Those of you who know me, sit down.
Those of you who only know me through blog land, sit down as well...
...Today, Ruby & I went to 11am Mass.
At a CHURCH.
And not just any church, MY CHURCH!
(yes, I have a church, it's true.)
And not ONCE did I hear a thunderbolt or see streaks of lightning zooming towards me.
I'm happy to report that, not only did we enter the building unscathed, but we left intact as well.
Intact & enlightened.
Not in the sense that one would think, but more in a, I'm doing right by my daughter sort of way.
As a child, I was raised Catholic. It's all I knew.
Sit, stand, kneel, (repeat).
I guess as a child I didn't bitch because, hey, it's what you did.
Your parents said (insisted) we're going to church... you went.
Now, as an adult of nearly 36, (ugh) I have come to realize that although I'll never really understand what people say about 'getting something out of the church', I DO understand their right to go. Honestly, I get more from quiet peaceful reflective time on my own, in my own apartment. My quiet moments with God are better than any I've ever gotten in Church, it's just a fact. I know there is a God, I believe in God, how could I not? Every time I look into the eyes of my gorgeous daughter I am reminded of how blessed I am that I get to parent this sweet little girl. That, in & of itself, is proof enough to me that God exists in this world & He does good things.
Now, nothing against those of you who are weekly church goers & 'get something' out of the experience, that's great & a part of me envy's you that, but it's just not been my experience. At least not that I've ever recalled.
Nope, now as an adult I know I'm continuing this tradition I knew as a child because I firmly believe that each child, regardless of the religious persuasion of their parents, SHOULD have some sort of feeling of belonging & a starting path to head down & once they become old enough to know how & what they want that path to take on for them in their lives, then they'll make that decision. I just think it would be a much harder thing to accomplish coming from a place of nothing, rather than a place of something.
So, something it is for us.
I will admit that, being a bisexual I have a hard time with A LOT of what the Catholic Church teaches, many times I've felt that perhaps the Unitarian Universalist Church would be a more welcoming atmosphere for me, but I digress. That aside, there is more that I do agree with in the Catholic Church than not, so I've decided we'll leave our differences at the door & agree to disagree & do all this in the name of good intentions for my daughter & her future.
In the end, whatever she chooses to do with her life & how she chooses to embrace her spiritual side, it's her choice. I won't judge, I'll just be here for guidance & always with love, for her.
You might be wondering why I chose today to take Ruby to church for the first time.
Good question.
Truth is, next Sunday, after 11am mass, Ruby is to be baptized.
I know, SO DRAGGED MY ASS on that one, but now it's time.
I wanted it done prior to my surgery & since surgery is a little over a month away,
April seemed like the perfect time.
Now, she's old enough to understand what's going to take place.
We've talked about it. She's seen the church. She's experienced a Mass.
She didn't talk or cry or complain ONCE! She was a dream child.
Perhaps it's that God was so stunned to see me in his house that even he was speechless & granted me a one day reprieve from screaming & tantrums.
His little 'welcome back' gift to me.
Who knows... whatever the reason, I am thankful...
...and hopeful.
