Missed connections...
...we all have them, but the problem is, once they're over, you can't go back in time to change whatever it was that you wish you had, or hadn't done.
It's just what it looks like it is, a missed connection.
All we can do is to keep on keeping on & hope for the best.
Hope to make a new connection that this time, doesn't get missed.
Whatever 'that' connection, that moment is for you.
Maybe you wish you could go back in time to tell someone you love them, when you didn't.
Maybe you wish you could say you're sorry to someone whose ears are long overdue to hear those words from your lips...
Maybe you think if only you'd have done 'A' when you actually did 'B', then maybe your life would be different, somehow better... but would it?
We all do things that we regret or wish we'd have done differently, so be it. It's called life.
Every night, as I go through my whole rigmarole of 'locking up' and 'turning out lights' etc, I end up here, in front of my computer, in my bedroom, always alone.
Night after night the people all over the world have their nighttime routines, but the only difference between them & me, is that once their 'lights are turned out' and their' doors are locked', they all crawl into bed next to someone... while I'm here curled up with my ancient teddy bear that sometimes I even question why I still own at age 34, but that's a post for another day.
It used to be that that warm body for me was my beloved Ebenezer.
Now, the only part of me kept warm by him, is my heart
through all the wonderful memories I have of the ten &
a half years I was blessed to be with him.
Some days I think to myself that I can't possibly go on another day being so alone, so lonely.
Why is it that nearly everyone in the world has someone yet here I sit, night after night, going to bed AGAIN, alone?
Sitting in front of this computer as if it cares at all whether I'm here typing like a damn fool, or not.
I hear people all the time complain about the most ridiculous things, people who HAVE someone by their side, have security, have love, have companionship... yet they still haven't a clue what they've got.
They continue to bitch incessantly about the stupid things, the little shit that at the end of the day doesn't mean a fucking thing.
When I hear those people who clearly have no idea what they have, still BITCHING about life's little bumps in the road, I just want to grab them by the neck & shake them while screaming:
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL WHEN YOU ARE SO FUCKING BLIND TO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH ALREADY? OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU HAVE MORE THAN YOU THINK, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS & SHUT THE HELL UP ALL READY!" etc...
Now don't get me wrong, I'm never going to actually put my hands like that on another person, but honestly it's how I feel inside when I hear people who are perfectly blessed to walk through life's day to day challenges, be they small or great, with a PARTNER by their side rather than alone, but are so completely wrapped up in THE STUPID SHIT life hands you that they become obscenely oblivious to their fortunate situation, which is painfully obvious to those of us who have yet to find it.
I guess if God had intended me to be a part of a 'couple', he'd have had that happen already, right? I mean, isn't that how it works, if thy will be done, show me & all that bible hoopla.
Problem is, I'm not much of a catholic (more of a recovering roman catholic truth be told...) I'm not really even much for organized religions, they piss me off...
If I'm anything, I'm just spiritual.
I believe that if you're good & kind & decent, then good kind & decent things will come your way.
And after all, haven't I already been blessed to be Mom to the most wonderful Dog on the planet ever? And then even further blessed to be the mother to the most adorable little almond eyed beauty this side of Fenway?
They say that good things happen in 3's...
I wonder where my #3 is & if he's made a wrong turn at Albuquerque... *sigh*
Don't mind me, just having one of those nights... once, just once I'd like to know that my life didn't have to constantly consist of going to bed alone.
Just one time I'd love to crawl in next to a warm body... a warm & caring friend.
Maybe I should start polishing up on my new years wish... I know I won't get that ever elusive kiss at midnight, but there's always hope for next year, right?
It's just what it looks like it is, a missed connection.
All we can do is to keep on keeping on & hope for the best.
Hope to make a new connection that this time, doesn't get missed.
Whatever 'that' connection, that moment is for you.
Maybe you wish you could go back in time to tell someone you love them, when you didn't.
Maybe you wish you could say you're sorry to someone whose ears are long overdue to hear those words from your lips...
Maybe you think if only you'd have done 'A' when you actually did 'B', then maybe your life would be different, somehow better... but would it?
We all do things that we regret or wish we'd have done differently, so be it. It's called life.
Every night, as I go through my whole rigmarole of 'locking up' and 'turning out lights' etc, I end up here, in front of my computer, in my bedroom, always alone.
Night after night the people all over the world have their nighttime routines, but the only difference between them & me, is that once their 'lights are turned out' and their' doors are locked', they all crawl into bed next to someone... while I'm here curled up with my ancient teddy bear that sometimes I even question why I still own at age 34, but that's a post for another day.
It used to be that that warm body for me was my beloved Ebenezer.
Now, the only part of me kept warm by him, is my heart
through all the wonderful memories I have of the ten &
a half years I was blessed to be with him.
Some days I think to myself that I can't possibly go on another day being so alone, so lonely.
Why is it that nearly everyone in the world has someone yet here I sit, night after night, going to bed AGAIN, alone?
Sitting in front of this computer as if it cares at all whether I'm here typing like a damn fool, or not.
I hear people all the time complain about the most ridiculous things, people who HAVE someone by their side, have security, have love, have companionship... yet they still haven't a clue what they've got.
They continue to bitch incessantly about the stupid things, the little shit that at the end of the day doesn't mean a fucking thing.
When I hear those people who clearly have no idea what they have, still BITCHING about life's little bumps in the road, I just want to grab them by the neck & shake them while screaming:
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL WHEN YOU ARE SO FUCKING BLIND TO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH ALREADY? OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU HAVE MORE THAN YOU THINK, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS & SHUT THE HELL UP ALL READY!" etc...
Now don't get me wrong, I'm never going to actually put my hands like that on another person, but honestly it's how I feel inside when I hear people who are perfectly blessed to walk through life's day to day challenges, be they small or great, with a PARTNER by their side rather than alone, but are so completely wrapped up in THE STUPID SHIT life hands you that they become obscenely oblivious to their fortunate situation, which is painfully obvious to those of us who have yet to find it.
I guess if God had intended me to be a part of a 'couple', he'd have had that happen already, right? I mean, isn't that how it works, if thy will be done, show me & all that bible hoopla.
Problem is, I'm not much of a catholic (more of a recovering roman catholic truth be told...) I'm not really even much for organized religions, they piss me off...
If I'm anything, I'm just spiritual.
I believe that if you're good & kind & decent, then good kind & decent things will come your way.
And after all, haven't I already been blessed to be Mom to the most wonderful Dog on the planet ever? And then even further blessed to be the mother to the most adorable little almond eyed beauty this side of Fenway?
They say that good things happen in 3's...
I wonder where my #3 is & if he's made a wrong turn at Albuquerque... *sigh*
Don't mind me, just having one of those nights... once, just once I'd like to know that my life didn't have to constantly consist of going to bed alone.
Just one time I'd love to crawl in next to a warm body... a warm & caring friend.
Maybe I should start polishing up on my new years wish... I know I won't get that ever elusive kiss at midnight, but there's always hope for next year, right?
7 comments:
Always hope...and I know what you mean late at night. On he other hand, I remember being on what I thought was the 'other side'. Being part of a couple does not make everything necessarily better. It has to be someone pretty awesome. So many can make it look like the world is great in couplehood but are faking it and in pain. I know I was never more lonely than when I was in a relationship that wasn't what I was told to believe it was.
Both sides have their benefits. At least lonely and alone CAN be mitigated and it doesn't stem from betrayal.
For me, I'm far happier alone than having a 'warm body' who isn't trustworthy.
The dark times?...they're always better in the morning.
Connie just stole the words right from my mouth. But, with that said...I want to thank you for the reality check. Some days it's nice to hear that we have more than we think and should treasure it appropriately.
Hugs, friend
~Karen
Connie, I understand completely that being part of a couple isn't always peaches & cream & that every couple isn't well suited... why do you think that at age 34 I'm still single, never once having been engaged OR married? Because I won't settle, period. When I was referring to couples, most of the people I know in relationships are truly in love & sure, everyone has their bumps in the road but at the core of their unions, is a true & real love that spans the ages. That's what I'm waiting for, sometimes I'll admit, not so patiently, but I refuse to just 'jump' into something because it's easily attainable. My love is out there somewhere, and I'm doing my best to chill until he shows his pretty face. We'll see...
Dear Amy, On this side of the fence I have a wonderful partner and no bubbas. I could equally say how profoundly lucky you are. I can't even adopt here in Oz unless I'm a married, preferably Christian who earns upwards of 50k a year. Yah. and because my partner is 10 years younger than me he ain't gonna meet the age criteria for another 7 years so babe it just ain't gonna happen any time soon. We are all entitled to a whinge but I hope you're still counting your blessings. I'm jealous as hell. He's comin'. Let's hope my bubba is too. x P.S - There are times when having a great love doesn't make life suck any less, believe me.
P.P.S - Surely it can't be too long with your purty blue eyes, "Big Ass Grin" and dang great cookies. Plus you're quite hilarious. Have kept me entertained for nearly a year now x
Hope is never lost, friend. There is a plan, even in the darkest times when it feels as if you are completely forgotten. While I have His Royal Fairyness by my side now, I have felt that feeling too in my life. And it's hard not to live in that darkness. But Amy, you don't -- you just visit there occasionally -- and that's ok. That's the time to lean on those who love you. And we do.
I know you don't know me because I just recently found your blog. This post spoke to me and I just wanted to say don't give up. I have been in your shoes. I was 36 years old when I met my husband. I was 37 before we actually met in person and started dating. I was 38 when we married. I'm now 45 and waiting to become a mother for the first time. I have felt that why am I alone feeling far too often. I thought that was what my life was doomed to be. I was the perennial third wheel, favorite aunt who went home alone. Love did come from the most unexpected place at the most unexpected time. I know now that I had to wait to find the perfect man for me. You are not alone in this.
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