Showertime ramblings...

As I stood under the steaming hot water in the shower this morning my mind started to wander about certain things that started out random & then started to take shape...
First, how nice it is to be able to take this long hot shower as my daughter is fast asleep for her morning nap....
Next, how weird, I have a daughter, she's in the other room, alive & well & adorable as all hell & she's mine, and she's here to stay, and she's napping which is the only reason I actually have this time to laze around in the shower & think about this stuff...
Then there's the actually enjoying the shower without worrying if any 'water' is going to make it's way into my mouth like paranoia set in while in China those two weeks three months ago. I remember always keeping my head way back so that IF water started to trickle down, it would go back off my face & down my neck & back. Retarded? Probably, but I didn't get sick not ONCE the whole time there.
Because I don't have to worry about the water making it's way into my mouth I can truly just put my entire face & head under the stream & close my eyes & relax, even if it is only for 10 minutes or so...
I then start to remember China and where I was 3 months from today... it would've been Nov 18th, and I was exactly where Susan & Will are right now, in Beijing touring everything under the 'heavily polluted sky' (can't say sun, that would be false advertising...)
Then I think to myself, holy shit, it's nearly 3 months from gotcha day and I can't believe I've ONLY had Ruby for those 3 months, because it feels like a lifetime.
I can't really remember what it was like to be without her, I mean, I can remember being alone in this apartment waiting to see the face that was my daughters but it feels numb, almost like a dream & perhaps it was someone else's life & I was just looking in once in a while to see what was up.
It doesn't feel like it was my life, because THIS, this wonderful magical world of MOTHERHOOD, THIS IS MY LIFE and I just ADORE IT!
All of it, the ups the downs, the happy baby, the crying baby, the silly baby, the messy baby, the sick baby, you name it, I love it & continue to love it and I say BRING IT ON MOTHERHOOD, I'M MORE THAN READY, I'M ALIVE BECAUSE OF IT!
Sure I have my days I think to myself "man, this would be really nice with someone else to share it all with" but that thought is very rare & fleeting, because truth be told, I am very independant and I just CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE MY CHILD TO THE MOON AND BACK & CHINA AND BACK... I could NOT imagine sharing her with anyone (selfish as that I'm sure is sounding right now...) I just love that she's mine and I'm hers and we're a family of two!
I mean, if I had a husband, then we'd have to work as a 'team' to meet in the middle on everything because you can't have one parent 'parent' one way and the other go a completely other way and have it be a smooth lifestyle, cuz it's not.
Once the child realizes that he/she can pit one parent against the other to get the desired result they're looking for, then you're gonna be up shits creek without a paddle my friend!
When Ruby eats her meals, it's just her and me in the kitchen, at our chairs, no toys, no distractions (except Bear, but he's family too) and when it's time to eat, it's just that, TIME TO EAT.
Not time to play & have a bite here & there, not TIME TO WATCH TV and have some food if I feel like it, Family Meals are and will CONTINUE TO BE a very BIG DEAL in this house because I think too many families have lost that simple pleasure of sitting down together to share not only a meal, but their thoughts & dreams, hopes & just the basic 'how their day' went, etc...
That means alot to me & I will be sure to instill that same sentiment to my Precious Girl.

Man, it's amazing how fast my hair can air dry when I'm sitting at the computer typing my thoughts out in my sweats. (that's right, I'm wearing sweats today, it's SATURDAY and it's COLD and Ruby and I have no place to go so we're gonna 'chill' and we're gonna do it COMFORTABLY!) *grin*

Well, I will probably have more to add to this later but for now I'm gonig to boogie because it's LUNCH TIME and I'm going to make my baby a Grilled Cheese and some Tomato Soup, she loves BOTH!

BON' APETIT!