The 'Squat'...
...yep, that's right, and you ladies, regardless of size KNOW 'The Squat'.
Jeans come out of the dryer, all toasty & clean, excellent!
If only they slipped back onto your body all smooth & easy like...
... NOT SO MUCH!
One must patiently, carefully, slowly snug said jeans (which, I might add, were perfectly comfortable just prior to you washing them after having been worn a good week, ahhh I miss those jeans) and with the utmost precision, gently tug at the zipper (button fly jeans don't exist in my house) and once complete zip is accomplished, close your eyes, say a prayer & do up single solitary button & IMMEDIATELY EXHALE!
Ok, Jeans on, mission accomplished?
Not quite...
Now it's time for what ALL we ladies lovingly refer to as 'THE SQUAT'.
Where you forcefully slump your body down into a squatting position and gently bounce to stretch your newly acquired jeans into somewhat of a comfortable 'WEARING ZONE' so that you can walk around for the days events without looking like that damn rubber weird doll from the 80's OBIE (remember the weird bowling pin shaped guy who, when squeezed, his eyes & tongue popped out to high heaven & he looked not only drugged but possessed? LOL
Try not to imagine that look on my face but I'd be absolutely lying to you if I didn't admit that for the initial 'squat', this single Momma could easily pass for 'single Italian Obie'.
So sad.
Once the squat/bounce has been done for several repetitions you're in the 'kinda comfortable but not quite like it'll be two days from now' jean zone... and it's really all you can hope for on a 'fresh from the dryer' day... correct?
Whether you're a size 4 or a size 24, jeans out of a dryer require patience, understanding and a boatload of prayers.
And hell, if all that fails, break out the sweats, after all... it's a rainy shitty day & really, who is gonna be checking out my pants anyway, right? LOL
Jeans come out of the dryer, all toasty & clean, excellent!
If only they slipped back onto your body all smooth & easy like...
... NOT SO MUCH!
One must patiently, carefully, slowly snug said jeans (which, I might add, were perfectly comfortable just prior to you washing them after having been worn a good week, ahhh I miss those jeans) and with the utmost precision, gently tug at the zipper (button fly jeans don't exist in my house) and once complete zip is accomplished, close your eyes, say a prayer & do up single solitary button & IMMEDIATELY EXHALE!
Ok, Jeans on, mission accomplished?
Not quite...
Now it's time for what ALL we ladies lovingly refer to as 'THE SQUAT'.
Where you forcefully slump your body down into a squatting position and gently bounce to stretch your newly acquired jeans into somewhat of a comfortable 'WEARING ZONE' so that you can walk around for the days events without looking like that damn rubber weird doll from the 80's OBIE (remember the weird bowling pin shaped guy who, when squeezed, his eyes & tongue popped out to high heaven & he looked not only drugged but possessed? LOL
Try not to imagine that look on my face but I'd be absolutely lying to you if I didn't admit that for the initial 'squat', this single Momma could easily pass for 'single Italian Obie'.
So sad.
Once the squat/bounce has been done for several repetitions you're in the 'kinda comfortable but not quite like it'll be two days from now' jean zone... and it's really all you can hope for on a 'fresh from the dryer' day... correct?
Whether you're a size 4 or a size 24, jeans out of a dryer require patience, understanding and a boatload of prayers.
And hell, if all that fails, break out the sweats, after all... it's a rainy shitty day & really, who is gonna be checking out my pants anyway, right? LOL
2 comments:
Oh boy do I know that Squat - actually, I performed that feat this morning when I put on MY fresh from the dryer jeans!!! (They still have a little stretch to go!)
OMG! This is so true...
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