tablespoons in the pan. Add onions and garlic to the skillet and cook 5 minutes then stir in chipotles and tomatoes.

Remove chicken from stock, dice and then add to soup. Pass stock through a strainer then add to the soup.

Place a pile of crushed tortilla chips in the bottom of each soup bowl. Cover liberally with smoked cheese then ladle the hot soup down over the top. Serve with lime, raw onions and cilantro at table to finish the soup.

Yummmm!

Blue Eyes...

...Ruby is constantly coming up to me, pointing to my eyes & saying:
"blue eyes Momma..."

To which I reply: "Yes baby, Momma has blue eyes, and what color eyes does Ruby have?"

She's always quick to respond: "Blue eyes Ruby!"

Sadly, this obviously isn't the case & I gently try to explain to her that no, she has brown eyes like her Nonno, not blue eyes like Momma.
And Nanna has green eyes and Uncle Adam has hazel.
And even Bear has black eyes!

I know it's hard for a 2 year old to get it.
That even though we're all part of a family, we can still look a little different from one another.

...man, if she only knew.

Shhh...

...Bear, Maisy & I are takin' a little snoozeroonie, g'night!

Because I know at least ONE of you wondered...

Norwegian Butter Cookies

INGREDIENTS

• 1/2 cup butter
• 2 eggs (to be hardboiled)
• 1/4 cup white sugar
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
2. Hard boil the eggs and separate the yolks. (discarding whites) Cream the butter and hard boiled egg yolks. Beat in the sugar and add the flour & vanilla extract. Mix thoroughly. Put through a cookie press or arrange by teaspoonfuls on ungreased cookie sheets. (I roll mine into a 'log' shape & wrap in saran wrap & place in fridge for about a half hour till solid & easily cut into little circles.)
   
3. Bake 10 to 12 minutes, or until lightly browned.
   

Self Expression...

Yeah, that's right... I'm wearing the shirt!

I'm sorry, you what? You have a problem with that?
Is that so...?

Yeah, well I'll stick this orange peg where the sun don't shine mister!

Hehehe, thought you'd like THAT one!

C'mon, with MY Momma, how could I be anything BUT TOUGH!
That's right, we're BOTH TOUGH COOKIES!
(mmm... cookies, Momma maybe we should make more of those norwegian butter cookies
and have them with some tea! What? That's not 'tough'? Oops! Sorry!
shhh we'll just do it later when nobody's lookin'...)

So, what was I saying, oh yeah that's right, I'M TOUGH!
(did I mention cute too?)



hee hee
(Bear would like to say, for the record, that he's neither tough nor wearing a shirt,
but wants you all to know that he supports the views of his Ruby 110%
and is fully prepared to use any color peg if need be!)

Why China... (continued)

...so after much thought, I've decided on who I'd like to ask share their 'Why China' story:

Even though I've already had the pleasure of hearing it,
I'd really love to invite Michelle
to share with us her story of how she came to be
the mother of her amazing daughter, Julia.

It's pretty good stuff... happy reading!

Why China...?

...ah, yes, Why China indeed.
The ever popular & always interesting thread started by our very own Johnny... has finally reached R.I.H.O.T.

Those who have answered his call thus far have had amazing stories to share,
all one of a kind, unique accounts of Why China?

It's funny, when I received an email from Sandra informing me that I'd been tagged, I was flattered that, yes it's now my turn...
...my moment to share with everyone, my 'Why China?' story.

I debated how far this story should go back... because honestly if you get right down to it, I've known since I was old enough to know my own thoughts, that the one thing in this world that I wanted to do, really the only thing I wanted to do, was to become a mother.
Period.

As a child I was the little girl with a bazillion babies around the house, all fed & bathed & clean & warm & snug in their little toy cribs waiting to be hugged & loved & cared for, by one very over enthusiastic kid (that would be me...) who never looked at them as 'dolls'... we didn't use the 'D' word in my house, no sir.
They were my babies, and they were real.
I mean, c'mon... have you all NOT seen the GINORMOUS doll case I have with far too many CPK's in it? (yes, they're all mine and I should definitely start a support group soon, but I digress...)


In grade school, I believe it was 2Nd grade, my mother made an impromptu visit to my 'open classroom' (1st & 2Nd grades combined in one big open room) only to find me off in a corner quietly resolving a conflict between Barbie & Ken over who was to get custody of one tattered old pound puppy.

It's many years since 2Nd grade (and for the record, c'mon, you know Ken didn't stand a chance, everyone knows judges always grant custody to the mother...) and although I guess I've grown in years, honestly, in my heart I'm still that girl who wants to care for everyone & everything...
...animals, friends, family, bugs, etc... if it moved & was alive, I was going to make sure it stayed safe. ( I still catch spiders & let them free outside, no killing for this Momma)

But of all the above, my biggest dream was to one day care for my own CHILDREN.


I started babysitting at age 13 & loved kids so much I quickly became the babysitter that every family in my neighborhood would fight over for Saturday nights...

When I was older & in high school & friends would be anxiously talking about what they wanted to do come college time, what career paths they'd chosen to pursue, I'd just smile & listen & then it was inevitable that they'd eventually come around to asking, "so Amy, what do you want to do?"

My answer was always the same;
"I want to be a wife & mother..."

Well, I just thought (as I'm sure most girls in high school did) that I'd definitely be married by the time I was 30 & have at least one child or have one on the way...

...boy was I wrong.

By the time I hit my 30's & realized that Mr.Right, much to my dismay, wasn't going to come barrelassing down my street to break down my front door & whisk me away...
I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands.

So-
I believe it was December of 2003 that I first thought to myself,
"Amy, it's time you became a mother...
...get off your ass & make it happen."

So, I did.

Now don't think for a second that during this whole process I didn't have several very close male friends who were more than happy to offer a 'fast swimmer or two' for the cause,
because I do, and they did.
I politely refused.
There were just far too many kids in this world already without parents, why, if I'm not happily married & in love, would I bring another life into this world when clearly, there were hundreds upon thousands who already were here & needed a family just as much as I needed a child?
Just didn't make sense...

I originally researched MARE, the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange, for information on children legally free for adoption & what the process entailed.
I knew with my years of experience being a Nanny that I was great with kids of all ages & figured, why not give an older child, the ones who constantly get overlooked, a chance at a better life- while in turn giving myself the chance to become a parent.
It made perfect sense to me...

...so I made the call & they sent out some information to me.
By the time it arrived, it was a Saturday & I gave myself the weekend to educate myself on the process & get a good look at all the amazingly beautiful children there were without families, without homes.
Broke my heart & I wanted to adopt them all.
(My mom wouldn't let me have a bunny growing up, I was pretty sure she wasn't going to let me adopt them ALL... LOL)

So, I'm looking through their photo listing & there she was;
Maria.
She was a mixed race beautiful little 12 year old girl who loved allot of the same things I did growing up. She loved her babies, she loved arts & crafts, she loved to read & sing (she knew she wasn't a good singer but did it anyway because she said it made her happy- My kinda girl!), she loved to eat & cook, she loved to play in the snow, the list goes on & on...
This little girl just seemed perfect for my family and as my grandmother's name was Maria, the thought of having another Maria S. in the family, well... it just made sense.
The decision was made, since it was Sunday & MARE was closed, I'd have to wait till the morning to call. I'd call first thing & get the ball rolling.
I put the paperwork down & curled up in my bed happy in the knowledge that I was really going to do this, I was not only going to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mother, but I was going to help make this little girls life do a 180 in hopefully a better direction.

I shut out the light & went to sleep.

That night, I had a dream...
...the type of dream where it's so real & so vivid, you wake up with chills and know that your life just isn't going to be the same.

I dreamt I was walking through the mall & I was holding onto this little chubby hand and upon glancing down, I noticed I was holding onto the hand of the most beautiful little chubby cheeked Asian girl with the most spectacular head of black hair I'd ever seen!
She had gorgeous nearly black almond shaped eyes and a sweet high pitched voice that made my insides giggle.
I looked down at her, she looked up at me, smiled & in one breath, she said "Momma!"

I woke up with a jolt...

Oh My God!
MY DAUGHTER'S IN CHINA!

I knew, I just knew...

I barely had time to wipe the sleep from my eyes before picking up the phone to call MARE.
"Hello? Yes, I'm calling about Maria, yes I'd like to speak to someone, I'm sorry what's that? She is no longer available for adoption? How come? She was adopted just last week by another family? Oh, ok... no, yes, I understand, it's ok. No really... Ok, yes, thank you, thank you very much..." *click*
~Silence~
Oh My God, my daughter's in China!

I called my mother that morning & without mentioning to her my dream,
I merely asked her the following:

"Mom, would it bother you if someday you looked at your grandchildren & they didn't look like our family?
Her: "Amy, are you pregnant?"
Me: "NO, Mom! C'mon, I'm serious... would it bother you if someday, you looked at your grandchild & you couldn't say " wow Amy, she's got your eyes or your brother's nose or your father's chin or my smile, etc..."
Her: "Well that's just a silly question, NO why would that bother me & why are you asking me? Are you SURE you're not PREGNANT?@!?"
Me: *sigh* Yes Mom I'm SURE I'm NOT PREGNANT!
Oy Vey!
Her: "Well then why are you asking me this?"
Me:"Because, I'm pretty sure I'm going to adopt a little girl from China."
Her: *tears welling up in her eyes* "Are you serious? Oh Amy, I've always said if I were younger I'd want to adopt a beautiful little Chinese baby!"

That day I researched agencies, found mine
and got their last singles slot for 2004.
I started paper chasing in April of 04, was supposed to be DTC by no later than Dec 1st of 04 but ended up being pushed back & wasn't finally DTC until Jan 14Th.
With a LID of Jan 31st... I was told 6-8 months.
(honestly with the wait everyone is experiencing now, I swear I think that's just the standard response they give everyone because as I'm hearing from nearly every waiting family now, they all were told 6-8 months... go figure.)

I finally received Ruby's referral on Sept 7Th, 2005.
Ruby's 1st birthday, and the first day of the rest of my life...

Here it was my daughter's birthday and she's giving me the most incredible gift imaginable...

...the gift of motherhood.
God is good & I am blessed beyond words.


And well- the rest, as they say... is history.



(And what a beautiful history it turned out to be...)

I'd like to thank not only Johnny for starting such a wonderful thread,
but also a special thanks goes out to Sandra for tagging me.
It's funny, no matter how many times I tell that story, it always does two things;

1. gives me goosebumps
&
2. makes me smile.

I love you Ruby Cate,
To China & back!!!

Now I can only assume it goes without saying that it's now my turn to tag someone but in all fairness I think I'd like some time to think about who that 'someone' might be... so stay tuned.
I promise to pick someone by days end, tomorrow. (Sunday)
G'night & sweet dreams!
*smile*

Everyone always says...

...Ruby's so mellow


...Ruby's so laid back


...Ruby's just so chill

How about...

RUBY'S DEATHLY AFRAID OF SANTA!


Ruby's ONLY TRUE LOVE is BEAR...


...and now she's quite the pissed off toddler at ME,
her Momma for even SUGGESTING she see the BIG GUY IN RED.
LMFAO

T'was a FAR CRY from LAST YEAR'S VISIT TO SANTA!
I mean SERIOUSLY, look how LITTLE SHE WAS!?!?!!
One lady in line was whispering loud enough for me to hear " I wouldn't have taken the picture like that..." (with her screaming) and here I am smiling & laughing my ass off cuz I KNOW blackmail quality photos when I see them!
hehehe Sorry Ruby but Momma loves you TOO MUCH not to capture ALL the moments, even if they're with my child' the 'screamin' demon'.
*GRIN*
It's just one hell of a picture isn't it?
LOL
hehehehe

Sans Stick...

Here is our Christmas Card for EVERYONE IN BLOG LAND to enjoy!
(and for the record, YOU ALL ROCK CUZ I DIDN'T NEED MY SUNSCREEN,
uh, I mean glue stick... hehehe)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!