Loss...
...as seen through the eyes of my daughter.
I'm sure by now you all have noticed that the photos that were previously up of Ruby with her foster mother, are no longer there. There is a reason for that...
...my daughter looked at them, and at first, not much of a reaction to speak of.
So I thought, ok, she's fine... moving on.
Not.
So.
Much.
My daughter who, if you ask anyone who knows her will tell you, is about the most chill, relaxed, laid back little girl on the planet; turned into a crazed sad heartbroken little person who clung with intense fervor to my body & refused to let go as tear after tear came spilling out of her little eyes & rolled down those glorious cheeks.
She remembers.
She knows.
She's suffering.
She's scared that it will happen again, perhaps.
All I know is that nothing, and I mean NOTHING I did, could console this child.
Not.
Even.
Bear.
*tears*
Finally, I gave her one of her favorite things on the planet, a plain wafer cone, and curled up with her in my bed & let her just cry it out.
Maybe mourning the loss of someone isn't about making it all better...
...maybe it's about hearing someone say,
" it's ok to let it out..."
So, my daughter & I, both had ourselves a very long,
very intense cry as we held on tight to one another and I whispered in her ear;
"I love you SO MUCH baby! I promise I will never abandon you, ever."
Now, we're going to take that promise one day at a time & hope that circumstances beyond my control don't make me break the one promise in the world I want so desperately to keep for many many MANY years to come.
Please keep my little girl in your prayers today, as she is truly suffering from a loss so great that I can't even begin to try & explain it with words.
I just know I love her & want to help her through her grieving... any way I can.
-Amy
I'm sure by now you all have noticed that the photos that were previously up of Ruby with her foster mother, are no longer there. There is a reason for that...
...my daughter looked at them, and at first, not much of a reaction to speak of.
So I thought, ok, she's fine... moving on.
Not.
So.
Much.
My daughter who, if you ask anyone who knows her will tell you, is about the most chill, relaxed, laid back little girl on the planet; turned into a crazed sad heartbroken little person who clung with intense fervor to my body & refused to let go as tear after tear came spilling out of her little eyes & rolled down those glorious cheeks.
She remembers.
She knows.
She's suffering.
She's scared that it will happen again, perhaps.
All I know is that nothing, and I mean NOTHING I did, could console this child.
Not.
Even.
Bear.
*tears*
Finally, I gave her one of her favorite things on the planet, a plain wafer cone, and curled up with her in my bed & let her just cry it out.
Maybe mourning the loss of someone isn't about making it all better...
...maybe it's about hearing someone say,
" it's ok to let it out..."
So, my daughter & I, both had ourselves a very long,
very intense cry as we held on tight to one another and I whispered in her ear;
"I love you SO MUCH baby! I promise I will never abandon you, ever."
Now, we're going to take that promise one day at a time & hope that circumstances beyond my control don't make me break the one promise in the world I want so desperately to keep for many many MANY years to come.
Please keep my little girl in your prayers today, as she is truly suffering from a loss so great that I can't even begin to try & explain it with words.
I just know I love her & want to help her through her grieving... any way I can.
-Amy
6 comments:
I'm so sorry she is suffering. Mae does this often too, and I've also resigned myself to being there for her, since I can't seem to console her. Hang in there.
Oh, honey... I am so sorry she is hurting. I know you are hurting, too. I'm here if you need to talk.
--Michelle
Amy... to be present in someone else's pain is the best gift we can give one another. You are an amazing mom, and I hope I am just like you. Thanks for this post. It has me crying with you and Ruby too...
Kris
Oh Amy, how heartbreaking. You are a wonderful mom; take it one day at a time with lots of love and lots of reassurance. Give Ruby a hug for me...
Oh I am so sad she is hurting. You are such an amazing mummy and I am sure together you will work this one out.
Oh my goodness...what a difficult time for her. I know it was heartbreaking for you to see her in that position and know the best thing for her was to mourn. I hope she is doing better.
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