Referral is MOVING!!

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Ok... was kind of a sleepless night last night, lots of tossing & turning but as of right now, 8:17am Wed August 31st, here is the status of my Referral as shown by DHL:

8-30-05 2:44pm REFERRAL picked up by DHL
1:58am Arrived at DHL facility in Beijing, China.
8-31-05 7:37am REFERRAL Departing Origin from Beijing, China.

China is exactly 12 hours ahead of us so currently it's 8:19pm there, wed night... which means that my Referral has been in Transit from Beijing for over 12 hours now! My guess is obviously that it's headed to San Fransisco & from there on to my Agency in WA & Kelli says it's due to be there by NO LATER than NOON on Sept 1st! OMG OMG OMG OMG I can only speculate. But, it's MOVING which is all I care about! =) OMG!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE RUBY'S SWEET LITTLE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!! *tears*

More later as I find out more, but for now, it's my LAST DAY working for my babies. Tonight after work the parents are taking me & all three kids out to dinner to one of my FAVORITE PLACES EVER! The Beverly Depot! And you KNOW I'M GETTING LOBSTER! I'm also bringing my camcorder with me JUST IN CASE "the call" comes while we're eating, I want to be prepared! hehehe OMG, MY LAST DAY OF WORK, IT'S INSANE & SLIGHTLY SURREAL BUT IMAGINE IF RUBY'S PIC COMES TOMORROW, HOW FULL CIRCLE THIS WILL BE? Last day being a nanny to three of the most beautiful sweet children on the planet one day, and Mother to what I know will be THE MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL IN THE HISTORY OF LITTLE GIRLS EVER THE NEXT DAY! I am just so blessed, I have no words...
*smile*

REFERRAL'S ON IT'S WAY!!!!!!!!

Ruby In Her Own Time...


OMG I'M ON THE PHONE LIVE RIGHT NOW WITH KELLI AND SHE HAS LOCATED MY REFERRAL & IT PICKED UP IN CHINA THEIR TIME AUGUST 30TH AT 19:37 HRS OMG OMG OMG OMG Kelli says that it usually takes 2 business days so she approximates that it'll be here by thursday! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH KELLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kelli is a fellow LEO BORN IN 72 she FRIGGEN ROCKS and has told me that she will PERSONALLY check it's status & EMAIL ME AS SHE FINDS OUT NEW INFO, HELLOOOOOOOOOO GIVE THAT GIRL A RAISE!!!!!!!!! =)

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

8-29-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

I feel like I'm floating in slow motion towards the next two days... rumor has it that my referral is due either tomorrow or wednesday... I hear things like this & don't even know what to do with myself much less how to react. I'm having a small internal nervous breakdown & can't stop it to save my life! I just feel sick to my stomach with anticipation over the prospect of seeing my daughters face for the very first time! It's like giving birth, kinda... sure I didn't have to pass something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grapefruit but this process called Adoption, is my own personal labor & it lasted alot longer than just 9 months, try more like over a year & a half and it's still not even close to being over, just the next step is fast approaching & I am numb all over. I woke up this morning thinking wouldn't it be so nice if I had someone next to me in my bed, well... that wasn't the case, but soon, I'll have someone here, just in the next room and with a smile as bright as a rainbow & a heart as big as the moon, and love as pure sunshine. My daughter... OMG MY DAUGHTER! *tears* I need to go lay down & take all this in, all this time it's just been talk & anticipation, but now, within 48 hours ( give or take ) I'm going to see my angels face... learn all sorts of things about her and it will cement the whole thing as being REAL to me! So very very real to me... my Ruby Cate... I can't wait to see you baby! *smile*Momma loves you more than words can ever say!!!

8-28-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Magnetic Poetry Quotes

" I want to taste the moist flavor of his delicious kisses & feel the sweetness in how he touches me, I just dig him."

" Always capture raw pain as an instrument to give balance to your heart & when you experiment with passion the more absurd & beautiful the song will be."

" I must poke a hole in my body & suffer the drug through it's point of entry as it's filling me full of this tremendous difference, one I never asked for. With a sense of surreal death I approach the subject only to feel sad & dead every time. It makes me mad & empty at best. I could scream out wildly from deep within my healthy woman."

"As we lay there under the moon, your breath intoxicates my most private of thoughts..."

(more to come as they're created...)

8-28-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

I'm exhausted... long day & it's time for my shot & straight to bed... but first I need to say this one thing: I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams... Ruby is to arrive any day now & when I see her picture for the first time, I will not only be looking at the face of my daughter, I will also be looking at the face of an ANGEL! I am tuly without words & hopelessly head over heels completely in LOVE! I can't wait...

G'night...

-Amy

8-28-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

A new member of my family is here to stay... Peanut the frog is here & looks just like Tad did when Tad was a baby. Peanut is an albino african clawed underwater frog, only TEENIE TINY!! Peanut loves the home I made & is swimming around like crazy! I am sad that my Tad is no more but I really loved having a frog in the kitchen, especially at night cuz I could put the light on & it acted as a night light... so if it can't be Tad, it's nice that it can be Peanut. =) If I knew how to post pictures in this blog I'd post two... one of my Tad who I will never forget & one of my newest little friend Peanut. I know, I know... I'm a dorker, but I'm a happy dorker with a cute new frog. =)
hehehe

8-28-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Why is it that EVERY NIGHT I wake up out of a sound sleep from another vivid dream/nightmare? This is turning into a daily occurance now, which is NOT OK with me! But a whole hell of alot I can do about it right? The saddest thing is, when something bad happens & you go to sleep sad, once you are actually asleep, you kinda forget that the bad thing even happened & you're in a type of momentary lapse of reason, only to have that lapse PUNCHED out of you the MINUTE your eyes open & you are torn awake & sit upright in your bed only to then realize that yeah, big deal, you were dreaming & that dream you were just having, not real BUT that shitty thing that happens prior to you falling asleep to forget about it, STILL IS REALITY! UGH!!!!!!! I need a serious backrub with that funky backrubber thingie that I got at Bath & Body Works... That thing not only feels so amazing it literally gives me chills from the moment it touches my back & starts working it's theraputic magic. Alas, I have nobody here to do that for me & honestly, even if I did, it wouldn't be who I would really want here anyways so who cares, right? That too is pissing me off... why should I even care at this point? I really should be constantly telling myself that he is completely not worth all the aggrivation and that even if by some small chance he might be, he's certainly not worthy of anything I ever had hoped to give him, EVER! Actions speak louder than words and sadly, if we're going on actions, he's still stuck at 0. My friend from the other night gets serious points... he not only spoke to me some of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, but SHOWED ME and it just was nice for a change. I'd take that feeling ANY DAY over the way mister nightmare made me feel. Ugh... gonna try to fall back to sleep now, wish me luck!

-Amy

8-27-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

So, just finished up watching some tv & was about to head to bed & noticed as I passed Tad's tank that she wasn't really moving all that much, which normally doesn't bother me since she enjoys being a very lazy frog... but tonight, not so much. Tonight she wasn't so much lazy as she was dead. My poor frog, who I had saved from a teenie tiny tadpole is gone. =(
I know it's retarded, she was only a frog, but she was my frog... I will miss her. She was a product of the two frogs originally given to me by my buddy Erik... they had babies everywhere & of all the ones I tried to save, Tad (aka: Tad The Hopper) was the only one who had survived. I am sad for her but I know that I saved her & gave her a good life & a safe & happy home for all these years. I will miss her... goodbye Tad & hope there's lots of feeder fish for you to hunt in 'frog heaven'. =(

G'night.

8-27-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

OMG MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD JUST TOLD ME SHE'S PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP I'M SO EXCITED & WAS CRYING CUZ I'M SO HAPPY FOR HER & ELVIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her tentative due date is April 29th? We're waiting to see what the first ultrasound brings for news & then after that I'll keep everyone posted. I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I'M SO HAPPY THAT WE'RE BOTH GOING TO BE MOTHERS WITHIN MONTHS OF EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!! OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

HEHEHE I'm so giddy I could just DANCE!!!!!!!!!

8-27-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

What can I say... tonight was, in a word? Perfect It's 3:31am & I'm just now writing in my blog so you can imagine that I not only had a wonderful time spending my evening with him, but after dinner & drinks ( yes, I DRANK! can you even? I haven't had a drink since I was 25!) It was yummy too... pina colada! Anyway, after all that we went for a nice walk along the entire lengh of Long Beach in Gloucester. Literally all the way down to the end where it's so pitch black that you just lay back on the sand & stare up at the stars & are not only completely blown away by the beauty of it but at the same time, feel immediately insignifigant as a person because you're just a small blip on the map! My jeans were soaked from the ocean as we walked through puddles as the tide was coming back in and wherever denim is wet, STICKY SAND IS SURE TO FOLLOW! hehehe No biggie, that's what my washing machine is for right? So as if dinner, drinks, & the beach complete with shooting stars wasn't enough, we come back to my place & had the most amazing time just being together. Chatting... just out of this world. Thank you my dear sweet friend, you know who you are, and I love you for what you did for me tonight & how just when I think that nobody cares, you show me that yes, someone actually does care, and you SHOW IT! And you know too that I will always love you & be here for you, always. That is a promise. All I know is, I am a very very lucky girl, not just tonight, but always. You're the best... *hug*

-Amy

8-26-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Ok... so tonight is a big deal kinda, I'm going out tonight with someone I've cared for since last summer but we've always just been friends, which is great, I love his friendhip... however tonight I am just happy to spend some time with him alone. Dinner then off to the beach maybe, doesn't really matter at all to me what we do, just so long as we can be together for a bit. I can't get into much detail here because I don't want to jinx anything but let's just say that it's a night that I've been patiently waiting for for quite some time now. I've got a couple little things for him that I know he'll love & quite honestly, he deserves them. He's been a friend to me when others weren't there & he understands me & what I'm going through like nobody else can. I'm a lucky girl tonight.

-Amy

8-25-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Had a nice day today, went to Danvers to Cakes for Occasions to get a carrot cake to surprise Nick with. ( he told me it was his favorite) and then he arrived & we spent the day in Salem bouncing between the willows & pickering wharf. He met my friend Chip & we all shared some popcorn & it was nice. I don't much think that there will be a second date because for as much as we clicked online & on the phone, I think he was a bit intimidated by how outgoing & forward I was, also could've been his age, he is a tad bit younger than me. Still a great guy, very sweet & friendly, so I'm sure he'll find a nice girl to date soon enough. It was very nice to get out of the house & do something different for a change that's for sure. And it's always very nice to see my buddy Chip, I just love him to pieces.
So anyway, I'm home & packing my bag for tomorrow... going down to Brockton to see my friend Alyssa and my buddy Erik. Having a cookout at her house that I have yet to see, so it should be fun. She's got a pool too but I'm guessing that it probably won't be warm enough out tomorrow to swim but I'll bring my suit just to be on the safe side. I also went to Bath & Body works today & got myself another one of those FANTASTIC back massager thingies... LOVE IT! It's purple to match my bedroom. hehehe Oh, and they have an AMAZING new scent called Apple Torta OMG IT SMELLS LIKE FALL! LIKE APPLE CRISP & FALL LEAVES ALL ROLLED INTO ONE I LOVED IT SO MUCH I SLATHERED IT ALL OVER MY ARMS & MUST GO BACK TO ACTUALLY BUY ONE FOR MYSELF TO KEEP AT HOME! I love putting on lotion right out of a shower & do it every day without fail, but usually wear Angel Cake lotion, it smells yummy too but perhaps it's time for something new... and with Fall just around the corner, MY FAVORITE SEASON HANDS DOWN, it makes sense to smell like yummy things to eat for this time of year! I was actually thinking of bringing little individual size bottles of different scented lotions for all the Nanny's at Ruby's orphanage in China. It's customary to give little gifts to the women who help run the place & more importantly, the women who loved & cared for my darling daughter before I had the chance to. Well, it's shot night tonight & aside from waiting to see if my phone is perhaps going to ring by a cerTain friend... I'll probably just do my shot at 10pm & go to bed after that. Have a wonderful night everyone.

-Amy

8-25-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Today I met a new guy on American Singles... his name is Nick, he's 26 & from Quincy. Very handsome, very sweet & wonderful personality & voice. Spent quite a bit of time tonight on the phone together and he asked me out for lunch tomorrow so we'll see how it goes. I've touched up my haircolor so the black is shiny & new and I have a cute black silk top I'm going to wear with jeans. I'm sure that we'll have fun together, already we get along great on the phone, we watched most of the Red Sox game together while on our cell's ( we both have verizon so we're 'IN'... which is excellent~!) In one day I know his favorite ice cream, favorite food to eat, favorite food to cook, favorite month, favorite color & number... fav radio station etc... in other words, we didn't just sit on the phone & say things like " so... um... well...' we had actual conversations about real things & spent most of the time getting to know each other through questions, silly though they may have been, isn't that the way that 'getting to know you' gets off to a good start? Communication is KEY and so far, so good~! =)
It's nice to know that within a day, I can meet someone, get along with them, 'CLICK' to the point of arranging a date & meeting the very next day. It's refreshing to say the least. It's still completely early but I'll keep everyone posted on how it's going. He barely knows me but he still managed to text me 'goodnight' and then even said it on the phone after. What a change of pace from the recent norm. I guess sometimes prayers DO get answered...
G'night all, more tomorrow.

-Amy

8-23-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

You know... sometimes it's hard to do the right thing. Tonight I told someone who I care a great deal for that it just wasn't going to work out. I wish with all my heart that that wasn't the case, but unfortunately it is. Right now, he's very self involved in his work, which is admirable on the one hand, but not what I am looking for at all, on the other. I don't like coming in second to someone's job, it's not who I am and I'm not in the habit of compromising myself for such things. I am true to who I am and what I need and it either works with someone, or it doesn't. I need attention from someone if it's going to work out, and frankly, I deserve it. I hope that he is happy in his life & I'll always wonder what could've been between us had he just stopped working long enough to see what it was I was offering him.
I'm sad for what I'll never have the pleasure of finding out, how it would've turned out... I guess I'll just have to be happy wondering from time to time & move on. I wish him luck in everything he does. G'night T...

-Amy

8-22-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Had a FANTASTIC DAY TODAY! Friends came over... Jen and Alyssa and Erik and Steve etc... we all hung in the pool & had a blast! Then went to Kitty O'shea's for dinner then over to Salem to putter around pickering warf & then it was off to the willows for some ice cream & to sit & enjoy ourselves on the docks! Not to mention that all night now I've smelled yummy from Erik's cologne after he hugged me over & over. =) hee hee LOVE MEN COLOGNE! I'm gonna have to ask him what it was cuz it's GOOD SCHTUFF! ;) So now I'm about to head to bed shortly & will probably spend tomorrow in the pool again with just Steve this time since Erik and Alyssa have to work, and Jen's going up to Maine with her hubby Elvis. =) ( Yes, that's REALLY her husbands name!)
OH, also got a wonderful SURPRISE package today from my friend Katherine in NJ! HOW SWEET THE THINGS SHE PUT INSIDE THAT BOX FOR MY LITTLE RUBY CATE! I LOVE GOODNIGHT MOON! and that little cloth book with the teether corners is ROCKIN'! Also loved the Panda Bear Purse... WAS SO SOFT I COULDN'T STOP TOUCHING IT ALL NIGHT! AND those STRAP BUDDIES FOR THE CAR SEAT! OMG PINK LADYBUGS AND DAISIES!!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING!!!!!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe Her card was adorable & honestly I'm so lucky to have her as my friend! =) Thank you SO MUCH KATHERINE, YOU ROCK GIRL! *******HUGE HUG**********
ALSO Thanks to my sweet friend Alyssa, who... while we all walked in downtown beverly today, bought me the most ADORABLE LADYBUG PICTURE FRAME FOR RUBY'S ROOM THAT I'VE EVER SEEN! That frame is reserved for a picture of her holding my Ruby & that's that! =)
Well, gonna go talk to my friend Chris & then it's off to bed for me. G'night all...

-Amy

8-21-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Dad finally got Ruby's curtain rod up and I put her little valance on & it just looks SO DAMN CUTE! That ladybug rod is TO DIE FOR! hehehe My dad brought the changing table in as well & put it all together so now it just needs the changing pad & terry cloth covers ( which I registered for ) so I'll have to wait to get those a little later, no biggie. He also finally hung up my little Anne Geddes ladybug picture above her bureau so honestly, the only thing left that is missing IS MY BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL! =) And speaking of my precious Ruby Cate, there's still no referral, but could be any day now, LITERALLY! So I will enjoy this vacation week off from work but will probably have, at all times glued to my side, my cell phone AND MY CAMCORDER! I will NOT miss the moment when I get 'THE CALL' no way no how! (Thanks Karen!!) hehehe
So tomorrow I'm having a bunch of friends over for the whole day to laze around in the pool & be silly and eat ice cream & talk about life & guys & sex & children & work & everything else in between! Gotta love days like that! Oh, also, the woman who I bought the ladybug curtain rod from (ebay) sent with it, this ADORABLE poem that I'd like to share here for all to read... it speaks VOLUMES... enjoy!

-Amy

'Take Time Mommy'

Take time to hold me on your lap,
To joke with me and make me laugh.
Take time, Mommy, this time will go so fast.

Take time to give me extra hugs,
To teach me a nursery rhyme or song,
Take time, Mommy, I won't be little for long.

Take time to tuck me into bed,
To read that story you know by heart.
Take time, Mommy, soon these days will part.

Take time to exclaim over what I color,
To admire the things I make from clay.
Take time, Mommy, I'm growing up and away.

Take time to imagine or make-believe,
To play some childish, silly game.
Take time, Mommy, soon it won't be the same.

Take time to let me help you work,
To teach me the many things you know.
Take time, Mommy, enjoy me as I grow.

-Julie O'Brien

8-20-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Great day today! Went to NH to my friend Lindsey's birthday party & her boyfriends brother Ryan was there & he works for the Red Sox AND HE WAS WEARING HIS WORLD SERIES RING! HE LET ME WEAR IT & I HAVE IT ON TAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG~! It was GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!! The party was a blast, Ryan was JUST ADORABLE and not only because he let me wear his RING, he was cute REGARDLESS! hehehe AND he's YOUNGER!! (only 23) BONUS! Anyone who knows me knows that I've always had a soft spot for younger men!!! hehehe *grin* Anyhoo... I'm home now, and I'm watching the video I took while there with my new camcorder. I seriously still gotta practice with it, a few times I had 'thought' I shut it off but really only shut the lens cap BUT KEPT RECORDING THE SOUND! Lovely. LOL hahaha MORE PRACTICE PLEASE! Gotta get this thing down before CHINA! Anyhoo... hope everyone reading this had a wonderful day & I'm gonna go relax & enjoy my night. I was supposed to have plans with someone tomorrow but have just now learned that he 'has to work'... shocker. Coming second to work all the time may not necessarily be something I can live with... understandably. Anyhoo, worry about that later, right now I'm still reeling from wearing A RED SOX WORLD SERIES RING! *HUGESMILE* And just adore Ryan! hehehe Roland, his brother, said he'd talk to him about me, so I'll keep you all posted. =) hehehe

-Amy

8-19-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

I can't believe it's finally over, this week was a LONG one to say the least, but I love my babies so it's not really a big deal. Not to mention that this past week was my last 'full' week with them as their Nanny... Lacey starts when we get back, well... she'll do 'mornings' and I'll see my babies in the afternoons at least for August 29th, 30th and 31st... after that, I'm done. Lacey starts Sept 1st and I like he alot, she's a nice girl and the kids seem to like her as well, they picked her out themselves from all the applicants that answered Jen's ad in the paper, so that has to be a good sign. Kids can always tell when an adult is going to be a good decent person to be around & not creepy, ya know? So, my camcorder is wonderful, used it all day today to record my munchkins at a birthday party at the beach & it was a riot watching them try to 'fly kites'... honestly I wasn't much help myself since I'm useless in the Kite Flying Department. Sure they look pretty but who the HELL can keep one UP IN THE SKY FOR ANY EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME ? SERIOUSLY? ugh... so I gave them all haircuts tonight & tomorrow they're off to 'STORY LAND' in NH, and are very excited! I know they'll have a great week & frankly I am excited at the prospect of doing NOTHING! Just relaxing with friends & family & hopefully a 'new man friend' soon, but we'll see. ( it's what he keeps saying to me so I figure I should use say it here as well...) He's adorable & friendly & sweet & kind... he loves his job which is a wonderful admirable quality to have and I just hope that he won't let me slip by the wayside should things progress, ya know? But again, we'll see... I know that he's got a good heart, because he worries about me sometimes. Asks if I remembered to take my shot, how am I feeling, am I ok or do I need to talk? etc... It's nice to know that someone other than myself is worried about my wellbeing. Strange, but nice. Well, as I sit here listening to the sounds of my sweet fuzzy son's snuffled snores I guess it's probably time for me to hit the hay. G'night everyone... G'night T, *smooch*. Thanks for, well... just thanks. Sometimes, when I really need it, you make me smile.

-Amy

8-19-05

Shapiro Family China Movie...

Ok... so if you want a good cry, check this movie out... OMG IT'S GONNA BE ME SOON I JUST CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *tears*

-Amy

8-18-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

*yaaaaaaaawn* I'm sleepy tonight, it's 11:41pm and I need my rest. Had a long day, did my 'shot' and should be in bed sleeping before these side effects take hold of me & render me useless & FROZEN to the core! Got another long day tomorrow with my babies... they're coming here for their last 'friday with nanny' and are excited but once they get up from naps around 3 we have to head back to Marblehead for a birthday party on the beach for one of their little friends. I'd rather stay here but it's ok, it's my job so I'll take them & anyways, after tomorrow I have a week off PAID and then I only work mon,tues,wed ( 29,30,31st) & I'm officially unemployed/laid off etc. I'll be 'collecting' until the spring. It's time to be a Mommy first & then I'll go back to being a Nanny with Ruby at my side. =)

G'night for now, more tomorrow I'm sure...

-Amy

8-17-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO my camcorder arrived today!!!!! A fabulous birthday gift from my brother Adam!!! It's a Sony Handycam, IT'S THE SMALLEST THING EVER! I have it charging & am reading the instructions once over & then once more before I even attempt to play with it! IT ROCKS!!!!!! I am hopefully going to record the moment that I get 'THE CALL' from my agency telling me that they're looking at Ruby's face & tell me how old she is, where she was found, what her name is, what province she's from & what orphanage she's at! OMG IT'S SO CLOSE IT'S JUST UNREAL!!!!!!!!!! My friend Karen recorded her moment when she got 'THE CALL' and the poor girl was DRIVING IN HER CAR HOLDING BOTH THE CAMERA & HER CELL PHONE! ( Look up multi-tasker in the dictionary & THERE'S HER PICTURE! GO KAREN GO!!!) So, assuming that my 'CALL' comes next week I should be all set to tape the moment & keep it forever so I can one day share it with Ruby! =) With my luck it'll be on monday when I'm out in the pool with all my friends enjoying a 'girl's day of sun & swimming' !! Then we're going out that night to dinner with my friend Erik & I'm going to bring not only my cell phone with me but my CAMCORDER AS WELL! That thing is going to be GLUED TO MY SIDE NOW EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY SO THAT I WILL NOT MISS THE MOMENT WHEN THE CALL COMES!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a nut job! A good friend of mine keeps telling me to 'be patient' and that I'm not patient enough but, in all fairness Teruo, I've waited over a year & a HALF for this call, I think I'm allowed to be a little jittery at this point! =) HOLY CRAP I'M ABOUT TO BECOME A MOTHER!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I may FAINT! *thud*

OUCH THAT HURT!!!!!! ;)

WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO RUBY MOMMA CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR PRECIOUS FACE BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL BEYOND WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8-16-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

It's quarter past 10 at night & I just got out of a cool shower... head is still hurting me & I've just done my shot so I need to try & sleep through any/all side effects. Happy Happy Joy Joy. NOT! G'night.

8-15-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

You know, there's a reason why I'm still a SINGLE WOMAN... because it honestly doesn't matter how old I get or how much I think people have changed ( people meaning MEN)... the truth is, the only thing that changes is the date on the calender. Men still lie, women still get hurt & the only person you can TRULY always rely on, is YOURSELF! If I teach Ruby NOTHING ELSE, I'll be damned sure she grows up knowing that she is a STRONG WOMAN and she doesn't NEED a man EVER to be happy! It would be nice if she found one & that would be wonderful & I'll be happy for her, but if she should find herself 33 & still single, as long as she has a job she loves & family and friends who not only love her but are there regardless of lifes ups & downs, I'd consider her to be the luckiest woman on the planet! And I'd also consider myself to have done a good job as her Mother.

That's all for tonight, my brain hurts...off to bed!

-Amy

8-14-05

Bears For Love...

Ok this is just a 'test' to see if I could tweak with the hyperlink & make it be something other than to my BLOG page... =)

If it worked, go check out my BearsForLove site... I make really CUTE LITTLE GUYS! hehehe

-Amy

8-14-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

OMG I'm so full... we just had steak & baked potatos & fresh corn on the cob & salad and peach iced tea & I feel like someone needs to roll my ass outta here on a wheelbarrow! UGH!!! Good food though. I gave away most of the remaining cake today, people visited here & there, family & friends & everyone who came by got some cake to take home with them. Better going home with them than sticking around in my fridge, I don't want to be tempted! =) I'm doing good on my weight loss but need to get back on track & honestly, I shouldn't have had that baked potato tonight but just felt like one so I had it. Anyhooo, still no referral of my sweet angel Ruby Cate. I doubt it'll come this week either, I feel like it's going to come the last full week of August. (22nd -26th) Which is great since now I have a camcorder on it's way courtesy of my brother Adam. (Thanks little Brother!!!) It's a 'China Gift' since he can't go with me, I'm going to be capturing every single moment on film to share it with him & everyone upon my return home! So, with that camcorder on it's way here any day now, I'll be able to record the moment when I get "THE CALL" from my agency telling me that, yes, they DO have Ruby's referral in front of them & they're staring at her sweet little face & YES SHE'S ADORABLE! etc... I CAN'T EVEN WAIT!!!!!! And OF COURSE she'll be ADORABLE!!! SHE'LL BE MY LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe

I just want to see what she looks like, find out her birthdate, see what her hair looks like if it's all crazy everywhere or if she's only got just a little of it... regardless of what any of the answers to those questions are, I'm going to love that child UNCONDITIONALLY! It's funny... we had friends over yesterday for 'LOBSTER FEST' and some had asked if I got a referral for a child & found out she had any special needs, like down syndrome etc, would I accept her... and I said "Absolutely, YES!". I trust that the child who is meant to be my daughter will be the little girl that finds her way to me, so whoever she is, whatever she looks like, however her condition, she's MY CHILD and I will be HER MOTHER, period. =) I then explained to them that the likelyhood of that happening was fairly slim due to the fact that children with 'special needs' are deemed 'waiting children' and you don't just get a referral for them, you request them. I requested a healthy baby girl 'ayap' ( as young as possible) so with that said, now I just wait to see what fate has in store for me... and I couldn't be happier! =)

Ruby, Momma is waiting for you & trying her best to be patient but, could you do me a little favor & PLEASE JUST COME TO ME SOON!!! =)

Love

-Momma (aka: Amy)

8-13-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Today started out AWFUL!! Woke up out of a sound sleep at 5am!!! Unless there's chocolate involved, DON'T WAKE ME UP AT THAT HOUR! Anyhoo, it was due to a horrible nightmare that I had involving me pumping gas at this bizarre gas station where the attendant was a female who resembled Cheryl Crow & who kept singing 'The Picuture" song that she did with Kid Rock. DON'T ASK... then, ( oh it gets better...) all of a sudden, as I'm wondering why this tootie frootie is pumping my damn gas & not me and why she won't stop SINGING THAT INFERNAL SONG... this CREEPY GUY comes from OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A MACHINE GUN & STARTS POPPING OFF RANDOM PEOPLE LEFT & RIGHT!!!!!! See, now that's just not right... that's enough to keep THIS SCAREDY CAT UP FOR THE REST OF THE DAMN DAY! And that's just what it did!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR So, I figured, the hell with it... if I'm up this early I might as well make good use of my 'awake' time, SO I proceeded to clean my entire apartment, do several loads of laundry, empty & reload my dishwasher, shower & go to the bank, then pick up my 'ladybug' birthday cake and finally come back home to realize that it was STILL ONLY 9AM!!! Insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We had company over today for our annual 'LOBSTER FEST' thing we do every summer & so before I even had time to catch a cat nap, everyone was here & so I just got plopped myself into the pool & stayed there, hoping that I didn't drift off while swimming only to drown. Would've been a horseshit way to go! ( Especially since I hadn't had my CAKE YET!!!!!!!!) So, aside from yummy lobster for lunch ( which by the way I never had breakfast or dinner, just lobster for lunch & Cake & then some cantelope here & there..) I watched the Red Sox game & then now I'm finding myself sitting here online for my daily BLOG entry, and it's 10:27pm. I need my SLEEP! *bleck* G'night everyone... let's hope that tonight I dream about something refreshing & uplifting & not something out of an awful 80's horror flick! Buona Notte! (<--- "Good Night" in Italian...)

-Amy

8-12-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to me... Happy birthdayyyy to meeeeeeeeeeeeee... Happy birthday to ME! hehehe The only redeeming thing about turning 33 is knowing that this is the age I will be when I first hold my daughter. GOTTA LOVE THAT! Also doesn't hurt to know that now my age is the same as Jason Varitek's #!!!!!!!!! *drool* LOVE THAT MAN!!!!!

I'm exhausted, had a long day at work, completely tired, gonna curl up in bed & dream about Lobster tomorrow! Oooh, and the yummy cake I ordered from 'Cakes For Occasions' in Danvers. They make THE BEST STUFF! It's a white layer cake with one layer of lemon cream & one layer of raspberry cream with buttercream icing & ladybugs & daisies all over it!=) And God Said 'LET THERE BE CAKE!!!!!!!!!' hehehe so there WILL BE! ;)
G'night everyone & thanks to all of you who remembered my birthday, it's nice to know you all were thinking of me. =)

-Amy

8-11-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Just got in, it's nearly 9:30pm and I'm EXHAUSTED!! I did, however, have an AMAZING night! My boss's work had it's annual 'work party', to which I have gone every year, this being my 4th time!! Always a blast but THIS YEAR, they had it, not at her place of work ( which isn't shabby anyways since it's in a fancy part of Beverly Farms right down the street from Endicott College & in a huge mansion...) NO! THIS YEAR THEY HAD IT AT THE BOSS'S HOUSE, RIGHT ON THE OCEAN, ENORMOUS HOUSE, HUGE IN GROUND HEATED POOL WITH 90 DEGREE WATER!!!!!!!!!! Today was one of those days I was HAPPY TO BE A NANNY! My kids & I had a BLAST IN THE POOL ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!!!! We only got out long enough to have dinner & an ice cream sunday & then had our Caricature picture drawn of me with all the kids! The artist was cute & was flirty & the whole time he's drawing our pics he's chatting with me & asking me why I'm all done being their nanny etc... so I told him all about Ruby & going to China, and when he was finally finished with my pic he handed me the paper & not only had he NAILED my image, but the kids were all adorable & HE EVEN PUT A LITTLE ASIAN BABY AT THE BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly cried! I'm gonna try to take a pic of it & post it in the blog if I can... maybe tomorrow I'll do that! Oh, and speaking of tomorrow, it's my BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! THE BIG 33!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing how fast time flies when you're adopting a baby isn't it? LOL Ok, time for me to go curl up with my book & relax before I do my shot & head to bed. =) HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!! (have some cake tomorrow in honor of me, it's ok, I give you permission!) hehehe

-Amy

8-10-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

"The Call..."



I stepped into her room today
Knowing she's not there
This waiting for referral
Is more than one can bear

But taking in the moment
I sit down on the floor
And dream of her here with me
When waiting is no more.

A little giggle fills the air
As I rub her feet
I place my hand upon her heart
To feel its every beat.

A song is sung so very soft
Her eyes begin to close
She's meeting me in dream land
A place where love still grows.

My vision now is very blurred
The tears stream down my cheeks
I've dreamed of her quite often
Throughout these past few weeks.

Suddenly a sound is heard
The phone rings in the hall
Waking up I quickly pray
Please let it be "The Call".

-Tom Fisher

8-10-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Well, it's official... my 'Andrew' just left my life for an indefinate amount of time... =*( Andrew was the first little boy I ever nannied for, he was 2... he's now all grown up & headed down to Florida for college & his new apartment & his new life. It's just a tad bit SURREAL for me to see him leaving & going off on his own to start a new chapter in his life. Although sad, it really is a wonderful thing to see, he's happy & excited & why shouldn't he be? He's a great kid with a fabulous future ahead of him... I know he'll do great things!!! I will just miss him. =*(

Tonight's blog is for Andrew Schild, who'se mother is coming to China with me... Andrew, I love you honey, you are & always will be the first little boy to ever steal my heart away with that charming smile & that wonderful personality! Never change!!!

Love Always...

-Amy (Your Old Nanny)

=)

ps. Thanks for the WILLOW'S POPCORN!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

8-8-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

What a FANTASTIC NIGHT I had tonight! My friend Kristina, came over for dinner and to see Ruby's room etc... and she came across our old Fenwick Yearbooks & what a trip down MEMORY LANE THAT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!! So funny! We laughed all night & I can't remember the last time I had so much fun and enjoyed myself that much!! We're both INSANELY SILLY when we get together & just spend all night LAUGHING like IDIOTS! It's WONDERFUL! I had forgotten just how many people I 'crossed out' in my yearbook for one reason or another but it was hysterical to see what I had scribbled about this one & that! Funny how when you turn the pages of an old yearbook you immediately forget that you're in your 30's but instantly feel like you're a teenager again & I was wondering where my 'STIFF STUFF' and 'FREEZE IT' hairspray had dissappeared to!! hahahah We both had HUGE 80'S HAIR but DAMNIT WERE WE CUTE AS HELL!!!!!!! This year, should it even take place, it'll be our 15th year reunion... HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG??????? OUTRAGEOUS how time FLIES!! Well, tonight's 'blog' post is just to say THANK GOD FOR WONDERFUL FRIENDS! Next time Kristina and I get together Jen will join us in the pool as well & we three will be sillier than a gaggle full of fraggles!!! Thank you Kristina for a great night, you know I love you babe!! And thank you to my bestest friend in the world, Jen... without you, I'd be lost! *HUGS*

-Amy

8-7-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Sometimes it's the little things that make me realize how blessed I truly am... like toight for instance... Beverly had fireworks for 'homecoming', now don't ask me what the whole deal is with homecoming... because I couldn't tell you, HOWEVER, the fireworks are done just right down the street at Dane St. Beach & it's just amazing to be able to see them from the comfort of my living room!! Looking out my window from my second story apartment is the PERFECT VANTAGE POINT for MAXIMUM FIREWORK VIEWING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Way kewl since I missed them this past 4th, don't ask, I just did & I don't even remember why either. Anyhoo... so I went to my niece's birthday party today, she was very happy with the gift that I gave her, some game for her Nintendo Game Cube. We had a good day up at my cousin Andy's house & I brought my niece Stephanie back with me & she's spending the night. She's currently in the living room playing 'SIMS' on Ruby's computer & watching James & the Giant Peach on TIVO. She asked me for spaghetti & meatballs with beer bread for dinner... so that's what we had. I'm exhausted & will have to do my shot soon so this will be a short entry tonight... My niece is already curled up in my bed reading her book, "The Reptile Room" by Lemony Snicket's. I'm glad she's reading, she saw me reading today while at her sisters birthday & said that maybe she'd bring a book to my house to read tonight for our 'sleepover'. I fully encourage book reading!!! Far better than TV or computer! I'm reading 'WICKED' by Gregory Maguire. FANTASTIC BOOK SO FAR! Basically it's the Wicked Witch of the West's take on the whole 'wizard of oz' fiasco. LOL =) Very humorous thus far! Well, it's shot time, can't put it off any longer, as it is I'm already an hour off my schedule. ( I usually try to do the shot by 10pm & then go straight to sleep so as to avoid being awake for any/all side effects ) Goodnight to all & hope your weekend was wonderful!

-Amy

Check out this amazing website with videos of people's trips to China to bring home their precious babies... I cry every time I watch one... because I know I'm next! *tears*

China Movies...

8-7-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Ok, so it's 2:35am, Sunday morning and I just finished watching "The Notebook"... a movie based on the book by Nicholas Sparks. Normally, I don't read 'love' books persay, and have never been one for even buying movies as a rule, however... after reading 'The Notebook' I really fell in love with how timeless and true a love story it was, it touched my heart. So, today while at Target buying a birthday gift for my niece Jennifer, I picked it up because I figure, if I loved the book so much the movie could prove to be just as wonderful... and as I sit here with tears in my eyes, rest assured that yes, the movie was just as amazing a love story as I've ever had the pleasure of watching. I won't ruin the end of it for anyone who may happen to read this who hasn't seen it yet, but I will just say this; I've only ever seen a love like that twice in my lifetime... once with my Nonna and Nonno (my father's parents), and the other is with my parents. Love like that does exist... and how refreshing that it does! Who knows... maybe someday I will find the man of my dreams, but until that day comes... it's nice to know that the people I love most, my family, show me on a daily basis that love like that doesn't just exist in movies. My Nonna and Nonno loved each other so much that after my Nonno passed away, my Nonna willed herself to do just the same only four months later. She wasn't sick at all... only thing wrong with her was a broken heart from losing her best friend.

I see my parents & know that someday, the inevitable will happen & I'll lose one of them... and when that day comes, I wonder if the other will do just the same as my Nonna did & will themselves to join their best friend because the reality of the alternative, living without them, just isn't an option in their hearts. I suppose when faced with that I'll do my best to handle it, but honestly, how does anyone handle losing their parents nevermind their best friend? I don't know, sadly though, someday I will have to know and I just pray that together with Ruby & my remaining family, I'll be able to get through it & know that although people may leave our lives physically... they never truly leave us as long as we keep their memory alive in our hearts. I love my parents deeply and I love my Nonna and Nonno, and although I never was blessed to bear wittness to the love between my Grandad and my Nanna (my mother's parents) I'm told that my Grandad would've moved heaven & earth for my Nanna had she needed him to. He lived his life for her & I know that the day he finally left this earth, he immediately joined her & the two are still together to this day. I find comfort in knowing that... because love never dies, it truly lives on forever.

My eyes hurt from crying and frankly I'm exhausted so I'm going to go to bed now... more later & to everyone reading this who has found that type of love... you're blessed, know that, above anything else... you're blessed.

Goodnight.

-Amy

8-5-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Ok, so it's friday and the weekend is here... I got out of work early today, which was nice since last night I had my little Sammy spend the night for his special 'sleepover' that was much overdue in his eyes. His twin sisters had a special 'nanny house sleepover' about a month ago & all he's done since then is to REMIND me that, "Nanny, it my TURN TO SLEEP AT YOUR HOUSE! " and so it was, so Sammy spent the night last night so 'technically' I've worked 30 hours straight the last two days! LOL But I did manage to take advantage of the fact that I got to leave a little early & I went to this adorable toy store in Marblehead called Mud Puddle Toys. I go there often to just get one thing here, another thing there... it's how I've been collecting things to fill Ruby's playroom & bedroom. So, I've been searching for 'THE TOY' to bring to give her on 'GOTCHA' day... and in my heart I knew I wanted to find the most adorable, SOFT AS FEATHERS, SQUISHY AS A LONG OVERDUE HUG, AND WARM LIKE MOMMA'S KISSES STUFFED PANDA BEAR! I've been looking forever & knew 'WHAT' I wanted but it was a matter of FINDING it & for the longest time... nothing, not a bite anywhere. BUT TONIGHT THIS MOMMA HIT THE JACKPOT!

Now, picture in your mind the kewlest most unique toys ever & imagine you're a kid & you're in this small, magical space that has built in castles within the store's walls, bunk beds with fairy's hanging from the ceiling & jewlery boxes as far as the eye can see... small little book shelves just high enough for little people to take their time browsing, and every toy in there is practically like something out of a dream & even as a grown up I STILL have that 'OMG I'M HERE' feeling every time I walk into this place... It's a small space, probably the size of a studio apartment, split level with the balls & kazoos & harmonica's & chalk & bubbles being in the first part of the store & the softer, more magical things hiding out back, AS THEY SHOULD! So, I go in, my heart racing because I just knew that tonight was the night that I was going to find my 'GOTCHA' gift... and as I stepped up the three stairs to the magical back room filled with surprises galore, I spot it... the most amazing, antique looking, soft as feathers, squishy as the best hug ever, toasty as momma's love PANDA BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! My eyes welled up with tears because I could almost instantly see myself handing it to Ruby on gotcha day & her little hands reaching out to grab hold of her new fuzzy friend & my heart was BURSTING AT THE SEAMS! The owner of the store ( who knows me well by the way since I'm in there all the time with my three that I nanny for ) says to me, " Amy, are you allright?" To that, I just turned & smiled at him & said "Yes Sam, I've never been better!"
Well, the bear was $50 and I only had $42 on me, my heart broke just as fast as it had inflated upon seeing MY PANDA BEAR!! I slowly went to put it back down & Sam says to me " what's wrong? is it not what you were looking for?" I just wiped a tear from my eye & said, " No, it's actually exactly what I was looking for but I don't have enough... it's $50. and I only have $42."
He thinks about this & lookes at me again & says to me, " Amy, you're in here all the time & you give us wonderful business, if that is the bear you want, you're in luck, because today he's on sale for $42 ."

Well, that's all it took, I started bawling like a kid who just dropped his ice cream cone on the sidewalk & mom said I couldn't have another one! I was SO HAPPY & SO TOUCHED that he would do that for me, I then explained to him why the bear was so important to me, and he said, " Oh that's right, I forgot, you told me you were going to China, that's amazing Amy, how wonderful to know that this little fella is going to be a world traveler!"

I paid for the bear & clutching him close to my heart as I left, I smiled & knew that when my little Ruby sees this guy for the first time & touches him & feels how soft he is & nuzzles her sweet face into his feathery soft fur, she'll feel as if she's come home. Just as I will feel the same the moment they place her in my arms! It's a love story like no other... and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!

You know, it's funny... as a single mother, I have my moments when I think to myself, am I ever going to find true love? And tonight I realized, that the answer to that question was a loud resounding YES!!! I have found true love, in my daughter Ruby Cate. I can't imagine a more pure love, a more fullfilling love, a more powerful love, an everlasting love... a TRUE LOVE! So, yes, I have found true love & she's currently waiting as patiently for me as I am for her. =)

I LOVE YOU RUBY! WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE AMAZING PANDA BEAR MOMMA IS BRINGING TO YOU BABY GIRL!!!!!!!

I think I'll sit him in my lap for the plane ride, he'll keep me company. =)

hee hee, I'm the luckiest woman alive!

-Amy

8-4-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

*Yaaaaaaaaawn* Well, it's 8:06am here in good ole' Massachusetts, another beautiful day... the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the squirrels are scampering about... and WHERE'S MY DAMN REFERRAL?#^#$^&?%#Q$%#$%&$%^&?&?#

No dreams to speak of from last night. Some nights are just sleep, others are AMAZING OMG SO REAL DREAMS! (Once of JASON VARITEK!!!) God bless my lucid dreaming! Anyhoo... Now it's a guessing game as to when Ruby's Referral will make it's way to the states & into my hands.
First is goes directly to my agency, they then make "The Call" to me to tell me that they're staring at her sweet little face & here's her info etc etc etc... Then they email me the pics first & I can expect to receive the actual referral in the mail the following day via DHL/FEDEX etc...

My birthday is coming up, august 12th... and I have always had it in my heart that, should Ruby's referral come around that time, either the week of or the week after, that her sweet face would be HANDS DOWN, THE MOST AMAZING BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!!!!!! Not even my Kitchen Aid Kitchen Master Mixer would top it! ( and believe me, that was the most wonderful birthday gift at the time, I nearly fell OVER! Those things are easily $200 bucks a pop! STARTING PRICE! They get progressively more expensive from there! ) Thanks to my good friends Krista & Linda for such an extravagant gift! I guess you only turn 30 once right!!! =)

Ok so anyway, I'm up, I'm dressed, my hair looks like the 'Heat Miser' from that christmas special " The Year Without A Santa Clause' ... lovely!

Maybe today I'll spend some time in Ruby's room, reading her little books out loud to myself... call me crazy but it's in it's own way, very theraputic. Because although now I'm only reading them to myself or to the dog... I know that very soon, I'll be reading them to Ruby, and that just makes my heart soar! My favorite book, well, ONE of my favorites is 'The little mouse, The red ripe strawberry and The big hungry bear!' HAS BEEN A FAVORITE OF MINE FOR YEARS NOW! Also love 'Ruby in her own time' ... google it, you'll love it!

Ok, time for breakfast... toast perhaps? Yes, I think toast with a nice big cold glass of milk...

LATER GATER!

-Amy

8-4-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

It's 12:23am thursday morning, August 4th... called DHL again today to see if any packages were on their way from Bejing... not so much. I don't know why I keep calling, I know in my heart it'll be soon but I just can't stop myself from checking every day.

As I sit here & type the only sounds in my small but cozy apartment are my fingers flying over the keys and my fuzzy "son" Ebenezer, snoring like a champ. This is my life... just me, just my dog, just my thoughts, which most of the time I lose myself in completely.

What will she look like? Will she be cute? Will she have hair or not so much? Will I cry when I find out where she was found? Does this little girl know that a nearly 33year old woman half way across the world loves her more than words can say, even though she hasn't seen her sweet face?
There is so much love for this little girl that we don't know yet, it's unbelievable... every family member & friend & friends of friends are all waiting patiently to see the face of an angel... my ange, Ruby Cate.

I'm reminded of a quote from one of my favorite movies, A Knights Tale:

"Hope guides me, it is what gets me through the day and especially the night... the hope that after you're gone from my sight it will not be the last time that I look upon you..."

When I think of this quote I am compelled to put myself in the birth mother's shoes...

Did she feel the same when laying her baby gently down to be left & ultimately found by someone else so that she may 'change her stars'?
Did she have 'hope' to guide her in her decision to leave such a precious bundle to fate? I wish I could say to Ruby's birth mother... "Yes Mother, she will change her stars, I will see to it with all of my heart.
And although it may quite literally be the last time she looks upon her babys face, I too have hope that for the rest of her life, whenever she sees a successful, happy, asian american woman with American parents, that she will smile & know that whether that woman she just saw was her daughter or not, that her little girl is happy & part of a forever family that would move heaven & earth to suit the stars for her.

My heart breaks for this birth mother... the pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle...
I will pray for Ruby's birth mother every night for the rest of forever... without her, my dream would never have come true, my dream of becoming a mother.

I'm drained, I should crawl into bed now... more tomorrow I'm sure.

And to Karen who helped me get this 'blog' up & running, my sincerest heartfelt thanks, not only for your help when I needed it, but most importantly, your friendship. Your precious Gwen is one lucky little girl to have you & Scott as her parents!

*hugs* & goodnight...

-Amy