8-28-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

Why is it that EVERY NIGHT I wake up out of a sound sleep from another vivid dream/nightmare? This is turning into a daily occurance now, which is NOT OK with me! But a whole hell of alot I can do about it right? The saddest thing is, when something bad happens & you go to sleep sad, once you are actually asleep, you kinda forget that the bad thing even happened & you're in a type of momentary lapse of reason, only to have that lapse PUNCHED out of you the MINUTE your eyes open & you are torn awake & sit upright in your bed only to then realize that yeah, big deal, you were dreaming & that dream you were just having, not real BUT that shitty thing that happens prior to you falling asleep to forget about it, STILL IS REALITY! UGH!!!!!!! I need a serious backrub with that funky backrubber thingie that I got at Bath & Body Works... That thing not only feels so amazing it literally gives me chills from the moment it touches my back & starts working it's theraputic magic. Alas, I have nobody here to do that for me & honestly, even if I did, it wouldn't be who I would really want here anyways so who cares, right? That too is pissing me off... why should I even care at this point? I really should be constantly telling myself that he is completely not worth all the aggrivation and that even if by some small chance he might be, he's certainly not worthy of anything I ever had hoped to give him, EVER! Actions speak louder than words and sadly, if we're going on actions, he's still stuck at 0. My friend from the other night gets serious points... he not only spoke to me some of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, but SHOWED ME and it just was nice for a change. I'd take that feeling ANY DAY over the way mister nightmare made me feel. Ugh... gonna try to fall back to sleep now, wish me luck!

-Amy