Before bed thoughts...

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Life is a funny thing... things happen that you didn't expect nor ask for, yet they still happen & you find yourself coming face to face with challenges that you'd rather not have to deal with. But the reality is, sometimes you don't have a damn choice, so you deal. The question is, do you just do the least amount of 'dealing' to just get the shit over with & forgotten, OR... do you actually take the time to meet the challenge head on & deal with it in the appropriate way, regardless of it's difficulty level? See, I believe that it's these tough times, the ones we would rather run from but make ourselves stand up to, that make us who we our. It's our mistakes that we learn from that help build character... give us a sense of pride, of belonging. It's never easy to do what's right, we all know that the easy way out is always the 'wrong' way but it's what we usually think of first before we're faced with that inevitable 'line' where we either buck up & face the music OR bow out & run with our tail between our legs. I've always been one to face shit head on... maybe not right away, sometimes I'll admit that it takes a few test runs for me to get my engine revved up enough to do right by my convictions, but in the end I always do what's right, however hard it may be at the time.
My wish for Ruby is that she too will grow to have integrity, honor, pride, and a feeling of belonging to something more than just herself... something more than just her bedroom in this apartment in this house in Beverly. I hope she sees the world for the 'bigger picture' that it is & embraces all that it has to offer her. I hope she grows up to be a decent & kind human being who is selfless in her actions & kind in her words. If I do my job as her mother right, she'll be all those things & more, and I... I will be the most proud mother on the planet. I already am, because my little girl is a fighter. From being born to a biological mother who loved her enough to know that the better path for her to take would be one other than with her, to being found at 2 days old on the front entrance of a salvage center, to finding her way, over the next year of her life, into my heart & into my family. I am blessed, I am loved and so is my little girl. Every mistake I've ever made, ever bump in the road led me to where I currently stand. Past situations that broke my heart, they were just northern stars pointing to where I needed to be, and that's right here. Completely in love with a little girl I've never had the pleasure of holding or hugging or kissing, but that's all about to change soon. Ruby, if I promise you one thing in this life, it is that you will know you are loved. Always & forever, pure & honest, lasting & selfless, love that spans the globe even as I type this, my little girl, my beautiful birthday princess, Momma loves you and can't imagine my world without you in it. I am coming soon my love... very soon.

-Momma
xoxoxoxoxo