Missing my boy...
...there are nights, like tonight, that Ebenezer's absence is felt more so than others.
Not to at all imply that some days I don't miss him, make no mistake,
EVERY DAY since I had to say goodbye to my beloved friend I miss him, more than I have
words to elaborate on the subject.
But some nights... like tonight, it is painfully obvious that if he were here, my life would be
that much better because of his love & thoughtfulness for his Momma.
Living with MS is no picnic but it's certainly not a death sentence either.
I've come to terms with it & it's ok, I can do this... no sweat.
Only, some nights, always 'shot nights', I have moments where, if I don't get myself to sleep fast enough after a shot,
I run the risk of suffering the ugly side effects of the drug I take & will continue to take until I either my disease takes a turn for the worse, or I pass away.
Now, no freaking out as I intend to be around for a very long time to annoy my parents & some if not MOST of my readers. *grin*
That said, this drug is part of my life, it's become as routine to me as brushing my teeth, taking a shower, going to the bathroom, eating a meal, etc...
It is what it is & it's ok...
only, tonight, I didn't get my ass to bed in enough time.
They start with a sudden shiver, then a full blown 'frozen fest' where I literally feel
like I'm packed in ICE and my teeth are chattering so fiercely
that I'm afraid I'm going to knock a filling out at warp speed!
When my beloved Ebenezer was still with me, and this would happen, he'd INSTINCTIVELY KNOW that his Momma needed him.
I never had to say a word...
...he'd hop his little fuzzy self up onto my bed, curl his toosh all snug next to mine in the crook of my knees as I slept in the fetal position praying for sleep or warmth, whichever came first-
He'd do this without fail, he'd do this without prompting, he'd do this without complaining.
He was and will always be, my best friend & fuzzy soul mate.
Man what I wouldn't give to have him back tonight to keep me warm, as literally as I'm typing this, I just got out of a SCALDING HOT SHOWER to try & counter act the effects of my drug.
And when I say to you that it was scalding, I'm not kidding.
Under normal circumstances I'd NEVER take a shower that hot!
Ever run the water at the sink on hot & not pay attention to 'how hot' you have it & put your hand under it only to JUMP A MILE the second the stream of water touches so much as your fingertip?
Ok, take that heat & crank it up several more notches & that's the shower I take.
It helps, but it's no fuzzy dog bottom, that's for sure.
And sadly, my heating pad (which is typically under my bed since Ebby can't be ON it with me) is currently downstairs for my Mother to help her heal since her recent fall down my front hall stairs. I'm sans'heater tonight.
The shower helps but again, it wears off & I'll be back in my bed, curled up in an ice ball shaking & shivering with just a few tears in my eyes as I wish with all my heart that my friend was there to help.
He always managed to make things easier...
...how I'm lost without him sometimes.
*tears*
Ebby, I miss you more than anything in the world buddy, I wish with all my heart that you could come to me tonight in my dreams, if only for a quick hug & a smooch on your head.
You are missed my friend, missed like the tree misses the sun in winter.
But you're always alive in my heart, thank God for memories.
~g'night~
Not to at all imply that some days I don't miss him, make no mistake,
EVERY DAY since I had to say goodbye to my beloved friend I miss him, more than I have
words to elaborate on the subject.
But some nights... like tonight, it is painfully obvious that if he were here, my life would be
that much better because of his love & thoughtfulness for his Momma.
Living with MS is no picnic but it's certainly not a death sentence either.
I've come to terms with it & it's ok, I can do this... no sweat.
Only, some nights, always 'shot nights', I have moments where, if I don't get myself to sleep fast enough after a shot,
I run the risk of suffering the ugly side effects of the drug I take & will continue to take until I either my disease takes a turn for the worse, or I pass away.
Now, no freaking out as I intend to be around for a very long time to annoy my parents & some if not MOST of my readers. *grin*
That said, this drug is part of my life, it's become as routine to me as brushing my teeth, taking a shower, going to the bathroom, eating a meal, etc...
It is what it is & it's ok...
only, tonight, I didn't get my ass to bed in enough time.
They start with a sudden shiver, then a full blown 'frozen fest' where I literally feel
like I'm packed in ICE and my teeth are chattering so fiercely
that I'm afraid I'm going to knock a filling out at warp speed!
When my beloved Ebenezer was still with me, and this would happen, he'd INSTINCTIVELY KNOW that his Momma needed him.
I never had to say a word...
...he'd hop his little fuzzy self up onto my bed, curl his toosh all snug next to mine in the crook of my knees as I slept in the fetal position praying for sleep or warmth, whichever came first-
He'd do this without fail, he'd do this without prompting, he'd do this without complaining.
He was and will always be, my best friend & fuzzy soul mate.
Man what I wouldn't give to have him back tonight to keep me warm, as literally as I'm typing this, I just got out of a SCALDING HOT SHOWER to try & counter act the effects of my drug.
And when I say to you that it was scalding, I'm not kidding.
Under normal circumstances I'd NEVER take a shower that hot!
Ever run the water at the sink on hot & not pay attention to 'how hot' you have it & put your hand under it only to JUMP A MILE the second the stream of water touches so much as your fingertip?
Ok, take that heat & crank it up several more notches & that's the shower I take.
It helps, but it's no fuzzy dog bottom, that's for sure.
And sadly, my heating pad (which is typically under my bed since Ebby can't be ON it with me) is currently downstairs for my Mother to help her heal since her recent fall down my front hall stairs. I'm sans'heater tonight.
The shower helps but again, it wears off & I'll be back in my bed, curled up in an ice ball shaking & shivering with just a few tears in my eyes as I wish with all my heart that my friend was there to help.
He always managed to make things easier...
...how I'm lost without him sometimes.
*tears*
Ebby, I miss you more than anything in the world buddy, I wish with all my heart that you could come to me tonight in my dreams, if only for a quick hug & a smooch on your head.
You are missed my friend, missed like the tree misses the sun in winter.
But you're always alive in my heart, thank God for memories.
~g'night~
3 comments:
((((HUGS)))) to you my friend. I know how much you miss Ebby. He was such an awesome friend and companion. I am so sorry that you had a rough night. May the sunrise bring you feelings of warmth and cheerier feelings.
Oh Amy! I'm sorry you had a rough night. And I can only imagine how much harder it is without Ebby. I hope this new day is better for you.
Amy,
I am thinking of you as you miss your boy. Sending you big hugs..hang on to all those wonderful memories of your time with Ebby. I know it's not easy...hang in there. your friend Janice
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