Better Late Than Never...

mom4ruby: you up?
mom4ruby: please say you're up!
mom4ruby: lots to tell you about my first day of 2007...
mom4ruby: my GAWD!
mom4ruby: 420am cell phone rings
mom4ruby: Matty: "hey, happy new year, can I come over? I want to see you..."
mom4ruby: Me: *groggy from sleep* "Sure Matty, that's fine, you can come over...
mom4ruby: Matty: "I'm leaving right now..."
mom4ruby: *click*
mom4ruby: three minutes later, he's here & asks if we can just curl up together in my bed cuz he has something he wants to tell me
mom4ruby: long & short of it is, 2007 is 'his year', he stopped smoking already, he quit drugs, and now, he says, he's giving up hard alcohol, period.
mom4ruby: He wants to be happy and start his life & he's done being an asshole drunk.
mom4ruby: I started to cry
mom4ruby: he said " Baby why are you crying?"
mom4ruby: I said " because I'm so happy, and so proud of you that this is your new years resolution..."
mom4ruby: Matty: " well don't' cry baby, it's good news" *hugs me & kisses me*
mom4ruby: Me: "Matty, I'm in love with you, I love you and I'm sorry but I can't help it, I just am so in love with you it's insane..."
mom4ruby: him: *turning my face so that I'm looking right at him* "I love you too Amy"
mom4ruby: lots of making out
mom4ruby: snuggles until he falls fast asleep in my arms
mom4ruby: Ruby wakes up wailing
mom4ruby: took her into bed with us, just had her lay across my chest, her head on my shoulder...
mom4ruby: she looked at him, smiled & said "Momma, Matty...!"
mom4ruby: she wouldn't fall back to sleep (guessing it was a bad dream) so I put her out on the couch with her bear & a sippy & let her watch Maisy.
mom4ruby: I come back into the bedroom to find Matty grabbing at me, pulled me down into the bed with him, kissing me like the type of kissing that sends you soaring into outer space...
mom4ruby: and he said "quietly shut the door..."
mom4ruby: so I did
mom4ruby: and we made love.
mom4ruby: OH
mom4ruby: MY
mom4ruby: GOD
mom4ruby: HAPPY
mom4ruby: MATTY
mom4ruby: NEW
mom4ruby: YEAR
mom4ruby: TO
mom4ruby: ME
mom4ruby: !
mom4ruby: I could cry I'm so happy
mom4ruby: I smell like him, my bed smells like him, I miss him already... ( he went home to catch some real Zs) but is going to be back later to watch the new Dane Cook Tourgasm DVD I ordered that just recently arrived.
mom4ruby: if I'm dreaming, please don't wake me, cuz I don't want this dream to end.
mom4ruby: !
mom4ruby: oh, and while Ruby was on my chest & I was rubbing her back & simultaneously rubbing Matty's stomach... he whispered to me "This is exactly where I want to be right now, right here with both of you"
mom4ruby: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?
mom4ruby: OMG!
mom4ruby: I do love him so much... I can't believe I told him I loved him tonight. I said it just like that 'Matty, I'm so in love with you it's silly... I can't help it...'
mom4ruby: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG!
mom4ruby: and you wanna know what he said to me in return, "I love you too Amy, and I can feel how much you love me, I know you do baby... I know"
mom4ruby: HOLY JESUS H. CHRIST I COULD CRY MORE I'M SO DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY!
mom4ruby: oh yes, and because I KNOW you're thinking it , yes we made love in my room with the door SHUT
mom4ruby: yes Kat & Arianna were out cold in Rubys room also with the door shut
mom4ruby: and
mom4ruby: YES, Ruby was in the living room, HAPPILY watching Maisy with Bear.
mom4ruby: (and she has no clue how to actually open my bedroom door)
mom4ruby: OMG
mom4ruby: omg
mom4ruby: omg
mom4ruby: OMG
mom4ruby: OMG
mom4ruby: I am a mess right now... call me later!
mom4ruby: -Me

2nd Annual Pajama New Year...

...starring: Ruby Cate, Bear & Momma too!
(holy crap, is my hair REALLY that LONG?!)


This year's P.N.Y. was a BLASTY BLAST!
*thanks Dane!*
Arianna & Kat are out COLD in their beds & it isn't even midnight yet. LOL
(party animals...)
hehehehe

You know, I've been doing P.N.Y. for 4 years running now,
but it's absolutely crazy to think that this time last year, was our very first
P.N.Y. together as Mother & Daughter.


(we were cute then too!)
hehehehe


So, here's to all of you, our readers, our friends, our family...

...here's to a WONDERFUL NEW YEAR FULL OF
LAUGHTER,
LOVE
&
HOPEFULLY
(if we're lucky...)
LOTS OF CHOCOLATE TOO!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

All Our Love,

-Amy & Ruby Cate
(& Bear too!)
XoXoXoXoXo

Best Friend Kisses...

...& Momma Kisses.

Life is good.

Boston Pink Sox?

Who knows, someday there could be an all girls asian team...
...& if there ever is,
MY GIRL
is gonna BE THERE!
(with pink sox on...)

hehehe

Magical...

...Mother Nature.

Man, it just keeps getting better...

mom4ruby: hey cutie
Ning: got letter??
mom4ruby: YES!!!!!!!!!!!
mom4ruby: =)
mom4ruby: I can't understand a damn word in it BUT I LOVE THE PICTURE!
Ning: the pei mu's foster mom got my letter yesterday
Ning: she is soooooooooo happy
Ning: she call me
Ning: and cry
Ning: i will traslate for u when i in holiday
mom4ruby: AWWWWWWWWWWWW
mom4ruby: REALLY?
mom4ruby: what did she say?
mom4ruby: did she LOVE THE PICTURES?
mom4ruby: I'm SO HAPPY!
Ning: she said she is sooooooo happy and peimu grown up
Ning: wish u could visit china in 2008
mom4ruby: awwwww can't afford to visit then but when Ruby turns 10, we're coming!
Ning: yes she love those pictures very much
mom4ruby: I'm already saving for that trip!
mom4ruby: awwww I'm so happy!
Ning: and said the letter is great
mom4ruby: did she like the letter?
mom4ruby: GOOD!
Ning: the letter u write is sooooooo good
mom4ruby: awwwwwwwwwww
mom4ruby: I am so happy that she loves it
mom4ruby: she is a very important woman to us, VERY important! I hope she knows that!
Ning: she said she miss pei mu very much
mom4ruby: awwwwwwwwwww
mom4ruby: that is so very sweet!
Ning: she thank u love pei mu so much and take care her very nice
mom4ruby: I love her to China & back!
mom4ruby: I tell her every day, I love her to the moon and back
mom4ruby: to the sun and back
mom4ruby: to the stars and back
mom4ruby: and to CHINA AND BACK!
mom4ruby: and she smiles & kisses me.
mom4ruby: It's heaven... *smiling*
mom4ruby: did you ask her how old Ruby was when they took that picture of them together? The one you sent me?
mom4ruby: I can't figure out how old she is in the pic, I am guessing like 9 months or so...
mom4ruby: I do have one very important question I want to ask her at some point...
Ning: sorry i forgot to ask
Ning: she afraid ruby forget her and don't wnat to know her when her grow up
mom4ruby: Ruby does remember her, but she gets upset when she sees the photos of them together... I don't know why but I think that maybe she's afraid that she could be taken away from me like she was taken away from Wu Mu Hua...
mom4ruby: it's sad. =*(
mom4ruby: but don't tell her that because I don't want her heart to break.
mom4ruby: I honestly don't know why she's sad, I just know that she can't even look at those pictures without getting very upset so I don't show them to her really. When she's older & I know she can handle it, then I'll show her...
Ning: yes
Ning: and she want to know another girl's information in america, ask if u do u know her
mom4ruby: once you give me the translation of that letter I will be sure to try & locate every one of those girls mentioned!
mom4ruby: I can't make any promises but I'm absolutely happy to try!
mom4ruby: =)
mom4ruby: Can you do me a favor? Next time you talk to her, could you PLEASE find out one thing for me?
Ning: yes?
mom4ruby: Ruby absolutely HATES machine sounds, like the vaccum or the dishwasher or any type of motor sound and she is TERRIFIED OF ELEVATORS!
mom4ruby: won't even go IN ONE without having a screaming fit! And I'm just curious if she knows ANYTHING AT ALL about where Ruby was found because if I had to guess I'd say it was near a loud machine sounding thing or perhaps in an elevator because she's so scared of those things now!
mom4ruby: =*(
mom4ruby: makes me sad for her my poor little girl...
Ning: ok
mom4ruby: Thank you Ning.
mom4ruby: You're our Angel in China!
Ning: yes
mom4ruby: It snowed here today, it's pretty!
mom4ruby: does it ever snow in your part of China?
mom4ruby: http://rubyinherowntime.blogspot.com/
mom4ruby: I just put pics of the snow on the blog
mom4ruby: took them from right outside my bedroom window, it's so pretty. =)
mom4ruby: Listen, I'm gonna boogie, you have a wonderful day & I'm sure we'll chat more later. Please give our best to Wu Mu Hua and tell her that we are thinking of her & her family every day.
mom4ruby: *hugs* from Boston to China!
mom4ruby: XoXoXo
mom4ruby: -Us
Ning: sweet dream

Jersey has Landed...

...X's 2!

(Aunt Kat & Arianna landed safe & sound today here in good ole'Bean Town)
After a lovely dinner of risotto & a fabulous dessert of some Alden Merrill Strawberry Cheesecake, my two adorable house guests are enjoying some much needed 'story time'.
All is right in my little corner of the world...

Absolutely Amazing...

...to see that Ruby's Foster Mother loved her just as much as I do by way of a BOW!
*grin*
hehehehehe

I don't know how old she is in this pic,
I only know it's the one picture they had to share,
& they sent it to me.

I also know, this woman not only loved my daughter but continues to do so
AND
even though right now the sight of her isn't what Ruby wants,
SOMEDAY...

...she will be forever blessed to have this small part of her past.

BTW: got the letter too, waiting for my friend to translate it
and once that's done, I have been told that they have a LIST of children who OTHER foster mothers have begged them to try to find for them.
Begged them!

People, that is love...
...& I am gonna do my best to find each & every child's forever families
to share in the good news!

Wow, I need to go breathe now...
phhhew!

Un-Freakin'-Believable...

...yesterday I got a phone call from D.S.S. (Department of Social Services for MA.)
from one of their 'investigators' asking if she could chat with me concerning the
accusations brought against me by the twins mom. *henceforth known as Anorexic Bitch* .

I kinda chuckled & said, "Uh, I'm sorry, what exactly is this about now?"

She went on to tell me that Anorexic Bitch called DSS accusing me of the following:

*Physical Abuse
*Neglect

I sat there stunned & laughed again & said " is that so?"

And this woman (who was very pleasant I might add) and me talked for over an hour & a half about everything & I told her how Anorexic Bitch is in the midst of a nasty divorce/custody battle over those babies, how she refuses to get rid of her horse & instead wants to cut corners in the cost of daycare for her children, how on weekends when I have invited her to go out to the park with myself & Ruby she said "no, I've left the kids with my mom, I'm going to ride my horse.." etc... the list goes on & on.
I also went on to tell her two things:

1. My reputation as a wonderful loving, caring &
responsible Nanny of over 16 years PRECEDES me, period.
&
2. You don't get to adopt internationally without first being put under both a microscope & then checked with a fine tooth comb about every aspect of your life, and that if China saw fit to make me a mother to one of their beautiful children, then DSS should not be worried in the least about my character around children.

She asked for references, which I gladly supplied as everyone who knows me can attest to my ability to be friggen super nanny & second mother to every child I've ever had the pleasure of caring for.

I honestly don't know what Anorexic Bitch hoped to gain from this sad attempt with DSS but I can tell you one thing, she will not succeed.
It's that simple.

Also, tonight when I went to B.J's Wholesale to get diapers & wipes for miss Rubes I first went to Customer Service & took Anorexic Bitch OFF my membership (that's right, when I signed up she went with me & I allowed her to be a member off MY OWN ACCOUNT!)

She has since been REMOVED and her card, although she won't know it until she's gathered all her items & brought them up to pay, is CANCELLED & she'll have to be sent up to the C.S. desk for assistance.
I can only hope that it happens when she's had a long rough day & just wants to get in & out of there... SURPRISE BIOTCH, CAN'T MOOCH OFF THE GENEROUS NANNY ANYMORE!

PAY YOUR OWN WAY TWAT!

Ok, I'm done venting now.

Anyone in the mood for chocolate?

Early Morning Building...

...with my BRISTLE BLOCKS!
(which I LOVE by the way...)

P Is For...

...PAIN!
(which I'm currently in.)
I have never had a migraine, at least not to my knowledge...
but I'm pretty sure that what I'm feeling could quite possibly be one.
Welcome to my world.
Add to that the fact that it was 'shot night'
& you've got yourself a recipe for a long & torturous several hours until morning...
...pray for sleep.

~g'night~

Christmas Eve Revisited...

Dreaming in Black & White...

Confession... *updated*

...is good for the soul.

#1388

& now;

#1491

(to be continued...)

Cheap Therapy...

...another word for 'BLOGGER'.

It just feels good to purge, doesn't it?

And sometimes it doesn't even matter what you type, it's just the act of typing something, anything... that helps.
(a good friend just reminded me of this, & it's oh so true... but then again, how could it not be, for he is a smart smart d00d~)

-OUT-

No Misspellings found
dig it.

"Snuggle Momma...?"

...was all my daughter kept asking me tonight as I attempted to put her to bed.
That little face, that sweet high pitched voice of hers, as she looked up at me with those charcoal almond eyes & a glimmer of hope in them that perhaps, just maybe, Momma might snuggle...


...might my ass, YOU BET YOUR TOOKUS I'LL SNUGGLE BABY!

Rock on with the snuggling!


Then, of course you know that no snuggle would be complete WITHOUT some adorable conversation, right?

Allow me:

R: Momma, no rainbows, no rainbows...
A: No baby, no rainbows right now, it's dark out. We'll see them in the morning though, once the sun is out, ok?
R: No sun, Momma, no Rainbows. Sun!
A: That's right baby, the rainbows don't come out unless the sun is out too luvie...
R: Momma?
A: Yes Ruby?
R: Uhh Voo Momma... Snuggle. *grabs my finger with her whole hand...*

*smiles*

Life.
Is.
Good.

=)

The "*Muddy" Truth...

(...a conversation.)

mom4ruby: have a good night did ya?
kristen: hi
mom4ruby: hi
kristen: my sister is over
mom4ruby: kewl
kristen: we are watching the first season of prison break
mom4ruby: my frien andrew is over
mom4ruby: kewl
kristen: friend
kristen: " "
mom4ruby: never seen it but heard it rocked
mom4ruby: yes, just friend
kristen: it does
mom4ruby: Muddy was gonna come over
mom4ruby: said he would
kristen: did you hear from muddy
mom4ruby: but as usual, a dissappointment again.
kristen: did he remember puking in my kitchen
mom4ruby: same shit different day
mom4ruby: not really
kristen: that sucks
kristen: dont put up with that
kristen: it is crap
mom4ruby: he also doesn't remember completely missing the fucking bowl in my bathroom
mom4ruby: I know
mom4ruby: did you check the blog? L;OL
kristen: negative
mom4ruby: I blogged about it, it's my way of venting
kristen: didnt have time today
mom4ruby: What I Got For Christmas... (a true story)
mom4ruby: (this is what I said)
kristen: and i forgot the name of it... can you email it to me ?
mom4ruby: ...if you're waiting to hear of wonderful fluffy gifts & fabulously fantastic fare, keep waitin'.

This story starts simply, with;
1 Matty,
1 Amy,
1 Neighbor
(we'll call her Kristen)
Several dozen shots of Sambuca
&
a pool table
(& no partridge in a pear tree...)
mom4ruby: I'm cutting to the chase, the story is far too involved to get into here, HOWEVER...
mom4ruby: it ends simply, with;

a little puke
a drunk friend
a sober friend
passed out on the bed
erratic movement towards the bathroom in a sad attempt to pee
MISSING THE TOILET COMPLETELY
and then,
crashing on my couch & being covered over by a friend who loves him FAR TOO MUCH.
kristen: lol
kristen: halarious
mom4ruby: So, let's recap...

I didn't drink,
I didn't throw up,
I didn't piss & miss the bowl,
I DID clean up BOTH OF THE ABOVE just because,

and here I sit blogging to you all.

Oh, but the very end of my story is a good one,
I am in LOVE WITH MY NEW PERFUME
which masks the aforementioned scents of items above.
All is right with my 'Light Blue' Christmas.
God Bless Dolce & Gabbana!

*& damn the sambuca*

g'night...
(couch situation will be updated as new events unfold...)
mom4ruby: OMG and fyi, I got TWO bottles of that shit
mom4ruby: so if you end up liking it you may have one of them if you like.
kristen: lol
kristen: hey i am being beckoned...
mom4ruby: it's seriously disgusting how much I'm in love with the way I smell, there must be a support group or something for me.
mom4ruby: ok ttyl
mom4ruby: have a good night!
kristen: ill catch you
kristen: lol
mom4ruby: later gater
kristen: yes there should be a support group
mom4ruby: again, sorry about Muddy
kristen: even my mom noticed how in love with him y ou were
mom4ruby: no more gin for him.
mom4ruby: OMG SHE DID NOT
kristen: she said you can do better... LOL
kristen: no kidding
kristen: yes she did
mom4ruby: wtf did she say?
mom4ruby: it's THAT OBVIOUS?
mom4ruby: ugh
kristen: lol
kristen: yes
kristen: night
mom4ruby: g'night hon
Yahoo! Messenger: kristen has signed out

*a nickname given to Matty in a drunken stupor by our dear Kristen as she attempted to call him both 'Matty' & 'Buddy' at the same time; hence is born:
Muddy.

What I Got For Christmas... (a true story)

...if you're waiting to hear of wonderful fluffy gifts & fabulously fantastic fare, keep waitin'.

This story starts simply, with;
1 Matty,
1 Amy,
1 Neighbor
(we'll call her Kristen)
Several dozen shots of Sambuca
&
a pool table
(& no partridge in a pear tree...)

I'm cutting to the chase, the story is far too involved to get into here, HOWEVER...

it ends simply, with;

a little puke
a drunk friend
a sober friend
passed out on the bed
erratic movement towards the bathroom in a sad attempt to pee
MISSING THE TOILET COMPLETELY
and then,
crashing on my couch & being covered over by a friend who loves him FAR TOO MUCH.

So, let's recap...

I didn't drink,
I didn't throw up,
I didn't piss & miss the bowl,
I DID clean up BOTH OF THE ABOVE just because,

and here I sit blogging to you all.

Oh, but the very end of my story is a good one,
I am in LOVE WITH MY NEW PERFUME
which masks the aforementioned scents of items above.
All is right with my 'Light Blue' Christmas.
God Bless Dolce & Gabbana!

*& damn the sambuca*

g'night...
(couch situation will be updated as new events unfold...)

Santa Drives A Car?

According to my daughter, he does. LOL

Allow me to share with you all the conversation that took place this morning:

Me: "Hi Ruby, guess who CAME LAST NIGHT?!"
Ruby: "Who Momma?"
Me: "Santa, baby girl!"
Ruby: "Car? Car? Car?"
Me: "No sweetie, Santa rides in a sleigh and is pulled by reindeer!"
Ruby: "No, Momma, CAR! CAR! CAR!"
Me: "Oh, really...? Well, what color car does Santa drive?"
Ruby: "White car Momma!"

So, there you have it, Santa drives a WHITE CAR!

(My kid doesn't lie!)
HEHEHEHE

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Christmas Kisses...

Christmas Smiles...

Christmas Giggles...

Why is it that I ALWAYS wait till the last minute...

... to get one of THESE every year!?!??

Yes, I did order that exact one &
you bet your ASS I'm totally PSYCHED for it to GET HERE!

Now, I'm good to go for ~2007~...
*got my pj's ready!*
'smile'
hehehe

Let's ring in the new year CHINA STYLE!

Merry Christmas...

...sleep well baby, Santa's on his way!

(& while I know you asked for bristle blocks this year,
I'm pretty sure Bear asked if he could bring you a pillow- can ya BLAME HIM?!)

I'm ok, you're ok...

...is the theme of my Christmas Eve this year.

First, let me start this post by telling you all that I'm feeling a little under the weather,
nothing major, but just enough to warrant a little extra sleep this morning and my daughter KNOWS when I don't feel so good. I don't know how she knows, but she does.

Today, I woke up at 9am.
NINE A.M.!
Upon realizing the time, I panicked & jumped up to grab the monitor
& listen in on what my girl ( who is typically up at 8am) was doing
after having been lying awake for over an hour alone in her crib...

...what do I hear?
*talking*
"Uhh Vooo Bear... Hi! No, red bwanket, puhpull one, Momma?
No, shhh Bear... nigh nigh shh...etc"

I smiled from ear to ear, how amazing is my little girl that she KNOWS that if I haven't come in to get her yet, there is a reason & she's PATIENT & waits because she KNOWS I will come in as soon as I'm up. UNBELIEVABLE!

I jump up, throw my sweats on, my hair up in a clip & grab my glasses & tip toe into her room...

...I turn the corner & she catches sight of me & says:

"Hiiiiii Momma!"
I said: "Hiiii Baby! How are you? Did you sleep well?"

She thinks for a moment & says;
"Momma, you ok?"
I about near fell over.

"Awwww honey, I'm ok baby, Momma was just tired today. Are you ok?"

her reply?

"I ok Momma... *smile*"

MAN I LOVE THIS KID!!!!!!!!

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

The Nose Picker

Vs.

The Messy Hair Giggler...

*grin*

(I'm pretty sure it's going to be a close match!)

Do Not Disturb...

...a girl & her bear,

ESPECIALLY when SMOOCHING!
(& yes she ALWAYS makes that face when making out with her buddy)
hehehe
So damn cute...

So Hard To Say...

...goodbye.

Yes, sadly, it's time to say 'goodbye' to my beloved & loyal 'sippy'
that I've had LITERALLY for over 5 years.
(feel free to laugh now if you'd like...)

*sigh*


See that sippy on the left? That's my old one, it was with me when I was first diagnosed with MS, it was with me for that long trip to CHINA, it kept me hydrated WHILE IN CHINA
and was Ruby's FIRST SIPPY as she would NOT take any of the ones I had brought for her... she only wanted to 'share Momma's'.
But, as you can see... mine is old, faded & finally, just recently, suffered a small 'crack' right under where my black hair elastic always sits snug ready for use.
(hair in my face pisses me off so you can never be ready enough
to pop that shit up in a pony tail, right?!)
When I first bought it, it looked JUST LIKE THE BRIGHTLY COLORED ONE ON THE RIGHT!
(no lie)
But alas, all good things must come to an end, this is also true with sippy's.

My NEWEST FRIEND (<--- click there & then click on the SUN for "summer stuff" & scroll through the photos till you come to the 22oz Freezer Bottles/style #020) comes with brothers & sisters this time...
...a gift from my friend & ex boyfriend, Scott.

He asked me what I wanted for Christmas & I told him, nothing... that I didn't need anything.
Then, the crack happened & I was so beside myself with everything that's going on in my life that I figured, "great, what a way to get kicked when you're down..."
I know, it's JUST A SIPPY, but when you drink as much water as I do & like the convenience of having it ready & available to you in a NON SPILL way,
IT'S WORTH IT'S WEIGHT IN GOLD, FRANKLY!

So, goodbye old friend, you've served me well & now that I've said a proper 'goodbye',
I can finally lay you to rest in the recycle bin.
May you be turned into another sippy to bring happiness to
someone else for many more years to come...

-End-

Patiently Waiting...

...as Bear's often do.

Sliding with Momma is something I LOVE to DO!


(Actually, that's a lie... she CHUCKS ME down that thing EVERY TIME
& I land NOSE DOWN IN THE DIRT! We just had to say that other stuff, so that it would 'rhyme'. Rhyme/schmyme... NEXT TIME LET'S PAINT INSTEAD!
-Bear)

Unbelievable...

...that I can live in a place where THIS article's title is ACCEPTABLE?

I reside in one of the most liberal BLUEST states in the nation,
yet THIS CRAP has to make it's way into my daily paper.

I understand that the article is speaking out against China's new regulations concerning International Adoption, but the powers that be here at the Boston Herald,
should have chosen more wisely their wording for that title, period.

I mean, what happened? Didn't we put ourselves on the map for being the FIRST STATE TO LEGALIZE GAY MARRIAGE? I was never more proud that day of the place I called 'home'.


Sure, ok so you can be gay & get married, rock on, what's next, oops, be careful, before you know it you'll be told you can't be fat & ugly & gay & marry?
And forget about adopting from china if you fall under those categories...
...perish the thought!

And WHOSE TO SAY WHAT'S FAT & UGLY ANYWAY?
Society's view on beauty is what is the UGLIEST OF ALL in my eyes!
Sure, I'm a bigger woman than most, but you know what, there are TONS of guys who FIND ME PERFECTLY SEXY AS IS!
Who's to say what is BEAUTY & what ISN'T?
Sadly, in the case of china, if Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, than China being the beholder, us fatty's are out of luck, and God forbid if you have a repaired cleft lip etc,
I COULD PUKE I'M SO ANGRY AT THIS!

The article is basically SLAMMING the CCAI'S new rules regarding INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION but COMPLETELY FAILS TO SEE THAT THEY'RE ONLY PERPETUATING THE UGLINESS BY USING THEIR TITLE:

"FAT AND UGLY CAN'T ADOPT FROM CHINA"

You know, far be it from me to tell them how to do their job, but...
couldn't it have said "New CCAI rules leave many heartbroken..."
or even
"Love & ability to provide may not prove enough to new Chinese standards..."
etc...

ANYTHING BUT FAT & UGLY CAN'T ADOPT FROM CHINA!

Shame on you Boston Herald, shame on anyone who had a hand in printing such a title that you thought for even a SECOND that that was ACCEPTABLE!

(Because it WASN'T!)

And don't even get me started on the other issue at hand...

...by these new regulations & restrictions, China is essentially saying that me, ME
that I'm unfit to parent my child, my Ruby.

And that, to me, just is NOT ok in my book.


I'll tell you one thing, in a year or two, when Ruby is able to articulate her feelings with words, I'll be sure to ask her if she feels I'm a fit mother, and share with you all, her answer.
But for right now, I'm pretty sure all the hugs & kisses & 'uh voo Momma's' speak for themselves, this 'single fat momma' is doing A'Ok as far as Ruby is concerned.

My heart now breaks for the many families who will
not be able to adopt under these new guidelines.
I pray that they will all find their way to their children-
some way,
some how,
some form
& with Godspeed.

The Smell of Matty...

...is something I just absolutely LOVE!

Whenever I see him,
whether it's for a quick minute or a lengthy visit,
he leaves his scent on me.
We hug,
there it is...
We kiss,
his scent is on me to stay...

Just like most of you all,
I'm sure you don't just wear jeans 'once'...
...I know I don't.

The same goes for winter sweaters,
although those are only a 'twice worn' option
where as the jeans are clearly more of a 3 or 4 time option.

I was at Matty's last night, visiting him & his family while Ruby slept
& Nonno was on 'monitor patrol',
and from all the hugs & kisses I received & gave,
Matty is now here with me this very second,
if not in the physical sense,
definitely in the yummy scents!

So, as I slipped my favorite cranberry sweater over my head this morning,
there it was...

...my Matty.
To just sit there & inhale him, in that moment...

...pure heaven.

His smell is around me,
on me,
near me,
part of me.

I feel like he's wrapped himself around me for the worlds best & longest hug ever.
That is a gift in & of itself...
...lest we take into account the fact that he also gave Ruby & me a Christmas gift as well.
I'm just feeling very blessed tonight...

...blessed & a little lucky too.

At night when Ruby & I give thanks for the people in our lives who make us smile,
Matty is always at the top of that list.
Thank you, Matty.
We love you, always.

-Us

Tuesdays with Uncle Steve... (Tues, Dec 19th, 2006)

...CHEDDAR BROCCOLI SOUP WITH BACON, CARROTS & ONIONS!

Oh.
My.
God.

THIS SOUP ROCKED!




And NO I did NOT make it, OUR VERY OWN UNCLE STEVE CONJURED UP THIS FIERCE BOWL OF HEAVEN & TO PROVE IT ALL TO YOU, ALLOW US TO SHARE IN THE JOY THAT IS, EVIL CHEEZE YUMMY VEGGIE SOUP!

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon butter, melted
1/2 medium onion, chopped
1/4 cup melted butter
1/4 cup flour
2 cups half-and-half
2 cups chicken stock or bouillon
1 package frozen chopped broccoli

1 cup carrots, julienned
salt and pepper to taste
4 strips thick cut bacon, chopped

8 ounces grated sharp cheddar

Directions:
Saute onion in butter. Set aside. Cook bacon and set aside as well. Cook melted butter and flour using a whisk over medium heat for 3-5 minutes. Stir constantly and slowly add the half-and-half (this is called making a roux). Add the chicken stock whisking all the time. Simmer for 20 minutes.

Add the broccoli, carrots and onions. Cook over low heat until the veggies are tender for 20-25 minutes. Add salt, pepper, and bacon. The soup should be thickened by now. Pour in batches into blender and puree (I don't have a blender so I used a hand mixer and mixed it right in the pot on high speed). Return to pot over low heat and add the grated cheese; stir until well blended.



Serve with a CRAPTON of HOT BUTTERED BISCUITS AND OH MY GRAVY YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF ONE HELL OF A DINNER!!!!!!!!!!

*thud* sorry, my fat ass just fell out of the chair, I ate too much!



hehehehe

Concentration + Dedication =

...Rainbow Creation.

Change Of Plans...

...blog goes private as of RIGHT NOW!

I am tired of 'waiting' to blog especially when I'm losing my ever loving MIND & needing to VENT and this is my one outlet, so fuck it, private as of YESTERDAY if I can manage it right?

So, where were we? Now that I know my audience & know that certain people won't be peeking in to judge the fuck out of me, all bets are off & welcome to the new R.I.H.O.T. ...
It's bound to be one hell of a ride!

Ok so here's the status on my life currently... my job is nonexistent when the bitch whose kids I was watching thought it would be ok to just call me on a Sunday night at 7pm to tell me that she was putting her kids 'elsewhere' where it was cheaper.
CHEAPER?
Yet, this woman maintains a nice new car, a HORSE she boards at a local stable AND is addicted to ebay & buys such items as 'hand crafted horses' (aka: UGLY FUCKING DUST COLLECTORS) etc.

Ok, you wanna cut corners, go for it but keep in mind that karma is a funny thing... someday when your son is in Juve & your daughter comes home knocked up at 12, remember back to the days when you had options of what to cut corners on in life & that you chose to put them in a daycare that only charged you 80 bucks a kid a week.

You know the old saying,
"You get what you pay for?"

Man, the part of this that pisses me off the most is that I gave this woman SERIOUS BREAKS when it came to how I normally run things. After 16 years of doing this, I can command a higher per hour pay, for her, I didn't insist on that.
With all my years of doing my job & doing it WELL, I can expect a certain amount of respect from those whose kids I'm HELPING TO RAISE!
With her, I never got that.

HIRED FUCKING HELP is all I am ever looked at & that is what burns my hide!

You know, believe it or not it's A TOUGH JOB raising a child, IT'S EVEN TOUGHER WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO RAISE SOMEONE ELSE'S!

So, fuck her, & her 'Merry Christmas' gift to me at the last goddamn second.
I want all of you to sit for a minute & think how you'd feel & how your life would suddenly change if you got that same 7pm Sunday night call like I did regarding your job?

Nothing Merry about Christmas this year, at least from a monetary standpoint.

As far as my daughter is concerned, every day I realize that I am BEYOND BLESSED to call myself her mother.
Every day I know in my heart that God is looking out for us & I hold out hope that he is also aware of my employment situation & the fact that as I type this, my parents are out grocery shopping & I, well I am not joining them as I normally do because there isn't money to spare this week. Now don't get me wrong, I HAVE FOOD IN THE HOUSE, I typically tend to buy like it's the end of the world & ALWAYS have an OVERSTOCKED pantry, HOWEVER, it's just a natural chain of events that happens every weekend & this weekend, it's happening without me because some anorexic blond bitch thought it would be a wonderful idea to leave the woman who has cared for her kids since may, loved her kids since may, changed her kids shitty diapers TIMES TWO since may, bent over BACKWARDS FOR HER SINCE MAY, to give her the wonderful Christmas Surprise of UNEMPLOYMENT!

Ok, now that I've spewed, I feel slightly better but feeling better does not put food on my table nor does it pay my god damned bills.

Oh, dear lord of KARMA, see to it that things come full circle, I ask this in your name...

A-FUCKING'MEN!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog...

Losing my mind...

...one post at a time!

So, I've been blogging this whole time, just merely saving everything as 'drafts' until such time as we're officially private & only the following 'few' will be privy to my thoughts & such.

It's insane because writing for me is a part of my everyday life, so to NOT blog...?
...until I go private? Is!
FUCKING!
KILLING!
ME!

*yes people, I just swore... GET OVER IT!*

So, I'm breaking the rules just a little bit, just tonight, just this once...
(after all, they're my rules, I'm allowed to bend/break them, right?)
~myblog,myrules~

THAT SAID, I am seriously considering becoming a nun.
Oh, you heard that right... only, not so much a NUN but more like a
NONE!
As in, NONE OF THIS & NONE OF THAT!
(you hear me Matty?)

Seriously, when did being the 'understanding sweet 'friend' EVER get anyone anywhere?

It didn't.

That's exactly why I'm pissy tonight.

The day started out enjoyable enough...

...breakfast with my daughter & my mom, good stuff.
Then a shower for me & a bath for miss Rubes...

...teeth brushed & dressed & out the door to the park to visit Ruby's beloved;

"GEEN SWIDE! GEEN SWIDE!"

So we head to the park, Ruby sees the slides & GOES APESHIT!
*no lie*

Starts immediately chanting;
"GEEN SWIDE MOMMA! GEEN SWIDE! GEEN SWIDE!"

I smile & say, "Yes baby, there are the slides but they're blue & yellow, not green honey."
(her first slide ever visited was green, thus the constant reminder of 'GEEN SWIDE')
I digress...

So, up & on the slide she goes, Bear in tow... and SWOOOSH, down goes Bear
(while Ruby is maniacally laughing as she chucks him head first,
yes, I know it's harsh, but SO the truth- tough love perhpas? who knows...)

All the while she hasn't stopped chanting;

"GEEN SWIDE! GEEN SWIDE!"
My mind snapped;
"Ruby, sweetie, this slide is BLUE, and that one is YELLOW, ok baby? There's no GREEN slide here today luvie'bug... that slide is at home in our park. We're at the other park, remember?"

(It's funny, you know for an experienced Nanny you'd think that I'd KNOW BETTER THAN TO TRY TO REASON WITH A TWO YEAR OLD! OY VEY!)

Again, more digressing...

So, she says; "NO MOMMA! GEEN SWIDE GEEN SWIDE!"

I hold her hand & look into her beautiful almond shaped eyes that are just the color of charcoal, & say; "Baby, what color is this?"
(pointing to the blue slide)
"Balooo Momma!"
"Good Girl Ruby!" I say, and then pointing to the other (yellow) slide, ask again;
"And what color is THIS slide Ruby?"
"Lellow Momma, Lellow Swide"
"GOOD GIRL SWEETIE! THAT'S RIGHT, BLUE AND YELLOW! Now, what slide would you like to go down now baby?"

3.......








2.............










1...............






*GEEN SWIDE! GEEN SWIDE! GEEN SWIDE! GEEN SWIDE!*

*sigh, can't say I didn't try*

So, after that enjoyable time at the park, we come home.
Lunch for us both, quality bonding Momma & Ruby time complete with COLORS FLASH CARDS WITH MUCH EMPHASIS ON 'GREEN, BLUE & YELLOW',
& then a nappy for Miss Cheeks & some rest for Momma.

Only, I didn't rest, my mind raced, WHY?
Cuz it's hard to rest when your sweater smells like your Matty.
Like he's here next to me, wrapped around me in the most fantastic embrace, like a lot of things I would enjoy experiencing rather than merely picturing in my mind's eye...
...only I can't.

I can't, why you ask?
Because he's not here, he's at work & I'm home alone with only his scent to keep me wound up until the next time I see him again.
Lame, I know but man oh man there is just something about a mans cologne.
And Matty, well he doesn't smell good because of the cologne, but the cologne smells good because of HIM!
(make sense?)

So tonight he was supposed to come over to watch 'Firewall' with me...
(excellent movie btw, rent it if you haven't & don't order a pizza, trust me)

So he was all psyched, but as always, psyched does not a 'date' make...

...phone rings:

"Aim, hey ya, it's Matty, listen, change of plans..."

(hmmm, where have I heard this familiar tune before? Wait... lemme go check my cd's, cuz I KNOW I know this one...)

Long & short of it is, his friend Jack called him, needed his help SPECIFICALLY for whatever it was he was jonesin' about, and off he went like the good 'friend' he is.

But here's what I wanna know, where is it written that he can only be a 'good friend' to Jack?
How about his FRIEND AMY he made PLANS with to watch a flippin' MOVIE with tonight?
What about her? Isn't she your friend?
Doesn't she deserve the same respect that Jack gets?

Apparently NOT.

So tonight, even though this isn't much of a post at all, it's my way of spewing my shit prior to drifting off into an annoyance induced coma with a side of aleve for shits & giggles.

I know one thing, my new friend Tori has a couple photos of me, of how I looked tonight, most specifically of how I dolled myself up for mister Matty 'no-show' who never did see what he was missing, sadly.

(see what he was missing?)

So, Tori's hubby is a cop and apparently he's got several single friends who are also cops,
so it can't hurt to just share my smile via email, can it?

So, here's to me having lost my damn mind & here's to the possibility of a beautiful cop to help me find it & put it back where it belongs someday...

...stranger things HAVE happened, I know.

Oh, and Tori, for the record, I was only joking when I said I had my own set of cuffs...
*cough cough*

Uh, that would be aunt Di or aunt Jen. *evilgrin*
NOT POOR INNOCENT OLD MOI!
*laughing*

c'mon, did you think I could end a post WITHOUT making MYSELF laugh?
hardly!
LMFAO


(thanks Tori for the chat earlier, hope your chinese food was delish!)

-Me.

An open letter to our faithful readers...

I'd like to thank everyone who has contacted me thus far with their stories & reasons why they'd like to continue to follow our journey, they were wonderful to read & warmed my heart.

Ruby and I are happy to allow you ALL to continue to peek into the daily goings on of our lives.
She's a cute, happy, silly little girl that makes everyone who knows her smile.
How can I not share that with people who have been faithful to my ridiculous ramblings that I originally dubbed 'Ruby In Her Own Time...' after a book I read that helped me through everything that IS 'International Adoption'.

Who knew that over a year & half after starting what really only began as a personal journal of sorts for myself to document my feelings & frustrations, that this thing, this 'BLOG' would blow up into what it has now become, a larger than life family with people faithful to it that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Ruby & I are honored to be bringing you all with us on this next phase of our life together & would just like to say, a very heartfelt;

"THANK YOU!"

May you all have a wonderful holiday season & a smashing new year!

(fear not, I have been blogging still, and you WILL be able to see ALL of that
including some really hysterical photos, but I'm just saving them all as 'drafts'
until after the new year & the new private blog.)

Until then... see you all on the FLIP SIDE!


PS. To those of you who have yet to let me know your info,
you have but a few days left until the blog goes private. (Jan 1st, midnight)

Happy Merry Jolly to everyone... & to all a good night!

Privacy Please... **note to all 'gwenblog' readers (scroll down)

...yes, it's true, I'm moving to a private blog
allowing me to be a little more conservative about who has access.

With the new blogger beta, I have that option &
after the email I just received, it's done.

So, here's the deal... I need emails from people telling me who you are, & how I know you and your email addy so I can add you to my list of 'allowed' viewers.

It shouldn't be that much of a pain in the ass as I'm pretty sure you only need A. a Google account (they're free to get & most of you have them all ready I'm assuming) and B. a one time log in & as long as you don't log out of Google, you're free to view the blog anytime you choose.
Now, that is how I've come to understand it, but remember I've not done this before so it'll be a bit touch & go at first, so everyone please bear with me till it's a done deal.

I know it kinda sucks, but it is what it is & it's my daughter
& it's my choice to do what I need to do to protect her & me,
so going private it is.

So, as of Jan 1st, exactly at midnight, the new private blog will be in effect.
Upon going into effect, everyone who is allowed access will receive an email from me with directions on how to go about signing in. They seemed pretty cut & dry (I tested it out with my other blog, dictionary schmictionary, and it was fairly easy to do...)
so I'm sure this will go smoothly as planned.

My email link is right here on the blog so just click it, & tell me who are you, where do you live & provide a valid email addy & consider yourself privy to the funny antics of R.I.H.O.T. After all, if you all are looking in on my life, then it goes without saying that I should be allowed a little glimpse of yours.


-Amy

PS. Please do not leave your email info as a comment
as that is not what is going to help me.

Thanks a bunch!


**If you are currently allowed access to Gwenblog,
than consider yourself also allowed access to R.I.H.O.T.
(however you will still need to inform me of your email info
& just mention that you're one of Karen's regular readers...)
She is one of my best friends & I trust her judgement implicitly.
Thanks.

Irony with a capital...

...FUNNY!

So, Ruby was dancing around the living room tonight in her 'oh so cute' way, listening to music from Noggin, and as she's swirling & twirling, I notice something slightly SHINY & BRIGHT shooting beams from her hair.
Hmmm, what the hell is that?
Ruby, baby, come here & see Momma so I can see what's goin' on with your head girl...
"Momma, wha'issit?"
C'mere baby, let me see... come close so I can check out your hair...

Ruby comes closer all the while whispering to me,
"wha'issit Momma? wha'issit? shhh (now whispering) wha'issit?"

Me (also whispering, although I don't quite know why...)
'I dunno baby, let's see...'

So she gets close to me & I look & there's a sticker
just kinda 'hanging out' in her hair, as happy as can be.

'Hmmm, It's a sticker Ruby...'
She looks at me with a smile & says with wide eyes;
"A STICKER?!!!! OOOH MOMMA A STICKER!!!"

It's teenie & I haven't a clue where it came from or what it is, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let it stay in her hair all 'welfare' style, SO, out comes the sticker..."

Upon getting a closer look at it, Ruby asks me once more;
"wha'issit Momma?"

I DIE LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS is what it was:

(scroll down)

























You can SEE why THIS PARTICULAR STICKER had me in STITCHES!
How very apropos. LMFAO

I suppose after the day we had yesterday, a good laugh is exactly what the doctor ordered!

*grin*

Loss...

...as seen through the eyes of my daughter.

I'm sure by now you all have noticed that the photos that were previously up of Ruby with her foster mother, are no longer there. There is a reason for that...

...my daughter looked at them, and at first, not much of a reaction to speak of.
So I thought, ok, she's fine... moving on.

Not.
So.
Much.

My daughter who, if you ask anyone who knows her will tell you, is about the most chill, relaxed, laid back little girl on the planet; turned into a crazed sad heartbroken little person who clung with intense fervor to my body & refused to let go as tear after tear came spilling out of her little eyes & rolled down those glorious cheeks.

She remembers.
She knows.
She's suffering.
She's scared that it will happen again, perhaps.

All I know is that nothing, and I mean NOTHING I did, could console this child.
Not.
Even.
Bear.

*tears*

Finally, I gave her one of her favorite things on the planet, a plain wafer cone, and curled up with her in my bed & let her just cry it out.
Maybe mourning the loss of someone isn't about making it all better...

...maybe it's about hearing someone say,
" it's ok to let it out..."

So, my daughter & I, both had ourselves a very long,
very intense cry as we held on tight to one another and I whispered in her ear;
"I love you SO MUCH baby! I promise I will never abandon you, ever."

Now, we're going to take that promise one day at a time & hope that circumstances beyond my control don't make me break the one promise in the world I want so desperately to keep for many many MANY years to come.

Please keep my little girl in your prayers today, as she is truly suffering from a loss so great that I can't even begin to try & explain it with words.
I just know I love her & want to help her through her grieving... any way I can.

-Amy

Somebody pinch me...

...cuz I just had an hour long conversation with Ruby's foster mother by way of my friend in Shanghai and OMG, I have information that I thought I'd NEVER have!
I know things now that I have ALWAYS wondered about!
When Ruby gets older & asks me things, now rather than a response of, "I'm sorry sweetie, I just don't know..." I will have ANSWERS FOR HER! VALID REAL ANSWERS PROVIDED TO ME BY THE SECOND WOMAN TO LOVE HER BEFORE ME!
(the first being her birth mother, who we are forever grateful for)

I am numb, I am proud, I am happy, I am shaking, I have been crying, I got so many answers tonight to things I was desperate to know but seemingly forced myself to 'shelf' temporarily because I just thought the odds of ever finding the answers were obscenely rare.

Little did I know that I'd be getting the worlds most MONUMENAL CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER!
A Christmas Miracle, for a little girl who touched so many hearts not only in China,
but right here in the USA as well.

It's amazing the things that can happen, and I am humbled by it all.

I don't know what else to say, there will no doubt be more conversations to come as well as, I've been informed, photos of my girl just days old.
DAYS OLD!<@#$#$%% I need to go lay down, I am feeling lightheaded and can't even begin to process all this, I know that I am blessed beyond all measurement, and feel so so SO lucky tonight, to call myself Momma to that little girl sleeping soundly in the next room. Thank You God, your gift was exactly what I wanted this Christmas... exactly.