My name is Amy...
...& I'm a tea addict.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Week One...
...nearly done!
It's the first Friday of the first week with baby Tom-Tom
& all's well in my little corner of MA.
He's a very good little boy, loves to eat & poop & sleep.
Ahhhhh babies, gotta luv em.
Ruby's pretty entertained with him as well,
constantly wanting him by her side, shouting proudly;
'Baby Tom-Tom! Baby Tom-Tom!'
It's cute.
It's actually more than cute, it's good for her socially because as she's going to be an only child, it's very important to me that she get as much time with other children as possible & since we don't see her cousin Isabella nearly as much as I'd like, this is a good way for her to learn to properly (& GENTLY) interact with babies!
Also, since two of dearest friends in the world are both having their first babies sometime this March, both boys, it's another good thing that Ruby's learning that all the baby Tom-Tom's of the world have a different cable setup than she does.
Ruby's pretty much got 'basic cable'
&
the boys have the 'holy shit premiere package'
It's a learning process that she's slowly getting... it's good.
=)
Aside from that, not much else to report other than perhaps
alot of thinking about my current personal life, or more to the point, lack thereof...
...& sadly I'm pretty sure I've decided to not sit & pine away any longer for a certain very good friend who you all know I'm in love with.
Unrequited love is not fun, ever.
It's time to move on, even though it's going to be a bit of a challenge.
I just know that sitting & waiting constantly for a 'maybe he might come to his senses' or 'maybe he'll change' or, what's come to be my favorite personal excuse for not moving on,
'he does love me, he just hasn't realized that he's 'in love' with me" etc...
Garbage.
The truth is, yes, I do love him & I never intended for that to happen, it's weird when one crosses a line with a friend & takes it to that next level... it's not the same as meeting someone new, going on a date, feeling that spark & taking things from there.
You mess with a friendship & shit tends to happen, things are weird, never in a bad way but just honestly in a genuine 'weird' way and I really love him so much that I just can't keep worrying about ruining our amazing friendship.
I have a lifetime of memories & moments with him that I cherish & I am going to just be happy with that for now.
Maybe someday things will change, and if I'm still single when they do, all the better.
But I really am not ok with sitting around anymore waiting for that change to happen...
...my life is going on without me and it's time I up &
hauled my fat ass to try & catch up to life as I knew it.
Wish me luck, my ass doesn't do much running these days...
It's the first Friday of the first week with baby Tom-Tom
& all's well in my little corner of MA.
He's a very good little boy, loves to eat & poop & sleep.
Ahhhhh babies, gotta luv em.
Ruby's pretty entertained with him as well,
constantly wanting him by her side, shouting proudly;
'Baby Tom-Tom! Baby Tom-Tom!'
It's cute.
It's actually more than cute, it's good for her socially because as she's going to be an only child, it's very important to me that she get as much time with other children as possible & since we don't see her cousin Isabella nearly as much as I'd like, this is a good way for her to learn to properly (& GENTLY) interact with babies!
Also, since two of dearest friends in the world are both having their first babies sometime this March, both boys, it's another good thing that Ruby's learning that all the baby Tom-Tom's of the world have a different cable setup than she does.
Ruby's pretty much got 'basic cable'
&
the boys have the 'holy shit premiere package'
It's a learning process that she's slowly getting... it's good.
=)
Aside from that, not much else to report other than perhaps
alot of thinking about my current personal life, or more to the point, lack thereof...
...& sadly I'm pretty sure I've decided to not sit & pine away any longer for a certain very good friend who you all know I'm in love with.
Unrequited love is not fun, ever.
It's time to move on, even though it's going to be a bit of a challenge.
I just know that sitting & waiting constantly for a 'maybe he might come to his senses' or 'maybe he'll change' or, what's come to be my favorite personal excuse for not moving on,
'he does love me, he just hasn't realized that he's 'in love' with me" etc...
Garbage.
The truth is, yes, I do love him & I never intended for that to happen, it's weird when one crosses a line with a friend & takes it to that next level... it's not the same as meeting someone new, going on a date, feeling that spark & taking things from there.
You mess with a friendship & shit tends to happen, things are weird, never in a bad way but just honestly in a genuine 'weird' way and I really love him so much that I just can't keep worrying about ruining our amazing friendship.
I have a lifetime of memories & moments with him that I cherish & I am going to just be happy with that for now.
Maybe someday things will change, and if I'm still single when they do, all the better.
But I really am not ok with sitting around anymore waiting for that change to happen...
...my life is going on without me and it's time I up &
hauled my fat ass to try & catch up to life as I knew it.
Wish me luck, my ass doesn't do much running these days...
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Because I know you're all just a wee bit curious as to who they are...
- A million miles to Mia
- Actual Unretouched Photo
- cherry blossom baby
- Crazy about Emily!
- Davis Days
- Do They Have Salsa in China?
- Fling Poo
- Fluffernutter Kid
- Hey ho, hey ho, its off to China we go!
- Journey to Annalisa
- Lookin' for Number Four
- The Lost Bostonian
- Miya's Memoirs
- The Murphy Adoption Adventure
- My 2 Miracles
- Round is funny
- South Meets East
- Tate R Bug
- Thomas and Emma
- To China and Back
- True Wife Confessions
- twoladybugs
- Waiting for Bella
- Waiting for Lauren Elizabeth
- We're paperwork pregnant... and it's a girl!
- Welcome Home Lily
- San Diego Siegel's
- Thia's World
- The Life and Times of Miss Taylor
- The Mad Race for Macey
- The Recipe Place
- our 3 kids
- Jazzie and Tahlia
- Awaiting Ava
- Mission:Absolution
- PandCKing's Xanga
- Adoption the most wonderful way to build a Family
- So, it's come down to this
- walternatives
- 52 Cupcakes
- Life with Dallas
- Our Journey to Grace
Don't ask, don't blog...
Some of you may have noticed that I no longer have 'links' to other blogs as before.
Truth is, I follow SO many & do so via 'blog lines' that,
really, there's no reason to have them all listed here.
Those of you who's blogs I read, know I'm frequenting them.
After all, what's a site meter for, right?
I just needed to get back to what this blog was originally about,
the writing.
The documenting, venting, sharing, lamenting & storytelling
that it was truly meant to be.
I love to write, always have... & somewhere along the way this blog started to become less about the writing & more about the links, pictures & books etc...
So here we are, back to the best laid plans ever...
...writing so that someday,
my daughter can go back into the archives of her mother's words
& see one of a kind moments from a period of her life long since gone.
I always sit & wonder what it would be like to have a similar resource at my fingertips...
...only this time, the words being those of my mother.
Words of how her day went, how easy/tough/fun/challenging it was
to raise myself & my brother all those years ago.
A time machine of sorts.
How much did bread cost, gas per gallon?
What was her daily life like?
Was my dad silly with us kids once arriving home from work every day?
What motivated her to put pen to paper...
...what motivated her to not?
I have thought of asking such questions from time to time,
but I'm sure I'm not alone in saying
that my mother is from the 'don't ask don't tell' generation
where much of anything worth hearing was swept under the carpet never to resurface.
I never understood why it is that I am who I am knowing that I came from where I did.
I talk about EVERYTHING, spare NOTHING,
& enjoy talking just for the simple joys of
1. hearing my own voice
&
2. sharing a story for others to enjoy.
I hope that someday, when Ruby is older,
she too will enjoy & keep regularly a journal of sorts;
whether it be in a 'blogger' form or the old fashioned way,
with paper & pen.
Someday when I'm long gone, & all that's left of me are the words & stories I've left behind,
I hope that her children's children can laugh at how crazy their great Nannie was,
and that they feel like they don't need to ask so many questions-
-because the answers, most of them anyways, are theirs for the reading.
Truth is, I follow SO many & do so via 'blog lines' that,
really, there's no reason to have them all listed here.
Those of you who's blogs I read, know I'm frequenting them.
After all, what's a site meter for, right?
I just needed to get back to what this blog was originally about,
the writing.
The documenting, venting, sharing, lamenting & storytelling
that it was truly meant to be.
I love to write, always have... & somewhere along the way this blog started to become less about the writing & more about the links, pictures & books etc...
So here we are, back to the best laid plans ever...
...writing so that someday,
my daughter can go back into the archives of her mother's words
& see one of a kind moments from a period of her life long since gone.
I always sit & wonder what it would be like to have a similar resource at my fingertips...
...only this time, the words being those of my mother.
Words of how her day went, how easy/tough/fun/challenging it was
to raise myself & my brother all those years ago.
A time machine of sorts.
How much did bread cost, gas per gallon?
What was her daily life like?
Was my dad silly with us kids once arriving home from work every day?
What motivated her to put pen to paper...
...what motivated her to not?
I have thought of asking such questions from time to time,
but I'm sure I'm not alone in saying
that my mother is from the 'don't ask don't tell' generation
where much of anything worth hearing was swept under the carpet never to resurface.
I never understood why it is that I am who I am knowing that I came from where I did.
I talk about EVERYTHING, spare NOTHING,
& enjoy talking just for the simple joys of
1. hearing my own voice
&
2. sharing a story for others to enjoy.
I hope that someday, when Ruby is older,
she too will enjoy & keep regularly a journal of sorts;
whether it be in a 'blogger' form or the old fashioned way,
with paper & pen.
Someday when I'm long gone, & all that's left of me are the words & stories I've left behind,
I hope that her children's children can laugh at how crazy their great Nannie was,
and that they feel like they don't need to ask so many questions-
-because the answers, most of them anyways, are theirs for the reading.
Changes, changes, everywhere...
...& not my blog doth' spare.
Yep, it's time... I've been itchin' for quite some time now to simplify the blog,
bring it back to basics without all the business that I've included in the past.
I'm pretty sure, that less is more & I'm liking it.
Anyone? Anyone?
Bueller?
Thoughts?
*honesty is key here people, tell it like it IS!*
Yep, it's time... I've been itchin' for quite some time now to simplify the blog,
bring it back to basics without all the business that I've included in the past.
I'm pretty sure, that less is more & I'm liking it.
Anyone? Anyone?
Bueller?
Thoughts?
*honesty is key here people, tell it like it IS!*
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Does My Sweater Count...?
After reading the post of a very good friend of mine
about how she's feeling as though she's not doing the 'red thread' justice in her house lately...
(ie: anniversaries & such, CNY etc...)
it got me to thinking, really, that the only 'red thread' visible in this house these days
is the one currently unraveling from my FAVORITE SWEATER!
Grrrrrr
We celebrate days, but more like every day, just because.
For instance; today is BLACK Wednesday, uh, I mean 'Valentine's Day' right?
At least the calender says it is...
but did I get my daughter a card?
Nope.
My mother did, however...
brought it up complete with stickers all over a very RED envelope & everything.
Did we make a card?
Not yet but the day is still young...
really, what I did was what I do every day-
hug & kiss her a hundred times,
told her I loved her to the moon & back,
and the sun & back,
and the stars & back
& to CHINA & back.
Then we played together.
A perfect morning on all accounts.
Really, in my heart, every day with Ruby is Valentine's day,
not just a day that Hallmark deems worthy.
So today, for us, it's just a SNOW DAY.
And to that I say:
HAPPY SLEDDING EVERYONE!
about how she's feeling as though she's not doing the 'red thread' justice in her house lately...
(ie: anniversaries & such, CNY etc...)
it got me to thinking, really, that the only 'red thread' visible in this house these days
is the one currently unraveling from my FAVORITE SWEATER!
Grrrrrr
We celebrate days, but more like every day, just because.
For instance; today is BLACK Wednesday, uh, I mean 'Valentine's Day' right?
At least the calender says it is...
but did I get my daughter a card?
Nope.
My mother did, however...
brought it up complete with stickers all over a very RED envelope & everything.
Did we make a card?
Not yet but the day is still young...
really, what I did was what I do every day-
hug & kiss her a hundred times,
told her I loved her to the moon & back,
and the sun & back,
and the stars & back
& to CHINA & back.
Then we played together.
A perfect morning on all accounts.
Really, in my heart, every day with Ruby is Valentine's day,
not just a day that Hallmark deems worthy.
So today, for us, it's just a SNOW DAY.
And to that I say:
HAPPY SLEDDING EVERYONE!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Getting To Know You...
Ah, Momma? I don't recall this 'Nappie' being built for TWO?
Baby Tom-Tom: "Huh? You talkin' to me?"
"Oh My Goodness Momma, can't a girl & her Bear get some alone time around here?"
Monday, February 12, 2007
Happy As A Pig In Poop...
...& already comfortable enough to 'steal/borrow' one of Ruby's "friends", Dog.
Hell, she wasn't loving him, somebody should, right?
hehehe
Hell, she wasn't loving him, somebody should, right?
hehehe
Sunday, February 11, 2007
& He Shall Be Called...
..."Baby Tom-Tom".
At least that's what Ruby's taken to calling him...
...yes, that's right, I'm referring to the newest little 'charge' in my life,
my little 4 month old friend who is due to join us in our day to day activities starting
first thing tomorrow morning!
Long story short, I found an adorable ad on CL & called expressing my interest. (Thurs)
Got a return call the very next day & met the family that night. (Fri)
They not only met myself & Ruby but they also met;
my mother, my father, my babies: Emma, Abi & Sam AND THEIR Mom Jen!
To say that my humble little apartment was filled to capacity
is an understatement to say the least!
But all's well that ends well, as before the visit was over, baby 'Tom-Tom's' father smiled & looked at me & said:
"I'm sold, you're just what we were looking for.
The job is yours if you're interested, we'd like you to start this Monday..."
(two days away & more to the point, TOMORROW!)
GOOD LORD!
Yes, I'll take the job!
Yes Ruby loves her new friend 'Baby Tom-Tom'!
Yes, they're the friendliest people ever!
Yes, it's so neat to think of having a little 4 month old friend in our midst!
YES I NOW HAVE STEADY INCOME AND CAN EXHALE...
...FINALLY!
So, our little friend will be dropped off every morning & picked up every night, Mon - Fri for a very full week, (approx 8am - 8pm) BUT, I welcome the change & the challenge.
Why?
Because it's what I do, I'm a Nanny, & two babies for that many hours is old hat to me... as I've watched upwards of 3 babies for longer than that before.
Bring on the two & BRING ON THE JOB!
Honestly, where else in the world can you do something you LOVE from the comfort of your OWN HOME for GOOD MONEY while STILL being awarded the BLESSING of BEING WITH YOUR OWN CHILD?
Find me another job like mine & we'll talk... until then?
I'm the luckiest Nanny/Momma this side of Bean Town!
Thank you to everyone who sent up a prayer on our behalf,
who sent good vibes our way,
who were more than generous in many ways
& the most important way being through their friendship!
I may not know much, but I do know this;
Ruby & I are both very lucky girls.
And on that note, I am off to get a good night's sleep, I have to get up for WORK in the am!
*smiling*
Who knew that saying that sentence would produce such a smile on my face...?
hehehehe
*wink*
At least that's what Ruby's taken to calling him...
...yes, that's right, I'm referring to the newest little 'charge' in my life,
my little 4 month old friend who is due to join us in our day to day activities starting
first thing tomorrow morning!
Long story short, I found an adorable ad on CL & called expressing my interest. (Thurs)
Got a return call the very next day & met the family that night. (Fri)
They not only met myself & Ruby but they also met;
my mother, my father, my babies: Emma, Abi & Sam AND THEIR Mom Jen!
To say that my humble little apartment was filled to capacity
is an understatement to say the least!
But all's well that ends well, as before the visit was over, baby 'Tom-Tom's' father smiled & looked at me & said:
"I'm sold, you're just what we were looking for.
The job is yours if you're interested, we'd like you to start this Monday..."
(two days away & more to the point, TOMORROW!)
GOOD LORD!
Yes, I'll take the job!
Yes Ruby loves her new friend 'Baby Tom-Tom'!
Yes, they're the friendliest people ever!
Yes, it's so neat to think of having a little 4 month old friend in our midst!
YES I NOW HAVE STEADY INCOME AND CAN EXHALE...
...FINALLY!
So, our little friend will be dropped off every morning & picked up every night, Mon - Fri for a very full week, (approx 8am - 8pm) BUT, I welcome the change & the challenge.
Why?
Because it's what I do, I'm a Nanny, & two babies for that many hours is old hat to me... as I've watched upwards of 3 babies for longer than that before.
Bring on the two & BRING ON THE JOB!
Honestly, where else in the world can you do something you LOVE from the comfort of your OWN HOME for GOOD MONEY while STILL being awarded the BLESSING of BEING WITH YOUR OWN CHILD?
Find me another job like mine & we'll talk... until then?
I'm the luckiest Nanny/Momma this side of Bean Town!
Thank you to everyone who sent up a prayer on our behalf,
who sent good vibes our way,
who were more than generous in many ways
& the most important way being through their friendship!
I may not know much, but I do know this;
Ruby & I are both very lucky girls.
And on that note, I am off to get a good night's sleep, I have to get up for WORK in the am!
*smiling*
Who knew that saying that sentence would produce such a smile on my face...?
hehehehe
*wink*
Friday, February 09, 2007
One Call To China...
...one contented little girl.
(...let's not forget one SPOILED ROTTEN BEAR!)
hehehehe
In A Word: AMAZING!
Why you ask?
Two reasons...
2. Tonight, Ruby & I called China.
She spoke to her foster mother, & her foster mother spoke back in Chinese.
Ruby said 'Ni Hao' & her foster mother was raw with emotion.
I just let the two of them 'talk'...
...then my friend Ning who was online at the time, IMed me to say:
"Ning: she is very happy
Ning: she said that u let ruby said will remember her in heart forever"
(which I'm guessing means that my letting Ruby call her tonight to talk to her & let her hear Ruby's voice & vice versa, is something she will remember in her heart forever...)
You know, it's funny... even though I didn't understand much of what she was saying, I do know a mother's love when I hear it.
Regardless of language, or time difference, or miles between us... that woman loves my little girl, OUR little girl, and it was just amazing to hear her chatting away & Ruby holding the phone not only listening, but stopping to occasionally kiss the phone
& say "Ni Hao" and "zai jian"
Simply amazing.
God is good, we thank him for BOTH of his extraordinary blessings tonight,
we are humbled by it all.
*more details to come of the job later, I'm too spent tonight to get into it any further...
...4 kids under 5 in my house, I'm in need of some TiVo & some Zzz's.
G'NIGHT!
Two reasons...
1. I got a new nanny job today & start first thing Monday morning
~and~2. Tonight, Ruby & I called China.
She spoke to her foster mother, & her foster mother spoke back in Chinese.
Ruby said 'Ni Hao' & her foster mother was raw with emotion.
I just let the two of them 'talk'...
...then my friend Ning who was online at the time, IMed me to say:
"Ning: she is very happy
Ning: she said that u let ruby said will remember her in heart forever"
(which I'm guessing means that my letting Ruby call her tonight to talk to her & let her hear Ruby's voice & vice versa, is something she will remember in her heart forever...)
You know, it's funny... even though I didn't understand much of what she was saying, I do know a mother's love when I hear it.
Regardless of language, or time difference, or miles between us... that woman loves my little girl, OUR little girl, and it was just amazing to hear her chatting away & Ruby holding the phone not only listening, but stopping to occasionally kiss the phone
& say "Ni Hao" and "zai jian"
Simply amazing.
God is good, we thank him for BOTH of his extraordinary blessings tonight,
we are humbled by it all.
*more details to come of the job later, I'm too spent tonight to get into it any further...
...4 kids under 5 in my house, I'm in need of some TiVo & some Zzz's.
G'NIGHT!
Love This...
As children we're taught to play nice;
share your toys,
eat your vegetables
&
if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say it at all.
But every time we bite our own tongues,
we know each other a little less.
To spare some one's feelings,
we hide our own.
And when you hide what you feel,
you end up with regrets.
Being honest might not make you the most popular girl in the schoolyard,
but it will earn you respect...
...and when nice girls learn to respect themselves,
they'll always finish first.
share your toys,
eat your vegetables
&
if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say it at all.
But every time we bite our own tongues,
we know each other a little less.
To spare some one's feelings,
we hide our own.
And when you hide what you feel,
you end up with regrets.
Being honest might not make you the most popular girl in the schoolyard,
but it will earn you respect...
...and when nice girls learn to respect themselves,
they'll always finish first.
A Much Needed Sleepover...
...my babies, Emma, Abi & Sam are coming over to spend the night with Ruby!
She's going to be SO THRILLED!!!!
We recently watched some old video footage of when I took all 4 of the kids to Salem Willows last year, and Ruby has NOT STOPPED TALKING ABOUT THEM since then!
They LOVE coming over to Nanny's house for a fun party sleepover (it's what they call it) and Ruby loves having them sleeping on her bedroom floor.
Let's hope that this means that tonight's sleeping is going to be restful & peaceful for all.
A Momma can dream...
(more later once the kids arrive...)
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Sleeping Update...
Nap today: 1:30pm - 4:00pm.
Woke up wanting to 'snuggle Momma', which we did...
had a wake to attend so I had her dinner prepared, sat her in front of it with her Nonno beside her, told her;
"Ruby, Momma has to go to the store, ok baby? I'll be back soon... Momma loves you!"
*hugs & kisses*
Everyone good to go.
Nonno's happy, Ruby's happy & Momma's content to leave without a screaming child but still sad to go & pay my final respects to an amazing woman, my dear Jen's Nan.
Nan, I loved you as my own Nan & I'll never forget you.
(Enjoy the white out!)
Ok, back to the day... return from the wake shortly after five'ish & Ruby's happily playing with her Nonno & was joined by her Nannie too.
The three of them happy as pigs in a puddle, bonus!
More hugs & kisses, grandparents boogie & Ruby & Momma go back to 'snuggle Momma' time,
have some Italian chicken egg noodle soup with garlic bread for dinner.
*sorry, no recipe for this one yet, someday... just not tonight*
Some couch time snuggling,
some hugging & kissing,
some hand holding,
some bear smooching,
some story telling,
some giggling,
some bed time stories
&
then off to bed she went at 8:30pm.
Crying, wailing, screaming, begging, choking, pleading episode until shortly losing steam at around 9pm.
(15 minutes longer than my usual 15 minute rule & by far THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER HAD TO DO... listen to her cries of 'MOMMAAAAAAAAAA SNUUUUUGGGGGGGLEEEEEEEEEEEE PWEEEEEEASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!")
I sat quietly in the dark of my living room
&
cried.
I prayed for the strength to let her cry it out tonight without caving.
Thank you God for granting me that ability tonight.
My daughter is STILL *knocking on wood* sound asleep in her crib peacefully dreaming of hopefully ANYTHING other than nightmarish quality stuff,
&
has with her currently THREE BEARS!
*don't ask, that's a post for another day*
I did one thing different tonight, well two actually.
1. I have dimmers throughout the house, in every room, so tonight I took advantage of that & left her room light on enough so that the room is not dark at all.
In fact, if she wakes up, she'll be able to see just fine.
I'm pretty sure it's the 'afraid of the dark' stuff that's truly getting to her,
so no more dark baby, Momma says 'LET THERE BE LIGHT!'
Honestly, a slightly higher electric bill is worth it's weight in RISOTTO
if it means I'll be getting a full uninterrupted night's sleep, correct?
&
2. Until I have her back on a normal sleeping schedule,
my usual 15 minute rule has been bumped up to 30 minutes,
& this Momma anticipates going through just a bit more tissue than usual.
*...and for the record, that pic of her from last night, with the puffy face, the drenched hair and the sad eyes, breaks my heart every time. I can no longer look at it without crying myself.
I love this little girl so much & if you can't look to your mother for unconditional love & understanding, than WHO? I could sit here all night & type all the things I 'could'a should'a would'a, but the reality is... you live for a day.
Yesterday's gone, tomorrow hasn't come yet, it's just today.
So, today... I did alright.*
Woke up wanting to 'snuggle Momma', which we did...
had a wake to attend so I had her dinner prepared, sat her in front of it with her Nonno beside her, told her;
"Ruby, Momma has to go to the store, ok baby? I'll be back soon... Momma loves you!"
*hugs & kisses*
Everyone good to go.
Nonno's happy, Ruby's happy & Momma's content to leave without a screaming child but still sad to go & pay my final respects to an amazing woman, my dear Jen's Nan.
Nan, I loved you as my own Nan & I'll never forget you.
(Enjoy the white out!)
Ok, back to the day... return from the wake shortly after five'ish & Ruby's happily playing with her Nonno & was joined by her Nannie too.
The three of them happy as pigs in a puddle, bonus!
More hugs & kisses, grandparents boogie & Ruby & Momma go back to 'snuggle Momma' time,
have some Italian chicken egg noodle soup with garlic bread for dinner.
*sorry, no recipe for this one yet, someday... just not tonight*
Some couch time snuggling,
some hugging & kissing,
some hand holding,
some bear smooching,
some story telling,
some giggling,
some bed time stories
&
then off to bed she went at 8:30pm.
Crying, wailing, screaming, begging, choking, pleading episode until shortly losing steam at around 9pm.
(15 minutes longer than my usual 15 minute rule & by far THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER HAD TO DO... listen to her cries of 'MOMMAAAAAAAAAA SNUUUUUGGGGGGGLEEEEEEEEEEEE PWEEEEEEASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!")
I sat quietly in the dark of my living room
&
cried.
I prayed for the strength to let her cry it out tonight without caving.
Thank you God for granting me that ability tonight.
My daughter is STILL *knocking on wood* sound asleep in her crib peacefully dreaming of hopefully ANYTHING other than nightmarish quality stuff,
&
has with her currently THREE BEARS!
*don't ask, that's a post for another day*
I did one thing different tonight, well two actually.
1. I have dimmers throughout the house, in every room, so tonight I took advantage of that & left her room light on enough so that the room is not dark at all.
In fact, if she wakes up, she'll be able to see just fine.
I'm pretty sure it's the 'afraid of the dark' stuff that's truly getting to her,
so no more dark baby, Momma says 'LET THERE BE LIGHT!'
Honestly, a slightly higher electric bill is worth it's weight in RISOTTO
if it means I'll be getting a full uninterrupted night's sleep, correct?
&
2. Until I have her back on a normal sleeping schedule,
my usual 15 minute rule has been bumped up to 30 minutes,
& this Momma anticipates going through just a bit more tissue than usual.
*...and for the record, that pic of her from last night, with the puffy face, the drenched hair and the sad eyes, breaks my heart every time. I can no longer look at it without crying myself.
I love this little girl so much & if you can't look to your mother for unconditional love & understanding, than WHO? I could sit here all night & type all the things I 'could'a should'a would'a, but the reality is... you live for a day.
Yesterday's gone, tomorrow hasn't come yet, it's just today.
So, today... I did alright.*
Todays Nap Brought To You By:
'Day terrors'?
& the 15 minute rule...
...poor thing is drenched from the tears & the crying
but GOD BLESS THE 15 MINUTE RULE,
not sure why today,
BUT IT WORKED-
&
this Momma got a herself a much needed lengthy hot shower!
If only I could nap as well, sadly, I have a wake to attend at 4pm.
Nan, may you rest in peace & not to worry, I'm bringing the white out!
*teary smile*
*YaWn*
Another day, another chance to get this 'parenting' thing right,
but first a yawn or two for both of us, perhaps even Bear.
NO.
No she isn't cute in this picture.
No she didn't just take a bath, that's soaking wet hair from her tears.
No that isn't a weird looking smile she's sharing.
No she isn't sleeping at all.
No she isn't in her OWN CRIB, but MY FUCKING BED!
No she has NO IDEA that she's up SCREAMING IN TERROR that she's:
FALLING!
SCARED!
HELP!
MOMMA!
DARK!
etc...
No it isn't easy being a SINGLE PARENT to a TODDLER w/NIGHT TERRORS !
No I still haven't found a fucking job yet which I suppose is just as well because who the hell can get up & function after LITERALLY being UP ALL NIGHT with a child who is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CONVINCED THAT SHE'S FALLING & ABOUT TO DIE A HORRIBLE TERRIBLE DEATH OF A THOUSAND DEATHS!
No I have barely any patience left with this child tonight.
No I haven't stopped loving her, but tonight, I don't have to like her behavior.
No, I'm not happy with myself that I can't be a better parent.
No, I'm not thrilled with knowing that she's stuck with only ME as her parent.
No, I don't think it's entirely fair that she is going to be an only child of an only parent, it makes me sad.
No, I don't think life is always fair, but then again nor does anyone else I'm guessing.
No, I don't like having to give myself my shot
& immediately experience those FLU LIKE SYMPTOMS
& NOT be able to curl up in bed & attempt to sleep through them.
NO, tonight I won't rest, but rather will LIE AWAKE & PLOW THROUGH THEM AS THE SINGLE SOLDIER PARENT THAT I AM, THAT I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE!
No, I am not proud of myself for losing my patience with her tonight
& letting her cry it out in my bed.
No, I do NOT condone 'co-sleeping'.
No, I do NOT like breaking my OWN RULES,
but I DO need some FUCKING SLEEP AT SOME POINT,
SO WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE GOD DAMNED LINE?
NO I DON'T WANT TO GET IN THIS AWFUL HABIT OF SHARING MY BED WITH HER,
I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT!
No, I am not a moron, I UNDERSTAND that these NIGHT TERRORS aren't forever,
HOWEVER, I DO know that the longer I allow my own FUCKING RULES to be
BROKEN, that the HARDER IT'S GOING TO BE TO GET BACK TO SOME SEMBLANCE OF NORMALCY AROUND HERE!
No, I don't always like being a single parent.
No, I won't get any rest tonight.
No, please don't comment... just let my vent be what it is, just a vent.
No, I'm not going to rave all night, my post is done.
No, I'm not going to say goodnight, because that is clearly what I am NOT going to be having.
NO!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Various Photos...*
...of my beautiful girl.
*I am aware that it's 'Tuesdays with Uncle Steve' night, however we had leftover chicken vegetable stew... so if you want the recipe, in the top left hand corner of the blog, in the window where it says 'search this blog' type in; "Just because I was in the mood..."
& ENJOY!
*I am aware that it's 'Tuesdays with Uncle Steve' night, however we had leftover chicken vegetable stew... so if you want the recipe, in the top left hand corner of the blog, in the window where it says 'search this blog' type in; "Just because I was in the mood..."
& ENJOY!
Evil Comes In Many Forms...
...in our house, it takes the form of this mouse:
(See?!?)
In other homes, perhaps evil arrives in the form of a short Guatemalan girl
& her obnoxious talking backpack & boot wearing monkey:
In still others, it's this fuzzy red guy who I've PERSONALLY had NIGHTMARES about:
In even others, it's these rainbow colored shirt wearing grown Australian men who are not only obsessed with 'big red cars' but
who better still, live in a house that talks from it's stove right down to the front door:
And lest we forget this little bit-o-evil who apparently is related to,
twice removed on his father's side- Backpack girl
& swings through the jungle listening to voices from a camera named 'click'
who bears the voice of probably one of
THE MOST OBNOXIOUS ACTRESSES ON THE PLANET!
Girl, even in 'WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP' you didn't do much for me,
you certainly aren't scoring higher with the general public
by hiding behind a cartoon camera lens!
So my question to all of you, is...
WHAT FORM DOES EVIL TAKE IN YOUR HOMES?!?
*disclaimer: I am fully aware of the joy these characters bring to the children of our lives, HOWEVER I am also very aware of the RIVER DANCE OF PAIN
they each are capable of doing on every parents LAST NERVE!
To say that some days I want nothing more than to throw myself bodily
from my second story apartment, would be an understatement of
GINORMOUS PROPORTIONS!
A mom's allowed to vent!
PERIOD!
(See?!?)In other homes, perhaps evil arrives in the form of a short Guatemalan girl
& her obnoxious talking backpack & boot wearing monkey:
In still others, it's this fuzzy red guy who I've PERSONALLY had NIGHTMARES about:
In even others, it's these rainbow colored shirt wearing grown Australian men who are not only obsessed with 'big red cars' butwho better still, live in a house that talks from it's stove right down to the front door:
And lest we forget this little bit-o-evil who apparently is related to,twice removed on his father's side- Backpack girl
& swings through the jungle listening to voices from a camera named 'click'
who bears the voice of probably one of
THE MOST OBNOXIOUS ACTRESSES ON THE PLANET!
Girl, even in 'WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP' you didn't do much for me,
you certainly aren't scoring higher with the general public
by hiding behind a cartoon camera lens!
So my question to all of you, is...
WHAT FORM DOES EVIL TAKE IN YOUR HOMES?!?
*disclaimer: I am fully aware of the joy these characters bring to the children of our lives, HOWEVER I am also very aware of the RIVER DANCE OF PAIN
they each are capable of doing on every parents LAST NERVE!
To say that some days I want nothing more than to throw myself bodily
from my second story apartment, would be an understatement of
GINORMOUS PROPORTIONS!
A mom's allowed to vent!
PERIOD!
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