8-29-05

Ruby In Her Own Time...

I feel like I'm floating in slow motion towards the next two days... rumor has it that my referral is due either tomorrow or wednesday... I hear things like this & don't even know what to do with myself much less how to react. I'm having a small internal nervous breakdown & can't stop it to save my life! I just feel sick to my stomach with anticipation over the prospect of seeing my daughters face for the very first time! It's like giving birth, kinda... sure I didn't have to pass something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grapefruit but this process called Adoption, is my own personal labor & it lasted alot longer than just 9 months, try more like over a year & a half and it's still not even close to being over, just the next step is fast approaching & I am numb all over. I woke up this morning thinking wouldn't it be so nice if I had someone next to me in my bed, well... that wasn't the case, but soon, I'll have someone here, just in the next room and with a smile as bright as a rainbow & a heart as big as the moon, and love as pure sunshine. My daughter... OMG MY DAUGHTER! *tears* I need to go lay down & take all this in, all this time it's just been talk & anticipation, but now, within 48 hours ( give or take ) I'm going to see my angels face... learn all sorts of things about her and it will cement the whole thing as being REAL to me! So very very real to me... my Ruby Cate... I can't wait to see you baby! *smile*Momma loves you more than words can ever say!!!