Reflections after 'Wit'...

...100 years from now, who knows what will be in this exact spot.
If this house will even still be here & if not, what will be in it's place?
Who really cares honestly, I won't be here, hell
most of the people I know probably won't be here.


Ruby & I will be together in an afterlife, who knows what it will be like
but I imagine that as long as we're together with our beloved Ebenezer,
we'll be fine regardless of time or circumstance.

Things have a way of working themselves out like that...

It's weird to think that the cemetery across the way, that is currently filled to capacity,
is but a drop in the bucket compared to 100 years from now.

Some of the oldest houses in this town are over 200 years old, twice as long as my 100 year ponderings... & hard to swallow such knowledge.

What did the people who lived in this house, in my house, over 200 years ago, what did they think? Did they ever sit & wonder what would become of this house so many years off into the future? I lay on my couch & wonder that exact same thing tonight.
What will happen?

All my things, well they're just things, so I imagine they'll be long gone.
Only a bleep on the map that is/was/will reflect,
my life.

It's funny, I have days when my MS hits me like a freight train.
Like an unstop able force determined to plow straight into me & leave me for dead.

Tonight, is one of those nights.

Cancer, sadly, is very much the same I imagine...

No cure, nothing to do but treat it, hope, pray & hope some more...

...& wonder.

I do alot of wondering these days.

I wonder how long I'm going to live...
I wonder if I'll live long enough to see Ruby blossom into a beautiful young woman with a life & a passion all her own that she can completely throw herself into & smile every day because of it.
Like me,
first with nannying...
...now, with mothering.

I cannot imagine another job so complete as to be Ruby's Mom.
It is my purpose, my reason for living.
My air & take into my lungs every day,
has her name on it.

I wonder if in the years I still have left in front of me, if I'll do right by her.
If I'll leave her enough of myself behind whether it be in writing,
or movies,
or stories,
or memories,
or recipes...

It's odd knowing that the thing you live with on a daily basis will most likely be the way you leave this place.
I'm not trying to be morbid, so you'll forgive me if this is how it's coming across but truly, I am reflecting on the movie I just saw, one of my favorites...

Wit with Emma Thompson.

Amazing film.
Heart wrenching story.
True guts tale of the persistent yet futile battle with an incurable disease.

Simply, Amazing.

Made me do alot of thinking tonight...
...100 years from now is quite a ways off & although it's inevitable, it's just as inevitable that in order to reach those 100 years, there are many steps that must be taken between here & then.

Steps that I myself must take.
Hopefully with my daughters hand in mine.

I am hopeful for many more years to proudly call myself Ruby Cate's Momma.
I am hopeful for a bright & happy future for my child filled with much love & laughter.
I am hopeful that perhaps, if not in my lifetime, but in my daughters, there will not only be found a cure for MS, but for Cancer as well.
Two little girls
(one clearly being my daughter)
might find those moments to be proud ones for them & especially,
for their mothers.

All we can do as humans, is to do our best to show our love.
Say what we feel, FEEL what we say, and always hug one another.
Always say I love you & MEAN it.
Always hold hands...
...always smile.

Life's too short to let stupid things get me upset.
I guess I'm emotional tonight not because I'm sad,
obviously I'm sad but it's more than that, I'm emotionally charged with an overwhelming feeling of hope for my daughter's future.
For my future.

For all of us that we leave our mark in the world, because truthfully...

...100 years from now it will not matter the type of car I drove or the amount of money I made, but what will be remembered is the difference I made in the life of a child.
And in this case, that child is my own.
I sure as hell don't want to mess that up.

Momma loves you Ruby.

To the moon & back,
and the Sun & back,
and the Stars & back...

... and to China & back.

XoXoXo

Men In Trees Deserve CHOWDAH...

...ESPECIALLY THIS ONE HOLY CHRIST SO GOOD!

Bacon, Veggie & Potato Chowdah!

Ingredients: 1/2 lb bacon chopped (I buy the low sodium bacon)
5 lg potatos cubed small
3 stalks celery chopped
2 T butter
1 Lg onion chopped (I use spanish onions)
3 T all purpose flour
2 & 1/2 cups milk
4 cups chicken stock
1 10oz pkg frozen mixed veggies of your choice
ground thyme
&
salt & fresh ground pepper to taste



Directions: In a large soup pot over medium heat, melt butter



& add bacon & celery.


Cook celery until slightly transparent, (a few minutes) then add onion & pepper.



Cook until onion now becomes slightly transparent & add few shakes of ground thyme.




Add flour in bottom of pot & create a roux.
(a thickneing agent to make it thicker, if it seems a bit dry, you may add more butter)
Slowly stir in milk & stock & blend well.



Cook & stir constantly until mixture comes to a boil. (12-14 minutes)
Add potatos & frozen veggies & continue cooking until next full boil. (8-10 minutes)



Reduce heat to low & cook stirring often until potatos are fork tender. (6-8 minutes)



Shut off heat & let sit for about 15 minutes before serving.



We served ours with 'tastefully simple wheat beer bread' OMG SO GOOD!
& so COMPLETELY EASY TO DO!


(that's right, you KNOW you're JEALOUS!)

Normally I take a final shot of the finished dinner but you'll forgive me if tonight I was so hungry that I forgot to do that cuz I was too busy EATING IT! hehehe

Enjoy!
(& happy MEN IN TREES everyone!)
Mmmmmmmmmm JACK!
*drool*

MRI Results...

...as told to me from my neurologist earlier today on the phone.
(I typed it as he told me so it's probably messy & all over the map but I can type fairly fast
so you all will have to just try & get the gist of it... enjoy!)

first MRI in June of 04 had large enhancing lesion (something that is active at the time) that is now gone.

there is another lesion that is new that is in front of that that is not enhancing that it came sometime between then & now but it's not currently active.

and it's smaller in size.

the size of the ventricles in the brain are slightly bigger, that's not good. that means that my brain is shrinking a little bit
some of the previous lesions now actually look smaller but that's because where they were before, that part of the brain is shrinking because of the old MS lesions that weren't active in June of 04 are shrinking.

this is not normal and it's one of those things we look at in MS to try to determine how we're doing with treatment, sometimes there's nothing we can do about it but when investigators are looking at MS they look at a lot of things, how I'm doing , my MRI scan etc... & one of the things they're looking for is if the brain is shrinking & if it's not, they consider that good.

the shrinkage usually occurs where there are old lesions (old scar tissue) it's getting smaller cuz it's contracting a little bit, so it's area of previously damaged brain where there were old abnormalities & the fluid space next to that area gets a little larger.

It often happens with MS & when we have a medication that's working we expect to see less shrinkage then you would have if you were on no medicine.
So it's now a question of how much shrinkage.

It's in the area where there were old lesions & it's probably expected shrinkage, it's unfortunate but expected so not really to worry & nothing to do about it.

continue on the same meds

goal was to keep the new lesions down & have no new inflammation
so the medication is working but there is one new spot.

the one new spot means that the rebif is not working 100$ but that's not a surprise cuz we know that the meds never work 100%.

with an MRI we try to determine whether or not the spots are worrisome, & we don't think these are but we'd rather not see any obviously.

so overall synopsis: keep the same course & I'll see you in may.

My CC'd Copy Of A Letter To Anorexic Bitch From:

The Commonwealth Of Massachusetts
Executive Office Of Health And Human Services
Department Of Social Services.

Dear Madam, (Anorexic Bitch)

As you know, I have talked with you about the recent report of suspected child abuse and/or neglect in your family which was received by the Department of Social Services. After visiting with you and your children on December 28th, 2006 and talking to other people who know your family, THE DEPARTMENT HAS FOUND NO REASONABLE CAUSE TO SUPPORT THE ALLEGATIONS THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE BEEN ABUSED AND/OR NEGLECTED.

If the report about your children came from a person who is required by state law to make this type of report (this could be a doctor, nurse, teacher or other professional), I will be informing her/his of this decision. If you would like to know more about any services which the Department can offer you or if you would like to apple for services, please contact:
Cape Ann Area DSS at (***) ***-****

If you have any questions about this letter or want to talk to me, please call me.

Sincerely,
Woman whose time you completely wasted.
Cape Ann Area Office
Blah blah blah street
Massachusetts.

The ABC's of Amy...

* A - available or taken: Available
* B- best friend: Jen
* C- cake or pie: Cake
* D- drink of choice: Water
* E-essential item you use everyday: Glasses
* F-favorite color: Red
* G-gummy bears or worms: Neither, don't eat candy
* H-hometown: Beverly, MA.
* I-indulgence: M&M's
* J-January or February: Both, I love WINTER!
* K-kid's names: Ruby Cate (Nearly 2 & 1/2 years old!)
* L-life incomplete without: My daughter, family & friends.
* M-marriage date: TBA
* N-number of siblings: One younger brother, Adam. He's 31
* O-oranges or apples: Apples
* P-phobias or fears: Heights
* Q-favorite quote: "In the lottery of my life, my daughter is the six numbers- and the bonus..." -Unknown
* R-reason to smile: Every moment spent with Ruby
* S-season: Fall
* T-tag 3 people: Open Tag, you wanna play, go for it, if not, so be it.
* U-unknown fact about me: I can & have talked to dead people... long story.
* V-veggie I don't like: Cabbage
* W-worst habit: I talk too much.
* X-xrays: MRI's every six months courtesy of MS.
* Y-your favorite food: Lobster when it's in season, OMG SO GOOD! (boiled with butter please!)
* Z-zodiac: LEO

FL. Kris is right...

...listen with your heart to this one, as many times as it takes to 'hear'.

Amen...

...just Amen.

& What Would Tuesday Night Be...

...without some after dinner ENTERTAINMENT!

*grin*


*Music is TOUGH WORK!*

Tuesdays With Uncle Steve...

...Chicken in Creamy Mushroom Sauce over Chive Egg Noodles!
(click above for RECIPE!)

OMG SO GOOD!

For real, if Rachael Ray wasn't already married,
I'd PROPOSE because the woman is a FREAKIN' GENIUS IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so busy making this dish I didn't take the 'progress pics' I normally do, but I DO have the finished product & BOY WAS IT FANFRIGGENTASTIC!

For your viewing pleasure:

HYSTERICAL!

You know you are a child of the 80's if...

1. Your first date took you to the roller rink and you held hands for "Couples Only" skate.
2. You wore a banana clip at some point in your youth.
3. You carried a big colored comb in your back pocket.
4. You know what "Push Up" ice cream is.
5. You know the profound meaning of "Wax on. Wax off".
6. You know who Tina Youthers is.
7. You wanted to be a Goonie.
8. You know who Max Headroom is.
9. You ever wore fluorescent or neon clothing.
10. You could breakdance or wish you could.
11. You wanted to dress like the Hulk or She-Ra at Halloween.
12. You believed the "By the power of Greyskull," you had the power.
13. Partying "like it was 1999" seemed sooo far away.
14. You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
15. You wanted to be on Star Search.
16. You remember Michael Jackson when he was still black.
17. Your first Walkman weighed about as much as a brick.
18. You owned a doll with "Xavier Roberts" signed on its butt, or knew someone who did.
19. You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout".
20. You HAD to have your MTV.
21. You hold a special place in your heart for "Back to the Future."
22. You know where to go if you "wanna go where everybody knows your name."
23. You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
24. You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.
25. You have heard of the "Garbage Pail Kids" and possibly owned and traded them with friends.
26. You got a Little Professor calculator for Christmas.
27. You knew "The Artist", when he was humbly called "Prince".
28. You stared a SLAM book or wrote in one.
29. You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game.
30. You own any cassettes or records.
31. You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.
32. You remember and/or owned any of the CareBear glass collections from Pizza Hut.
33. Poltergeist freaked you out.
34. You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunchbox.
35. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female Smurf.
36. You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or know someone who did.
37. You ever had a Swatch Watch, and a Swatch Guard for it.
38. You had a crush on one of the Corey's (Haim or Feldman).
39. You had to stay after class to scrub your desk because your silver Outliner pen leaked through.
40. You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
41. You were in Cub Scouts or Girl Scouts but now you have no idea what all the badges you got were for.
42. You know what a "Whammee" is.
43. You had a crush on Jon Bon Jovi, or know someone who did.
44. You thought eating Reeses Pieces would attract your own alien.
45. Your name is Jennifer or Jason.
46. You have ever called 867-5309.
47. You had a poster of Rob Lowe, Kirk Cameron, Michael J. Fox or Don Johnson on your wall.
48. You held the top score on PacMan.
49. You had MALL Hair.
50. You owned a T-shirt that said, "I shot J. R. " or know someone who did.
51. If you ever said "I pity the fool".
52. Your dream car was either: the A-team van, KITT or The General Lee.
53. You knew who Max's boss Jonathan Hart was.
54. You were sad when the "Where's the Beef" lady died.
55. You remember when Ricky Martin was a member of Menudo.
56. You wore a feather roach clip in your hair from the local carnival because you didn’t know what it really was.
57. You remember when cellular phones weighed 15 lbs. and had to be carried over your shoulder.
58. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on.
59. You still know the Big Mac song. "Two all beef patties, special sauce…"
60. You own a real Rubik’s Cube
61. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.
62. You used to own a Snoopy Sno Cone Machine.
63. You have a tendency to turn the collar up on your Polo shirts.
64. You know what the "P" in Alex P. Keaton stands for.
65. You remember exactly where you were when you heard the space shuttle had exploded.
66. You know all of the words to at least one of the Schoolhouse Rock songs.
67. You could go through a case of Aqua Net hairspray in a week.
68. Your first computer was a Commodore 64 or an Atari 800.
69. You thought being a latch key kid was completely normal.
70. You were disappointed when an episode of 3-2-1 Contact didn’t include a Bloodhound Gang segment.
71. There were days that the homework just had to wait until the ABC Afterschool Special was over.
72. You know what movie the phrase, "Number 5 is alive!" is from.
73. You remember when Molly Ringwald was on Facts of Life.
74. You tried a can of clear Pepsi but hated it like everyone else did.
75. You wore the little bootie socks with the colored balls on the back.
76. You wrote your boyfriends name on the side of your canvas Keds.
77. You just had to have a Trapper Keeper to stay organized at school.
78. You remember when McDonald’s served their burgers in styrofoam boxes.
79. You remember when you could buy half cans of soda (great for field trip days!).
80. You like the guy who played Freddy Kruger better as Willie on "V".
81. You hid out behind the gym during recess to read "Are you there God, it’s me Margaret?" with your friends.
82. Four-square was THE playground game.
83. You were afraid of the Sleestacks on Land of The Lost.
84. You know who Derek Wildstar, Mark Venture, Captain Avatar, Nova and Desslock are.
85. You chewed Dr. Pepper bubble gum.
86. You remember Dirk Benedict as Starbuck long before he played Face.
87. You know who played Uncle Ned, Elyse’s brother, on Family Ties.
88. You skipped school on the day Luke and Laura got married on General Hospital.
89. You never thought they’d be able to top the special effects in TRON.
90. You freaked out a little when you realized you fall into the "26-50" category of most surveys.
91. You played with Lego’s when they were just blocks of various sizes, not any of the special little parts.
92. You made Star Wars shrinky dinks in your oven.
93. You know who Spuds McKenzie, The Noid, and Joe Isuzu are.
94. The TV movie "The Day After" still scares the heck out of you.
95. Pierce Brosnon will always be Remington Steele, not James Bond.
96. You owned at least one Choose Your Own Adventure book.
97. You watched Mary Lou Retton win the gold.
98. The Dark Crystal is still one of your favorite movies.
99. In many of your childhood photos you are wearing something plaid.
100. You still love to play Pong!

The following entries came from an e-mail I received from a friend entitled "Girl of the 70's". A lot of these apply as well so I thought I would add them to the list.

1. You owned a bicyle with a banana seat and a basket.
2. Your roller skates had metal wheels.
3. You begged Santa for the electronic game Simon.
4. You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.
5. You wore the Little House on the Prairie inspired high neck, ruffled, plaid shirt in at least one school picture.
6. You can sing at least one song from "Annie" by heart.
7. You would tape songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
8. You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes.
9. You had the shoelaces with the rainbow or heart designs.
10. You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

The 'CRAFTY' Grin...

...means that she's usually up to something,
which means she's up to no good!
hehehehe

Because I Missed It When It Was On TV...

ZAHN: So how would you feel if someone told you you couldn't adopt a baby because you're not thin enough, not rich enough, nor attractive enough? We're bringing this story out in the open tonight because that's exactly what's about to happen when Americans try to adopt children from China, and some people say that is downright discriminatory. China is the most popular country Americans go to for foreign adoptions. Last year, nearly 6,500 Chinese children found parents right here in the U.S. John Vause is in Beijing tonight and he joins me live. So, John, what are some of these restrictions that are about to be put in place that we need to be aware of?

JOHN VAUSE, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Well, Paula, the Chinese government says these new measures are all about finding better homes for Chinese orphans, so as of this coming May, all foreigners, not just Americans, but anyone from overseas wanting to adopt a Chinese orphan must meet some of these following criteria.

They must not be morbidly obese, in other words, a body mass index of over 40, they must not have facial deformities, they must not take antidepressants.

On the other side of the equation, they must have a net worth of $80,000 or more. They must earn over $30,000 a year. They must also be, this is one of the biggest changes, they also must be a man and a woman who have, in fact, been married for at least two years, aged between 30 and 50. So in other words, no singles.

In the past, China was one of the few countries in the world who would allow singles to adopt kids. They've never allowed gay adoption but they have allowed singles in limited numbers to adopt kids but it seems that will be changing as well, Paula.

ZAHN: So what is the Chinese government officially saying about this, and why they want to institute these changes?

VAUSE: Well, the Chinese government is making no apologies for the new criteria. An official that we spoke to Friday told us in part, Quote, "Our job is to help the homeless children find warm families, rather than just children for childless families."

At the same time we're insisting there's been no change to the actual adoption policy. They're just introducing a preference system, because quite simply, there are so many foreigners who want to come here that they just outnumber the orphans who are available for adoption, and there are lengthy waiting periods for foreigners wanting Chinese kids. They can wait for a year, in many cases sometimes more, Paula.

ZAHN: John Vause, thanks so much for the update.

Joining me now, an attorney Sondra Solovay, an author of "Tipping the Scales of Justice: Fighting Weight-Based Discrimination." She also has a new book coming out later this year. Welcome back.

Some of these rules, I think, are a little bit easier for us to swallow than others. I think some people think it's probably pretty justified that prospective parents have enough money to care for a children, but what about weight restrictions, what about facial deformities, and how that could compromise someone's ability to adopt?

SONDRA SOLOVAY, AUTHOR, "TIPPING THE SCALES OF JUSTICE": These restrictions are definitely troubling. I certainly empathize with the difficult decision of figuring out which adoptive family is going to be the best for a child and the children we're most concerned about. But you simply can't tell by looking at someone if they're going to be a good adoptive parent. We don't have to rent "Mommy Dearest" to remember that a pretty face doesn't mean a pretty family.

And certainly you can't tell the amount of love a parent has in their heart by looking at the number on their bathroom scale.

ZAHN: But on the flipside of all this, doesn't china have the right to create whatever rules it wants to, no matter how unpalatable some of them might seem?

SOLOVAY: Sure, they have the right, they have the obligation to do what they think is best to look out for their children. That's absolutely true. It's an interesting point as well, because some of these agencies that are in the U.S. are going to be in quite a predicament, caught between two different rules, rules in the United States prohibiting them from discriminating based on disability, based on weight, based on marital status and the restrictions that China imposed so it's difficult for the agencies, too, but I think we need to bring our attention back to the children and the idea is to find the children the best, most loving homes they can, and those homes don't come in a particular weight limit or a particular size.

In fact, we have this idea, I suppose, of a traditional home. But when children come from China to the U.S., many will be placed in homes that are going to be mixed race or mixed ethnicity anyway. These aren't traditional homes and it's the diversity in the U.S. that makes those families understand that they have the same rights as any other family.

ZAHN: How many angry calls are you taking from prospective parents out there about these new regulations?

SOLOVAY: I expect my office is going to be absolutely flooded with calls not only from parents, but from the agencies themselves, wondering about their rights and responsibilities. For example, in San Francisco, you can't discriminate based on weight, so an agency in San Francisco is going to have a difficult time walking that line.

ZAHN: Well, Sondra Solovay, we're going to leave that there and get more reaction now. Thank you for your time. From our panel.

SOLOVAY: Thank you.

ZAHN: One more time. Cenk Uygur, Roland Martin, Solangel Maldonado.

Obviously the Chinese government is making it clear it wants to be more selective will prospective parents, it wants to place these children in the best family environment it can. Isn't that justified?

MALDONADO: Absolutely. I think we all know that China is a sovereign country. It has the right to place whatever restrictions on foreigners who are seeking to adopt their children that it wants. And adoption is really about supply and demand, and the reality is that there are many more Americans, many more Westerners seeking to adopt children from China than there are children available so the Chinese government can decide to do whatever it wants.

MARTIN: OK, why? What's the big deal with Chinese children? Enlighten me, please, help me out.

ZAHN: You understand this better than anybody. Why don't we see more Americans adopting black foster children?

MARTIN: That's my point. What's the big deal with Chinese children? Why the infatuation?

ZAHN: You think it's something with the color of their skin? Is that what you're driving at?

MARTIN: Maybe they think they can adopt a smart kid that is going to grow up to be a doctor? I don't know. They need to realize that's called training, not just inherent, it will happen when they're born.

Angel, help me out.

MALDONADO: Absolutely. This is something I've been looking into for a long time. Americans have this love affair with girls from China. There is this belief, this perception, irrational as it might be that if you adopt a little girl from China, she's going to be intelligent, she's going to be more lovable.

MARTIN: Like the porcelain doll.

MALDONADO: We definitely see that idea of the beautiful Chinese little girl, as compared to do, they really want to adopt a black boy.

ZAHN: What difference does it make if the prospective parent has a facial deformity and the prospective parent weighs 70 more pounds than the scale says they should weigh.

UYGUR: I love the idea of them weighing people. All right. So you know, first of all, okay, so gay parents are out. That's a clear rule, but then also Dennis Hastert's out because he's way too fat. They put him on the scale, sorry. But I'd probably be out.

I don't know, maybe I'd have to go on an exercise regimen, to do the body mass indexes they pinch you in all of these different places.

ZAHN: You can fake it, suck it in.

UYGUR: Not me.

MARTIN: Paula, you raise the question - China, first of all, they do have the right to do it, but the flipside is what is the infatuation by Americans and other foreigners when it comes to adopting Chinese children? That is a real issue there, and why do we avoid other children and not just -- children who are here in America, who are looking for homes, and who just like Chinese orphans want a nice place to live.

ZAHN: But realistically, how are you ever going to change that bias?

UYGUR: I think a lot of people are looking for Muslim children these days.

ZAHN: Yeah, right.

UYGUR: Because we started the Iraq war and there's so many orphans. I'm sure they're getting a lot of Iraqi children, right? No, of course, they think it's cute and they're smart and it's really dumb, actually, of course. Roland's right, it's all in the training and it's a shame because all over the world there's other kids that need to be adopted especially in Africa, but for once, the celebrities are doing the right thing there trying to foster that.

MARTIN: Call the queen of Africa, Angelina Jolie. She can hook you up.

MALDONADO: I think what we need to do is we need to break down some of the misconceptions. For example, people believe if they're adopting a child from China, the child is going to be healthier than a child they adopt in the United States and that is just not true. Even if the child is born ...

ZAHN: It defies logic. The quality of the medical care many of these kids have suffered through the first several months of life.

MARTIN: What also ignores logic is that China is having an explosion when it comes to obesity as well so maybe they should start their own million pound challenge like we started in Chicago to deal with Chinese folks who don't want to have overweight kids.

ZAHN: What are some of the other assumptions you think people in America make about the native intelligence of children based on whether you're Hispanic - We had a guest on the other night when you were with us suggesting that Hispanic parents don't take education as seriously as some other sets of our population. There's a very complicated picture here.

UYGUR: And America is changing and some of the assumptions are going to change because of that. What really happens isn't of course that Asians are smarter. Immigrant families foster a culture where they work hard and emphasize education so Jewish families went through that, Asian families went through that. But now Eastern European families are coming and doing the same thing and African families are coming and doing the same thing. So I can't wait for 10, 20 years down the line, everybody's like I've got to have an African child. Because they're all geniuses.

MARTIN: Remember, those are learned traits that you learn based upon how you have been raised.

UYGUR: Of course.

MARTIN: You are simply not born, hey that, kid will have a great work ethic because they were born to an immigrant family. It simply doesn't work that way because you got some lazy immigrant families. What do you think the assumptions Americans make about kids of Asian descent even here in America, they'll work hard, they'll own their store someday.

UYGUR: They'll be brilliant.

ZAHN: All right. Hispanic ...

MALDONADO: Well the idea about Hispanic kids, it's sort of mixed. I think the stereotypes about Hispanic kids are both positive and negative. They believe that Hispanic kids are likely to work harder than black kids, but they also believe that they're not going to be as intelligent as Asian kids.

ZAHN: Muslim kids.

UYGUR: They're going to grow up to be violent.

Who is adopting a Muslim kid? Has anyone adopted a Muslim kid in the last 20 years in America?

MARTIN: You've got somebody sitting there saying, keep the Muslim kid out of chemistry class. Keep them away.

ZAHN: How about black kids?

Do you think the average American out there makes the assumption they'll be lazy and never make it through high school?

MARTIN: I think they probably assume they're going to sing for them like Jay Z and play like in the NBC.

ZAHN: Anybody would love to have Jay Z's career.

MARTIN: I'd rather have Bob Johnson's. He's a billionaire and Jay Z isn't.

ZAHN: Thank you, Roland Martin, Solangel Maldonado. Thank you, all. Appreciate your time.

So on to another controversial question, who is smarter? Men or women? Coming up next, new scientific evidence that may leave you asking if you're as smart as you thought or just intolerant. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)


ZAHN: And that wraps it up for all of us here tonight. Thanks so much for being with us. On Monday night we're bringing out in the open the controversial story of parents who gave their severely disabled child drugs so that she'd stay small and be easier to take care of. They call her their pillow angel.

Once again, that's it for all of us here tonight. Again, thanks for dropping by. Have a great weekend. TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.voxant.com


To say that I'm disgusted is an understatement, I am sitting here slightly beside myself with anger & honestly, it's probably better that I didn't see that when it originally aired, I'd have thrown shit at the TV. Let's just say that Paula's lucky she's not my neighbor.

And in an email I received this morning, this news:


Subject: Paula Zahn Now to redress the issue of China Adoption 1/8 at 8pm ET
Date: Mon, 8 Jan 2007 15:45:36 +0000


RE Paula Zahn Now Panel on China Adoption:

Here is an unexpected development: I received a call from a producer at the
Paula Zahn Show last night. She was very contrite, noted that they had received
MANY comments from adoptive parents expressing their anger and disappointment at
Friday's panel. The producer asked many questions to be sure they understood
our community's views.
She informed me that they had decided to run a new panel on China adoption "to
redress the issue." - which will air tonight.
(Paula Zahn Now AIRS: 8-9 p.m. ET on CNN)

We understand that they have invited new speakers, including someone from the
Great Wall Adoption Agency, the president of the Organization of Chinese
Americans (a national group with which FCC is forging ties), a Chinese
journalist, and someone from FCC or another adoptive families organization.

Thank you to all of you who sent such articulate feedback to CNN over the
weekend. You were heard!




I for one will be tuning in for sure...

Look Momma...

THEY BOTH FIT!
hehehe

(I know, totally gross but THANKFULLY this occurred
AFTER we were done eating breakfast, NOT before!)

Welcome To HELL...

CHRIST it's so freakin' WARM here in BOSTON!

...WHERE IS MY 'FREEZE OVER'?!?!?


Ok, so we broke records yesterday with a high temp of 69!
It apparently hadn't been that hot here since 1913...

...hi, can we say GLOBAL WARMING?

Well it SUCKS ASS cuz I HATE THE HEAT!
All year long most people wait for SUMMER to arrive,
well me, I'm just the opposite...

I
WAIT
FOR
WINTER!

Where are my blustery cold days with wind chills below zero?
Where is my glorious, wonderous SNOW?
When can I take my child outside & teach her to make her first
SNOW MAN!

A page from Margaret's book...

'Dear God, it's me Amy... can you PLEASE send WINTER back to BOSTON,
please? MY DAUGHTER AND I NEED SNOW!
Thank you!

-Hot in Boston.'

If I knit one more scarf without a cold home to go to,
I'll go INSANE!

Oh, and speaking of scarves...
Jen, your green one is nearly finished
& will go out shortly & I'm THRILLED you love your pink one!
Anyone else in the market for a hand knit scarf?
Shoot me an email!

Now, SNOW ALREADY DAMNIT!
*sigh*

Proud To Present...

...the M.S. Ribbon Of Hope.

Just looking at it makes me smile.

=)

Sweet As Peas...

...the many hopeful faces of babies waiting for families in the CCAI Matching Room.

How creepy/kewl is THIS shit...

...oh yeah, THAT'S my BRAIN!

Trippy!
(no word yet from my Neuro... when I hear, you'll hear, k?)

Holy FREAKIN' Delicious...

...Papa Al Pomodoro - Stale Bread Soup!!!

Man, do I just
LOVE RACHAEL RAY!
She's a goddamn GENIUS in the kitchen
& this recipe is proof positive of that!

3	tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4-6	garlic cloves, chopped
1	medium onion, finely chopped or 1 large onion, finely chopped
1 - 15	ounce can diced tomatoes
1 - 28	ounce can crushed tomatoes
	salt and pepper
1	quart chicken stock
4	cups chopped or torn stale bread (about 1/2 pound)
2 (15	ounce) cans small white beans, such as Goya brand (smaller than cannellini beans)
1/2	cup grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese, to pass at table
10	fresh basil leaves, torn (optional)

Heat a medium soup pot over medium heat.
Add 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, garlic and 3/4 of the onion.

Cook 7 to 8 minutes, then add tomatoes and crushed tomatoes and season with salt and pepper.

Add stock and raise heat to make the soup bubble.

Reduce heat to simmer and add bread and beans.


Stir soup as it simmers until it thickens to a stew-like consistency.





Turn off heat, adjust seasonings and ladle into shallow bowls.

(when your spoon can stand up straight on it's own in the center of the stoup,
OH IT'S DONE BABY!)


Top with grated cheese, an additional drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil and a spoonful of reserved finely chopped raw onions.

Mmmmmmm... SO DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

My Child...

...dances on POOL TABLES!


& the frightening thing?


She's GOOD at it!


Who knew...


...she'd find her niche' LIKE THIS!


Let's just hope it's a temporary thing...


...cuz I'm pretty sure Boston doesn't have ONE COLLEGE dedicated to the art of,

TABLE DANCING!
*ugh*

(psst, Baby can we get you down from there now? PLEASE?)

Then...

...& Now!

Psst, Hey Taylor...

...tell Momma to look: HERE!

You know you're a Masshole if...

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the
greatest moments in your life.

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at
him for going too slow.

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke.

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language eva!

7. Your social security number starts with a 0

8. You can actually find your way around Boston.

9. You know what a "regular" coffee is.

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round.

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent.

12. Springfield is located "way out west."

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when
you cut them off or steal their parking space.

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester,
Billerica, Gloucester, and Haverhill.

15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise.

16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or a CVS Pharmacy
within eyeshot at all times.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol.

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski.

19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.

20. You order iced coffee in January

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere

22. You love scorpion bowls.

23. You know what they sell at a Packie.

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.

25. You know what First Night is.

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or
Seamus.

27. McLobster= McCrap!

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high
school drinking buddies.

29. Sure there are 6 New England states, but Connecticut really doesn't
count.

30. You intentionally give wrong directions to tourists, feel bad when
they drive off, but then say to yourself ,"Ah, screw them."

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after
last call.

32. You're sick of the Kennedy's, but you vote for them anyway.

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not
optional

34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe.

35. You've been to Goodtimes before

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and
Independence Day. (...and they DO).

37. You have never been to "Cheers."

38. The words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

39. You've been to Fenway Park several times.

40. You've gone to at least one party at U Mass.

41. You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.

42. You know what a Frappe is.

43. You've been to Hempfest.

44. You know who Frank Averuch is.

45. ADVANCED: You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown

46. You can complete the following: "Lynn, Lynn......"

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it
turns out to be friggin' Snows.

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one.

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time.

50. You never go to "Cape Cod," you go "down the Cape".

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than
Whitey Bulger.

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is.

53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth
Plantation on a field trip in elementary school

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted
Williams.

55. You remember Major Mudd.

56. You know what candlepin bowling is

57. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day

58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is.

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Speaking
of which...

60. You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town

61. Calling Carrabba's an "Italian" restaurant is sacrilege

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents'
attic.

63. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing
line.

64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are
in town.

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't really that much of a surprise.

66. You call guys you've just met "Chief" or "Boss."

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means there's just 3 more shopping days
until Christmas

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy

69. You refer to Savin Hill as "Stab 'n Kill."

70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to tourists.

71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it.

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the
rest of the country.

73. 11pm? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloon!

74. 2am? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's Roast Beef!

75. 5am? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your
back seat

76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

77. People you don't like are all "Bastids."

78. You took school or work off for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win
Parade

79. You've called something "wicked pissa."

80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis.

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38

83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman.

85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time.

87. Your town has at least 6 sub shops, and none of them are a Subway.

88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frankie.

89. 20 degrees isn't that bad as long as there ain't no wind- then it gets wicked cold.

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long
version of Alice's Restaurant.

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was Athah Feedlah.

93. You know what the Combat Zone is

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales
tax

95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block
oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual.

99. Hearing an old lady shout "Numbah 96 for Sioux City!" means it's time for steak

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann
& Hope.

Please Take A Moment...

...Kyle would want you to.

Creations a'la DOH...

Naked...

...funny how one word immediately slaps an image into every one's brain
of someone without any clothes on, fair to say?
Well, right now, that's how I feel...
naked.

But the irony is that, I'm fully clothed.
That's right, you heard me correctly,
all my 'cash & prizes' are fully covered by various pieces of clothing.
So, why do I feel naked?

When you undergo an MRI, you're not allowed, under any circumstances,
to wear jewelry of any kind.
They say to remove EVERYTHING;
(i.e.: watches, bracelets, earrings, necklaces, etc...)

Oh, but they say that you can wear your 'ring/s' should you wish.

Ah, I'm sorry, you're telling me to remove everything of a metal substance off my person but are allowing me that one liberty? Thanks, but I'll pass, I kinda like my finger where it's at.
I've read the reports that say the magnetic force of an MRI is so powerful that it can rip a mans watch clear off his arm practically taking the arm with it... so you can keep your liberties & I'll show up 'sans jewelry' for an hour & deal.

So, even though I'm sitting here fresh from a shower, smelling wonderful thanks to my 'light blue' and wet hair up in a clip, I'm still feeling absolutely naked & won't feel dressed until I get home from this blasted thing & put my adornments back on my person.

I don't wear much, I was never a big jewelry person, but the pieces I DO wear, I treasure... not because they were from someone special, but more because they were from ME.
When you're single & not dating anyone, you rely on yourself for a plethora of things,
buying jewelry is among them.
I own only the following:
1 necklace with 1 charm on it
1 pair of earrings that match the charm (charm really matches the earrings cuz it's a lost soul to the original pair of earrings I had owned & upon realizing that I had lost it's twin, I turned the sole survivor into a pendant & voila, a charm that looks like it belongs to a 'set'... very clever if I do say so myself!)
1 rololink charm bracelet with 5 charms on it:
a heart bearing my initials/birth date
a heart bearing Ruby's initials/birth date
my birthstone
Ruby's birthstone
&
one cross
(in memory of Ebenezer)

and last but not least, my ring.
It's a heart shaped white gold signet ring with my initials inscribed on it.
It's my 'self love' ring... I bought it years ago for myself to remind me every day that even when I feel lost in this huge world, that there was someone who always loved me, and that someone was me. It's a daily reminder that I'm stronger than I think I am and that I can handle anything life tosses my way... even a stupid MRI.

So, here I sit, feeling completely naked & wanting this night to be over so I can feel like myself again...

...and don't for one second assume that if I feel naked like this, that if I were to be sitting here typing with ONLY my jewelry on, that I'd feel dressed, because 'EHH' thanks for playing, NOT SO MUCH! lol
This chubby chick needs her situation covered. LOL

Anyhoo, so that's what I was thinking about just now in the shower
& felt I should share it before jetting outta here for the hospital.

Have a wonderful night & to those of you who just received referrals,

CONGRATULATIONS FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS!
You've all waited long enough & deserve this happiness finally, REVEL IN IT!
It's your day...!

XoXoXo

-Amy & Ruby Cate

From 'RUBY FIX'...

...to MAISY fix.

(You all needed a pic of miss Cheeks & she needed some serious toasty time
in Momma's chair whilst watching her fav show, Maisy!)

To quote Ruby's Auntie Nayne: "I love it when a plan comes together!"

peace -OUT-

3 Little Letters...

...our alphabet is filled with 3-letter combinations just waiting to be made:

Ant
Cat
Dog
Ask
Pig
Any
Ham
Jog
Hat
Gun
Gum
Jet
Job
God
etc...

But of the thousands of 3 letter combinations,

the following is the only set that causes me to stop & take notice:

M.R.I.

Tonight at 8pm, that is what I have to look forward to.
Now, as someone living with MS. I'm no stranger to these procedures...
tonight's isn't the first & certainly won't be the last.
And if I'm being honest, (which I always am...) they really don't bother me all that much.
Sure it sucks having to lay still with nothing to do for up to & sometimes over an hour,
but it's life, & honestly it's so freaking kewl to see the photos of my brain once they're done!
*I'm a geek in that sense*

What they are looking for tonight is to see if there's been any new activity,
in other words, any new lesions.
(lesions being damage to my myelin, which is irreversible & permanent)

I have a couple from when I was first diagnosed, but really... not a big deal.
Hell it just gives me an excuse now for those times I'm an idiot... I blame it on my
'dame bramage'
hehehehe


So... I'll keep you all posted, although I suspect that I won't know of anything until a few days from now as my neurologist needs time to view the images & compare them to my previous set... but it's ok.
I'm patient.

All I know is that I'm going to be missing putting my little girl to bed,
& that, isn't a 3 letter word, but rather a 4...

CRAP!

Nonno will get the honors tonight & I know he'll do just fine, but something about missing putting my little girl down with a snuggy hug & a smoochie wooch just chaps my ass!

I can deal with the physical side effects of MS. , really I can,
but it's these little side effects, the ones that effect the daily routine of my daughter & me,
that I could do without.

Stream of Consciousness...

...is a funny thing.

Why is it that one minute I can be thinking about life and love and happiness & how many Cheerios I picked up off the floor today & then the next minute, just like that, I can be wondering
about how amazing it is that a hot shower can do so much for someone trying to de-stress?
I have always preferred to take my showers at night, just before bed.
Something about climbing into my bed all clean & warm in a toasty pair of PJ's
that just sets my life right.
Silly things like that, like going to bed with wet hair knowing that, when I wake up in the morning, it'll look just as cute as it did had I dried it, kinda.
Well, maybe not completely as cute cuz I am pretty certain that, IF it were SUMMER, I'd wake up looking like 'Oom Foo Foo the Bush Bitch' (thanks Eddie!), but I digress.

Things like this, like this very post, what's the point of it? Why type anything at all if I've got nothing of substance to chat about...?

Well, I'll tell you why I PERSONALLY felt like blogging right now & you do with it what you will.
Right now, at this very moment, I am not only sitting here dripping wet in my favorite blue towel from Land's End, but I am wondering why it is that things that are currently happening to me in my life, have to happen at all.

They say that you get back what you put out, right?
I mean, if I'm a good, honest, decent, generous, loving human being, does it not then reason to believe that I should have a wonderful, stable, good paying job with a family who considers me to be part of theirs?

One would think.

The reality is, you don't always get back what you give out.
I've seen people who are complete & utter ASS-HOLES get HUGE things come their way
& I just have to wonder, what the hell did they do to deserve it?
Lie on their tax returns?
Be cruel to their mother?
Betray a friend?
Cheat on their wives/husbands?
Hurt someone who trusted them & feel no remorse?

How cruel a joke is it that sometimes the good get kicked more often than not & the shitheads of the world continue to stand strong & unite emerging even stronger & more formidable a force than before?

I guess I'll never know...

...ah yes, so back to my reason for posting.

For me, this is honest to God, therapy.
No co-pay, no driving to an office to wait my turn, no having to truly face something head on in the presence of another, none of that.
Now, please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, there is nothing wrong with any of that at all, therapy of any kind is a very commendable thing.
It takes courage.
It takes strength.
To be able to recognize within oneself that,
A. there is a problem
&
B. you need help
IS
HEROIC
BEHAVIOR
PERIOD!

Since, at the current time, I am not afforded that luxury to have an actual therapist, I turn to my blog for solace. It's where I vent my random musings about nothingness & feel purged of all the days stress in one long rambling post & leave whatever it is that's gnawing at me, behind.
If only for the night...

It's healthy,
it's normal,
it's affordable,
it's my way of coping.

Today I sat wondering about those of you out there with college degrees...
You go to school to study something you love, you do well at it, you earn recognition for those accomplishments & in the end, that piece of paper validating your successes usually ends up in a frame above a desk somewhere in your home for the world to see...

...yes, you done good,
you did it,
good for you,
yet life goes on.

What I want to know is, where is the piece of paper with a formal recognition for my accomplishments as a Nanny?

Hell, college for some is two years, for others it's four, & even others it's more than that... but I'm pretty sure I have yet to hear of someone going to college for over 16 years studying something they absolutely love, correct?

So, when people find out that I never went to college, most are shocked to say the least...
...others don't know what to say in response to learning such news so they opt for a fifth plea.
(a smart choice)

But where is it written that I shouldn't have a framed degree from the school of LIFE for my accomplishments as a successful, loving, hardworking Nanny of 16 years?

Hell, that's FOUR SEPARATE COLLEGE DEGREES FROM 4 YEAR SCHOOLS RIGHT?
But again, here comes that nasty little thing called 'reality' to rain on my parade.

If I were to ever entertain the thought of actually typing up my own version of what my
'Nanny Degree' from the School of Life would look like & take it even one step further as to actually not only print that sucker out but hang it proudly in my home... what would people think?

"has she lost her mind? that's not a 'REAL' degree... she's nuts etc..."

Well, here's my question, what the hell constitutes a 'real' anything in this world?
Most of us judge the realness of things based on whether or not we can see and/or touch them, right?
Why is that?

I can't see or touch the love I have for my daughter,
but you bet your ass it's as real as the sun is hot.

I can't see or touch the wind that blew outside today,
but as Ruby & I were out for our daily walk, I sure as hell felt it on my face as it tickled my cheeks & blew my hair around in a tangled frenzied mess.
(my brush is STILL cursing me)

My point is, (and yes I actually do have a point to this rambled mess...),
is that in my quest to find a job, I more often than not get judged based on two things:
my lack of a college education, & the fact that I am a single mother living with MS.

You know, I don't want to be judged based on any of those things.
You wanna judge me?
Do so by my actions,
my character,
my wit,
my candor,
my love,
my enthusiasm,
my sense of humor,
my genuine nature...

...or please don't judge me at all.



Now, you'll excuse me as I have to go continue to search for a job...

The Power of Prayer...

...is needed for our little family in 2007.

I still have not had any luck finding a new family to Nanny for.
To say that it's a 'terrifying' feeling, is an understatement.

I had just enough money to pay my actual 'bills' for the month of Jan but nothing more.

There is still rent to pay, food to buy & there will be absolutely no extras.
Thankfully, Ruby thinks that going out for a walk around the neighborhood with her Momma is the be all, end all of her world, and those I can provide TENFOLD!

But the rest?

I can't even get into it because I truly am beside myself with uncertainty & fear.

Please, please, PLEASE... all of you, say a prayer right now that something, anything comes our way in the way of a job.

It's truly unfortunate that being cute can't pay the bills...

...if it could, Ruby & I would be millionaires a million times over.

Now, as I've already sent up my plethora of prayers for the morning, & while you all take a moment to ask the 'Big Guy' for some help for me, I am going to take my Rubes out for a much needed morning walk on this beautiful 50 degree sunny day here in Boston.

*hugs to everyone in advance for the prayers*

-Us

PS.On a side note... remember how I mentioned karma concerning miss A.B.?
(for those of you who've forgotten, that stands for: ANOREXIC BITCH )

Turns out her father's been in & out of the emergency room... nothing too too serious but enough of a seriousness that it's apparently frazzled her world just that much more.
Happy New Year TWAT, enjoy your upside down life with your welfare day care center for the kids... GOOD TIMES!
NOT.

Ok, out for my walk now... I love that the best things in this world, the most wonderful moments don't usually cost a dime.

More later everyone... & to those of you who want to reach me, call the cell, while it's still on.