Saturday Night Q&A *UPDATED W/PHOTO*

(UPDATE BELOW, SCROLL DOWN...)

Ok, so I know it's technically not Friday anymore, in fact it's nearly Sunday HOWEVER, I just checked my email as I do every night before heading to bed & I had a wonderful email from a woman in Japan with a question that I promptly answered but wanted to share it with all of you since I'm guessing if she's curious about this, maybe others of you are as well...

Q:

Hello,

First, let me tell you that I live on a military base in Japan and am waiting of travel approval to go get my first baby girl in China. Her name is Annalyn Ruobei and she was a waiting child(heart defect). She is all better now and waiting for us(Amy and Fabio...aka Mama and Daddy).

My question is about day care. Unfortunately for me, I will have to go back to work and Annalyn will be put in daycare. I have already signed us up and toured the place and feel comfortable with it. Since she is used to being with other children, I think she will adjust.

Do you have any suggestions for making the transition easier for her? (I will be a nervous wreck at work but I want her to be comfortable).

I really enjoy reading about you and Ruby. You sound like an awesome mom who thoroughly enjoys her daughter. I am a member of several yahoo groups which is probably how I stumbled across your blog. Thanks for all your stories about the amazing Ruby and her new family.

Amy , M.Ed.

Special Education Assessor

Literacy Support Specialist

A: Dear Amy,
First of all let me say a BIG CONGRATULATIONS on the upcoming adoption of your precious Annalyn Ruobei! I LOVE HEARING STORIES LIKE THAT! She's truly one blessed little girl & you are blessed as can be that your sweetheart is that much closer to making your family complete. =)

My first thought would be to find out for SURE if she truly is in an orphanage, as I was 'told' that Ruby was in an orphanage but as it turns out was not & was with a foster family so if I had had to put her in daycare I think she'd have freaked out as she was very used to one on one attention presumably, or at the very least, just a couple of kids as opposed to a whole orphanage full of them, so that's my first point, find that out first & it'll help you decide what your next corse of action should be.

Secondly, let's assume that yes, she has been in an orphanage this whole time, true she'll probably be ok around other kids but you have to look at it from her point of view, depending on her age (you didn't say how old she was...) by the time you and your husband give this little girl the gift of a forever family, she'll be so thrilled to pieces at the monumental shift that her life has just taken that she'll probably want to bask in that glow for a bit. Do you or are you taking time off initially to be with her one on one? I'm going to assume that you get the usual 3 months leave, one would hope.

During that time, your little girl will develop such a relationship/friendship with you that when it comes time to then take her to a daycare, she will probably be very hesitant at first & potentially a little freaked out... (perhaps she'll view it as 'got'cha' day all over again, with the combination of a big room full of other children, lots of faces that she doesn't recognize & then you ultimately leaving her (granted just for the day) but her little mind won't see it that way, she'll feel she's being left all over again.

WITH THAT SAID, it IS possible to AVOID THIS and it's fairly simple...
Let's say that yes, you do have the three months off, don't spend those three months just every moment you & her... get her involved in playgroups where other children are present. Now there doesn't have to be a shitload of them but a couple will do. Social interaction is KEY at this stage in the game.
Also, find out if you can visit at least twice a month to her new daycare & spend some time there with her without leaving so that she knows it's a kewl place... it has to be, because Mommy brought me here, right?
Try it a few times with you STAYING with her the whole time, and then try a few where you say ,leave just for ten to fifteen minutes to go grab a coffee or something & see how she does.
If after the 'coffee' run, she is still doing ok, then the next time you go & leave her, go do some shopping for an hour or go get your nails done or even just go for a long walk to take all this in because it won't just be HER going through alot emotionally, trust me, you'll be torn in so many different emotional directions you won't know what to do with yourself and a nice long relaxing walk with time to think about the shift that your life has just taken, is never a bad thing... TRUST ME!

Eventually, she'll see that ok, this isn't so bad, Mommy and I come together, she dissappears for a little while but she always comes back and while she's gone, I get to have fun & play & use the toys, not too shabby...

This won't happen over night but it WILL happen... just be patient & give it time and even if you end up having to pay her daycare for these transitional days regardless whether you're there or not, remember that any daycare that truly CARES about the welfare of their kids will be completely ok with you suggesting this and so in the end it's worth it to shell out some extra bucks just to know that your child's transition will be smoother than average when the time comes to actually put her there full time.

I hope this helps & if you have any other questions please feel free to email me anytime as it's what I'm here for. =)

Take care & let me know how things work out for you & your family! AND BY GOD WOMAN SEND ME A PICTURE OF THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL OF YOURS, I'M DYIN' TO SEE HER SWEET LITTLE FACE! =)

Sincerely,

-Amy


And with that, I wish you all a good night as I'm about to crawl into my bed before I drool all over myself & this keyboard because I'm just THAT EXHAUSTED tonight!

Sweet Dreams everyone.

ZZZzzzz..

**************************** UPDATE *********************************

(Here is the reply I received first thing this morning in my email from this woman complete with a beautiful picture of her precious daughter... ENJOY! )

Dear Amy,

Thank you for your quick reply. I am definitely going to try everything to make it easier for her when that time comes. I am sending you a picture and just ask that you continue leaving off our last name(thank you!)



This photo was taken in January 2006 at the orphanage. She is in the orphanage and has a single caretaker. There are other toddlers that she plays with but not a huge number.

Sorry if the file is large. I still don't know how to make it smaller. I am only able to use my computer at work and the software is different.

I used a service called china-babies.com that got updated photos and a ton of information. They only work in Jiangxi at this time but they were incredible! We know so much about our baby now. We just hope they hurry up and say, "Come on over and get your daughter!"

Thanks again for your advice and encouragement. We will be getting a site soon so that people can follow our journey. I will be sure to send you the link.

Amy

I then replied to her with the following:

Dear Amy,

You are very welcome for the quick reply, it was no problem at all. Now, on to the IMPORTANT THING, OMG COULD YOUR DAUGHTER BE ANY CUTER?@#%@#%^#$%& She's JUST A DAMN DOLL!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!! I bet you can't WAIT to go get her, it's just FANTASTIC!!

(check out her duds! why is it that KIDS ALWAYS HAVE BETTER CLOTHES THAN ADULTS??? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!) hehehe

Keep us all posted on your journey & please, absolutely let us know once you've got a blog up & running as I'm sure we'd all follow your journey to becoming a family!

Sincerely,

-Amy