Mother's Day... Then & Now

THEN:

Mother's Day- May 8th, 2005
(originally written in Ruby's Journal)

Today is Mother's Day, May 8th 2005. What better day to finally put in your book all of the good wishes you've received from everyone who sent me quilt squares to make your special quilt your auntie Emily is putting all the squares together and I know it's going to be GORGEOUS!!
I hope someday you will love the fact that you have this special book as a keepsake of all the wonderful things that are happening just because of you!
And on this, my last Mother's Day without you, I felt it was only fitting that I spend the morning putting this together for you and smiling as I thnk of how much closer I am today of getting you and holding you in my arms forever! I love you Ruby!
Love,
Momma

****************************************************

The following are the wonderful wishes that my little girl received:

*************************************************

Jesus loves the
little children
all the children
of the world
red, yellow,
brown, black,
and white
they are
precious in his
sight
Jesus loves the
children of the
world.
love, Denise, Jeff, Ashley, David, Deborah
'waiting for Gracie Joy LID: 1-7-05

*****************************************

We wish you a long life full of love
Mya Beaumont & family

****************************************

Flowers look different in different eyes
Your child was born under similar skies
No matter the color; blue, grey, dark or red
Your child knows light from this day ahead
The sun has touched the soul of this young
To blossom and flourish many years to come
Of comfort and succor this child will long
Like water for a lotus to this child you belong
There is not a garden with a flower alone
Your child will prosper with love in your home
May the time ahead live tranquil and bliss
And thrive a flower of beautiful confidence
Because flowers look different in different eyes
and we all live under the same glorious skies
Love,
Jim, Katie, Nicholas, Riley & Claire
DTC 1-05=05 for Mei Mei, Ella.

*********************************************

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent, the other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up, it was all she could do...
...the other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
and now you ask me through your tears, the age old questions through the years,
heredity or environment... which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling... just two different kinds of love.
-author unknown-
Roxane

***********************************************

With love in our hearts,
although we've never met,
our prayers will be with you
on your greatest journey yet.

From your country of old
to your home so new,
we wish for you the Life,
Love and Joy you are due.

Best wishes from the B. family
Chris, Tay, Robin, Rachel and Rose.

*************************************************

"An invisible red thread
connects
those destined to meet,
regardless of time,
place or circumstance.
The thread may stretch
or tangle,
but never break."
Ancient Chinese Proverb

Best Wishes for a happy and healthy life.
May all your dreams come true!
Lori & Mark

******************************************************

Choose a wish, find a dream.
Pick a wishing star;
Let your hopes and spirits soar,
high free and far.

Reach for the unreachable,
stretch to touch the sky;
Know no dream you treasure
is too far away or high.

Believe in the impossible,
then work and try and do-
For only those who dare to dream
can make a dream come true!

Greg & Anne

***************************************************

May Joy and Peace Surround You,
Contentment Latch Your Door,
And Happiness Be With You Now
And Bless You Evermore...
irish blessing

Katherine G. (Arianna's Mom)

*******************************************************

May you always seek knowledge,
and know that within you lies the
strength to achieve your goals.

Brad & Michelle
Awaiting Julia Rose

*******************************************************

Our wish for you: May you
have the gift of faith, the
blessing of hope, and the
peace of God's love.

Ted & Christine
DTC Dec 10th, 2004

******************************************************

May you always find three welcomes in life;
In a garden during summer,
At a fireside during the winter,
And whatever the day or season,
In the kind eyes of a friend.

Welcome Little One!
Adam, Julie & Kirk
Waiting for Jenna Leigh
Jan 2005 DTC

************************************************************

As you lay sleeping far away
as still as you could be...
How could you know that joy today
this photo brings to me?
A few short weeks and you'll be mine
and "I" will soon be "we."
How could you know the love I feel?
It's something you can't see.
So have sweet dreams, my precious babe.
Sleep well and tenderly.
Some say that you're the lucky one.
How could you know it's me?
Kris Laughlin


Best wishes for a wonderful life.
Kim & Rob
DTC Jan 31st, 2005 for Lian

**************************************************

Me Ka Aloha Mau Loa
(With Love Forever)

Through your eyes we will get to see the
World in it's beauty and simpicity again.

Love, Kymberly & Leon & your
sisters from China, Ky-Le and Ay-La

*********************************************************

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you,
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay foever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
may you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
And may you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
may your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young.
Forever young, Forever young,
May you stay forever young.
-Bob Dylan

The B. Family
DTC December 2004

*****************************************************

"Not flesh of my flesh,
nor bone of my bone,
yet still very much
my own.
Never forget
for one single minute
that you grew not under my heart,
but in it."
-unknown

My wish for you, little one,
is to always remember that Love,
no bloodline, makes a parent.

-Amy E. S.
DTC 01-14-05
LID 01-31-05
for Ruby Cate

**********************************************************

As you lay sleeping far away as still as you could be...
How could you know the joy today this photo brings to me?

The A. family
Natalie & Jason

****************************************************************

Welcome Little One!

Our prayer for you is simple.
"Live like there's no tomorrow.
Dance like noe one's around.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Give like you have plenty.
Love like you're not afraid.
Be who you were meant to be.
Be the way you were made."
Chris Tomlin 2004

Blessings,
Wally & Lori N.

**************************************************

Yn dy breswylfa
Aros yn agos i'r llawr.
Yn dy fyfyrdod
Treiddian' ddwfn i'r craidd.
Wrth drin eraill
Bydd yn addfwyn a hynaws.
Yn dy ymadrodd
Bydd yn eirwir.

English translation:
In your dwelling
Stay close to the ground.
In your meditation
Penetrate deep into the core.
When dealing with others
Be gentle and kind.
In your speech
Be truthful.

(from a poem in the Dao De Jing, a collection of Chinese poetry written about 2,500 years ago.
The translation into Welsh is by Cedric Maby.)

From Kirstin

*************************************************

... " But what about when you're far away? Does your love to goo, or does it stay?"

"Look up at the stars. They're far, far away. But their light reaches us at the end of each day. It's like that with love- we may be close, we may be far, but our love still surrounds us wherever we are."
-No Matter What by; Debi Gliori

May you always know you are loved, no matter what!

Sam, Andy & Cullen
Kieren Olivia's family
DTC Jan 2005

*****************************************************************

A Dream For A Special Child

We wish you all the happiness and joy in your life with
your forever family. May the sun shine on your every
day of your life and may your guardian angel always
stay on your shoulder and keep and eye on you.
God bless and keep you safe.

Most Sincerely,
Randy & Angel R.

*********************************************************

Born from My Heart

A Miracle given to me from above,
brought together through acts of love.
A beautiful baby gorn from my heart,
I loved you from the very start.

My children, my life, all a part of me,
born from my heart where you'll always be.
Born from my heart, a birth like no other,
I am so blessed to be your mother.

My dream you grow up feeling complete,
smothered with love from everyone you meet.
And remember if doubts come from another,
that you are my daughter & I am your mother.
by: Cynthia Hansen

With Love and Hope,
Ann & Molly K.

***********************************************************


NOW:


So... today it's Mother's Day May 14th, 2006... a whole year has passed & now Ruby is no longer a 'dream' or a 'hope'... she's real & here & just so damn beautiful that I honestly have to say that, yes... today 'technically' may be Mother's day, but you know what... every day since the moment that child was placed in my arms that crazy, chaotic day in Jiangxi China-
is Mother's Day.
I wake up in the morning to that precious little face, that beautiful smile, those silly grins, and that sweet voice that says 'Hiiiiiiiiiieeeee' like clockwork without fail,
and also like clockwork... every time I hear that early morning greeting from my daughter,
my heart skips a beat & I smile & know that I am beyond blessed.

So, the calendar may say it's Mother's day but I think I need to make up a new calendar...
One where on every day at the bottom, it lists 'Mother's Day' because in this house,
it just is.

Thank you Ruby for making EVERY DAY, the BEST DAY to be YOUR MOMMA!
I love you baby.

Love,

-Momma

I love "Nap Hair"...

Hee hee, Miss Ruby sitting at her lovely new IKEA table & chair set doing a board puzzle
while sporting some FANTASTIC NAP HAIR!
*grin*
In this house... EVERY DAY IS MOTHER'S DAY!
=)

I LOVE YOU RUBY!
Love,
Momma.

My Boy's final resting place...

... I know he'd be proud.
(honestly, if he were still here he'd really just wanna pee on those flowers-
LOL but regardless, he'd still love it...)
*teary smile*

In Loving Memory...

Ebenezer's Garden Stone Marker finally arrived today... it's beautiful.
I am simply happy & beyond proud to finally give my best friend a proper place of rest.
This stone paired with the gorgeous caramel colored rose bush I planted
truly is deserving to be a part of his final resting place.

The caption under the dates reads:

Ebby, you were my best friend, my fuzzy son, my four legged soul mate... you will live on in my heart forever. You really were the BEST DOG IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
Thank you for ten & a half of the most amazing years of my life. How blessed I was to share them with you. Until we meet again old friend... sleep well.
Love Momma. XOXOXO

Did someone get the licence plate # of that car?

"Chris, you're going home..."

Four simple words that I did NOT expect...

FLOORED! I just was FLOORED! As I'm sure alot of viewers were!

I fully expected Kat to be the one going home...

SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T VOTE AMERICA!!!!!!!



Now, I am THRILLED to pieces, however, that my ELLIOT was in the TOP TWO!!!
That's right folks, and you wanna know why?
CUZ EVERY WEEK I VOTE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER
DURING THE ENTIRE TWO HOURS THAT THE LINES ARE OPEN!!!
NEVER ONCE STOPPING TO SO MUCH AS EVEN PEE!!!
The boy is still around because of MY VOTES!
*grin*
BOSTON LOVES U ELLIOT!
Sooooooo excited to see him go all the way...

AMERICA, VOTE LIKE YAMIN IT PEOPLE!!!!

Thanks Mom...

Things I learned from Mom:

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

My mother taught me about RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

My mother taught me about LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me about FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me about IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
exaggerate!"

My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

*Thanks to Auntie Jen for sending that to us in an email, what a RIOT!*
(LOVE YOU MOM!!!)

... and, oh yeah-
Today is my parent's 36th wedding anniversary... incredible huh?
36 years is hard to comprehend but I'm guessing with the way you two are still in love, and still hold hands and still laugh alot, that they flew by with ease... (especially after I came along, right?) hehehe
Ruby and I love you both so very much!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

=)

Ok, I just gotta know....

WHY do children sit anywhere BUT on the beautiful soft fuzzy chair you bought them?
Ruby sits in front of said chair, behind said chair, next to said chair, across the room from said chair, even drapes herself over the arm of said chair... but SIT IN SAID CHAIR?
Not a chance. LOL
Again, I ask... WHY?
*giggle*
She's so cute!

A future Van Gogh?

Love is beautiful...

... frog love, is HYSTERICAL!

That's right, these are my newest additions to the family... Frick and Frack, my african clawed frogs. (henceforth: ACF)
'Frick' is the albino on the left and Frack is the green speckled on the right.
I'd love to just tell you that all they're doing is 'hugging' but the last time I thought that I ended up with a tank full of tadpoles... go figure. LOL
Hey, at least someone in this house is getting some action, cuz it sure as hell isn't me! LOL
More to follow as frog love unfolds...

Hard to believe...

... it was one week ago today nearly to the minute that I said a very teary heartfelt farewell to my best friend & fuzzy soul mate, Ebenezer.



I took this picture moments before the vet was to arrive.
I wanted to capture the love I had for him forever and more specifically, that moment that he and I shared that would most likely be our last.
Just before the camera clicked, I simply whispered in his ear,
"I love you buddy, I love you so much, and I always will..."
I didn't post this pic initially because I wanted those first images I shared to be of happy times, but today I feel I need to honor his passing with a more realistic view of how it felt to literally say goodbye to my best friend.

I have planted beautiful melon/caramel colored roses in his memory & even ordered a gorgeous marble memorial garden stone to honor him and it should arrive shortly.
It seems so little of a gift to a Dog who gave so much of himself during his lifetime with me.

So today, I honor the memory of my beloved friend Ebenezer... one week ago today he made the brave journey into the unknown & hopefully found his doggie heaven in the sky...
where every dog gets three kitties to chase
and has unlimited access to a 24 hour all beef buffett.

Here's to you Ebenezer, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the years of unconditional love & unwaivering loyalty.
You will always live on in my memories and will never be forgotten.
I love you so much... always & forever.
-Momma

Sing it like YAMIN it baby! *grin*

Ok, so I know this is an older clip from earlier IDOL days but, MAN- I LOVE THIS SONG & WHEN HE SINGS IT THE BOY GIVES ME CHILLS EVERY SINGLE TIME FROM MY HEAD TO MY TOES!

I voted tonight, over and over and over... did you?

GO ELLIOT!! Ruby & I ARE BOTH BIG FANS OF YOURS!!

... and life goes on.

I feel as though I've lost an arm or a leg, like part of me is missing.
Maybe that's because, it truly is.
I have found it difficult to blog since everything happened... but felt that I should post something so that you all would know that I haven't died along with my fuzzy friend.
I'll never forget Ebenezer ever because he's going to live forever in my heart through the love I feel & through some of the most cherrished memories of my dear handsome boy.




So, here's my ridiculous random post tonight
before I crawl into bed after having just done my shot:

If you could only ever eat ONE sandwich for the rest of FOREVER, which sandwich would you choose?

Mine? Hands down... PB & J, the best sandwich 'comfort food' ever. At least in my house.

Sorry, wish it was more than that but seriously, the fact that I can sit here & type this without slobbering tears all over my keyboard is a miracle right now.

So, enlighten me & give me a chuckle or two... which sandwich would YOU pick to be YOUR ONLY SANDWICH you could ever eat again?

All Dogs Go To Heaven...

Today I had to say goodbye to my best friend of ten & a half years...
My Dear Sweet Loving & Loyal Pal, Ebenezer.
(his full name, strictly for paperwork purposes since he was AKC certified) was:
Lord Ebenezer Sharp... but to me, he was Ebenezer... Ebby... Eben... Neezer... "Buddy" to my brother... but regardless what we called him, he knew he was loved by us all.

He was & will always remain THE BEST DOG IN THE WHOLE WORLD in my heart & soul.
He was my friend, my 'fuzzy son', my 4 legged soul mate.

Things Ebby loved: Snow, Snow and MORE SNOW! He loved the cold weather & hated the heat. (My Boy) His FAVORITE SEASON was WINTER hands down! When the first snow came he'd RUN HEAD FIRST into it and consume it with a fierceness because not only was it fun to play in, but apparently it was DELICIOUS as well!


He LOVED to chase kitties via running from window to window to catch a glimpse of them outside & warn them of the iminent danger if they got TOO CLOSE to his turf!
He would do the same if Dog's walked past the house too... he was my handsome four legged bodyguard.

He loved to go for walks down to the common & back. He'd stop every TWO FEET to pee & mark his territory, just in case any other dogs were wondering just exactly who was 'boss'...

He LOVED to howl... you just had to 'say' the word 'MEOW' and BOOM... HOWL TIME BABY!
(Ruby always got a kick out of that...)

He loved to chase the 'BUG' (a red laser light pen) that we'd aim at the floor/wall/carpet & he'd CHASE THAT THING LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS! He was DETERMINED to 'KILL THE BUG' and it was hysterical watching him SO determined to get this funny little red dot... apparently the doT was evil & we just didn't know it. LOL When he was a little puppy, he'd want that 'BUG' SO MUCH that he'd back up & back up & back up & then all of a sudden POUNCE on it like a CAT POUNCES ON A STRING! HYSTERICAL! Some of the best memories ever.

He slept with me in my bed at night... next to my head & almost on my shoulder, every night, since day one, and we ALWAYS had to have a COLD room, whether by AC in the summer or literally OPEN WINDOWS in the dead of WINTER... it HAD to be chilly. It was the only way we were both comfortable... & we were inseperable.

He knew a few really good tricks: he could sit & stay while I tossed a cookie across the room & he wouldn't even budge until I released him & said "allright"... then & only then was it 'cookie time'. He was a GOOD BOY!

He could give paw & five. He could speak, although it was more of his trademark howl...
But I think his best trick was to be able to balance a cookie on his nose & then flip it into the air only to ultimately catch it in his mouth. I LOVED THAT ONE! =)

He loved to eat, lots of things like apples, cantelope, corn FROM OFF the COB but his favorite obviously was- meat! Beef or chicken of any kind & from the very first day I adopted him, I'd ALWAYS give him the 'last bite' of whatever it is I was having.
(only exception to that was chocolate, for obvious reasons...)

My Mother, his Nanna... ALWAYS gave him the last little bit of her milk from her cereal.
This became a ritual & he knew to wait for it because it would ALWAYS come & he knew how much he was loved & how special he was to this whole family.

His bottom lip was half black & half pink, I ALWAYS loved that about him, because it not only unique, but it made him look like he was always sticking out his bottom lip in just the sweetest expression. Just adorable...

Nov 16th - the 30th, I missed him like you'd miss an arm or a leg those two weeks while in China and am just so blessed that Ruby did get some time to get to know him prior to having to say goodbye.
I don't know how much of him she'll remember as she gets older, but I have some fantastic video of the two of them playing & having fun.
Memories I'll cherrish forever.



So, when diabetes came suddenly several months ago & swept fast through his little body, obviously I was devastated & heartbroken.

First it stole his eyesight but thankfully he knew this house like the back of his paw, so he was fine... just needed a little assistance with the stairs but other than that, his nose worked like a CHARM, so he was NEVER late for DINNER! *smile* hehehe

Lately, however... I've noticed a downward spiral in his daily activity & I knew that I'd know in my heart when it was time to give my last gift to my friend... the gift of eternal rest.
When I started having to carry him up & down the stairs to go outside, I knew that it was only matter of time.
I watched first hand how this once vibrant, fiesty & lovable dog became this sad, quiet, sleepy, dog who lost the will to live & seemed to just be 'waiting to die'.

Truly, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, not because I don't think what I'm doing is right, but because a part of my heart & soul died with him & it's a void that hurts like I have no words to even describe to you.

Last night I was curled up with him & told him that I didn't want to let him go but that I loved him too much to make him stay in a body that was betraying him the most basic of daily functions.

I told him that in Heaven, all dogs can see, and all dogs get at least THREE KITTIES to chase whenever they want & that God makes sure that there's a HUGE BEEF BUFFET that's open 24/7... I told him that his last moments wouldn't have to be spent in that stark cold hospital, but here, in the comfort of his own home, in his own bed, with me curled up around him.
That the doctor would come here & as I held him close & told him over and over how much I loved him and how blessed I was to have been allowed to share in such an unconditional love that only a dog & his owner share...
that he'd just slowly drift off to sleep & never have to be in pain again.
I said " Ebby, it will be as quick as 1, 2, 3..."
and with that, my daughter piped in with "GO!"
(it's an automatic... we count 1, 2, 3... and she follows EVERY TIME with "GO!")
So, even amidst the tears, I couldn't help but smile & chuckle at the brilliance of my daughter to make me laugh through my grief at having to say goodbye to my oldest & dearest friend.


So, Ebenezer... I know you'll be happier where you've gone, but- Ruby & I will never ever forget you & everytime a doggie walks past the house & we catch a glimpse of him outside the window, we'll both 'howl' in your honor.


(& I promise to really throw our heads into it & make you proud...)

Sleep in peace old friend, you will always be the fuzzy love of my life & Ruby and I both will miss you every day for the rest of forever.
Goodnight Pal, Rest in peace.
Momma loves you soooooooo much!!!

Ebenezer
(aka: Ebby and/or Eben)
Nov 4th, 1995 - May 3rd, 2006
Until we meet again old friend...
<3

Ruby Cate In: Rainy Day Finger Painting...

... a silent film.

Daily dose of SILLY!

Every night...

during that last hour before bed...

someone short & cute...

gets a serious case...

of the giggles!!!

Anything I do...

every face that I make...

or silly sound that comes out of my mouth...

gets reactions like these...

hands down; the CUTEST smiles ever AND the BEST hour of my day!

Has it been that long?

Five months... seems like an eternity at times but it's weird, because exactly five months ago tonight, I had just returned home to Boston from China.
I was exhausted from the long journey home, from the hours that, at times, seemed to crawl endlessly one into the next with no end in sight.
But what a TRIP it turned out to be. The two weeks that changed my life forever...
... my days in China were ones I'll never forget.
I flew half way around this earth to meet my dream come true... and what a dream she was!
I was finally, a Mother. Not just any Mother... but a Mother to this most beautiful perfect baby girl that still, to this day, takes my breath away.
I didn't know what I had done to deserve such a beautiful child & it's funny, everyone says how lucky she is to have me, but the truth is, it's completely the other way around & I'll say that till the day I die.

Ruby saved me.


You're all familiar I'm sure with the saying "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride..." ? Well, in my head it went a little something like this: "Always a Nanny, never a Mother..."
Ruby washed that saying from my head & my heart for the rest of my life.
I am probably the proudest woman on the planet tonight.
Proud of my Daughter who, at 2 days old was abandoned & ultimately found to be placed into the local SWI in her province. She lived all those days, and weeks, and months... (14 to be exact) without a Mother... always wondering, I'm sure, if one would come.

Halfway across the world, during those same 14 months, I too was alone & wondering...
... will there ever be an end to this thing called 'adoption'. Is there really a light at the end of the tunnel or am I just destined to sit idly by & watch as everyone else in the world (it seemed) was celebrating the arrival of their referrals, while mine was still no where to be found.
I believe that September of 04... I was at the tail end of compiling my dossier paperwork to have it ready for a Dec 1st DTC.
(ha, how naive I was...)
Dec 1st came and went... no DTC.
Finally on Jan 14th, 2005 I received the news that I was DTC and was that such an unreal feeling.
I was excited yet, felt like someone had just unofficially placed a HUGE BOLDER on my shoulders for me to carry around UNTIL ... until... ah, yes- until my baby girl's picture came to me in the form of a referral.
July came and referrals were coming in but not for my group.
Originally when I started the process they said it was roughly a six month wait from DTC to referral. Ok, six months... I can do that, right?
Ah, August... such a lovely month... so hot & muggy and buggy and sticky & the month I was to turn 33. Who wouldn't love August?
I wouldn't love August. Big deal, another birthday (all it meant was I was getting older & gravity was continuing to be ever so cruel in just the right places...) and still, no referral.
So you'll forgive me if I don't celebrate August in the way it should be celebrated... I think I slept through most of it if I wasn't burying myself in my job.
Then September comes... people thought for SURE that my referral would've come before August was over & they'd say " oh my gosh Amy, you must be so upset... I really thought we'd have a picture by now, when do you think it's coming? I just can't wait another minute..."
which always made me laugh because, as much as I love my family & friends, THEY weren't the ones who jumped into this whole process with both feet planted firmly on the ground...
...I was.
I would hear these things being said to me & think to myself, "ok Amy, don't flip on them, just be nice, don't be rude... they don't understand, they're just trying to be helpful & make me feel better..." when really all it made me want to do was to jam a pen in their windpipe so they couldn't ask such asinine questions of me EVER again!
Asking someone who is TRYING to PATIENTLY wait for their Referral of their child "when is the picture coming" is like asking someone with a loved one in the ICU "when do you think she'll pass? Will it be soon or can we expect her to hold on just a little longer?"

YOU WOULDN'T DARE TO ASK SUCH THINGS TO SOMEONE OVER SUCH A SENSITIVE MATTER, PERIOD.
So, why then is it ACCEPTABLE to ask anyone waiting to adopt ANYTHING, unless it's "can I buy you some chocolate?"
Now that question I'd have had an answer for, and it would've been pleasant.

So now, as I sit here & remember all these things that happened while I waited for that day to arrive when I first laid eyes on my precious baby girl... I can't help but think to myself, "man, it was ALL WORTH IT!"
I guess it's what biological mothers say regarding the 'labor' part of 'labor & delivery'... that it was all worth it once you see that sweet little face.
And you know what? They're right... because just when I had given up all hope & was LITERALLY curled up on my couch with my trusted furry friend Ebenezer, the impossible became possible. My phone rang & it was Eric from my agency wishing me a Happy Birthday.
(I love Eric, but he can be a bit of a spaz at times cuz his brain is always on like twenty five different things at once...) So I had to laugh as I said to him, "Eric, it's not my birthday... you know my birthday's in August..."
"Well," he said... " It's Ruby's Birthday."
"WHAT!!!!@#$#%^#$%^@#$%!?
"Yup, Today is Ruby's Birthday & she's 1 year old & she's beautiful..."
*thud* (the sound of my jaw hitting the floor as I jumped off the couch & heard the words that I'd waited SO LONG to hear...)
I was shaking & numb all at once.
I feel that, with everything going on with the CCAA and all the people who are just tired of the waiting & the wondering, well... I felt it would be nice to share with you all the reality that, yes- you really DO eventually get this call... and yes- it IS THAT AMAZING!

That day was September 7th, 2005... one year to the day of my daughter's birthday.
I was numb, I was shaking, I was crying tears of joy, I was the happiest I'd ever been in my entire life...
I ran to the computer & violently shook my foot while waiting for what seemed like FOREVER to heard that familiar *ding* that tells me I have mail...
Shaking, I click on it and what I saw, changed my life forever.



You know, I knew what Ruby looked like long before I ever saw her actual picture.
God's honest truth... I saw her in a dream & I remember telling my Mother during this process that "OMG Ma, she's beautiful & chubby & has a TON of HAIR and she's got a gorgeous face and I just LOVE HER SO MUCH!"
My mom would say " Amy, what if when you get your referral it's a cute little baby with no hair?"
I simply replied to her,
"I'm not worried, cuz it won't happen, trust me, Ruby has a TON of hair..."
"But Amy, you could get referred a sweet little bald baby, and you'll love that baby just as much, you have to prepare yourself for that..."
(me, smiling...)
"Ma, really- it won't happen. Believe me, Ruby has hair..."

So, the day I opened that email from Eric, and saw this beautiful child, I knew that there was way more at work here than just people at my agency, people in china, people who do the fingerprints or the authentications or the notarizations etc...
... a miracle was at work & I was experiencing it first hand.



Happy Five Months Home baby girl... You are now & remain forever, Momma's Dream Come True!!!
Here's to the next five months flying by so that everyone I love who is currently waiting for their miracles to arrive, will be just that much closer...

Food for thought...

A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her
daughter against low self-esteem.

-Naomi Wolf

Dream a Chocolate Dream...

OH! MY! GOD! DON'T! THESE! LOOK! FABULOUS!

What are they you ask? (cuz you know you're wondering what in the HELL those tins are...)
THEY'RE DRINKING CHOCOLATES!
And not like 'hot powdered cocoa' crap (and no offense to anyone who is in love with their swiss miss or whatever brand of hot cocoa you buy) BUT, this stuff, I saw last night on an eppisode of UNWRAPPED, and OH MY GOD IT LOOKED SO YUMMY!!!!
I wanted to JUMP THROUGH MY TELEVISION SET & TRY SOME!!!

Rather than a weak limpy powder added to 'water' (BLECK, WHAT'S THAT???)-
it's teenie tiny actual BITS of chocolate!! You take two tablespoons of the chocolate bits, add a splash of milk & in the microwave for 30 seconds it goes. Then, you blend & it's literally LIQUID CHOCOLATE and then you add the REST of your MILK (NOT WATER!) to the glass & back in the microwave it goes for one solid minute. Top with whipped cream & a dusting of those chocolate bits and HOLY CHRIST SIGN ME UP I WANT SOME!!!!!
I only wish that this place took 'paypal' LOL cuz THAT is what I want for Mother's Day. LOL
I'd love to try the Chocolate Mint, the Extreme Dark (for my Dad), and (OOOH DROOL!!!) the German Chocolate Cake, and maybe a Triple Chocolate for good measure. OMG I'M A CHOCOLATE MONSTER ON A MISSION!

Ladies, anyone up for having a 'DRINK YOUR CHOCOLATE' party with me?
I'm SERIOUS, because the MINUTE I find a job, the FIRST THING I'm going to treat MYSELF to, IS THIS BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL DRINKING CHOCOLATE!!!
And ANYONE WHO LIVES CLOSE ENOUGH is WELCOME TO COME OVER, cuz chocolate is always better when enjoyed with a friend or SEVERAL FRIENDS!
*smile*

Table for two? (& early Mother's Day Wishes...)

Simplicity at it's BEST! (& shortest!!)

This is a table & chair set from IKEA, courtesy of a very generous 'Mother's Day Gift'
from a very generous & wonderfully thoughtful friend...
... I'm sure Ruby and Momma are going to have MANY LOVELY TEA PARTIES
at this adorable yet simple table for two.
I can't wait, because the first thing we're going to do is to propose a 'toast' to one very special lady who lives half way across the states, but is very much alive & well right inside our hearts.
THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

And, I know it's a bit early but...

A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO EVERY MOTHER ON THIS EARTH!!
To those who are grandparents & basking in the joys that their grandchildren bring them...
To those who are veteran's with grown children out of the house...
(or perhaps still hanging around just a few feet up...)
To those who are dealing with the very tricky 'teenage' years...
To those who have small children be they adopted or biological...
and ESPECIALLY to THOSE OF YOU STILL WAITING and WAITING and WAITING some more, for that most precious of gifts... your referral!
To those about to embark on the journey to motherhood, either through international/domestic adoption or biological means...
And to those biological mothers in China, the ones who'se bodies carried & nurtured our daughters... the ones who found the courage to be brave enough to leave these precious bundles in a place where they were sure to be found...
To every woman who has ever had to give up a child...
And to those who have lost a child, & are still hoping to one day start that family...
You are ALL mothers and today, (albeit a tad bit early...)
today is ALL MOTHER'S DAY!
So, to every MOTHER everywhere...
Ruby and I wish you all a VERY HAPPY HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

*I need some tissues...*

A work in progress...

You may have noticed that a previous post is now missing... it'll come back eventually, don't worry. I'm just working on adding more pics from when I was in China. I don't have a ton of them but the ones I wanted to share weren't ready for immediate upload, so your patience is requested for the time being until I can get my act together & get everything ready for it's public viewing.

Until then, let's all just bask in the glory of lil'miss Pickler getting booted tonight. She's cute & yes she can sing but it was TIME! THANK YOU AMERICA! And than you too for keeping my adorable Elliot still there, although I'd like to single handedly take credit for him being safe tonight, after all... I'm pretty sure I called over A HUNDRED TIMES last night to ensure the boy stuck around for the duration! ;)

WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO GO ELLIOT!!! THIS BOSTON GIRL LOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEESSSSSSS YOU!