Stream of Consciousness...
...is a funny thing.
Why is it that one minute I can be thinking about life and love and happiness & how many Cheerios I picked up off the floor today & then the next minute, just like that, I can be wondering
about how amazing it is that a hot shower can do so much for someone trying to de-stress?
I have always preferred to take my showers at night, just before bed.
Something about climbing into my bed all clean & warm in a toasty pair of PJ's
that just sets my life right.
Silly things like that, like going to bed with wet hair knowing that, when I wake up in the morning, it'll look just as cute as it did had I dried it, kinda.
Well, maybe not completely as cute cuz I am pretty certain that, IF it were SUMMER, I'd wake up looking like 'Oom Foo Foo the Bush Bitch' (thanks Eddie!), but I digress.
Things like this, like this very post, what's the point of it? Why type anything at all if I've got nothing of substance to chat about...?
Well, I'll tell you why I PERSONALLY felt like blogging right now & you do with it what you will.
Right now, at this very moment, I am not only sitting here dripping wet in my favorite blue towel from Land's End, but I am wondering why it is that things that are currently happening to me in my life, have to happen at all.
They say that you get back what you put out, right?
I mean, if I'm a good, honest, decent, generous, loving human being, does it not then reason to believe that I should have a wonderful, stable, good paying job with a family who considers me to be part of theirs?
One would think.
The reality is, you don't always get back what you give out.
I've seen people who are complete & utter ASS-HOLES get HUGE things come their way
& I just have to wonder, what the hell did they do to deserve it?
Lie on their tax returns?
Be cruel to their mother?
Betray a friend?
Cheat on their wives/husbands?
Hurt someone who trusted them & feel no remorse?
How cruel a joke is it that sometimes the good get kicked more often than not & the shitheads of the world continue to stand strong & unite emerging even stronger & more formidable a force than before?
I guess I'll never know...
...ah yes, so back to my reason for posting.
For me, this is honest to God, therapy.
No co-pay, no driving to an office to wait my turn, no having to truly face something head on in the presence of another, none of that.
Now, please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, there is nothing wrong with any of that at all, therapy of any kind is a very commendable thing.
It takes courage.
It takes strength.
To be able to recognize within oneself that,
A. there is a problem
&
B. you need help
IS
HEROIC
BEHAVIOR
PERIOD!
Since, at the current time, I am not afforded that luxury to have an actual therapist, I turn to my blog for solace. It's where I vent my random musings about nothingness & feel purged of all the days stress in one long rambling post & leave whatever it is that's gnawing at me, behind.
If only for the night...
It's healthy,
it's normal,
it's affordable,
it's my way of coping.
Today I sat wondering about those of you out there with college degrees...
You go to school to study something you love, you do well at it, you earn recognition for those accomplishments & in the end, that piece of paper validating your successes usually ends up in a frame above a desk somewhere in your home for the world to see...
...yes, you done good,
you did it,
good for you,
yet life goes on.
What I want to know is, where is the piece of paper with a formal recognition for my accomplishments as a Nanny?
Hell, college for some is two years, for others it's four, & even others it's more than that... but I'm pretty sure I have yet to hear of someone going to college for over 16 years studying something they absolutely love, correct?
So, when people find out that I never went to college, most are shocked to say the least...
...others don't know what to say in response to learning such news so they opt for a fifth plea.
(a smart choice)
But where is it written that I shouldn't have a framed degree from the school of LIFE for my accomplishments as a successful, loving, hardworking Nanny of 16 years?
Hell, that's FOUR SEPARATE COLLEGE DEGREES FROM 4 YEAR SCHOOLS RIGHT?
But again, here comes that nasty little thing called 'reality' to rain on my parade.
If I were to ever entertain the thought of actually typing up my own version of what my
'Nanny Degree' from the School of Life would look like & take it even one step further as to actually not only print that sucker out but hang it proudly in my home... what would people think?
"has she lost her mind? that's not a 'REAL' degree... she's nuts etc..."
Well, here's my question, what the hell constitutes a 'real' anything in this world?
Most of us judge the realness of things based on whether or not we can see and/or touch them, right?
Why is that?
I can't see or touch the love I have for my daughter,
but you bet your ass it's as real as the sun is hot.
I can't see or touch the wind that blew outside today,
but as Ruby & I were out for our daily walk, I sure as hell felt it on my face as it tickled my cheeks & blew my hair around in a tangled frenzied mess.
(my brush is STILL cursing me)
My point is, (and yes I actually do have a point to this rambled mess...),
is that in my quest to find a job, I more often than not get judged based on two things:
my lack of a college education, & the fact that I am a single mother living with MS.
You know, I don't want to be judged based on any of those things.
You wanna judge me?
Do so by my actions,
my character,
my wit,
my candor,
my love,
my enthusiasm,
my sense of humor,
my genuine nature...
...or please don't judge me at all.
Now, you'll excuse me as I have to go continue to search for a job...
Why is it that one minute I can be thinking about life and love and happiness & how many Cheerios I picked up off the floor today & then the next minute, just like that, I can be wondering
about how amazing it is that a hot shower can do so much for someone trying to de-stress?
I have always preferred to take my showers at night, just before bed.
Something about climbing into my bed all clean & warm in a toasty pair of PJ's
that just sets my life right.
Silly things like that, like going to bed with wet hair knowing that, when I wake up in the morning, it'll look just as cute as it did had I dried it, kinda.
Well, maybe not completely as cute cuz I am pretty certain that, IF it were SUMMER, I'd wake up looking like 'Oom Foo Foo the Bush Bitch' (thanks Eddie!), but I digress.
Things like this, like this very post, what's the point of it? Why type anything at all if I've got nothing of substance to chat about...?
Well, I'll tell you why I PERSONALLY felt like blogging right now & you do with it what you will.
Right now, at this very moment, I am not only sitting here dripping wet in my favorite blue towel from Land's End, but I am wondering why it is that things that are currently happening to me in my life, have to happen at all.
They say that you get back what you put out, right?
I mean, if I'm a good, honest, decent, generous, loving human being, does it not then reason to believe that I should have a wonderful, stable, good paying job with a family who considers me to be part of theirs?
One would think.
The reality is, you don't always get back what you give out.
I've seen people who are complete & utter ASS-HOLES get HUGE things come their way
& I just have to wonder, what the hell did they do to deserve it?
Lie on their tax returns?
Be cruel to their mother?
Betray a friend?
Cheat on their wives/husbands?
Hurt someone who trusted them & feel no remorse?
How cruel a joke is it that sometimes the good get kicked more often than not & the shitheads of the world continue to stand strong & unite emerging even stronger & more formidable a force than before?
I guess I'll never know...
...ah yes, so back to my reason for posting.
For me, this is honest to God, therapy.
No co-pay, no driving to an office to wait my turn, no having to truly face something head on in the presence of another, none of that.
Now, please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, there is nothing wrong with any of that at all, therapy of any kind is a very commendable thing.
It takes courage.
It takes strength.
To be able to recognize within oneself that,
A. there is a problem
&
B. you need help
IS
HEROIC
BEHAVIOR
PERIOD!
Since, at the current time, I am not afforded that luxury to have an actual therapist, I turn to my blog for solace. It's where I vent my random musings about nothingness & feel purged of all the days stress in one long rambling post & leave whatever it is that's gnawing at me, behind.
If only for the night...
It's healthy,
it's normal,
it's affordable,
it's my way of coping.
Today I sat wondering about those of you out there with college degrees...
You go to school to study something you love, you do well at it, you earn recognition for those accomplishments & in the end, that piece of paper validating your successes usually ends up in a frame above a desk somewhere in your home for the world to see...
...yes, you done good,
you did it,
good for you,
yet life goes on.
What I want to know is, where is the piece of paper with a formal recognition for my accomplishments as a Nanny?
Hell, college for some is two years, for others it's four, & even others it's more than that... but I'm pretty sure I have yet to hear of someone going to college for over 16 years studying something they absolutely love, correct?
So, when people find out that I never went to college, most are shocked to say the least...
...others don't know what to say in response to learning such news so they opt for a fifth plea.
(a smart choice)
But where is it written that I shouldn't have a framed degree from the school of LIFE for my accomplishments as a successful, loving, hardworking Nanny of 16 years?
Hell, that's FOUR SEPARATE COLLEGE DEGREES FROM 4 YEAR SCHOOLS RIGHT?
But again, here comes that nasty little thing called 'reality' to rain on my parade.
If I were to ever entertain the thought of actually typing up my own version of what my
'Nanny Degree' from the School of Life would look like & take it even one step further as to actually not only print that sucker out but hang it proudly in my home... what would people think?
"has she lost her mind? that's not a 'REAL' degree... she's nuts etc..."
Well, here's my question, what the hell constitutes a 'real' anything in this world?
Most of us judge the realness of things based on whether or not we can see and/or touch them, right?
Why is that?
I can't see or touch the love I have for my daughter,
but you bet your ass it's as real as the sun is hot.
I can't see or touch the wind that blew outside today,
but as Ruby & I were out for our daily walk, I sure as hell felt it on my face as it tickled my cheeks & blew my hair around in a tangled frenzied mess.
(my brush is STILL cursing me)
My point is, (and yes I actually do have a point to this rambled mess...),
is that in my quest to find a job, I more often than not get judged based on two things:
my lack of a college education, & the fact that I am a single mother living with MS.
You know, I don't want to be judged based on any of those things.
You wanna judge me?
Do so by my actions,
my character,
my wit,
my candor,
my love,
my enthusiasm,
my sense of humor,
my genuine nature...
...or please don't judge me at all.
Now, you'll excuse me as I have to go continue to search for a job...
5 comments:
Sadly, a college deggree does not an intelligent person make. For me (and I have a college degree) that little piece of paper symbolizes expedience. It may (or may not!) get me "up the ladder" a little bit quicker than someone else. Maybe...
I know you will move heaven and earth for your girl as you trudge through these hard times. Just keep remembering, as you have often reminded me, this is temporary.
Keep fighting the good fight, friend. You can (and will!) do this,
Karen
Karen said it better than I could. Know that we are cheering you on.
Karen is so right! Greg and I both have degrees...and no, they are not framed and hung on the wall. Rather, they are gathering dust in some box in our closet. And really, that is about how important they are in our lives right now. I'm not a psychologist anymore... I'm just a mommy. Greg is not practicing law now... he is doing something he likes better. Those degress are simply past experience (oh, and that includes massive student loan debt!) In today's world, really, it is people skills that seem to make the biggest difference. So hold you head up and be proud of the experience you have! You will get through this!
Anne
Take a deep breath and Thank God you were smart enough to raise a daughter that thinks a walk in the neighboorhood is the end all. Those kind of results beat a degree anyday. I had two Ivy league grads that worked for me..both dumber than a box of rocks. Both had their degrees thumb tacked to the walls of their cubicles. THUMB TACKED- no shit! Something will come up. It's just really too bad you don't live down here in sunny SC. I could really use a good Nanny. I hate welfare care but can't find a stable person to watch over mine.
Well, I for one have never gone to college - not even for a day. I went to Cosmetology School - got my license, and that's basically where that story ends. All of my education has after high school has been through life experience. I used to do daycare when my kids were little - that's what I know best - raising kids. I worked at various odd jobs over the years - retail, customer service, etc. Worked at a flower shop for nearly 8 years, and just recently started working at our local Chamber of Commerce. All done with life experience education. At least you know what you love, and you're good at it! Figure out a unique way to promote yourself and your skills and experience, and you will be sitting pretty very soon! You can do it with your determination! Keep up the fight, and focus on the positive, and don't worry about what others think. A college degree would not make you a better person - we all know that. Anyone judging you by that is just not worth your time and effort!
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