From Nanny, to Momma...

TiVo's off, Ebenezer's gone out one last time, had his cookie & a full water bowl... Through my little apartment for one final check... doors locked, lights off that need to be off & on that need to be on. Dishwasher's empty of all it's clean dishes & dirty ones take their place. Play room picked up for the most part & things are looking good for me to turn in for the night, but before I do, one last look... slowly I step inside this very pink girlie girl room & tip toe over to the side of the crib & peek over the edge.
She sleeps so soundly, her little chest rising & falling in rhythmic pattern... hand clutching Bear every so gently, yet firmly; never letting go of her best friend... she sleeps.
She sleeps because she knows she's safe. She sleeps because she knows she belongs. She sleeps because she knows she's loved... and I smile knowing that in about ten minutes or so, I too will drift off to sleep for the same reasons as my little girl.


I talk a lot about how I've been a Professional Nanny for so long & I know this & I know that, but the truth is, regardless of the things that I know I knew by heart, there was one thing I didn't know about my heart... one thing I hadn't counted on & couldn't have, not until the moment it happened. And that's just how much love the human heart can hold once you become a Mother. Ruby is the most precious little soul I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, and she's my daughter. How the hell did that even happen? What did I do right in my life to have been blessed with this child, this gift, this little soul who shows me every day what life is all about.
She smiles at the little things, has a laugh that could power the entire city of Boston, and a kiss that sends my heart soaring into outer space.
Sure, I know the proper 'protocol' for certain situations; I've cared for children of all ages... when they've been sick, when they've had a 103+ fever, when they've had bloody noses, chicken pox, the croupe, I've been sneezed on, coughed on, puked on, cried on, hugged, kissed, told I'm loved and returned the sentiment over a billion times, because it's true.
You have to love every child if you are to do the job of Nanny & do it right. You have to jump in head first & immerse yourself in all that is 'childlike' & surrender to it & let it become part of who you are, who you love to be, because kids can spot an adult from a mile away. They don't want adults to be 'in charge'... they want a 'friend', someone to be silly with while still having guidance & structure in their little worlds. It's a fine line but it's one I've been good at balancing successfully for many years now... Heck, I've even already had to give Ruby the Heimlich once because she literally was turning blue from choking on a little piece of peach. I've had to comfort her when she's fallen, kiss her when she cries, hug her just because... all these things come naturally to me because it's in my blood, it's who I am, who I've always been, but tonight, it occurred to me as I was staring over that crib rail gazing down at the beautiful child sleeping all snug in her bed with Bear...


...I am her Mother.
This little girl I am caring for & raising & loving & playing with & singing silly songs with & reading book after book to, this child who lights up my world & keeps me feeling like I've repeatedly won the lottery, she is my Daughter and I have finally found TRUE LOVE. It didn't come in the form of a man on one knee, it came in the form of a sweet, adorable Asian girl who comes up to my knee... and I am proud to call her my Daughter... trust me when I say to you that there is no sweeter thing in the world.

I love you Ruby Cate. Momma loves you more than you'll ever know. Thank you for blessing me with the gift of knowing the Joy of Motherhood.

May everyone else in the world who is hoping for the same joy to come to them, experience it as I have these past two months... for it is truly heaven on earth.